Dear Playoff Ready Readers,
I’m amazed at the length of this particular issue…people just keep on sending material — news, jokes, announcements and the like. So I’m considerably shortening my intros and will try to condense some info:
1. Although he’s had problems with timely reformatting the past couple of weeks, look for Joel Schou ‘03 to post this issue of the Underground Newsup on www.JohnnieFootball.com just as is. If he has time he can reformat later so it looks real purty. Or just read it here now.
2. The first NCAA West Region Playoff game tomorrow against Coe College of Cedar Rapids, IA begins at NOON, not the usual 1 p.m. start. Tickets are $8. The weather should be pretty darn nice, all things considered, which means we get to look at Jim Platten’s knees again this week. Joe Boyle, injured junior first-string QB, is back maybe 85-90% and will start.
3. Tom Arth ‘66 informs us that Mike Fahey ‘75 and the others that host the Stiftungsfestivities will be in action tomorrow, with Mike saying things should get going at 9 a.m.
4. For those who don’t know, SJU defeated Carleton College (and former Johnny great Kurt Ramler ‘97 who coaches them) 41-14, turning in another undefeated season. That may sound like a run-away, but the first half was pretty even. Scared a few of us. More game info is found below — way below. It’s a long issue.
5. This is a huge weekend of activity, mainly the SJU-UST Hockey “home and home series” tonight in St. Paul and tomorrow in St. Cloud; and, of course, the playoff game tomorrow. Here’s a note from Kurt Halstrom ‘94, whom I believe is president of the J-Club this year:
A great weekend of sports is coming up in Johnnie Nation. A list of a few events is below. Look forward to seeing you at the meeting, or one of the events.
Friday
- Basketball – 7pm @ SCSU
- Hockey – 7pm @ St. Thomas
The Hockey Alumni Affinity group will be hosting a happy hour prior to the Johnnie Tommie game in the Cities. The happy hour will start at 5:30 on Nov. 20 at Time Out Sports Bar in Eagan (2864 Hwy 55, Eagan MN 55121) in their backroom.Saturday
- Wrestling – 9am @ Augsburg Open
- Cross Country – 12pm @ Div III National Championships @ Baldwin Wallace College in Ohio
- Football – 12pm vs. Coe College, first round of the playoffs
- Swim/Diving – 1pm @ Gustavus Invitational
- Basketball – 6pm @ MSU – Moorhead
- Hockey – 7:30 pm @ the MAC in St. Cloud — UST. It is “Pack the MAC” night
[Ed’s Note: The SJU and CSB hockey teams are playing at the St. Cloud Municipal Athletic Complex (aka ‘the MAC’); since this may be a new venue for many of you, here are the directions, compliments of John Taylor‘58.
The plan is for as many of you as possible that will be around for the football game to stay and attend the SJU-UST hockey game as well. Note that the game Friday starts at 7 p.m., while the game Saturday begins later, at 7:30 p.m.] Regarding tonight [Friday] here’s part of a note by Tom Freeman ‘08:
Please come have a beer and some free appetizers on us and then head over and watch the Johnnies game. The UST rink is only about a mile away. Please bring your family and friends that may be going to the game, this is by no means limited to just former players. I am looking into getting tickets ahead of time for those that RSVP so please respond immediately if you would like me to try and get you a ticket in advance. If you want to RSVP, please email Tom Freeman at ThomasC.Freeman@gmail.com or call me at 651.338.7771 GO JOHNNIES!
6. The College of Saint Benedict basketball team ranks 24th in the D3hoops.com preseason poll. They finished last year with a 24-4 record after advancing to the Sweet 16, securing the #18 spot in the poll. And they pulled off an upset of sorts in their first game against bigger, higher-ranked foe: CSB 74- UW-Eau Claire 67. Wing Amy Stifter finished with 28 points, and was 5-for-5 from 3-point range and 7-for-8 from the free throw line! GO BLAZERS!
7. St. John’s Preparatory School won a middle school Knowledge Bowl competition Monday involving 18 teams. St. John’s Prep teams earned first and fourth places in the competition. The teams are coached by Charles Miller, physics teacher at St. John’s Prep.
Best wishes to all,
Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697
* * * *
College football: Johnnies to host Coe on Saturday
by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times
The St. John’s football team will be playing at home throughout at least the first three rounds of the NCAA Division III playoffs should the Johnnies advance that far.
St. John’s (10-0) was named the top seed in the West Region when the Division III postseason pairings were released Sunday afternoon. The Johnnies play host to Iowa Intercollegiate Athletic Conference runner-up Coe (9-1) in the first round at noon Saturday at Clemens Stadium.
The Kohawks lone loss this season was a 24-6 setback at the hands of IIAC champion Central on Sept. 26. They have scored 30 points or more in the past six games and have outscored their opposition 173-54 in the past four.
They beat Gustavus of the MIAC 27-24 on Sept. 12. Sophomore quarterback Brad Boyle has thrown for 2,478 yards and 17 touchdowns this season. Senior running back Sam Hammes has 162 carries for 710 yards. (Read more)
* * * *
Rajkowski column: Facts to go on Coe
All too often, NCAA Division III playoff games come and go in the blink of an eye, without fans of either team taking the time to get to know a little more about the school their squad is facing.
But with Coe College of Iowa scheduled to pay a social call at Clemens Stadium for a first-round postseason matchup with St. John’s at noon Saturday, I thought it might be nice to learn a bit about the Kohawks and the school they represent.
So, in the interest of breeding a friendly sense of familiarity between small-college football aficionados (and because coming up with column ideas in the highly-busy month of November ain’t always easy), I now present 10 fun (or at least, I hope, vaguely interesting) facts about Coe: (Read more)
* * * *
A Coe College junior bought a brand new economy car from a dealer near the campus in Cedar Rapids. To celebrate the purchase of her first car she decided to drive down from there to meet a friend in Keokuk. She reached there in a few hours.
