JohnnieFootball

Dear Triumphant, but Still Incredulous Readers,

Sorry this is so late…life keeps getting in the way of my chosen pursuits. Let me tell you, though, it’s okay if we all slow down and savor one of the unlikely yet exciting wins in St. John’s football history. If for some reason you haven’t heard, SJU eked out a last second win over Bethel for a Homecoming 16-14 surprise. If for some reason you have seen this video yet, then you have to pause and go to this link right now! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zemXhIlLlfk

(Mr. Shoes note: Or watch it below. This is exactly why we’re putting Bob’s UUN on JohnnieFootball.com)

What will stay with me for the rest of my life are two things: First, as my friend Chris said later, that field goal kick, because it carried so far, seemed to fly in slow motion and everyone around us just sat in expectant silence, not really believing it would make it or go through the uprights, but still hoping.

And the, second, after it did, the spontaneous eruption of the Red-clad Johnnies and Bennies sitting in the opposite end zone leaving their bleacher seats as one and rolling joyously onto the field as a human tsunami. My-oh-my-oh-my! What a day!

* * * *

Before we go any further, I want to apologize to those readers who last week attempted to hit the link I had for www.JohnnieFootball.com; nothing good happened because I put an extra “s” in the site address. My real, real bad. Sorry for the inconvenience. Hit it again this week and I promise you better results, as soon as webmaster Mr. Shoes does his magic: you’ll find much better reading than with this old-fashioned emailing.

* * * *

Back to our regularly scheduled cybertrash:

IMPORTANT NOTICE FOR THOSE GOING TO THE HAMLINE GAME TOMORROW:

The venue for the pregame warmup is at Gabe’s Roadhouse, formerly Gabe’s By The Park. The address is 991 North Lexington Parkway in Saint Paul (at the intersection of Lexington and Energy Park Road, a little north and east of Hamline University). Gabe’s phone: 651-646-3066. All are invited; folks will start gathering by 11 a.m. It’s a large place and won’t be too busy that early, but let’s try to all sit together anyway.

Directions
[Google Maps]

After our most probable lopsided victory, the postgame analysis will be held at O’Gara’s Bar & Grill, down Snelling Avenue about a mile and a half from Hamline, at the corner of Snelling and Selby — 164 Snelling Avenue North. Phone is 651.644.3333. Hope to see you all there as well.

This is the most incomplete, but still lengthy UUN I’ve ever sent. Time is just gone. Better you get the basic stuff and wait for refinements next issue. Like perhaps some reporting on Homecoming and other delights.

Best wishes to you all…and GO JOHNNIES — DO WHATEVER ONE DOES TO ‘PIPERS’, ONLY VERY WELL!

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697

(Note: For 37 years I lived across the street from Hamline and have some affection for the joint; heck, they even bought my house about three years ago and paid a pretty penny, I might add, so let’s all be nice guests and try not to gloat if we happen to outscore them by maybe four or five TDs. Save all gloatings for a hoped-for victory next week against the Tommies.)

* * * *

The ‘Kick’ in Quotes —

“There’s ups and downs (to being a kicker), but you can’t think about what just happened. This was the one chance to redeem what I had just done.”
— Russell Gliadon ‘10, senior placekicker

“Like all kickers, even in the pros, there are times when you screw up. But he’s done a good job for us and we have confidence in him. That last kick puts him in the ranks of the immortals here.”
— John Gagliardi, head coach

“I’m feeling 100 percent better right now. It was looking like I was going to go home tonight and sit by myself, or maybe have a few guys over to console me. Now I can go out with my friends and celebrate.”
— Russell Gliadon ‘10

“I thought about shooting him. I just about committed suicide after that. Thank God I didn’t completely bleed to death.”
— John Gagliardi

“It’s pretty much as low as you can be, missing an extra point with one-and-a-half minutes left. I was mostly worried about my teammates. I didn’t want to let them down.”
— Russell Gliadon ‘10

“I wasn’t coming out, not with the game on the line. I would have had to break my leg to keep me on the sidelines. They would have literally had to carry me off the field.”
— Joe Boyle ‘11, junior quarterback

“It was fourth-and-seven, that’s what it came down to. We would have had to not only pick up the first down, but get out of bounds as well. So after talking it over, we decided to kick it. There wasn’t really much else we could do.”
— Jim Gagliardi ‘77, offensive coordinator

* * * *

Magic? No, just more of the same

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

Around Collegeville, certain fans of the St. John’s football team have taken to calling it Johnnies’ Magic.

