JohnnieFootball

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s Kellen Blaser ripping the hearts out of the Tommie Faithful!

And how sweet it is…!

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Dear Readers,

The need for incorporating photography into the virtually all copy/all the time Underground News is particularly made necessary this issue because of what I hope will be an award-winning shot of Kellen Blaser’s dive for the overtime TD, giving SJU a 20-17 squeaker win over a powerful, talented Tommie squad.

The above photo is the splendid work of Ryan Ward, son and MIAC co-photographer for D3Football.com with his dad, Tim Ward ‘78 (aka Retired Old Rat). Ryan is a 2008 graduate of Loyola University Chicago. In real life he is a Certified Public Accountant working for KPMG. His photo has already shown up on the D3 site, and in two areas on the JF.com site, and in College Sporting News’ MIAC wrap-up. Undoubtedly SJU will purchase it to use in all kinds of things, like posters, in magazines, on websites, and so forth.

But nothing static like a photo can duplicate the eruption of joy at the game’s sudden conclusion from most of the nearly 13,000 souls present for the latest edition of the famed Johnnie-Tommie game. In overtime, and from the south end’s 25-yard line, the Tommies threatened a bit, then settled for a 3-pointer from a former Johnnie who transferred to UST, I assume so he could play in his senior year.

Then it was the Johnnies turn from the same 25-yards out. It was junior Jakob Reding smashing three times through the line, and finally senior Kellen Blazer taking it in for the final eight yards, probably five of them airborne. There was a slight delay while the refs conferred — as we found they must before signaling an overtime TD — and then, a la theBethel game, the Johnnies and Bennies from the student stands at the north end flooded the field, seemingly more of them and perhaps even more joyous than in the surprising victory over the Royals. After all, this was the TOMMIE GAME…and we won again, this the twelfth in a row.

I think this calls for a quick Tommie joke…

A University of St. Thomas undergrad was on a street corner in downtown St. Paul when he passed a blind woman using a cane. The woman stops him and says, “Excuse me, but if it’s not too much trouble, can you see me across the street?”

The helpful Tommie said, “Just a minute.” He scurried across the street, looked back and yelled, “Yes, I can see you just fine!”

* * * *

From John Tuvey ‘89, West St. Paul (via Thom Woodward ‘70), some number crunching:

Today’s fun fact: This May, at some point during graduation ceremonies at the University of St. Thomas, the 11,000th student who has gone his/her entire collegiate career without having witnessed the UST football team beating St. John’s will walk across the stage to receive his/her degree. And that’s just this millennium.

* * * *
From John Diffley ‘64, Stewartville, MN —

Bob, As always, it was so enjoyable chatting with you on the phone. Your efforts are much appreciated…it gives a whole new look to the end of the week. Yes, our Purple Brothers on Summit Ave, with all their attendant posturing and parading, would love to have nothing more than the title that gets all the attention and ink…I’m sure their desire and ultimate frustration in procuring “the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge” must have caused them more sleepless nights than we’ll ever know. Looking forward to seeing you at the much maligned but dear-to-our-hearts Dome — John

(Editor’s Note: Our good friend John is too humble to mention it, but he recently was named Minnesota German Teacher of the Year (and this includes both High School and College instructors) for his standout professionalism over the years at Stewartville H.S. I asked him how he achieved this award and his replied, “I’ve outlived all my competitors.” It took me a little searching, but I found the notice and a photo of John receiving his award on — of all places — a website hosted by St. Thomas…makes it all the better.)

* * * *

A few more thoughts about the Johnnie-Tommie game before we move on to our next gridiron foe, the St. Olaf Oles. Many thought that the attendance for the BIG GAME might exceed that of the SJU-Bethel game in 2003 where John Gagliardi set his “most wins” record of #409 with a thrilling, come-from-behind victory. Probably many have forgotten that the preceding game — #408, the tying game — was another squeaker whereby SJU was almost upset by a then mediocre UST team in St. Paul. Those Tommies…they generally come so very, very close. But I digress…we were speaking of attendance. At 12,903, the offical head count was still a couple hundred short of the record of 13,107, making this game our second largest attended. Too bad we didn’t break it, because the weather was much, much better than that of the Bethel game; in fact, it was nearly perfect for fall football playing and watching — cloudless, lots of color in the trees, little wind and temps in the high-40s.

John Sipe SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, Chris Gillespie and I arrived on campus about 10:15…and still were very lucky to find a parking place in the Science Hall lot near the Stiftungsfestivities. The campus was buzzing very early. About five minutes later my good friend of 25 years from St. Cecilia’s, Tim O’Hara UST ‘76 arrived with his carload of fellow Tommies, including his brother Mike O’Hara UST ‘70, Joe Callan UST ‘75, and Kevin Mackenl, U of M ‘75; they joined us at the tailgate. There was quite a large group this past week — many newcomer Johnnies and Bennies, such as Liz Benda Anderson ‘64 and husband Rich Anderson ‘65, and Bob Christensen and Wayne Belisle, both of 1962, up with two Tommie friends…I’d estimate about 10-15% of the Stiftungsfestivies crowd were Tommies, all eating, drinking and conversing with great bonhomie with their Johnnie/Bennie Brethren/Cistern with very little trash talk (with the possible exception of Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80 who just could not help himself), except when Joe Callan politely asked where the Johnnies kept their sheep. I explained that it’s the same place Tommies keep their goats…that said we all enjoyed another adult beverage. Here’s what Tim O’Hara wrote after the game:

