Dear Jays and Bees (and all you others too),
[Mr. Shoes Note #1: Typically I pull out Wicker's go-read-this-on-JF.com email introduction and simply post the Underground from that point forward. This week, I'm quoting it here for context.]
All season I’ve been directing you to www.JohnnieFootball.com so you can read the Underground News in all its deserved splendor on a real live website. So I did last week too but, as it turns out, to no avail. Here’s the reason as explained by JF.com webmeister supremo, Joel Schou ‘03 (as is SKOW):
[Mr. Shoes' Note: My sincerest apologies for not getting this up last week. I was on a deadline at the office when Bob sent it over, then had to take off for the weekend as soon as work was finished on Friday. I've been playing catch-up ever since. Look at it this way: two Undergrounds this week!]
Well, considering how fast Joel usually gets it up after I frantically send it to him a short time before sending it out to all my lists, we should all forgive him and understand that he actually has a life beyond handling the Underground …as opposed to me. Oh, that’s not completely fair to me either — I have a life, just not during football season!
[Mr. Shoes Note #2: And wouldn't you know it, I'm late again. My bad, Bob. My bad. On to the Underground...]
* *
Now, to business: As mentioned last issue, we have a chance to set an NCAA Div. III Football attendance record at Collegeville — 50,000 people attending games at ourClemens Stadium during a single regular season. The person who mentioned that to Dusty Wagner last issue said it’s a record that most likely will never be broken. We need approximately 9,000 fans to show up and cheer the Johnnies on to yet another MIAC championship in order to set that record of over 50K. Can we do it?
Well, the weather is supposed to be fair-to-middlin’ — about mid-40s with partly cloudy conditions; that’s colder than the fair-weather folks like it, but for mid-November in central Minnesota, that’s just grand. Dress in layers, wear a hat and gloves, and even bring a blanket, for gosh sakes! This is a perfect game to bring your kids and grandkids.
Next, the opponent — Carleton College — has the worst record this year in the MIAC, so the game normally wouldn’t be much of a draw. EXCEPT — for the last two years Carleton has given us everything we could handle; last year it took a deus ex machina play in the final seconds to avoid an upset and allow us to tie for the conference lead. Also, this team is coached by a former SJU gridiron great, Kurt Ramler ‘97, who will pull out all tricks to beat his former coach, mentor and good friend, John Gagliardi.
Is the outcome necessarily in doubt, though? Not really…The Knights lost too many stallions to graduation last year to be a convincing foe…except sometimes poop happens. That’s why they play the games. On paper we should win by three, maybe four TDs. But come up anyway. Be part of the ever-growing legend of SJU Football. A normal-sized crowd for this game at this time of year with no rain would be about 7,000-7,500, so we need a few more of you fence-sitters to show up and be counted. Heck, 13,100 of us came out for John’s #409 game against Bethel when the high was 13ºF, so I know we can do it.
Did I mention Tom ‘66 and Carol Arth’s chili at the Stiftungsfestivities yet? The Arths are serving it again this year. For you folks who get up to campus around or before 11:30am, why don’t you join the fans that gather in the Science Hall lot (up behind the scoreboard end of the field) and sample some of the goodies that SJU loyalists prepare for all comers — it’s the Benedictine Value of Hospitality in action, learned by example and maybe osmosis from the Benedictine monks and sisters. It’s all free, except the providers do put out a free-will offering jar to replenish supplies if you’re so moved. It’s a very mellow, welcoming crowd…and you don’t really have to know anybody; just show up. There are burgers, brats, deviled eggs, chips, often bars, cookies and/or pieces of fruit, maybe hot cider, and this week chili. There’s nothing like St. John’s football — so, Johnnie up, everybody. And, as usual, our opponents — Saturday it’s the Knights of Northfield — are honored guests, so you visitors to Collegeville please feel free to come as well. Wearing a Carleton sweatshirt or hat will probably get you a contraband brew.
* *
Last week our contest was indoors — on one of the nicest imagineable outdoor football watching days this fall. Go figure. It was a home game for Augsburg College and I’m not sure why it was played at the Metrodome. Maybe it’s done every year by them for their last home game; or maybe they looked at the schedule, saw it was SJU, and booked the joint so they could make some dough off the ever-present Johnnie Faithful. If the latter point is the reason, well…it worked. There were about 2,300 fans present and I’d say that close to 2,000 of them were dressed in red.
A little farther below you’ll read the details of that contest, won fairly convincingly 28-7 by SJU. I predicted a fairly close game, due to a frosh QB, John Ries, filling in for injured regular, Joe Boyle. I said the game would be highlighted by our defense hopefully throttling the Auggies and our offense keeping it on the ground. The final score is misleading. Throw out our first TD, which came on a fluke fumble/recovery-for-points in the opening seven seconds, and remove a meaningless TD scored in the closing seconds after a desperate Augsburg turned over the ball on downs within the red zone, and you have a 14-0 game. Only they scored on a 93-yard interception-run back in the 4th Quarter as SJU was threatening on the Auggies’ 7-yard line, the only major flaw in young Ries’ day. It should have been a 21-0 win, what with the Jays controlling the ball 2/3 of the game, mostly on the ground.
Our defense was simply awesome once again. We held their admittedly pathetic running game to ZERO yards, and their fairly potent passing game — it led the MIAC going into our game — to merely 100 yards. So it was not a too-close contest, like the St. Olaf game turned out to be.