After spending a weekend there, she decided to return, and called up her roommates to expect her in the evening. But she didn’t reach home in the evening and not the next day either.
When she finally returned to the campus on the third day, her distraught roomies ran to the car and asked her, “What happened?”
Our Lady Kohawk got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, “Good golly, these car designers…these people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!”
* * * *
From Bill Marrin SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, Dallas, TX to John Sipe also ‘61/SJU ‘65, with copy to me —
IF St John’s wins this Saturday
And
IF St Thomas also wins
Then
I will fly in for the historic, record breaking, nail biting, “Tommies Suck”, slugfest in Collegeville on November 28th, rain or shine. Unless you have a better offer for seating, my three remaining seats are yours use (for that “Big If” game) providing you buy me a beer at the La before after the big game (win or lose). — Bill
* *
From John Sipe, in quick response:
Bill: That would be great. I hope to bring John, Jr. ‘89 & Dan ‘91 up for the game. Beer in the La? Yes! — John
(Editor’s Note: For Thanksgiving John, Jr. will be in with family from Encinitas, California where he is a regional VP for Houghton Mifflin, while Dan, a French professor at the University of Missouri, will come up from Columbia.)
* * * *
DeLand column: Boyle, Johnnies looking ahead
by Dave DeLand, sports editor, St. Cloud Times
COLLEGEVILLE —There have been times during this football season, quite frankly, when St. John’s seemed to be doing it with smoke and mirrors, holding things together with spackle and Super Glue.
Injuries? The Johnnies have had lots of them, including several to key players.
“The amazing part of the whole year is I think we had 20 different guys miss games because of this and that,” head coach John Gagliardi said. “It’s just incredible, the amount of injuries.”
“I think it helps any time you have a little adversity like we had,” said quarterback Joe Boyle, one of those key injured players. “Even under circumstances that aren’t ideal, we came out and got wins.”
Close games? St. John’s had five that were decided on the final play, and could easily have lost four of them. (Read more)
* * * *
Johnnies go 10-0 and are ready for more
by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times
COLLEGEVILLE — There are times a little friendly competition between teammates can be a good thing.
Such was the case for the St. John’s defense in a 41-14 victory over Carleton in the regular-season finale at Clemens Stadium.
Coming into the game, the Johnnies had just nine interceptions as a team all season — no one with more than two — and had not scored a defensive touchdown.
So this week in practice, some members of the defense broke into teams of two and kept track of their interceptions with the winning duo rewarded with Gatorade. (Read more)
* *
Gunderson playing through injury
* *
Boyle back running the offense for Johnnies
* * * *
For Those Interested in Carleton Victory Details —
SJU football: Freshman runs wild
COLLEGEVILLE — With leading rusher Jakob Reding sidelined with a sprained right medial collateral ligament, St. John’s freshman Steve Johnson expected to see more carries in Saturday afternoon’s regular-season finale against Carleton.
But even he did not expect as many as he ended up getting.
The Mahtomedi graduate — who started in Reding’s place — finished the day with 26 carries for 128 yards and two touchdowns to become the first Johnnies freshman to rush for 100 yards in a game since Korey Dean did it against Carleton in 1992.
His efforts helped his team finish a perfect 10-0 regular season and wrap up sole possession of the MIAC title with a 41-14 victory at Clemens Stadium. (Read more)
* *
St. John’s 41, Carleton 14
Scoring and Stats
[The St. Cloud Times]
* *
MIAC Football Week Nine: Johnnies Take Title Outright and Unblemished
by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, College Sporting News “Mapping the MIAC” Columnist
Saint John’s wrapped up its 31st Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference championship with a 41-14 win over Carleton. SJU takes its unblemished record into the upcoming NCAA Division III playoffs. Bethel closed the 2009 season with a 44-6 win over Augsburg, while St. Olaf beat Hamline 34-20 and Gustavus won a squeaker, 20-19, over Concordia. St. Thomas, hoping to secure a Pool C berth in the NCAA playoffs, stepped out of the MIAC and pounded Northwestern 63-14. (Read more)
* *
2009 MIAC Final Standings
Through games of November 14, 2009
| Team | Conference W/L | Overall W/L |
|---|---|---|
| Saint John’s University | 8-0 | 10-0 |
| University of St. Thomas | 7-1 | 9-1 |
| Bethel University | 6-2 | 7-3 |
| Concordia College | 3-5 | 5-5 |
| St. Olaf College | 3-5 | 5-5 |
| Augsburg College | 3-5 | 4-6 |
| Gustavus Adolphus | 3-5 | 4-6 |
| Hamline University | 2-6 | 4-6 |
| Carleton College | 1-7 | 3-7 |
* * * *
Notably Quick Responses to the Last UUN —
* *
From Jim Platten SJP ‘70/SJU ‘74 , St. Paul, who volunteers as a “bench bitch” for the football team and stands out, especially when the weather turns chilly, by wearing Bermuda shorts long past sensible temps. To my admonition last issue for fans to “dress in layers, wear a hat and gloves, and even bring a blanket” Jim simply writes —
Or wear shorts!!
* *
From Gary Kordosky ‘64, Tucson, AZ —
Wick: Good Underground; it is appreciated more than you realize. Wish I could see the game [Carleton] tomorrow. — gary
* *
From Dave Durenberger SJP ‘51/SJU ‘55, St. Paul, apparently awed by the sheer verbosity of the Underground News —
Bob, You are incredible!!! Dave
* *
From Mike Gerbich ‘63, Dubai, UAE, comes “The Mother of All Websites” —
What A Handy Tool! THIS IS THE COOLEST THING SINCE THE INVENTION OF THE TV REMOTE CONTROL. Just Point and click! www.allmyfaves.com Then pick a site ! ‘BOOM’ And there it is!