Rob, Thanks for being such a great host on Saturday. We had a lot of fun. The game ended up being closer than it should with the Toms falling a bit short. It gives us purpose for next year. The tailgating was a highlight. I was impressed meeting all the nice people. I can see why it’s a weekly routine. We didn’t make it to the La but maybe next time. Good luck to the Johnnies the rest of the year. Thanks again for a great afternoon despite the loss. Tommily yours, Tim

Unfortunately, not all was so sanguine with younger Tommie fans, many visibly impaired by alcohol, with some absolutely exhibiting near-total gyro failure. Not a pretty sight, especially with the ones wearing T-shirts slamming our Bennies…I didn’t know they were playing the Tommies. Actually, one was kind of fun: On the front — BEER; and on the back — Turning Bennies into Beauties since 1913. But another really disappointed: It showed a Glorified Christ on the Cross with the words — Thank God for St. Bens; and on the back — We needed a place to put all the ugly girls. Well, that offends in multiple ways, but it’s surprising that got by in a still-nominally Catholic school. The irony of so many — how do I say this charitably? — plain and/or overweight Tommettes wearing this shirt was certainly lost on them.

The behavior of some Tommies, mostly of the male variety, seems to speak volumes about who’s attracted to the school. Besides the aforementioned weaving and slurring of words, there was an in-your-face-crudeness and uncalled-for chippiness that was directed to anyone wearing red, regardless of gender or age. From our plastic seats above the path to the south end of the stadium we watched what seemed like an endless stream of Toms and Tommettes walking back and forth, missing a truly wonderful game played by both teams. We sat with Ron ‘65 and Sandy Tomczik, their son Paul ‘92, Gary Tomczik ‘67 in from Santa Barbara, their cousin-in-law Don Binder from Washington state, and Paul’s wife Jane’s ‘92 uncle, Jerry Wright, a Tommie grad of the early 50s; we were joined in the second half by Fr. Hilary Thimmesh OSB and his nephew. At one point, when the Johnnies were leading 14-7, one fellow came walking by alone and snarling to all of us, like “Pretty quiet now, aren’t you?” and “Now watch the Johnnies go down.” I said softly to him, “Have you looked at the scoreboard lately?”, to which he responded loudly and angrily, something to the effect of inviting me to use an infant’s feeding motion on his male appendage. Such class. Real class.

Well, we won…and somehow this dramatic victory was made all the more delicious in the face of some Tommies’ behavior. That, and the belief from nearly every Tommie that they had us this time, that they would not only win, but do so by a wide margin. And they let us know it at every opportunity. They obviously did not use my “English Major’s Method” of prognostication, instead believing all their internal hype.

At the end of the game, after savoring the delight of the team and student fans bouncing up and down on the field, we made our way as quickly as possible through that horde to the backroom of the La Playette. Shortly after arriving and placing a pizza order next door, the power went out. We learned as others came in that the outtage included just about everywhere in that part of Stearns County. It lasted over an hour. Some wags suggested that it was the work ofRich Mies, trying to dampen the Johnnie/Bennie celebration by gnawing on a cable somewhere. It was a wonderful party though, including several Tommies, such as a very gracious Mike Wartman, dad of Tommie superstar running back Ben and nephew of Johnnie Prep ‘51 and College ‘58 Phabe Wartman; and Bob Goth, good-natured Tommie brother of Wally ‘89. One of the barmaids was wearing a nice La T-shirt that red on the back: You don’t have to drink to have fun…but why chance it. And a Bennie showed up at Brad Riebel’s ‘83 table wearing a tacky one of her own: front — Johnnies versus Tommies; and back — Tommie Football – Going down on the field and each other since 1885. Then another couple of Bennies showed up wearing a comical: Front —Tommie Girls; back — You can’t spell SLUT without UST. Fair play, I guess…and these Bennies were real lookers, I’ll tell ya.

I really didn’t take any notes until we hit the La, so here’s some of the people we enjoyed seeing and visiting with: Tom‘66 and Carol Arth, and Tom’s son Craig ‘99; John Lohmann ‘64 and his older bro Mark ‘58; Jay Cutler MUC ‘72; a whole bunch of Clan Lilly, including Leroy ‘55, wife Colleen, Pat ‘79 and his daughter Nicole (and later son Andrew‘11), Colleen, Jr. ‘81, and Mary and Joe Wozniak (both ‘87) with daughter Maggie; Pete Hacker ‘88; Tim and sonRyan Ward; Harry Burns ‘74/’78 and son Charley ‘09; Tom Weiss ‘66/’70; John Giesen ‘60 (who still fits in his J-jacket of that era); Ron Sandeen ‘57; Blake Elliott ‘03, Zach McBroom ‘02, and Paul Gans ‘05; Pat and Sue Hall (both ‘89) and their kids; and all the Tomcziks mentioned previously, except Amy and Justin Quirim (both ‘97) and their kids. Joining Chris and me from St. Cecilia’s were Ann and Bob ‘79 Schmidt, and the Sullivans who have either belonged or frequently attended over the years: John ‘65, his son Sean and his grandson Patrick who is looking over colleges. We heard from various sources who had been on the field after the game that (a) the players had never seen John as “keyed up” for a game as this one; (b) QB Joe Boyle had injured his thumb against Hamline, had it bandaged and in a glove, and that the Tommies were going after his hand whenever they could; (c) it was a fouled up audible that caused the center to mess up; and (d) that Don Binder, who comes in two or three times a year for games, has never see the Johnnies lose over several years now.