The pregame celebration in the backroom of Hubert’s seemed very successful; we packed the place. For the most part I avoided taking notes, preferring just to mingle with old and new friends. But John Delebo ‘81, talking with Tom Awe (father of soph RB Harry) at the bar, offered this quickie for you: What do you do if your neighbor’s dog starts humping your leg? If it’s a pit bull, you let it finish. And a tall blonde, Kate Lawrence Boyle ‘97, wife of Jeff Boyle ‘90, came up and said that they’d like a “shout out” to Jeff’s uncle, Dave Boyle ‘59 of Belton, TX, who apparently is a faithful Underground reader (God bless his little cotton-pickin’ heart). I’m not sure how to do a “shout out” in the Underground, but I trust this works: “HELLO TO DAVE FROM JEFF AND KATE…AND GO JOHNNIES!, Y’HEAH?”
I bumped into two retired District Court judges down for the game while doing other family stuff in the Cities. First, at Hubert’s was classmate Rick Ahles ‘64 with wife Karendown from St. Cloud, and outside the Dome was John Lindstrom ‘63 with his wife and some family, over from their home near Willmar. I ran into Highland Park neighbor and friend Thom Farnham ‘72 and his son Tom ‘01, who is also an old chum of my older daughter Megan ‘03, both at Cretin-Derham Hall and CSB-SJU. Also saw old pals Tom‘60/’64 and Lynn McKasy who were meeting family for the game.
Inside I waved to classmate Bob Malby ‘64 as we made our way to great seats staked out on the 40 yard line by John Sipe ‘61/65 and John Diffley ‘64, up from Stewartville, MN for family stuff/game. Next to us sat star running back Kellen Blaser’s sister Melissa Voight and her husband Justin, and their two very little heirs. Kellen and Melissa have a Bennie sibling, Jennifer Blaser Femrite ‘00; they all hail from Austin Pacelli.
At the half I enjoyed a nice visit with Joe ‘66 and Kathy Mucha; Joe being retired VP of HR for General Mills. They were sitting — boys in one row, girls in front of them — with classmates Steve Askew and wife Carol Burgeson Askew, both ‘66 (Steve’s still serving as a District Court judge); Roger ‘66 and Judy Hipwell; Pat ‘66 andMolly Maxwell; and Molly Leahy Jacobs ‘66, widow of Pat ‘66. This group of friends, a real Johnnie/Bennie Rat Pack, do quite a bit together.
Besides the Johnnies’ seven-second fumble recovery TD and the Auggies 93-yard interception TD, the next most memorable item was for the Johnny Nation to get lectured by the Augsburg announcer on sportsmanship. What a fathead. The Johnny fans are very knowledgeable on the game, including rules. We appreciate good plays on either side and generally know when either side has erred. So when an Auggies back was darting around the end and heading up the field along the sidelines, a St. John’s defensive back launched himself at the opponent while still inbounds. They crash-landed well out of bounds right in front of the Augsburg bench. A flag for something like unsportsmanlike conduct or hitting out of bounds immediately went up. Naturally, the partisan Jays showed their displeasure with the call…to us it was obvious that the Auggie was not hit while trying to step out of bounds nor was he hit out of bounds. A huge and long chorus of boos peppered with “Bad Call” resounded through the cavernous stadium.
At that point the announcer reminded the fans something about the need to show sportsmanship and that the MIAC requests that…blah, blah, blah. A short announcement would have sufficed, but this guy couldn’t help himself and continued with some more remarks about thinking and acting “positive”. Some of us starting booing the announcer, and John Sipe remarked — not nearly loudly enough for it would have brought the house down if he had — “All right, I’m POSITIVE that was a bad call.” The irony of all this, certainly lost on that sanctimonious Augsburg dude, was that on the field Augsburg was flagged not once, but two times for “face mask with twisting” penalties.
After the game we hightailed it over to St. Cecilia’s to prepare for the light meal after the St. C’s Red Mass. There was a fairly nice turnout, including Joe Pilon ‘62/’66, who came with wife and friends but couldn’t stay for the party afterwards. Celebrant Fr. Mike Byron ‘81 again “convinced” the St. C’s music director, Katie Jeanne Doldmarried to her Tommy Patrick, to play the SJU Alma Mater before the processional and the Johnny Fight Song after the recessional. People do hard things for job security.
It was quite an interesting mélange of people of varying ages and backgrounds, but everyone mingled with great bonhomie, while enjoying the fruits of generous donors: John Uldrich ‘60, cooking up a storm of his JohnnieBrats™ in his SJU logo-ed white chef’s jacket; and plentiful bottles — yes, brand new bottles — of Olde Johnnie Ale, sent to us by OJA godfather Mark Selner SJP ‘68/UST ‘73 and his classmate and Cold Spring Beer district sales honcho, Mick Detviler UST ‘73. While neither could make it over Saturday, I gave the history of OJA and urged those present to start requesting that their favorite liquor stores and pubs begin carrying it — (Note to Mark Zimmer of theLa: Are you hearing this?). John Uldrich gave us his pitch about how we should start asking repeatedly for JohnnieBrats at our favorite grocery stores in order to create some demand and awareness. In both cases, St. John’s benefits. First, with OJA the Prep School receives a small piece of every drop sold, and John is donating all profits from his brats product to The Record, of which he was an editor in 1959.