It happened again Saturday in a 16-14 homecoming victory over Bethel. Senior kicker Russell Gliadon kicked a school-record 49-yard field goal with 2.8 seconds left to play, giving the Johnnies a game many had already written off as a loss.

The fact that Gliadon had missed a crucial extra-point attempt that would have tied the score at 14 less than two minutes earlier only made the story that much more compelling, and even members of the opposition couldn’t help but marvel.

“We knew playing St. John’s that it was going to be a fight all the way to the end,” said Bethel junior running back Logan Flannery. “The Johnnies are kind of notorious for winning games on plays like that.”

Indeed they have been. Saturday’s dramatic finish joined an ever-growing list of memorable endings and narrow escapes the Johnnies have been a part of in recent years. (Read more)

* * * *

2009 MIAC Standings

Through games of October 3, 2009

Team	Conference W/L	Overall W/L
Saint John’s University	3-0	5-0
University of St. Thomas	3-0	4-0
Bethel University	2-1	3-2
Carleton College	1-1	3-1
St. Olaf College	1-2	3-2
Hamline University	1-2	2-2
Gustavus Adolphus	1-2	1-3
Concordia College	0-2	2-2
Augsburg College	0-2	1-3

UPCOMING GAMES

October 10, 2009 — 1pm start

• Bethel @ St. Olaf — Poor Oles are going to see some Royal Frustration
• Carleton @ Augsburg — Everybody’s rolling over the Auggies these days
• Concordia @ St. Thomas — Although one can hope, UST will unravel the Cobbers
• Saint John’s @ Hamline — SJU enjoys a breeze while waiting for the Toms
• Pacific Lutheran @ Gustavus (1:30, non-conf.) — Gusties, I presume

* * * *

DeLand column: Johnnies’ Gliadon redeems himself

by Dave DeLand, sports editor, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — We all screw things up, sometimes very important things.

We all have moments we instantly wish we could have back.

We all make mistakes. But not many of us make them in front of thousands of spectators, with such potentially dire consequences.

And not many of us get an immediate chance at redemption. For that, Russell Gliadon will always be grateful. (Read more)

* * * *

SJU saved by the boot at homecoming

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — Call it a tale of two kicks.

The first looked like it might make Saturday the worst day of St. John’s kicker Russell Gliadon’s football career. The second turned it into the most memorable.

Gliadon kicked a school-record 49-yard field goal with just 2.8 seconds left to play to lift the Johnnies to a dramatic 16-14 victory over Bethel before a homecoming crowd announced at 10,567 at Clemens Stadium. It came less than two minutes after the senior missed a routine extra-point attempt that would have tied the score at 14 after senior Kellen Blaser scored on a 4-yard touchdown run with 1:47 to go in the game.

“I’m feeling 100 percent better right now,” a beaming Gliadon said afterward. “It was looking like I was going to go home tonight and sit by myself, or maybe have a few guys over to console me. Now I can go out with my friends and celebrate.” (Read more)

* * * *

Boyle bruised, but smiling in win

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — Joe Boyle is likely to wake up in a lot of pain this morning. But in the aftermath of his team’s 16-14 victory over Bethel Saturday afternoon, the St. John’s junior quarterback’s bumps and bruises may not sting quite as much.

Boyle was sacked four times against the Royals and threw three interceptions. Twice, he lay face down on the field after absorbing big hits.

But he never left the game and ended up engineering three fourth-quarter scoring drives — including a 10-play, 33-yard march that was capped by senior Russell Gliadon’s 49-yard game-winning field goal with 2.8 seconds left on the clock. (Read more)

* * * *

St. John’s 16, Bethel 14

Scoring and stats
[The St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

MIAC Football Week Three: Kicking It In

by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, CSN ‘Mapping the MIAC’ Columnist