Although I didn’t see them, Fred Senn ‘64 said he ran into three of our classmates who were taking a nice long visit back at SJU, staying in the Guesthouse: Paul Judge back from San Diego, George Flynn, Minneapolis, and George Mckenzie in from New York. Perhaps I can prevail upon one or more of those worthies to send us a recap of how long they stayed and what they did.

Tomorrow I believe it’s supposed to clear up a wee and be about 50º F; it’s doing that rain/snow thing right now as I write. I’m planning to go up again — the season is just so short — with John Sipe. It’s “Family Weekend,” which means parking problems already when we get there. I think that SJU will win, and if our guys take our Ole opponentsseriously, we may win going away — not a laugher, but compared with some games this year, more of a normal contest than one of those heart-stoppers, such as Eau Claire, Bethel and St. Thomas. And remember, last year St. Olaftied us in regulation and it took another one of those OT masterpieces to win. SO — are you listening SJU Team? — these guys are no slouches, nor is Augsburg proving to be…and then there is Carleton, which we barely managed to beat last year. Pay attention to your tasks, men.

Best wishes to all readers…with special condolences to our Tommie friends (there’s always next year…and next year…and next year…and…)

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697

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Uh-Oh…Trouble in Paradise?

From Mike Murphy ‘61, St. Paul —

Bob — As a Twin Cities sports commentator observed, it was a “Norman Rockwell” day in Collegeville last Saturday. And it almost was. There we were, behind the Pine Curtain, looking down onto the bright green field, surrounded by waves of cardinal shirts and caps, all beneath the bluest of blue skies. And yes, there was a splash of purple across the way; but mainly it was cardinal and blue. I liked the play calling: if we can usually get 5 by pounding it right at ‘em, why not; at least till they show they can stop us. And in the end, they couldn’t.

But if the play calling was good, another kind of calling unfortunately got in the way of our enjoyment of the game. It seemed like at everytime-out, when we most wanted to talk about the game or get caught up with an old friend (including a classmate back from New Jersey), our conversation was drowned out by the new boom-box P.A. system, directing us to some page “in your Johnnie game day program” to see if we won a pizza. It was incessant. Normal conversation can’t compete with that din. And maybe that’s just the point — I guess all the loud commercialism generates big bucks for athletics. Good.

But is there a way to strike a balance between the school’s need for advertising revenues and the fans’ wish to talk among ourselves during the game?

We don’t just come up there to watch the game; we also come up to have a chat (during the game) with old friends from New Munich or New Jersey. But there’s no chatting over that boom-box P.A. system. Can they ratchet down the decibels? Maybe they could take it down from its present Viking Horn level to something closer to a Wally the Beer Man level. We can hear Wally selling his suds, but he doesn’t get in the way of our conversation during the game.

I know several other season ticket holders who share this concern. We’d like a time-out called on the conversation-busting boom-box barking. Then we’d have a real Norman Rockwell Saturday afternoon in Collegeville again.

(Editor’s Comment: This problem was mentioned in the Underground three or four years ago. At that time it was explained by Rob Culligan ‘82, SJU VP of Institutional Advancement, that SJU has one of the premier — if not the best — Division III sports marketing programs in the nation, and that the success of it, particularly with advertising involving SJU football, pays for much of the rest of the school’s athletics…and that it was just too important, too valuable to stop. Nevertheless, it appeared that the school tried to tone down things for a year or two, before falling right back into it now, perhaps due to improvements in the audio system. Any other comments or points of view on this subject?)

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Overtime, overjoyed, undefeated

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — These kind of dramatic victories in big games are starting to become almost routine for Kellen Blaser and the rest of his St. John’s teammates.

So even after two botched punt attempts helped archrival St. Thomas erase a 14-point Johnnies’ lead and seize the momentum going into overtime in a pivotal MIAC matchup played before a crowd of 12,903 Saturday afternoon at Clemens Stadium, it came as no surprise to Blaser that his team went on to win 20-17. (Read more)

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SJU football: Fake punt plans go awry at key time

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — It was originally meant to be a fake punt.

With the St. John’s offense facing a 4th-and-inches at the 50 and leading 14-7 late in the fourth quarter of Saturday afternoon’s 20-17 overtime victory over St. Thomas, the Johnnies coaching staff originally hoped a sneak play might keep the drive alive.