The highlight of the evening was viewing a 30-year-old video of part of a CSB/SJU talent show featuring our own Mike Byron, then a smart-ass student who brought down the house two years running with his dead-on interpretation of Fr. Don (Camillus) Talafous OSB admonishing students about the downfalls of Home Town Honeys. The entire video is up on Mike’s class’s home page on the SJU Alumni website; I asked Thom Woodward ‘70 for assistance in wider viewing and here is his response:
* *
Here’s the Web page, Bob, for Mike Byron’s act.
He’s introduced at the 18:05 mark. All folks have to do is go to the Web page, hit play and then advance the scroll bar at the bottom about one-fourth of the way. Wait for the clip to re-buffer to see the time, and adjust accordingly. The “lecture” concludes at the 25:09 mark. Hope this makes sense!
(Editor’s Response: Mucho thanko, Thomas. I’m sure our more technicallly astute readers will get this easily enough; I’m wondering if there’s a way to lift this bit out of there and put it on Youtube. Maybe Webmaster Shoes can do it?)
* *
Enjoying the evening with — as Fr. Mike described it to the parish after Mass — a fellow group of “insufferable” Johnnies and Bennies were: Jim ‘45/’50 and Carol Unger;Gerry Sande ‘52/’56; George Lowe ‘55 (as in HOW), his daughter Anne and sister Jean, who is a St. C’s parishioner and longtime Johnnie football supporter; Ron ‘65 andSandy Tomczik; John Sipe ‘61/’65; Tom Awe (UST actually, but father of Harry and St. C’s member); Chris Gillespie [Scholl], of St. C’s and mother of Janel Scholl Lewandowski ‘97; Bob Welle ‘73, Mary Nord ‘74 of St. C’s; Tom Weiss ‘66/’70; Dave Smoker SOT ‘09 of St. C’s; Mike Byron ‘81; John Uldrich ‘60; Bob ‘82 andAnn Schmidt of St. C’s, their daughter Clare ‘09, and her boyfriend, SJU defensive end Jimmy Sharpe ‘10; Mary Emanuelson ‘82 of St. C’s; her brother Frank Emanuelson ‘90, and good friends, Liz Pojar UST ‘86 and Kathleen Frawley Huyck ‘82 (her husband Tom Huyck ‘82 wasn’t present). Underfoot were four future Johnnies: Andrew Herrick, Joey Pojar, and Will Huyck, all of 2017, and Dave Herrick 2018. Before we leave this year’s Red Mass report, Clare Schmidt — much to her mother’s chagrin — asked me to share this quickie: “What did the brassiere say to the top hat? You go on ahead and I’ll give these two a lift.”
By the way, Fr. Don Talafous was originally scheduled to attend the St. C’s celebration, but his achin’ 83-year-old dogs rebelled at the prospect of all that walking over to the Dome and then the many steps up and down inside. He did, however, get to see the video of Mike Byron in action…again. He witnessed the act firsthand three decades ago. He told Mike last week that he still has yet to forgive him over these 30 years but admits to being impressed with the subtleties of humor in those times versus nowadays.
Finally, returning home from a full day I read via email that John ‘58 and Cathy Petsch Maas ‘60, members of St. C’s although living in Hudson, WI, found out they had double-booked for the evening and had to cancel out. Next year.
By Thursday afternoon (yesterday), I had hoped to have had sent this issue into cyberspace, but I had attended from a funeral in New Richmond, WI; that has slowed up things a bit — yet always at work on your behalf I met Justyn Cowman ‘97 at the luncheon. He is the stepson of my friend, Theresa, who died last week and was buried yesterday. Justyn, who works in sales and marketing for Kimberly Clark and just welcomed his firstborn into the world recently, told me that he also has an uncle, Joe Butorac ‘83, who is a Johnny, as well as some cousins: Jeff ‘07; Joe’s daughter, Kelly (I believe a CSB grad, but maybe still in school); and Joe’s son Matt, a current student.
Last evening we attended the celebration of the feast of St. Albert the Great at the Dominican parish named after him, i.e., “Big Al’s, the eatingest parish in the Archdiocese.” At the meal and fund-raising auction after Mass I was enjoined by Colleen Lilly ‘81 to get the Underground out first thing…she’s waiting for it; she was there with her fatherLeroy ‘55. Also present was Dave ‘63 and Karin Wendt, and oft-times Johnny fan/friend/Underground reader, Naval Academy ‘65 Joe Deitch. Naturally we were hosted by Big Al’s pastor, Fr. Joe Gillespie OP ‘64; and, although I didn’t see him in the crowd, I understand Joe’s brother, Fr. Tom Gillespie OSB, was down from St. John’s for the party.
Please try to help break the attendance record this Saturday. Go Johnnies.
All my best,
Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697
* * * *
These two Carleton grads applying for jobs at a large company had to take an intelligence test. After the test they met in a bar and compared notes.
“What did you say for the question that said to name a 14-letter word for someone in charge of a plant?” asked the first Knight.
“I thought it was tough at first, but then I thought of ‘Superintendent’,” replied the second.
“Hmmm … I wonder who’s right?” said the first. “I wrote down ‘Horticulturist’.”