* *
From Wally Pattock ‘47, St. Cloud —
Hi, It was nice seeing you today. Incidentally I never received your last message. Sure would appreciate your sending it to me. — Wally
* * * *
SJU Basketball —
St. John’s Smith still 1 shy of 700
by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times
COLLEGEVILLE — When we last left the Jim Smith milestone watch, the longtime St. John’s head basketball coach was one win shy of 700, heading into his team’s MIAC first-round playoff matchup against Gustavus last February.
He was also coaching from a wheelchair at the scorer’s table after suffering a fractured femur when he fell in his garage late last season.
The Johnnies lost that game 71-68, meaning Smith had to wait until this season to become just the second coach in Division III history, and the 27th coach overall, to reach the 700-win mark, while at the same time giving himself time to heal. (Read more)
* * * *
Blazer Basketball —
Blazer Basketball team 2009-2010
* *
College roundup: New-look Blazers open with victory
EAU CLAIRE, Wis. — Amy Stifter opened her season with a bang.
The College of St. Benedict junior wing finished with a career-high 28 points on the strength of 5-of-5 shooting from three-point range in the Blazers’ 74-67 season-opening win on the road at Wisconsin-Eau Claire. The Blazers finished shooting 10-of-25 from downtown.
“When you’re feeling it, you just let it fly,” said Stifter, who also had five rebounds. “We have four or five players who are deadly from three. We knocked them down a lot tonight.”
St. Benedict head coach Mike Durbin said the threes were the difference in the game. The Blugolds (0-1) were 4-of-16 from deep. (Read more)
* *
CSB basketball: Blazers are ready to run
* * * *
More Scenes From Stearns County —
Two older women who haven’t seen each other in some time met unexpectedly at Coborn’s in St. Cloud: “How are you, dear, and how is your husband?” asked Agnes Winkelmann.
“I’m fine, but Ted died last week,” replied Luella Koetter.
“Oh no! What happened?”
“He went out to da garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right dere in da middle of da vegetable patch!” Luella explained.
“Oh dear! I’m very sorry. What did you do?” asked Agnes.
“I opened a can of peas instead.”
* * * *
From Mike Murphy ‘62, St. Paul —
Bob – Congrats on the recognition you got at last Saturday’s game – good use of the P.A. system. Well deserved. Well done.
I would mention in particular the carefully balanced, yet straight-forward way in which you reported and commented on the noisy commercialism at Clemens Stadium. Now they know the issue goes beyond a handful of outliers. Remains to be seen whether this legitimate complaint continues to fall on (you knew this was coming) deaf ears.
(Editor’s Explanation: Mike speaks of an announcement made during the game that said a $1,000 contribution to the Rich Hall Scholarship Fundwas being made in my name. The contributor is Chuck Garrity [Notre Dame ‘65] and cousin of my classmate Mike Garrity ‘64. Chuck, who is the president/CEO of Intelligent Financial Strategies, of which Jason Good ‘06 is operating manager, wanted to show appreciation to my support of their business and Jason in particular, and for work in connections within the SJU-CSB comminities. They chose the Rich Hall Fund in honor of our close relationship for so many years. I was pleasantly surprised and very grateful to Chuck for his contribution to SJU.)
* * * *
From John Ries ‘64, Sisters, OR, via Paul Hamann ‘63, Edina, MN —
A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her group, all who stuttered: an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman.
She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said, “If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?”
The Englishman piped up. “B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham,” he said.
“That’s no use, Trevor,” said the speech therapist, “Who’s next?”
The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out, “P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley.”
“That’s no better. There’ll be no sex for you, I’m afraid, Hamish. How about you, Paddy?”
The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out, “London.”
“Brilliant, Paddy!” said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.
After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said, “-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry.”
* * * *
Also from Paul Hamann —
Hi Bob, It was good to track you down last Saturday. Obviously pleased with the SJU seed. If we prevail I’ll be at the third home game. Going to see the East Coast branches of the family for Thanksgiving. Leaving Saturday, returning the Monday, after the UST/Monmouth winner game. Marc, my son, and I will be gathered around the computer to catch the game(s). Bring home a couple wins… — Paul
* * * *
Stearns County Quickie #1 —
Father Virgil Beutner, pastor of Holy Angels, was getting pretty concerned about rising expenses to run his small parish, so he decided to put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at church to cut down on paper towel costs.
However after two weeks Fr. Virgil took them out. When the bookkeeper asked him why, he confessed that they worked fine, but someone had put a sign on that read, “For a sample of this week’s sermon, push the button.”
* * * *
Stearns County Quickie #2 —
Cletus Braun knocked on his supervisor’s door after he clocked out for the day. “Boss, I need tomorrow off,” said Clete. “We’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home and my wife needs me to help with the attic
and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
The super, Frank Schweiger, scanned the work sheet, then sadly shook his head. “Sorry, Clete, but we’re short-handed! I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss! I knew I could count on you!”
* * * *
Stearns County Quickie #3 —
Leo Theilman, in his mid-70s, was having a cup of coffee after dinner quietly his wife Betty Lou in their tidy little home in St. Stephen. Suddenly he looked up and asked, “What will you do if I die before you do?”
“Hmmm,” thought Betty Lou. “I’ll probably look for a house-sharing arrangement. Maybe with two or three single or widowed women…maybe a little younger than me, since I’m fairly active for my age. What would you do if I die first?”