But when St. Thomas didn’t line up as expected, the decision was made to call off the fake and punt the ball away. The new course was communicated from the sideline, but not everyone heard, and the result was a short snap from long-snapper Cody Socher that got loose and ended up being downed at the Johnnies’ 17. (Read more)

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St. John’s 20, St. Thomas 17 (OT)

Scoring and Stats
[The St. Cloud Times]

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DeLand column: Sound familiar? SJU finds a way

by St. Cloud Times sports editor Dave DeLand

COLLEGEVILLE — Regardless of the relative merits of the two teams, there has been one common denominator in all of the St. John’s/St. Thomas football games over the last dozen years:

Both teams have always found a way.

The Johnnies? They’ve always found a way to win, even when things weren’t trending particularly well. You don’t win 12 games in a row against your biggest rival without being confident, and opportunistic…

The Tommies? They’ve always found a way to lose, even when they may have been the more talented team. (Read more)

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Gagliardi settles in usual spot atop MIAC

“Questions with Bob,” Bob Sansevere, St. Paul Pioneer Press

Check out the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference football standings, and you’ll see a familiar sight: St. John’s is in first place. The Johnnies, winners of seven conference titles in the past decade, remained undefeated and claimed sole possession of first place in the MIAC with their 20-17 overtime victory over St. Thomas, which fell to 5-1, 4-1 in the conference. The Johnnies are 7-0, 5-0 in the MIAC, and ranked fifth in NCAA Division III. I talked to Johnnies coach John Gagliardi about the win over St. Thomas and a few other things, too. (Read more)

* * * *

Did you hear about the lonely and dateless St. Olaf college student who went to the library and checked out a book called “How to Hug?” He got back to his dorm and found out it was Volume Seven of the encyclopedia.

(Editor’s Comment: OK, I realize that’s a little sophisticated for typical Underground humor, but think about it.)

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2009 MIAC Standings

Through games of October 17, 2009

UPCOMING GAMES

October 24, 2009 – all at 1 PM

• Gustavus @ Augsburg — It should be the Gusties, but who knows anymore?
• Hamline @ Concordia — A battle for the bottom…What’s happened to the Cobbers?
• St. Olaf @ Saint John’s — By at least 3 TDs if we don’t needlessly make it a game by overconfidence.
• St. Thomas @ Carleton — The Tommies will regroup and smite Carleton, probably mightily.

* * * *

MIAC Football Week Five: Overtime Thriller Puts Saint John’s in Control

by Rich Mies, College Sporting News’ “Mapping the MIAC” Columnist

Saint John’s took control of the race for the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference championship with a thrilling 20-17 overtime win over previously unbeaten St. Thomas. That leaves SJU as the lone unbeaten team in the league, holding a one-game lead with three remaining to play. The crowd at that game – 12,903 – was one of the largest ever to see a Division III football game. The dramatic finishes were not confined to Collegeville, as Bethel kicked a field goal as time expired to tip Hamline 20-17, Augsburg needed overtime to nip Concordia 27-20 and Gustavus scored 14 seconds remaining to topple Carleton, 28-21. (Read more)

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From Bill Draves ‘64, Cerveza Caliente, AZ —

Wick, Thanks again for all of your hard work. And thanks for moving your newsletter over to the web. Being on the web makes it come alive! Hyperlinks rule!! — Bill

(Editor’s Response: I shall pass your kudos on to those who actually deserve it: Dusty Wagner ‘83 (godfather ofJohnnieFootball.com) and Joel Schou ‘03 (as in Skow), webmaster of same.)

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From Bill Marrin SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, Dallas, TX —

Bob, Adding back the bold on names makes my speed reading much easier! Also, was that a color pic I saw or are my eyes deceiving me? Since I attended the 409 game where a record 13,100 people showed up in “colder than sh*t weather,” I predict a new record will be set considering much nicer weather. As far as who will win, St Thomas is a dangerous team, so all bets are off! I’m staying in Dallas where the temperature is 75. — Bill

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From Mark Selner SJP ‘68/UST ‘73, Shoreview, MN

Sorry BOB!! Purple will reign this Saturday!! 16-9. Inside track to the playoffs!! As much as I like Gags – it’s OUR turn to be the top!!
Mark (Olde Johnnie Ale) Tommie Grad 1973, Selner

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Quote by John Gagliardi found in the St. Paul Pioneer Press after SJU defeated St. Thomas 20-17 on Saturday:

“I didn’t know it until somebody pointed it out that St. Thomas hadn’t won here in 24 years. If someone told me that 24 years ago, I would have thought they were insane.”

* * * *

From Dan McDermott ‘84, Plymouth, MN —

Bob – this is why we make the Tommies sit on the far side with the sun in their eyes…

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From Sister Lois Wedl, OSB, St. Benedict’s Monastery —

Bob, did I tell you how pleased Sister Olivia was to find out about the guests from Hokkaido, Japan. It was thanks to your newsy SJU Undergrounder that I could alert her to an experience she is very excited about. She knew nothing about their coming. Lois

(Editor’s Note: Our thanks to Tom Haeg ‘70 for his earlier communications to the Underground.)

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From John Sipe SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, St. Paul —

Tammy Hedquist, in her third year at St. Olaf College, sat in her U.S. Government class. The professor asked Tammy if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

The young Ole coed pondered the question; then, finally, said, “That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.”