* * * *
2009 MIAC Standings —
Through games of November 7, 2009
| Team | Conference W/L | Overall W/L |
|---|---|---|
| Saint John’s University | 7-0 | 9-0 |
| University of St. Thomas | 7-1 | 8-1 |
| Bethel University | 5-2 | 6-3 |
| Concordia College | 3-4 | 5-4 |
| Augsburg College | 3-4 | 4-5 |
| Hamline University | 2-5 | 4-5 |
| St. Olaf College | 2-5 | 4-5 |
| Gustavus Adolphus | 2-5 | 3-6 |
| Carleton College | 1-6 | 3-6 |
UPCOMING GAMES
November 14, 2009 – all at 1 PM
- Augsburg @ Bethel – Although I’d love to see the Auggies upset the Royals, it just ain’t gonna happen.
- Carleton @ Saint John’s – Poor Ramler…the bottom fell out this year after two very competitive seasons.
- Gustavus @ Concordia – The Cobbers are going to see their fourth straight victory.
- Hamline @ St. Olaf – My sentimental favorite here is Hamline, but the game’s in Northfield…???
- Northwestern (MN) @ St. Thomas (non-conference) — Will Caruso have his guys hit 60+ points or will he show some class, not to mention mercy?
* * * *
More Scenes From Stearns County —
An arts and antiques collector from the Twin Cities was walking down the main street of Albany last September when he noticed a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a shabby second-hand store and he did a double take. He recognized that the saucer was extremely old and very valuable, so he walked casually into the store and offered to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replied, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.”
The collector said, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.”
The owner quickly said, “Sold,” and handed over the cat. The collector continued, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”
“Sorry, buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this year I’ve sold eighteen cats.”
* * * *
Sent via Jerry Howard ‘59, St. Cloud — who, along with Bob Neis ‘65, Sr. Lois Wedl OSB ‘53, and Thom Woodward ‘70, serves as a regular stringer/news scout for theUUN in the Stearns County area — Frank Rajkowski’s blog after the Augsburg game; it’s so interesting that I’m reprinting the entire deal:
Behind the numbers: St. John’s/Augsburg
Posted 11/7/2009 11:34 PM CST on sctimes.com
Here is the good news for the St. John’s football team. With their 28-7 win over Augsburg this afternoon at the Metrodome, the Johnnies clinched at least a tie for the MIAC title and the conference’s automatic bid to the Division III playoffs. Which means St. John’s (7-0 MIAC, 9-0 overall) has now at least a tie for its 14th conference title in the past 19 seasons, its 27th conference title under head coach John Gagliardi and its 31st conference title overall.
The Johnnies are also going back to the postseason for the 11th time in the past 12 seasons (2004 was the only season in that stretch that St. John’s missed the playoffs). St. John’s can clinch the conference title outright with a win in the regular-season finale against Carleton next Saturday at Clemens Stadium. With a loss, the Johnnies would share the title with St. Thomas (7-1, 8-1), which is done with conference play and closes the season with a nonconference matchup with Northwestern (Minn.). But even in that case, St. John’s holds the tiebreaking edge for the automatic bid by virtue of its win over the Tommies earlier this season.
The bad news is that the Johnnies continue to face injury woes. Quarterback Joe Boyle will have the injured right thumb (partially-torn ligament) that kept him out of today’s game re-examined Tuesday and the hope is that the cast he has been wearing can be removed. But today, junior running back Jakob Reding left the game in the fourth quarter with an injured right knee. The initial indications point to a spained MCL. He will undergo an MRI Monday.
“It’s just amazing what we’ve been able to do this season when you think of all the injuries we’ve had this season,” said Gagliardi, who picked up his 470th career collegiate coaching victory to extend his lead as the winningest coach in college football history. “(All-American defensive lineman Nick) Gunderson has been playing hurt (with a torn ACL). Boyle has been out. We’ve had a bunch of other guys go down.”
And yet, St. John’s – ranked No. 4 in the nation in both Division III national polls and No. 1 in the most recent West Region rankings – remains unbeaten and seemingly in good shape for perhaps at least two or even three home playoff games with a win next week depending on how the final seedings come out (and, of course, winning said playoff games).
But before jumping ahead to Carleton and former Johnnies quarterback Kurt Ramler, let’s take one more look back at today’s win by plunging behind the numbers:
38:51
That’s how long the Johnnies held the ball in today’s win, compared to just 21:09 for Augsburg. St. John’s dominated the time of possession thanks largely to its ground game. With freshman John Ries making his first collegiate start in place of Boyle, the Johnnies once again leaned on the running attack, rushing for 213 yards as a team. Reding had 10 carries for 69 yards, Steve Johnson had 15 carries for 65 yards and Kellen Blaser had 15 carries for 59 yards. Nine players carried the ball for St. John’s in all.
The Johnnies ability to control the ball on the ground was especially apparent on an 18-play, 98-yard drive in the second quarter that ran 10:28 off the clock and was capped off by a 21-yard touchdown pass from Ries to Blaser to make the score 21-0. But the touchdown was just the second pass of the drive as St. John’s ran the ball on 16 of those 18 plays.
“It felt like we were out there for almost the whole second quarter,” said Blaser, who also rushed for a 2-yard touchdown in the first quarter.