Saint John’s and St. Thomas, the co-leaders in the chase for the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference championship, both won Saturday, albeit in greatly differing ways. The Johnnies needed a school record 49-yard field goal with 2.8 seconds to play to overcome Bethel 16-14, while the Tommies rolled over Gustavus, 45-12. Elsewhere, Hamline snapped an 11-game MIAC losing streak with a 38-28 win over Augsburg, and Carleton retained possession of the fabled Goat Trophy with a 17-13 win over St. Olaf. (Read more)

* * * *

Blazers Volleyball Remains Undefeated in MIAC and Extends Winning Streak to 13

The College of Saint Benedict volleyball team (18-4 overall, 4-0 MIAC) cruised past Carleton College 3-0 Wednesday evening to remain undefeated in MIAC play. Up next CSB travels to Winona, Minn., to take on St. Mary’s University Thursday night.

Prior to the Carleton match the Blazers volleyball team moved up four spots in the AVCA Coaches Top 25 Poll this week, claiming the #16 position after being ranked 20th last week. The University of St. Thomas, who holds first place in the MIAC, shifted down in this week’s poll, moving from seventh to tenth. GO BLAZERS!

(Editor’s Sad Note: Last evening, at St. Mary’s in Winona, our Blazers lost their first MIAC game and first in 13 matches. How they lost is baffling and most unfair: they had the game won after the tightest of contests, when their victory was taken away because of a ref’s errant whistle (that nobody heard anyway).

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

Lindsay Good, RD, LD ‘06

Fruits and Vegetables: 5 to 9 Servings a Day

Fruits and Vegetables are a very important part of a healthy diet because they are great sources of vitamins and minerals, phytochemicals and fiber. The World Cancer Research Fund and the American Institute for Cancer Research report that in over 200 well controlled studies, nearly 80% have reported that the more fruits and vegetables a person ate the lower the incidence of cancer. Even though there is such strong evidence of the benefits of fruit and vegetable consumption, nearly 75% of Americans fail to get the minimum recommendation of 5 servings a day.

How can I reach the recommendation?
Keep in mind that one serving is equal to 1 medium sized piece of fruit, 1/2 cup cut up fruit or vegetables, 1 cup of leafy greens and 4 ounces of juice. A serving is quite small, load up on vegetables at dinner and you could easily have 3 servings or more on your plate! To save money on fresh fruits and vegetables and it get the best quality it helps to purchase what is in season. (A list can be found here: http://www.fruitsandveggiesmorematters.org/?page_id=674)

Top 10 Ways to Prepare Fruits and Veggies
from www.fruitsandveggiesmorematters.org

1. Bake: Sweet potato fries by cutting up into slices and seasoning with olive oil, cayenne pepper and a dash of salt.
2. Boil: Diced or crushed tomatoes in a vegetable or chicken broth for the base of a homemade tomato soup! Add fresh herbs and spices to make your own unique recipe.
3. Steam: Any of your favorite vegetables with citrus juice and zest added to the water to create bold, new flavors. Try lemon juice with spinach, orange with broccoli or grapefruit with carrots!
4. Stir-Fry: Zucchini, yellow squash, diced tomatoes and mushrooms with olive oil and herbs. Add some diced jalapeno for an extra kick and serve over brown rice.
5. Saute: Pear and apple slices (peeled) in a skillet with a little butter until tender. Add marmalade and orange slices, remove from heat and serve for a fruity dessert.
6. Roast: Whole red potatoes in the oven after tossing them in a mixture of olive oil, garlic and rosemary until tender for a mouth-watering side to any meal!
7. Grill: Pineapple, peaches or mango. Top with a dollop of low-fat ice cream, frozen yogurt or sherbet.
8. Stew: Frozen corn, onions, peppers, celery, and salsa. Serve over rice. Add some red or black beans and call it a meal!
9. Blanch: Carrots, cauliflower, green beans, asparagus and broccoli. Marinate in your favorite low-fat vinaigrette and serve cold. If desired, add other veggies like onions, mushrooms and peppers.
10. Microwave: Frozen or canned vegetables on those busy nights.

* * * *

The Department of Groan Quickies —

(Dedicated to Marge Pattock, whose husband Wally has not yet sent me his new email)

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bouncer says, “I’ll let you in, but don’t start anything.”

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says: “A beer, please, and one for the road.”

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” “I know,” said the doc. “I amputated your arms!”