* * * *

Pre-Law Students’ Department —

Uncle Bubba was arrested for selling moonshine. At his trial, his lawyer put him on the stand and said, “Ladies and gentlement of the jury. I ask you to take a good look at my client. Look carefully at him. I’ll give you some time.”

After a few seconds of silense he continued, “Now, ladies and gentleman of the jury, you’ve looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there and honestly believe that if my client had a quart of whiskey he would sell it?”

Uncle Bubba was acquitted.

* * * *

Pre-Law Students’ Department, Part 2 —

The sheriff knocks on Old Jake’s door. “Jake, there was a busload of lawyers passed this way and nobody’s seen ‘em since. D’ya know anything about ‘em?”

“Ahhh, yup. The bus ran offa the road and crashed into that tree.”

“I see. And what happened to the lawyers?”

“I buried ‘em all up over yonder.”

“They was all dead then?”

“Well … some of ‘em said they wasn’t, but you know how lawyers lie.”

* * * *

‘Happy Halloween’ —

That’s the greeting from the Underground News’ Resident Humorologist, C.J. Ross ‘64, San Diego , who sent us this card:

[terrisfp.com]

* * * *

And here’s a terrifying Halloween Ghost Story:

It was a dark and stormy night. Mark was walking through the cemetery. Suddenly, he heard a voice cry out, “Mark! Mark!”

Pretending not to let it bother him, he pulled his coat a little tighter and kept walking. Again the voice said, “Mark! Mark!”

That did it. Mark took off full speed and didn’t stop till he was well outside the cemetary gate. As he stopped to catch his breath, the moon broke through the clouds enough so he could see what had been following him.

It was a dog with a speech impediment.

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

Lindsay Good, RD, LD ‘06

Nuts about Nuts

Nuts can get a bad rap due to their high fat and calorie content, but they are actually a great addition to an overall healthy diet. Nuts are very portable, fairly inexpensive, a good source of protein and unsaturated fat and most importantly may help reduce your risk of heart disease, diabetes and some forms of cancer.

What makes them so good?
All nuts can make a good snack or addition to a meal, although there are a few nuts that provide more health benefits. These include almonds, walnuts, pecans and cedar nuts. Nuts provide many great nutrients such as fiber to keep you full longer and help lower cholesterol, Vitamin E to stop the development of plaque in arteries, unsaturated fats and plant sterols to help lower cholesterol. Nuts also contain folic acid, magnesium, zinc and niacin.

How can I add them into my diet?
A serving is one ounce, or a small handful. Add walnuts to a salad for some protein, peanuts to stir-fry for added flavor, or hazelnuts or pine nuts to your pasta. To increase the volume of a snack but not the calories combine ? ounce of your favorite nut, two Tablespoons of dried fruit and ? cup of whole grain cereal (such as Quaker Oat Squares®).

Even though nuts contain mostly healthy fat, they still are a concentrated source of calories so your serving should be limited. Also, the health benefits of nuts are lessened if the nuts are covered in chocolate, sugar or salt. Raw is the best choice! Hopefully you are “nuts” now, too!

* * * *

Quote the Week —

“Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.”
— John Kenneth Galbraith

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St. John’s Calendar

Thursday, October 29 – 6:30 p.m.

Earlier this year the Saint John’s University Board of Regents named Fr. Robert Koopmann, OSB, the Twelfth President of the University. Join us at a reception for alumni and friends to meet Fr. Bob on Thursday, October 29 at 6:30 p.m. at the Westin Edina Galleria (3201 Galleria Edina, Corner 69th & York, Edina, MN).

The $25 registration includes a heavy hors d’oeuvres buffet and a cash bar
will be available. Business attire is recommended.

Please register online by NOON, Monday, Oct. 26 or contact JoAnnMatheny jmatheny@csbsju.edu or call 320.363.2592.

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Friday, October 30 – 9 a.m.-4 p.m.

Our next one-day Busy Men’s Retreat is October 30th, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. at the House of Prayer on the Saint John’s University campus.

Give yourself a day to enjoy the autumn blaze in the woods and be in conversation with other men about leadership. Join us for prayer, fellowship and laughter. Limited to 15 men.

Register online or call Heidi Goebel at 320.363.2591.

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Friday, October 30 – 5-8 p.m.

Travis Lewellyn, sophomore backup defensive back on the SJU football team, stepped away from the Johnnies in mid-season and donated a kidney to his ailing father, Jeff.

A spaghetti dinner and a silent auction to help with Jeff Lewellyn’s medical costs will be 5-8 p.m. October 30 at theMoose Lodge in Waite Park. Tickets will be sold at the door, $8 for adults and $4 for children under 10.

Will someone please send me info on how to contribute to Jeff’s medical expenses fund if unable to attend the dinner!?

* *

Friday, October 30 – 6:30 p.m.

Music in the Grove Series – St. John’s Abbey Schola in Concert
You are invited to join us for an evening of song with the Abbey Schola from St. John’s University on Friday, October 30. The evening begins with a prayer ritual at 6:30, with a concert to follow at 7:30 p.m. There is no charge for this event; a free will offering will be accepted.

Following the concert, you are invited to join Fr. Robert Koopman, OSB, newly installed president at SJU, and the Schola members at a reception. We would love to host many Bennie and Johnnie alums and encourage you to bring a friend.