With the ground game working, Ries just had to manage the offense. He finished 8 of 15 passing for 91 yards and a touchdown. He also threw one interception, which was returned 93 yards for a touchdown in the fourth quarter by Tyler Judkins for Augsburg’s only score of the game. The interception ended a 16-play, 75-yard Johnnies’ drive that had run 8:34 off the clock.
“It was my first (start), so I’m not going to be too hard on myself,” Ries said. “There were things I thought I could have done better. That interception was a big play. But it wasn’t the end of the world. Overall, I thought I managed the game pretty well and got the ball in the hands of our playmakers.”
His teammates also felt Ries performed well as he returned to the field where he led Wayzata to the Class 5A state title last season.“He did a good job,” said tight end Josh Overman, who suffered a bruised rotator cuff, but not before making a lunging 26-yard catch over the middle to set up Blaser’s touchdown run. “We told John that his job is to get the ball to our playmakers and to manage the game. He doesn’t have to be the guy to make big plays. He just needs to get us the ball and let us do our jobs. And he did a good job of that today.”
4
That was the number of sacks the Johnnies defense recorded today, including three in the first half. That success helped keep the Augsburg passing game – which was averaging an MIAC-best 283.9 yards per game – largely in check. The Auggies finished with just 100 yards passing and were held to exactly zero yards in the running game. Augsburg quarterback Marcus Brumm finished 15 of 32 passing for 100 yards with an interception. The Auggies also lost two fumbles, including one on the game’s opening kickoff that freshman Kevin Wenner returned 16 yards for a touchdown to give St. John’s a 7-0 lead just seven seconds into play.
“We had a bunch of sacks right away and after that you could see that they were really trying to get off some quick passes,” said defensive tackle Noel Meyer, who had a sack and a fumble recovery. “That pressure really affected what they were trying to do.”
2
That’s the number of weeks in a row that Augsburg has given up a touchdown on the game’s opening kickoff. In a 42-3 loss to St. Thomas a week ago, it was Tommies sophomore Fritz Waldvogel who returned the kickoff for a touchdown. Today, it was Wenner’s fumble recovery that put the Auggies in an early hole from which they never recovered.
“That was beautiful,” Gagliardi said with a smile. “It was big. I wish that would happen every week.”
* * * *
A banker who is a graduate of the Unversity of St. Thomas was arrested recently for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education.
As the detective — a St. John’s alum — was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, “My daugter’s in college too. I have one question for you: where were you going to get the rest of the money?”
* * * *
The St. John’s football team (7-0 MIAC, 9-0 overall) hangs steady at No. 4 in both of this week’s Division III national polls. The Johnnies remain No. 4 in both the D3football.comand AFCA top 25 rankings. Mount Union and Wisconsin-Whitewater remain No. 1 and 2 in each poll. St. Thomas is No. 10 in the D3football.com poll and No. 12 in the AFCA poll after beating Bethel Saturday.
The Royals are no longer getting any votes in the D3football.com poll.
* * * *
College football: Ries steps up, delivers the win for the Johnnies
By Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times
MINNEAPOLIS — John Ries wasn’t trying to be Superman Saturday afternoon. An efficient, competent version of Clark Kent suited him just fine.
The St. John’s freshman quarterback managed the Johnnies’ offense effectively enough to help his team top Augsburg 28-7 in MIAC action before a crowd of 2,335 at the Metrodome.
“Our game plan was to pound the ball on the ground and throw a few short passes to help get me in a rhythm,” said Ries, who finished 8 of 15 passing for 91 yards. St. John’s piled up 213 rushing yards.
“I wasn’t trying to do anything too fancy. That wasn’t why they had me in the game. My job was just to manage the offense.” (Read more)
* * * *
College football: Wenner sparks SJU
By Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times
MINNEAPOLIS — Unlike some of his teammates, St. John’s freshman defensive back Kevin Wenner never got the chance to play at the Metrodome while in high school.
But the St. Cloud Cathedral graduate certainly made the most of his first opportunity to play under the Teflon as a collegiate player Saturday afternoon.
Wenner who recovered an Augsburg fumble on the opening kickoff and returned it 16 yards for a touchdown seven seconds into the game. The fumble occurred when Auggies freshman Cameron Krugerud faked a handoff after fielding senior Russell Gliadon’s kick.
Krugerud seemed to lose control of the ball and Wenner was there to take advantage. (Read more)
* * * *
St. John’s 28, Augsburg 7
Scoring and Stats
[The St. Cloud Times]
* * * *
MIAC Football Week Eight: SJU Clinches Title, UST in NCAA Playoff Hunt
by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, College Sporting News’ “Mapping the MIAC” Columnist
On an Indian summer day with temperature in the 60s, Saint John’s went inside the HHH Metrodome to wrap up the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference’s automatic berth in the upcoming NCAA Division III playoffs. They scored a 28-7 win over Augsburg, assuring them of at least a tie for the conference crown. St. Thomas kept pace with a 19-10 win over Bethel, keeping UST on the inside track for a Pool C berth in the playoffs. Elsewhere, Concordia toppled Carleton, 31-16, and St. Olaf downed Gustavus, 20-7. Hamline stepped out of league play and retained the Paint Bucket with a 38-6 win over Macalester. (Read more)
* * * *
A new Carleton student was asked by her faculty advisor, “If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?”
After a little thought, she answered, “The living one.”