“Probably the same thing,” deadpanned Leo.
* * * *
From John Diffley ‘64, Stewartville, MN —
Bob, For some reason – technical difficulties I’m sure – I did not receive the last Underground Newsletter….or did you send it out late? At any rate, it’s time for the second season to begin and I do hope that you have paced yourself accordingly. It was so enjoyable to see so many old comrades at the Dome. — John
(Editor’s Comment: It’s not a pretty thing to see UUN withdrawal symptoms; Fr. Mike Byron ‘81 had the same problem a week or two previous. I am still getting them out weekly (for a while longer anyway), so if you don’t get it by late Thursday or sometime early Friday, my advice is to check www.JohnnieFootball.com where the UUN also resides sooner or later. Also, check your spam filter…sometimes your computers show more taste than you do.)
* * * *
Nutrition Bites
Lindsay (Novak) Good ‘06 RD, LD
Turkey Time
Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season of fun, parties and time with your family. Along with the holidays also come stress, a plethora of unhealthy foods and considerably less exercise due to the approach of cold weather. Get started on the right foot this year at Thanksgiving with some healthy holiday tips!
Healthy Eating
Set yourself up for success by having a healthy snack containing fiber and protein before a party or your Thanksgiving dinner to moderate your hunger. Control your portions of higher fat/calorie foods and fill your plate with lower calorie options such as fruit and veggie dishes. Allow yourself to have dessert, choose your absolute favorite and enjoy every bite — but just stick to one serving.Food Safety
Make sure to thaw your turkey in the fridge, not on the counter top or in the sink. It takes 24 hours to thaw a 4lb turkey in the fridge. Therefore, a 4-8 lb turkey would thaw in 1-2 days, a 12-16 lb turkey would thaw in 3-4 days, and a 20-24 lb turkey would thaw in 5-6 days. At holiday parties, poultry, red meat and seafood should not be left out longer than 2 hours after cooking. Leftovers are good for 2-3 days in the fridge; you can always freeze your leftovers for longer.Keep Moving
Just because it’s dark at 5pm and colder outside doesn’t mean you need to start hibernating. Keep moving by bundling up and going for a brisk walk, join a gym or try a few new workout DVDs at home. To keep moving set realistic goals, find the time of day exercise fits best with your schedule and just move!Tackle turkey day and beyond this year
It’s a great time to spend with family and friends but a little bit of healthy eating, preparing food safely and exercise can go a long way.A New Way to Use Thanksgiving Leftovers
Turkey & Squash Soup (www.eatingwell.com)
Ingredients * 2 teaspoons canola oil or olive oil * 2 leeks, trimmed, chopped and rinsed * 1 red bell pepper, chopped * 3 cloves garlic, minced * 4 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth * 1 1/2 pounds butternut squash, (1 small to medium), peeled, seeded and cut into 1-inch cubes * 2 tablespoons minced fresh thyme, or 2 teaspoons dried thyme * 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin * 1 pound turkey cutlets, cut into 1/2-by-2-inch strips * 2 cups frozen corn kernels * 2 tablespoons lime juice * 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper * 1/4 teaspoon salt * Freshly ground pepper, to taste Preparation 1. Heat oil in a Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add leeks and bell pepper; cook, stirring often, until the vegetables begin to soften, 3 to 4 minutes. Add garlic and cook, stirring, for 1 minute more. Stir in broth, squash, thyme and cumin; cover and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and cook until the vegetables are tender, about 10 minutes. 2. Nutrition Per serving: - 238 calories; - 3 g fat (1 g sat, 1 g mono); - 33 mg cholesterol; - 31 g carbohydrates; - 25 g protein; - 6 g fiber; - 274 mg sodium; - 555 mg potassium. Nutrition Bonus: - Vitamin A (260% daily value), - Vitamin C (120% dv), - Folate (21% dv), - Iron (20% dv).
* * * *
A Thanksgiving Accident —
The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom;
Then splattered all over the kitchen
completely obscuring the room.It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor;
There was turkey attached to the ceiling
where there’d never been turkey before.It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl;
There wasn’t a way I could stop it -
that turkey was out of control!I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
and thought with chagrin as I mopped
That I’d never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn’t been popped.
* *
How Pumpkin Pies Are Made —
(With thanks to Harry Burns SJP ‘74/SJU ‘78, Marilee Giere and Mike Hogan SJP ‘61
[Ed’s Quick Comment: Notice that two former Preps sent this? We never quite grow out of our affection for potty humor I sometimes think. As for Marilee — well, I guess you just have to know her.]
* * * *
More Reader Back-Talk —
From Vic Murphy ‘91, St. Paul —
Bob: My brother Tom [Murphy] (SJU ‘89) will be coaching his Nicollet Raiders in the semifinals of the nine-man state football playoffs this weekend. It’s his team’s 3rd trip to the dome in 10 years. Twice they’ve finished runner-up. They play Ada-Borup at 8 am Saturday and the game will be webcast live @ https://45.grandstadium.tv/LandingPages/mngshome.html — Vic –Go Johnnies!
* *
From Lindsay Novak Good ‘06, Edina, MN and UUN’s “Nutrition Bites” columnist —
Hi Bob, I was just reading the Undergound and noticed you sat by Kellen’s [Blaser, senior RB] sister Melissa Voigt at the Augsburg game…did you know she is my manager for my job as a a Wellness Coach at HealthPartners? She’s very nice! Can you add Melissa to the Underground email list? She’s interested in reading it! I forwarded her the newsletter from last week. Thanks! — Lindsay
(Editor’s Observation: Have you ever noticed how really small the world is sometimes?)