Music in the Grove is a concert series hosted by St. Joseph the Worker Catholic Church located at 7180 Hemlock Lane, Maple Grove.

For more information, you may contact Music in the Grove at 763-425-6505 x 512; or by email at musicinthegrove@sjtw.net.

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Saturday, November 7 – 5 p.m.

We proudly announce St. Cecilia’s Second Annual “Red Mass” and reception to be held in conjunction with the regular Saturday evening Mass at 5 p.m. on November 7, after the St. John’s-Augsburg game in the Dome. This “Red Mass” is not to be confused with the real Red Mass offered for the intention of judges and lawyers. This one unabashedly celebrates our Johnnie- and Bennie-ness.

Presider is Fr. J. Michael Byron ‘81 who, after Mass will entertain those attending the reception with a reprise of his talent show offering 25 years ago: the interpretation of Fr. Don (Camillus) Talafous’s warning of the scourge of the“Home Town Honeys.” Fr. Don expects to be there, as will other monks I hope.

All St. John’s and St. Benedict’s students, alumni, parents, siblings, community members, staff and assorted family, friends and wannabes are cordially invited to attend both the Mass and get-together downstairs afterward. A light supper will be served; a freewill offering accepted for food and drink. The wearing of red is strongly encouraged. Tommies are also cordially invited, with purple garb tolerated.

St. Cecilia’s is conveniently located near Hwy 280 and University Avenue (close to the border between St. Paul and Minneapolis), at 2357 Bayless Place, St. Paul, MN 55114. For directions go to www.stceciliaspm.org.

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Saturday, November 14 -

The Alum Association of Saint John’s Prep has announced that they will present long-time Prep Athletic Director and teacher, Pete Cheeley ‘76, with their highest award – the Armor of Light.

Please join us at the Legacy Dinner on Saturday, November 14th and join the Alumni/ae Association in honoring Pete with this esteemed award. Pete will join 40 others who have been honored with this award since 1977.

Save the date and register with Mary Ritter at 320-363-3317 or mritter@csbsju.edu. A suggested donation of $15 is appreciated for this formal dinner and dessert celebration of our Prep School donors and awardees.

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More Scenes From Stearns County —

The phone rings in the lawyer’s office in downtown St. Cloud. The caller asks, “Can I speak with Mr. Burns, please?”

The receptionist responds, “I’m sorry. Mr. Burns passed away last week.”

Two minutes later the phone rings again and the same voice asks for Mr. Burns. Again, the secretary tells him that Mr. Burns is dead.

Another two minutes, another call, the same voice with the same question.

The receptionist is a bit spooked, so she asks, “Didn’t you just ask for Mr. Burns twice? Are you having a difficult time accepting that he has died?”

“Oh no,” comes the reply. “I just love hearing it.”

* * * *

Bonus Quote of the Week —

“I’ve had the experience of being on top and riding the roller coaster down again, nearly to the bottom. You know, if you economize and don’t buy new airplanes or long-range jets, or that sort of thing, you can get by on a billion or two.” — Ted Turner

* * * *

Dedicated to all SJU Military Veterans

From Dave Swanson, Honorary ‘65, Inver Grove Heights, MN —

There was a ragged, old, retired destroyer Chief who shuffled into a waterfront bar. Stinking of whisky and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the “Piano Player Wanted” sign from the window and handed it to the bartender. “I’d like to apply for the job,” he said.

The barkeep wasn’t too sure about this doubtful looking old Squid, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So the barkeep decided to give him a try.

The old Chief staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music, unlike anyone had heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old Chief a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played. “It’s called, ‘Drop your Skivvies, Baby, We’re Gonna Rock Tonight,’ said the old Chief after he took a long pull from the beer.

The bartender and the crowd winced, but the piano player went on with a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished the Chief acknowledged the applause and told the crowd the song was called, ‘Big Boobs Make My Anchor Chain Run Out.’ He then excused himself as he lurched to the head.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, “Look Chief, the job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?”

“Know it?” the old Chief replied, “Hell, I wrote it!”

* * * *

Two Sad Anniversaries —

It was 20 years ago yesterday (October 22) that Jacob Wetterling was abducted near his home in St. Joseph. That act has changed the fabric of the community for both good and bad over the years — good by the way the town came together in support of the Wetterlings and how it remains so still, and bad on how this violent act has taken away the trust and innocence of a prototypical small American town. My classmate Merlyn Jerzak ‘64 and his daughterRochelle Jerzak Curtis ‘97 played bit roles in Jacob’s disappearance. The Jerzaks lived next door to the Wetterlings in a quiet, woodsy neighborhood just outside St. Joe, and Rochelle often babysat for them. The night of the abduction, Rochelle had been phoned by Mrs. Wetterling, who was at a party out of town, to sit for their youngest child while Jacob, his brother and another friend biked over to the convenience store to rent a movie. When the two remaining boys came running home to tell of the nightmare that just happened, Rochelle called her dad, Merle, who immediately notified the police. For those interested, here’s a link to the story as told twenty years later.