* * * *
Unofficial Underground Flu (H1N1 or Otherwise) Information Center —
Flu Square Dance
Choose your partners, one and all,
Aspirin, Advil, or Tylenol!Now fling those covers with all you’ve got,
One minute cold, the next minute hot,Circle right to the side of the bed,
Grab the tissues and Sudafed.Back to the middle and don’t goof off;
Hold your stomach and cough, cough, coughForget about slippers, dash down the hall,
Toss your cookies in the shower stall.Remember others on the brink;
Wash your hands; wash the sink.Wipe the doorknob, light switch too,
By George, you’ve got the it, you’re doin’ the Flu!Some like it cold, some like it hot;
If you like neither, get the shot.
* *
Anti-Flu Info
(Editor’s Explanation: I’m a skeptic about all the hype regarding H1N1 flu. I don’t plan to take the shots, but rather am taking natural steps to build immunity from all of this seasonal crud. You don’t have to agree with me; in fact, there are some people who definitely need the shots and should check with a doctor about it. Here’s a link to some info from some equally skeptical MDs about the flu and how to avoid it (if you are a normally healthy individual without compromised immune sytems, respiratory difficulties or other medical problems): [www.douglassreport.com] )
* *
Bill Moldaschel Groaner —
(Editor’s Explanation: When I transferred into St. John’s Prep as a junior, we had a biology teacher named Bill Moldaschel ‘59 from Sleepy Eye, MN who either had just graduated or was a senior teaching us. He was discussing viruses and how they related to Biology when he told us about a little story that went around in the so-called Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918 that killed millions around the world.)
There was a man who had a parrot named Enza. One day the bird escaped its cage and flew out the window. The man missed his pet very much and often went outside and called its name: “Enza, Enza.” He had just about given up hope of ever seeing him again when one day he opened the door and in flew Enza.
(Editor’s Further Word: I don’t know how Mr. Moldaschel fared as a science teacher later on, but I can guarantee you he didn’t go far as a comedian. Does anyone know what ever became of him? I can’t find him in the SJU Online Directory. We had another SJU student/teacher that same year who taught us English: Chuck Hoenig ‘59. I ran into Chuck at Homecoming five years ago; he’s a retired high school English teacher who lives in Eden Prairie.)
* *
Okay…Is It a Cold or the Flu? —
How do you tell them apart? With flu it’s common for you to have a fever, non-productive cough, severe aches and pains, often the chills, tiredness and severe chest discomfort along with a headache. The flu comes on very quickly, in a matter of hours.
On the other hand, with a cold it tends to develop over a few days; it comes with a sore throat, sneezing, stuffy nose and a hacking, productive cough.
No matter which symptoms you get, wash your hands a lot, stay away from people and remain home and in bed. Cuz I don’t want your stoopid flu…or cold. Best advice for you to avoid either is to take a pharmaceutical-grade fish oil daily, plus supplement with Vitamin D-3 and, during the winter months, Cod Liver Oil. One or two of those odorless garlic capsules daily will help too. Drink green tea while you’re at it. Wash your hands frequently and keep them away from your face, especially mouths and eyes.
* * * *
More Scenes From Stearns County —
Taking advantage of the unseasonably mild and dry early November weather, four monks from St. John’s Abbey decided to take some time off during an afternoon last week for the probable last round of golf of the year.
Swapping their Benedictine habits for polos and slacks, they headed for the River Oaks Golf Course just outside Cold Spring. After paying their greens fees, the monks hired two caddies to carry their four bags, and then teed off.
After several holes one of their their caddies asked, “You guys wouldn’t be monks from St. John’s by any chance?”
“Actually, yes, we are,” one middle-aged cleric replied. “But how did you know?”
“I’ve never seen such bad golf and such clean language,” came the reply.
* * * *
From Aimee Wagner, wife of Dusty ‘83, Eden Prairie, MN —
Do you know how to get a hold of Lindsay Good [‘06, Nutrition Bites columnist]? She needs to know about my healthy chocolate I eat. There is no caffeine, all natural and low sugar:
Healthy chocolate??? Take a look: Diabetic Friendly, Caffeine Free, Gluten-free And Trans-Fat Free. No Artificial Colors Or Flavors, No Preservatives, Waxes Or Fillers. Extremely High In Antioxidants, Neutralizing Free Radicals and tastes awesome!! www.fortheluvofchocolate.com — Aimee
(Editor’s Comment: Aimee, aka the ‘Earth-Mother of the Stiftungsfestivities’, is responsible for the wonderful deviled eggs she prepares and supplies for each tailgate. (I imagine that her husband, Dusty ‘83, godfather of JohnnieFootball.com, might have some duties with those eggs too.)
* * * *
From Lindsay Good ‘06, Edina, MN —
Thank you for passing along the email, Bob! The chocolate looks interesting – might need to try it although plain old dark chocolate will do for me
I’m glad you did email me because Jason ‘06 and I are in Santa Monica for his conference and I will not have a Nutrition Bites prepared for this week’s Underground. Sorry! Enjoy the rest of your week~ Lindsay
* * * *
Pre-Med Students’ Corner —
A guy calls the anesthesiologist’s office. “I just got my hospital bill and your charge was $900. That’s more than what the surgeon charged me for the operation! Is this a of mistake?”
“No, not at all.”
“That’s an awful lot of money for just knocking someone out.”
“I knock you out for free. The $900 is for bringing you back around.”