* *
From Mark Selner (aka The Beer King) SJP ‘68/UST ‘73, Shoreview, MN —
HEY!! Spread the word!! Olde Johnnie Ale 12pks on sale at Surdyk’s from November 19th thru the 25th!! FREE tasting this Friday and Saturday, (20th & 21st) with possible FREE glass give-away!! (the glasses are on order — hoping they’ll be in.)
The beer will be $10.99 a 12pk. This is a dollar off our normally low price!! I’d LOVE to sell out!! This beer will go VERY WELL with Turkey!! Thanks, Mark
* *
From Bernie Beckman ‘64, Battle Lake, MN —
Bob, I was surprised to hear, in last weeks issue, of Dio Rocker’s ['64] connection to Jim Lehman [‘56], although I knew Jim taught in Austin. Jim and my wife, Nancy (Lehman) were 1st cousins, so I got to know him a little bit. He was a great gentleman.
We attended the funeral, and all three of his sons (Jim Jr. [‘80], Tom, and Mike) got up and said a few words. It was very touching and emotional. St. John’s was well represented with Fr. Don Talafous, Rob Culligan, John Young, and Bob Alpers being in attendance. See you Saturday. Go Johnnies — Bernie
* *
From the UUN’s Subscriptions Manager, Joe Pilon SJP ‘62/SJU ‘66, Shoreview, MN —
Hey Bob, I met a guy at the Lifetime Fitness club in Fridley where I go and I had my SJU baseball t-shirt on so that generated a Johnnie conversation. This guy’s name is Peter Moskal. He graduated from St. John’s in 2009 with a degree in accounting and a minor in philosophy. He is currently employed by an accounting firm, Anderson Roers. So I guess it philosophically makes sense to get a degree in accounting these days. He would like to get on the official UUN list. As always, the subscription fee is in the mail.
Good seeing you and that pushy prick friend of yours, John Sipe [SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65], at the Carleton game. — Joe
(Editor’s Comments: First, if it wasn’t for Joe bringing in all this subscription money this job wouldn’t be worth it; and Second, to paraphrase something said back in early Roman times, “See how the Preps love one another.”)
* *
From Michael Halvorson ‘01, SJU Institutional Relations —
I wanted to notify all of you that a new SJU App is available for iPhones! Anyone with an iPhone can now have the ability to access www.sjualum.com from their phone and be able to read all the content. To get it, just go to the App store and search for SJU – the App will appear and you’ll be able to download it.
Also – a special thanks goes to JT Starzecki ‘96 for being instrumental in making this happen! Take care, Michael
* * * *
From Sister Lois Wedl OSB, St. Benedict’s Monastery —
Little Susie goes home from school and tells her mum that the boys keep asking her to do cartwheels because she’s very good at them.
Mum said: “YOU should say ‘NO’ — they only want to look at your undies.”
Susie said: “I know they do; that’s why I hide them in my backpack!”
(Editor’s Observation: Yep…they sure don’t make nuns like they used to.)
* * * *
From Pat McKasy, UST ‘64, Minneapolis (via Joe Pilon) —
Upon their deaths, God asks three quarterbacks what they have done with their lives:
Tony Romo responds, “Well, I have volunteered at hospitals and helped kids in need.” God says, “Very good, please take a seat to my left.”
Eli Manning responds: “Well, I have volunteered at veterans homes and helped the homeless.” God nods and says, “Very good, please take a seat to my right”.
Brett Favre responds, “Well, first of all, I believe you’re in my seat.”
* * * *
Jim Bassett ‘58, Canon Falls, MN —
Mr. Bob Sir,
I see from your latest UUN that daughter-in-law Kathy gave you the word on my bicycle accident. I’m glad she did so you don’t think I’ve been a slacker in game attendance the past few weeks.
Yes, it was a pretty horrific accident. Four other geezers and I were in the process of riding from Wilmington NC to Savannah GA. In Mount Pleasant, SC on October 24, we were riding along a busy road and decided it would be better to get off and ride on a bike path/sidewalk next to the road. Bad mistake. At one point there was a piece of cement sticking up on the trail about five inches high. I hit it head on, having no idea what had happened. I went down on my right side, hitting my head, shoulder and hip area. Of course, my first thought was, “Shit! A broken hip!” However, I was able to get up and walk around a bit so I knew that hadn’t happened. Later it started hurting so my cohorts took me to an ER where x-rays confirmed no broken hip but they said there appeared to be a broken pelvis. I stuck with the group for a few more days, riding in a van we had rented, but the following Wednesday, it was hurting badly enough so that I decided I’d better get home. I came home that day and when Mary picked me up at MSP I asked her to drive directly to Rochester. I did more ER stuff there where they determined that there are three fractures in the pelvis. Since then I’ve been back a couple of more times and am scheduled to go back again next Wednesday. In the meantime, it’s been painful as hell; for a few days I was eating Oxycodone like popcorn but I’m now pretty much off that. However, the healing process seems to be slow. Probably normal but it seems slow. I’m getting tired of this stuff. So, that’s the story.
If you happen to mention this in a future Underground, tell people that if they ride bicycles, Wear a Helmet!!! Mine was pretty well smashed but I didn’t even have the hint of a headache or any contusions on my head. Without it I suspect I would have had a concussion at the least or a fractured skull at the most. Or maybe I would not have even survived. I’ve known for years that they work but now I have firsthand experience.
By the time you get this SJU will have beaten Carleton. Unfortunately, we are right now mourning the loss of the CSB volleyball team (granddaughter Shannon is on that team) but anticipating the beginning of the SJU basketball season (grandson Garrett is on the SJU team).