Another sad area event will be the upcoming seventh anniversary of the disappearance of then-SJU sophomore Josh Guimond ‘04, who was — I firmly believe — abducted from campus on November 9/10, 2002. Although I certainly don’t have any kind of knowledge proving my belief, I suspect that his disappearance is related to the same person or persons responsible for Jacob. May God hold both Jacob and Josh close to His heart, as well as their still-suffering families and friends. May those that love them receive answers soon. For those interested, here’s a link to a discussion forum in the St. Cloud Times that outlines the search and findings on Josh’s case.

* * * *

From the Underground’s Roving Correspondent, Al Eisele ‘58, Falls Church, VA —

Wickster: Thought you’d like to know that the Johnnies had some extra help in beating the Tommies. I was at theUniversity of Oklahoma a week ago Saturday for the OU-Baylor game, and afterwards I talked to coach Bob Stoops, whom I’d met when I was teaching there in the fall of ‘07. Anyway, I reminded him I’m an alum of St. John’s, whose football coach has won more than any other in the history of the game, and he said, “Of course, I know about aboutJohn Gagliardi. I’m tired of reading about him. He makes me jealous.” Anyway, he signed my OU-Baylord game program for Gagliardi as follows: “To Coach John G. You’re the best! Bob Stoops”. I sent it to John, so while it obviously helped the Johnnies beat St. Thomas, although it didn’t help OU beat Texas; and they lost their Heisman Trophy quarterback, Sam Bradford, to injury in the process. But Stoops makes $4.2M, so I guess he’ll survive. They take their football serious in the Big 12.

Also, about those selective memories you picked up at Len Mrachek’s party: Don’t remember any of those. Len must have mistaken me for somebody else. I was a model student and never did anything like that at St. John’s. Like I said, never believe anything you hear at a Len party.

P.S. Good thing he didn’t tell you about the time I set fire to Brother Leo’s beard. — Al

* * * *

Remembering Sr. Nancy Hynes OSB —

Sr. Nancy, a beloved English/Writing professor at CSB/SJU and an all-time St. Ben’s character, died last winter of brain cancer. In the e-newsletter, The English Web, a few Johnnie and Bennie writers penned their special tributes to her. Hit this link to get to them.

* * * *

Tim Archbold ‘83, Arden Hills, MN —

Hi. My Dad, Bernie [Archbold ‘58] used to forward the “Underground News” to me. While speaking with John Klein[‘86] today, he reminded me of the wonderful insights and better jokes. I would love to be added to your distribution list. Thanks, Tim

P.S. — I asked one of my Mormon friends, “What’s your definition of bigamy?” His reply was, “It’s when you have one too many wives.”
He then asked me how I defined monogamy. I thought about it for a minute and replied… “Same thing.”

* * * *

From Larry Schultz ‘76, Vadnais Heights, MN —

Re the new policy of residing on campus all four years: Excellent idea. Moving back on to campus for my senior year (75-76) was one of the smartest things I ever did. That year on second Benet with those great guys, e.g. Koloski, Wright, Ebeling, Budzien, Owen, Cormier, Stortz and McGee to name a few, combined with a brand new bathroom/shower area, gave me a much deeper appreciation of SJU. And even better personal hygiene.

If it’s not too much trouble, Vanilla Bean would like to be added to the UUN list of lucky recipients. [Bob, Vanilla Bean is my daughter. My nom de guerre on d3 is LBean. So the spawn is Vanilla Bean. Thank you! The next Stinger’s on me. Hope to see you at the St. Olaf game but filial responsibilities may preclude that. — Larry

(Editor's Explanation: I introduced Larry to the glories of the Stinger [about 2/3 brandy, 1/3 white creme d'menthe] at the Milwaukee Grill in Janesville, WI the eve of the Whitewater game last December. Actually, I think we should have just stayed in the bar, given the dismal results of that game. Oh, by the way, the name used in this next story is purely coincidental.)

* * * *

Oldie but Goodie Department —

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of a Mr. Schultz who was about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. This Mr. Schultz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry Mr. Schultz,” the mortician muttered to himself, “I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.”

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

“I have something to show you just won’t believe,” he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

“Oh, my God!” the wife exclaimed, “Schultz is dead!”

* * * *

History Majors’ Corner —

(Contributed by Drake Dierkhising SJP ‘59/SJU ‘63, Sonoma, CA)

Some East German jokes about communism.

From an Oct. 14 article by Hans-Ulrich Stoldt and Klaus Wiegrefe in Spiegel Online International’s ongoing series “20 Years After the Wall”:

Did East Germans originate from apes? Impossible. Apes could never have survived on just two bananas a year.
Such jokes were whispered in communist East Germany—and West German spies recorded them diligently to gain insights into the public mood, according to recently released intelligence files.

“What would happen if the desert became communist? Nothing for a while, and then there would be a sand shortage.”
Jokes like that made the rounds among East Germans during the communist era, and West Germany’s intelligence service would collect them, as a way to assess the public mood behind the Iron Curtain but also to amuse its masters in Bonn, the West German capital.

Here’s another one: “Why does West Germany have a higher standard of living than we do? Because communists can’t get work permits there.”