* * * *
“Failing with Style”
Some of the best test paper blunders from the most clueless — and inventive — students.
Question: Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak LatinQuestion: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lieQuestion: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar’s death?
Answer: Suspicious onesQuestion: Give an example of a smoking-related disease.
Answer: Early deathQuestion: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: MalariaQuestion: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.
* * * *
From John Hooley ‘74, Stillwater, MN —
Thanks, Bob. Great to sit with you and Fred [Senn '64] at the E-Luncheon. Thanks for adding me to your Underground News distribution list. I will look forward to receiving the write-ups in the future.
Best regards, John
(Editor’s Note: Also sitting with us at that luncheon table were Kyle Nolan ‘98, Gigi Fourré Schumacher ‘74, Kathy Garrett Bassett ‘84 (daughter-in-law of Jim Bassett ‘58, who is recovering from a serious bike accident), John Uldrich ‘60, Laurie Rivard ‘81, and Jay Diley (father of Jimmy ‘05, former SJU center, who two weeks ago passed the bar, got married to Elizabeth Gottwalt ‘05, and began a brewing business, all in the space of about four days.
The E-program, sponsored by the Donald McNeely Center for Entrepreneurship at CSB/SJU, featured a presentation by Bennett Morgan ‘85, president and COO of Polaris Industries, a leading manufacturer and marketer of off-road vehicles, motorcycles and snowmobiles. Accompanying him were some other Johnnies and Bennies that work for Polaris: Mark McCormick ‘77-director of Polaris Defense; Mike Malone ‘80-VP Finance & CFO; Dewey Pettit ‘93-internal audit manager; Sean Bagan ‘98-manager, international finance & operations; Jodi Jostock ‘99-international sales operations analyst; Ben Hooley ‘04-international marketing specialist; and Lisa Kingsley‘04-corporate marketing specialist.)
* * * *
From Dick Jessen SJP ‘59/SJU ‘63, Foley, MN —
Hi, Bob. Mike Boyle is a loyal Johnnie football fan and a friend with whom I sing bass in St Mary Cathedral Choir in St. Cloud. Mike would like to be included on your SJU UUN mailing list.
There is also a Red Mass at St Ben’s at 5 p.m. Saturday November 14, 2009. Fr Don Talafous will be the celebrant. — Dick
(Editor’s Note: Dick refers to the real Red Mass, celebrated in honor of judges, attorneys, civic leaders and academicians since Medieval days where those sorts of yore wore red robes in the course of their formal duties. Everyone is welcome to attend the Mass, held at Sacred Heart Chapel, after the Carleton game. The St. Cecilia’s version of the Red Mass celebrated overt, unmitigated prideful/grateful Johnnie-ness and Bennie-ness.)
* * * *
From Bob Malby ‘64, Edina, MN —
Wickster, Too bad we didn’t get together sooner when I saw you at the Augsburg game yesterday. I had a nice visit with John Diffley at halftime. I believe that it was Rich Ahles that I saw in the stands, but we didn’t talk. I was surprised that I didn’t see more guys from the class of ‘64 at the game. But, then, it was an awfully nice day to be inside at the Dome.
I sent a note to our classmate, John P Ries, in Oregon, to see if the new QB, John Ries, is any relation. Since the announcer pronounced his name “Rice”, I expect there is no connection. Either that, or the radio guys don’t know how to pronounce a good German name. But, then, there are the legions of people who suffer from dyslexia syndrome that for eons have pronounced FaVre as though it were spelled FaRve…………….
I tried to get Gary Hackenmueller and Wally Hinz to go to the game yesterday, but no takers. Gary and I did go to the St. Olaf game. As you know, it’s hard for Gary to get around, so we didn’t stop at the pre-game fest. I see by the Underground that Ben Grage was there. Sorry I missed seeing you guys. See you at the playoffs. — Bob
* * * *
From Honorary Johnny and shipmate on board the USS Boston, Harry Acker, Virginia Beach, VA, sent the night before the Augsburg game —
Hey, Sea Scribbler! Good luck tomorrow. By the way, I’m all for term limits in Congress. Each member should be limited to 2 terms: 1 in office, 1 in jail! — Roadblock
* * * *
From Dio Rockers ‘64, Scottsdale, AZ —
Wick, Thanks for the information on the death of Jim Lehman. He was our JV football and varsity track coach at Austin Pacelli in the late 50’s. I attended St. John’s because of Jim. As you can imagine, he was in his early 20’s at the time and an amazing athlete. He would have the running backs in football try to catch him while he was running backwards. They never did. I always hoped I would have a chance to run into him in Scottsdale. Sadly that will never happen. — Dio
* * * *
From John Chromy ‘64, Washington, D.C., re the last issue —
Wicks–thanks, always great fun. – John
* * * *
From Dennis Ginther ‘63, Denver, CO —
Quick question – I noticed a note from Joe Mulheran ‘64 — Knew him way back when if he is the NW Airline pilot— we were buddies that, as often happens, drift. Would like to touch base with him if you could forward his email address. Thanks, Dennis
* * * *
From Bill Draves ‘64, Cactus Gulch, AZ —
Wick, Hey, even without a football game to report on, you write an interesting newsletter. More, please! — Bill
(Editor’s Comment: AZ Billy obviously gets lonely, or maybe bored, out there in Cactus Gulch. We are nevertheless pleased with and grateful for his ongoing support. Incidentally, two other friends of mine — David Van Landschoot ‘72, now of Littleton, CO, and classmate Bob O’Donnell ‘64, of Ft. Worth, TX, wrote in with some jokes and a hello. It was nice hearing from both of them; in fact, we might see Bob at the Carleton game since he has to be up in Minnesota around that time.)