Maybe I’ll be well enough soon to be able to go to a playoff game so I might see you then. — Jim
(Editor’s Note: Thank goodness Jim is on the mend; that sounded like a nasty accident. Jim is yet another one of the terrific Class of 1958…these guys know how to be real Johnnies all through their lives! If you’d like to drop Jim a line, his email is: jbassett@bevcomm.net)
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From Dave Boyle ‘59, Belton, TX, who received an Underground “shout out” from his nephew and niece-in-law last issue —
Many thanks for forwarding the msg from nephew Jeff and Kate Boyle. We visit them (and their four Darlin’ Daughters) often on our trudges to the Great White North. We also hang out with oldest son Bob, SJU ‘81, who also played for John G which makes us one of what must be hundreds of fathers and sons who have done so. Bob is a very busy veterinarian living in Prior Lake.
We did make it to our class reunion last month, enjoyed the great hospitality and activities, and that “piece of cake, never a doubt”, whipping of those Baptist *&(^% from Bethel …not my favorite group..Story far too long to mention right now. [Ed’s Quick Interjection: Ahhh, so much for ecumenism. Good thing Dave doesn’t live in Salt Lake City.]
Former roommate and BB teammate Pat Dolan and lovely bride, Kitty, hosted us in typical splendor. They also hosted Joe Crotty, a ‘59 football tough halfback and outstanding BB point guard who now lives in Washington state. Also spent a few minutes with Roger Ludwig ‘59, wrestling conference champion, and MIAC MVP as a 190 lb tackle. They may make them tougher than Roger–but not on this planet.
We do live in Belton TX, just off I-35 and the Home of Mary Hardin Baylor, blessed with a pretty good Div III football team. Wife, Marge, finished her undergrad degree there in ‘73 while we were stationed at Ft Hood, which is nearby. There have been not many, but a few, discussions of just where she plans to sit when and if the Johnnies come to town to visit the MHB Crusaders. I call them “The Marys” which gives an idea of where those discussions go.
I hope you have had the patience to plow through my rambling and will indulge me just a bit more. We live about 10 miles from Ft Hood, had two assignments there, retiring in 1985. It is a very special place only because of the truly heroic young folks who serve there and around the world keeping the rest of us free. Their positive attitude and dedication (and that of their so very young families) is so inspiring as they serve in places like Iraq and Afghanistan risking literally life and limb. Last week’s brutal incident was heart rending — not a crime — but, in my humble opinion, a terrorist attack. Let us not forget it…or them. — Dave
P.S. — Please accept this as a simple thank you for the mention and the effort that you fathfully put out over “the season.”
P.P.S — We see so many MN license plates heading South on I-35 this time of year. Who shuts out the lights when all the snow birds leave?
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From Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, Minneapolis —
Bob — Nice issue as always. Thought I’d explain why Augsburg plays home football games at the Dome. Ever notice the bubble over Edor Nelson Field when you drive by Augsburg in the winter? They put this bubble up and turn it into an indoor facility, which hosts numerous soccer leagues. Those leagues have contracts with Augsburg that call for the facility to be used starting Nov. 1. Consequently, the Auggie football team has no “home” field in November. So Augsburg rents out the Metrodome for any home games (normally just one game) in November. They take in enough $$ off these soccer leagues to cover the cost of renting the Dome. As the luck of the MIAC schedule would have it, this year’s November home game was SJU. The good thing is a crowd of 2300 would never have fit in Edor Nelson, so the Red faithful had plenty of room (not to mention better parking options.
And you thought us Tommies were only good for punch lines of jokes.
(Editor’s Response: Thanks, Rich, for setting me — and maybe others who didn’t know that — straight about playing in the miserable Dome. As far as your closing remark, please remember that you are still half Red, a Prep Johnny…and that’s why we continue to love you as a brother — otherwise you’d be insufferable. The same goes for Al Richie ‘60/’64 and Mark Selner ‘68/’73.)
* * * *
From Al Richie SJP ‘60/UST ‘64, Wayzata, MN —
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
Two Prostitutes – $50.00.A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they’d either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: ‘JESUS SAVES.’ One of the girls asked the officer, ‘How come you don’t stop them?!’ ‘Well, that’s a little different,’ the officer smiled, ‘Their sign pertains to religion.’The following day the same police officer noticed the same two hookers driving around with a large sign on their car. He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:
Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter –$50
* * * *
From John Lindstrom ‘63, New London, MN —
Bob, Son Matt ['92] who is professor in the Political Science Dept at SJU and Director of the McCarthy Center sent me an email and said, “Dad, you made the Underground News.” Thanks for the mention and put me on the list. We’ll be there tommorrow and will bring various family members to try to get to 50,000. Go Johnnies, John
(Editor’s Comments: John, your first mention in the Unofficial Underground News is free; after that it costs money — big money. Just ask Jon Ruis‘96 [as in RICE], Craig Steele ‘95 and Nicole “Red Hot Bennie” Wagner Steele ‘96…it’s costing them plenty to get their names in this issue.
Secondly, despite your family’s valiant efforts — along with my 1964 classmates John Wolkerstorfer and John Ossanna — SJU fandom fell painfully short of any kind of a record. Where we needed 9,000 we got a measley 5,100. The famed Johnnie Nation needs a swift kick in its fair-weather-loving posterior; you’d think we were becoming Tommy fans — oh, wait…they only had 1,500 at their game. By the way, I heard from Ryan Klinkner, SJU athletic media relations director, who said SJU had 51,284 during the regular season in 2006 and 50,143 in 2003, so even if we hit 9,000 last week, we still wouldn’t have beat 2006. Ryan believes that the ‘06 record may be beat some day, “Most likely by us, especially if it’s a six-game home schedule,” he said. Ryan added, “We are more receptive to the average per game, since that is what the NCAA honors for football attendance.”)