The ubiquitous Trabant or Trabi, East Germany’s legendary plastic car with its clattering two-stroke engine, was a favorite butt of jokes as well. Like this one: “A new Trabi has been launched with two exhaust pipes—so you can use it as a wheelbarrow.”…

East Germans weren’t averse to secretly lampooning their political leaders, bureaucracy or the chronic supply shortages that plagued the country, even though it was risky for them.

Printed in The Wall Street Journal

* * * *

Women’s basketball: CSB senior makes return

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

ST. JOSEPH — The weather outside Claire Lynch Hall was gloomy Thursday evening. But inside, all was bright and happy for St. Benedict senior wing Mindy Schmidt as she and her teammates on the Blazers basketball team began practice for the 2009-10 season.

The 5-foot-8 Schmidt was soaking up being back on the court after a torn anterior cruciate ligament, a torn meniscus and two deep bone bruises in her right knee cut short her season a year ago.

“It feels so great to be back here and to have one more year to play with my teammates,” said Schmidt, a former All-MIAC first team pick who averaged 11.5 points and 3.8 rebounds per game in 17 games before her injury and still earned all-conference honorable mention distinction. (Read more)

* * * *

College men’s basketball: Veteran Johnnies put inexperience in the past

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — In each of the last two seasons, at least a couple freshmen have been called upon to make significant contributions to the St. John’s basketball team.

But those players are now experienced sophomores and juniors, and as the Johnnies began practice for the 2009-10 season Thursday afternoon, junior post Aaron Burtzel said the young label no longer applies.

“The last couple years, we have been pretty young and we’ve had a bunch of guys getting their first college experience,” said the 6-foot-5 Burtzel, who is entering his third season in the starting lineup. “But now we want to take away that young title ourselves. We feel like we’re a more experienced team and we’re ready to make a real impact on (the MIAC).” (Read more)

* * * *

DeLand column: It doesn’t have to be D-I to be special

by Dave DeLand, St. Cloud Times sports editor

I spent last Saturday watching college football in a newly renovated NCAA Division I stadium, complete with all the luxury boxes and amenities and bells and whistles that you’d expect at a Big Ten Conference facility.

And as I sat there with the other 62,869 paying customers at Memorial Stadium in Champaign, Ill., I found myself thinking about how much better the game I had seen the previous Saturday at a little Division III stadium had been, and how much fun the game this Saturday at the same little Division III stadium was going to be.

Sometimes, you have to look at things from a higher vantage point to appreciate how special they really are.

And anybody who enjoys college football should relish the truly unique experience we have right here in Central Minnesota. (Read more)

* * * *

From our resident humorologist, C. J. Ross ‘64 —

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”

* * * *

Wanna get the Tommie Slant on things before the game?

Tommie-Johnnie rivalry starts with Ignatius O’Shaughnessy

By Zach Pagano, Reporter

[www.tommiemedia.com]

* *

Tommie-Johnnie T-shirts selling quickly

By Brian Matthews, Reporter

[www.tommiemedia.com]

* *

‘It’s the greatest small-college rivalry in the country’

By Jordan Osterman, Sports Editor

[www.tommiemedia.com]

* *

Party buses to put more purple in Clemens Stadium

By Kari Jo Johnson, Reporter

[www.tommiemedia.com]

* * * *

LAST WORD…And Yet More Scenes From Stearns County —

Contributed by UST alum Bob Goth, brother of Wally Goth ‘89, deep in the dark of the La Playette —

Marv and Helen Aschburger, retired farmers now living in Cold Spring, were given a sea cruise by their children on the occasion of their 50th wedding anniversary. It wasn’t something they would ordinarily do, but Marv thought it would do them both good to get away; Helen was kind of nervous about being at sea on “all that water.” Just before they were to depart Helen misplaced her hearing aids. Marv, hustling her out to the car so they wouldn’t miss their plane in the Cities, told her not to worry, he’d just talk louder to her, that she really didn’t need them for the week-long trip.

Things seemed to be going fairly well; Marv was patient and repeated things for Helen when he needed to. She, on the other hand, continued to be very uneasy sailing on the ocean. Marv kept reassuring that they would be safe. The first night on the ship as they were preparing for bed Marv pointed at the bunks and asked Helen, “Up or down?” At that Helen grabbed him and made passionate love to him. Marv was certainly surprised at his wife’s sudden ardor.

This scene repeated itself each night that week. Marv would ask Helen, “Up or down?” and each time his question was met with more passionate lovemaking. “Up or down?”…and all heck broke loose. Marv was starting to get used to this after so many years of little activity.

When their trip ended and they returned to their apartment in the senior community, Helen looked for and soon found her missing hearing aids. As for Marv, he had high hopes that Helen’s renewed interest in lovemaking would continue. He was quite puzzled when, as they prepared for bed, Helen rebuffed him quite strongly. “I don’t get it, Helen…on board the ship you were very amorous. What’s the problem now?”

“Me amorous?” she replied. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Well,” said Marv, “Every night when we were about to go to bed and I asked you about sleeping ‘up or down’ you just threw me on the lower bunk and made love?”

“UP OR DOWN?” Helen yelled. “I thought when you pointed at the beds you were saying, “F*ck or drown!”

* * * *

That’s it — GO JOHNNIES!! BEAT THOSE OLES INTO A LENA. (Or something like that.)