* * * *
From Mike Hogan SJP ‘61/Creighton U. ‘65, Omaha, comes a serious message, only some of which I need to publish for you women readers —
Handbags
Have you ever noticed girls who set their handbags on public toilet floors, then go directly to their dining tables and set it on the table? Happens a lot!
Women carry handbags everywhere; from the office to public toilets to the floor of the car. Most women won’t be caught without their handbags, but did you ever stop to think about where your handbag goes during the day?
We decided to find out if handbags harbour a lot of bacteria. We learned how to test them at Nelson Laboratories in Salt Lake, and then we set out to test the average woman’s handbag.
Most women told us they didn’t stop to think about what was on the bottom of their handbag. Most said at home they usually set their handbags on top of kitchen tables and counters where food is prepared. Most of the ladies we talked to told us they wouldn’t be surprised if their handbags were at least a little bit dirty.
It turns out handbags are so surprisingly dirty, even the microbiologist who tested them was shocked.
Microbiologist Amy Karen of Nelson Labs says nearly all of the handbags tested were not only high in bacteria, but high in harmful kinds of bacteria.
Pseudomonas can cause eye infections; staphylococcus aurous can cause serious skin infections and salmonella and e-coli found on the handbags could make people very sick.
In one sampling, four of five handbags tested positive for salmonella, and that’s not the worst of it. ‘There is fecal contamination on the handbags’ says Amy. Leather or vinyl handbags tended to be cleaner than cloth handbags, and lifestyle seemed to play a role.
People with kids tended to have dirtier handbags than those without, with one exception.
The handbag of one single woman who frequented nightclubs had one of the worst contaminations of all. ‘Some type of feces or possibly vomit,’says Amy.
So the moral of this story is that your handbag won’t kill you, but it does have the potential to make you very sick if you keep it on places where you eat. Use hooks to hang your handbag at home and in toilets, and don’t put it on your desk, a restaurant table, or on your kitchen counter top.
The microbiologists at Nelson also said cleaning a handbag will help. Wash cloth handbags and use leather cleaner to clean the bottom of leather handbags.
* * * *
Back & Forth with Mark Selner about Old Johnnie Ale after he emailed that he and Mick Detviler arranged for a supply to be served after the St. C’s Red Mass:
Wicker: Much obliged, Mark! Drinking out of our new BOTTLES will be great. And the Padre [Fr. Mike Byron] loves OJA…I brought him a 4-pack right after you started selling them and he’s been slipping me plenary indulgences ever since.
Selner: Does the Padre do blanket forgiveness??? I’ve always said, for every case of OJA you buy, you lose 5 years from purgatory!! (I think this is a Benedictine thing!)
(Editor’s Comment: Perhaps either Fr. Byron or someone from the Abbey or the School of Theology can weigh in with the correct theological perspective — like exactly how much OJA is needed to effect spiritual benefits.)
* * * *
Elementary and Secondary Education Majors’ Corner —
After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said: ‘Let me see if I’ve got this right.
‘You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.
‘You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.
‘You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.
‘You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.
You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
‘You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.
‘You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN’T PRAY?
* * * *
A recent Carleton grad found employment easily enough after graduation. After six months in his entry level job, the Knight decided he needed both more pay and more responsibility, so he prepared some written arguments and, late one afternoon, knocked on his boss’ door.
The boss motioned for the Carleton lad to come in. The Knight put his briefcase on the man’s desk, opened it and handed his boss an envelope. “What this?” asked the manager.
Our Knight said firmly, “It’s for my job evaluation. I took the liberty of typing up some reasons why I feel I’m a model employee ready for greater challenges.”
His boss nodded, then opened the envelope. He studied some pages for a few moments, then said,
“These are photocopies of your naked butt.”Quickly reddening, the Carleton grad sheepishly replied, “Oops. Wrong envelope.”
(With thanks to Glenn McCoy of “The Duplex”)
* * * *
Quote of the Week —
“Your mind is on vacation, but your mouth is working overtime.”
— Mose Allison, jazzd singer/songwriter
* * * *
SOT, Jewish Studies Department —
An 18-year-old Jewish girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting and crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!”
Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, “Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
“Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account.
“However, if there is a miscarriage, I’m not sure what to do. What do you suggest?”
The mother, who had remained silent until now, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, “So, you’ll try again!”
* * * *
THE LAST WORD —
From the Underground’s Resident Humorologist, C.J. Ross ‘64, San Diego —
A University of St. Thomas alum walks into a St. Paul restaurant on west 7th Street with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The Tommy grad says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $9.40 please,” and the Tommy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the UST grad and the ostrich come again and the Tommy says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.”
The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”
Again our Tommy reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress.
“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says our guy.
“Same,” says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.” Once again the Tommy pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table…
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”
“Well,” explains the UST grad, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp… When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the Tommy.
The waitress then asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”
The Tommy sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”
* * * *
That’s It! And not a moment too soon. G O JO H N N I E S ! ! Give Carleton a real Knightmare…or something like that.