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From Don Binder, Honorary Johnny and greatly esteemed cousin-in-law to the Flyin’ Tomcziks — Ron ‘65, Gary ‘67 and Patrick. This guy is so into SJU that he flies out from central Washington state two or three times a year to take in a game — and over several years he’s never seen an SJU loss! —
Wick: My wife, Mary Alice (Seattle U ’71) and I are in the Seattle airport. We’ll be at the game tomorrow with Ron and Sandy. This will be Mary Alice’s first Johnnies game – ever, so make sure she is treated well. Remember, Ron and Gary are her first cousins (mom’s sisters). Look forward to seeing you on Saturday. — Don
(Editor’s Note: I was pleased to meet and see Mary Alice at the tailgate, during the game and afterward in the backroom of the La. She seemed to be enjoying the entire experience.)
* * * *
From Ron Tomczik ‘65, Medicine Lake, MN, about the same time I heard from Don Binder —
Wick: Don and Mary Alice (my cousin) Binder are on their way here from Washington for the game tomorrow. Hopefully, Don’s 100% record–never has seen the Johnnies lose–continues. But my main concern still remains a thumb attached to Boyle’s hand. It was my fear all season that he would get hurt. But I thought it would be his knee or ankle! See you in the am.
Go Johnnies! — Ron
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From Fred Senn ‘64, Edina, MN —
True story. I’m at an event last Monday, hobnobbing with your pal, David Durenberger, and the guest speaker for the evening, novelist Vince Flynn. Vince is a St. Thomas English major, Class of ‘89, who delighted in telling us how the Tommies beat the Johnnies in his era by the largest margin ever. The trash talking continues, and I give him your UUN line: 11,000 men and women have graduated from St. Thomas without ever experiencing a football win over St. Johns. ( I try to work that into the first minute or two of every conversation I have with a Tommy. )
Then, Flynn says he just had dinner in Palm Springs with a Johnnie, Dave Rosow, and he described the splendor the Rosow estate. Mrs. Rosow told Flynn how much she loves the St. John’s Bible. I passed that onto Fr. Eric Hollas. Turns out Dave is in our class. Do you remember him? I checked the yearbooks, can’t find him beyond sophomore year. — Fred
(Editor’s Note: Fr. Eric is generally considered the person who got the St. John’s Bible Ball rolling after discussions in Chicago with the noted British calligrapher, scribe and illuminator Donald Jackson; Eric now covers Florida among other territories as a roving Benedictine/St. John’s presence in his new role as a member of the SJU Institutional Advancement team. To Fred: I do remember Dave, both as a two-year student and then in chemical sales as he dealt with H.B. Fuller where I last saw him about 25+ years ago. At that time Dave said he lived in Connecticut. And at the time he still admired SJU, so I hope he held his own when hosting Mr. Flynn.
Oh, another thing — will someone correct me if I’m wrong — but I believe that the UST thrashing that Flynn is still boasting about occurred just hours after the SJU student body/football team learned that two of its fellows who were sleeping outside between the tracks, as they did occasionally, were tragically killed by a special, non-scheduled train down by the old Collegeville station. It would be fair to say that the shock and sorrow of this school-wide tragedy might have affected the outcome of that game, as the Jays conceivably had their heads and hearts in another place that day.)
* * * *
From Merlyn Jerzak ‘64, Buffalo, MN —
Hey Bob. Good to hear from you. Would love to meet for breakfast or lunch in the near future. Sounds like you could help me make decisions in regard to supplements. I have been experimenting with some recently. I have three days off prior to and including Thanksgiving day. How about breakfast at Perkins Hwy 55 and 494 in Plymouth on Tuesday the 24th? You name the time. I am an early riser. Check with [Jim] Senden to see if he would be available. — Merle
(Editor’s Note: Our old pal Merle announced at Homecoming that he’s engaging a kind of chronic but not immediately life-threatening leukemia. Jim Senden (my old roomie jr. & sr years) and I are looking forward to visiting with him next Tuesday.)
* * * *
Easiest way you folks will ever help anybody —
(Sent in by Chris Gillespie Scholl, mother of Janel Scholl Lewandowski ‘97)
Kare 11 & Land O’Lakes are donating $1 for every person who clicks on their web site. Go to the website listed below and on the top right side of the screen there is the green area where it says: “You Click, We donate.” It’s that easy. Please pass to all of your friends. I know that the food shelves are really hurting this year.
(Editor’s Invite: Go ahead, it’s easy. And you can do it wherever you are reading this; you don’t have to be a Minnesota resident to click.)
* * * *
A honeymoon couple, both graduates of Coe College, is staying in the Watergate Hotel in downtown Washington. The new Kohawks bride is a little concerned. “What if this place is still bugged?”
“Oh, honey, that was years ago.”
“Still, I’d feel better if you checked.”
Her Coe College groom looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug. Finally, he says, “AHA!! Look here!”
Under the rug is a strange-looking disc with four screws. He gets out his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws and throws them and the disc out the window. “There! That should take care of your worrying, my darling!”
The next morning at check out, the clerk summons the hotel manager. The manager asks the newlyweds, “Mr. and Mrs. Jones, did anything, uh…unusual happen in your room last night?”
“Why are you asking?”
“Well, the people staying in the room below yours complained that the chandelier fell on them.”
* * * *
From Fr. Eric Hollas OSB ‘75, St. John’s Abbey —
Dear Friend of Saint John’s,
I am writing to offer you a travel experience you won’t find anywhere else. Fr. Bob Koopmann, President of Saint John’s University, and I will lead a small group to Rome and Tuscany on April 6 – 15, 2010. This will be a chance to visit SJU Faculty member Ambassador Miguel Diaz, learn about the workings of the Vatican from SJU alumnus and Rome journalist Jon Thavis, and see the marvelous landscapes of Rome and Tuscany. And not least, it’s a chance to spend time with Fr. Bob as he completes his first year as President. For more information on this unique trip, as well as registration materials, consult the link below. You may also respond directly to this email, or call my colleague, Sara Mruz at 320-363-2099.
Thank you, and please join us! — Fr. Eric
* * * *
More Scenes From Stearns County —
About six months after Gertie Thielman’s husband Leo died at their home in Watkins she began thinking about her own mortality. One day her daughter, Lorna, called home from college over at St. Cloud State and Gertie announced to her, “I think it’s time for us to talk about where I would like to be buried.”
“It’s way too soon to even think of anything like that,” Lorna snapped indignantly.
Then there was a brief silence.
“Wait a minute,” Lorna finally said, “did you say married or buried?”
“I said buried.”
“Oh, okay, sure.”
* * * *
From Joe Mucha ‘66 (and Mike Obler ‘64 with the same material) —
Bob, I love puns and here are some good ones sent to me by Uncle Dick [McNamara]. He is the uncle of Jack (your fishing partner) and my wife,Kathy. Dick is a Notre Dame grad, but loves your newsletter whenever I forward it to him. (Editor’s Quick Comment: And now I’ve always liked Uncle Dick, but I’m only going to run a few of his long list.)
Go Johnnies and go Monmouth!!! — Joe
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”
3. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron,” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”
4. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
5. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. (Ed’s Note: With further thanks to Marge Pattock ‘44 who first told me this at the La Playette last year.)
6. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”
7. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
* * * *
Pre-Med Students’ Quickie #1 —
“Doctor, Doctor! You’ve gotta help me! I just can’t stop my hands from shaking!”
“Do you drink a lot of coffee?”
“Not really – I spill most of it.”
* * * *
Pre-Med Students’ Quickie #2 —
At the beginning of his shift, the young doctor placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.
“Big breaths,” he instructed.
“Yes, they used to be,” replied the patient.
* * * *
Pre-Med Students’ Quickie #3 —
One day a physician had to be the bearer of bad news when she told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later the doctor heard the wife reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
* * * *
Two Blazer Volleyballers Honored —
Two members of the St. Benedict volleyball team have received AVCA Division III All-America honors.
Senior setter Beth Hanson was named to the All-America third team. Senior outside hitter Emma Jaynes was an honorable mention selection.
The Blazers tied with St. Thomas for this season’s MIAC regular season title, won the conference tournament and advanced to the first round of the Division III tournament. Congrats, Blazers!
* * * *
School of Theology Corner —
Contributed by Gary Kordosky ‘64, Tucson, AZ —
A woman CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview. “Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. May I ask your name?”
“Morris Fishbein,” he replied.
“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a f**king wall.”
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From Patrick Tomczik, Northfield, MN —
Hi Bob, Dee and I have been following your newsletter this fall. As always, a great job. Dee marvels at how much time and effort you put into it. That, along with my brother Gary’s cell phone updates during the games while I travel back from Gary, IN on Saturday afternoons, keeps us in the loop on this season of undefeated SJU football suspense.
I have to say though, that I have chuckled a bit hearing about the controversy of using red cups at the Stiftungsfestivities. As you know, here at our home in Northfield where Dee and I and our children have been hosting a post game gathering since 1995, following either a St. Olaf or Carleton game, we do things a bit differently. The chicken barley soup is served in ceramic bowls, the steaming mulled cider in warmed mugs and the entrees, ranging from pork cutlets in a mushroom-onion sauce to roasted chicken breasts to grilled sirloin steak sandwiches on fresh baked buns are all served on china plates. We always have the greatest radio team announcers Mark and Brian’s favorite beef and bean casserole. Everything fresh and made from scratch in our kitchen. Baskets are filled with fresh baked rolls and relishes. The dining room buffet is filled with with Dee’s desserts. While we do ask folks to bring their own beverage, if they don’t, we provide. And no where is there to be found a cup or a plate asking for donations.
After all, we’re just following St. Benedict’s rule of hospitality. The 40 to 70 guests whom we welcome, usually leave very full and happy. I think Benedict will be proud of us and our guests would agree. So the heck with the red plastic cups! The Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, we’ll see you next year in Northfield. In the meantime; Go Johnnies, beat Coe!!
One last item Bob: A reminder that wherever you see two or three or four Johnnie football fans together, you’ll usually find a fifth!
Take Great Care, Patrick and Dee Tomczik, Benedict’s House of Hospitality in Northfield
(Editor’s Comment: Wouldn’t you know — what with that darn Macalester dropping out of MIAC football and screwing up scheduling every year — that this season SJU hosted both Northfield teams, so we didn’t get to enjoy the warm and generous hospitality of Dee and Pat this fall.)
* * * *
The Last Word —
(Contributed by Honorary Johnnie, Class of ‘65, Dave Swanson, Inver Grove Heights, MN, this is the tale of the Origin of Yodeling) —
Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began? Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.
As the story goes, the farmer’s daughter asked her father, “Who is that man going into the barn?”
“That fellow traveling through,” said the farmer, “needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn.”
The daughter said, “Perhaps he is hungry.” So she prepared a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned, her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.
The farmer’s wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.
The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. “How could he leave without even saying goodbye,” she cried. “We made such passionate love last night!”
“What?” shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, “I’m going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!”
The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out, …”LAIDTHEOLADEETOO.”
* * *
That’s it, Good Little Johnnies and Bennies. GO JOHNNIES! Defeather the Kohawks (or something like that.)