* * * *

From John Danielson SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, Littleton, CO, a South Dakota native commenting on a joke of last issue:

Wick, Sorry that you found out that our cattle in South Dakota can read and talk. It has been a secret all these years, but I guess if got a Bethel guy back to his bible it was worth letting the secret out. — JRD

* * * *

From Bill Draves ‘64, Dry Heat, AZ —

Wick, Another winner! [meaning the last issue] Sorry to miss the 45th but planning ahead for number 50. Can’t wait to see all those old people! But remember 70 is the new 45! Have a great one! — Bill

* * * *

From John Chromy ‘64, Washington, D.C.

Wicks, I cannot make it but I just mailed to the Alumni office a check for $640 as an extra donation in honor of the Class of ‘64 Reunion. Good luck with the entire event. Cheers, John

* * * *

From Tom Haeg ‘70, , MN —

Tom Haeg, ‘70, and his wife Sue (she’s Norwegian; her name is Sue, but when she’s mad, her name is ‘Susan’), are coordinating a visit in November 2009 for 56 Japanese high school students from the northern island of Hokkaido. Their school, Kaisei Gakuin, was founded by Bendedictine nuns from St. Ben’s more than 40 years ago. Although they will be staying with host families in the Cities, they will take a motor coach to spend one day on a field trip to St. John’s. The St. John’s Arboretum will provide guides for a hike and pottery master Richard Bresnahan [SJP '72/SJU '76] will conduct a studio seminar for their benefit. Also, they will visit the calligraphy display in the Bible project, have a meal in the Refectory, observe a Gregorian chant and otherwise tour the campus. The visit to St. John’s and St. Ben’s will also pay tribute to Sr. Olivia Forster, OSB, who dedicated her career to the education and well-being of the less fortunate in Hokkaido. Sr. Olivia is currently in the monastery at St. Ben’s.

* * * *

A Hamline grad called an airline reservation agent; he wanted to book a flight for two but wasn’t happy with the price of $259 per ticket. “I want the $249 fare I saw advertised,” the Piper alum insisted firmly, saying he would accept a flight at any time. After searching for about a half hour, the agent finally managed to find two seats on a 6 a.m. flight.

“I’ll take it,” said the Piper loudly. But almost immediately he started to have second thoughts. “I’m concerned that my wife might not like the early hour.”

The agent sighed, and then warned him, “There’s a fee of $25 per person if you change the reservation.”

“Oh, that’s no problem,” said our Piper dismissively. “What’s fifty bucks?”

* * * *

From Mark Sieve ‘64, Minneapolis, who missed our 45th Reunion because of his 35th year obligations at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival in his role as Sir Ralph Puke of “Puke & Snot” fame; he writes of his feelings on visiting campus after many years when we dropped copies of his book, “Call Me Puke: Life on the Dirt Circuit,” at the SJU Bookstore (or go to pukensnot.com, hit the store link to order it.) —

Hey Wick, Thanks for acting as tour guide on our recent day trip to SJU, it truly refreshed my spirit in ways I haven’t experienced in quite some time.

As I told you, simply driving onto the campus always brings a rush of good memories, and I hadn’t experienced that for some years. When Thomas Wolfe said “You can’t go home again,” I think it was because his parents were there. But I know I can “go home” to Collegeville anytime I want; the feeling of community and belonging never goes away. It’s quite remarkable.

‘Twas a very brief time in my life, as it was for all of us, but a critical one. I arrived at Benet Hall in 1960 too young to know what I was getting into, finding out immediately how little I really knew about anything, but also happily discovering that I was surrounded by curious minds, powerful intellects, and generous people who invited me to join their search for truth, whatever shape it might take.

Four years later I left with the confidence to make decisions and take control of my life. Forty-five years later, that confidence still allows me to step into a pair of tights and walk out in front of audiences at renaissance festivals to perform mock-Shakespearean sketches that Father Conrad would certainly have loved. Sitting in Brother Willie’s having a beer and listening to students discuss the rise of China and its implications for our economy, I was struck by the idealism and lack of cynicism in the room. How damn refreshing! I resolved to set aside more time in the months ahead to keep this connection with St. John’s alive.

Thanks again for your hard work in keeping all of us connected and informed, your love of and dedication to SJU is palpable. Have a great homecoming, I’ll be raising a glass to a big Johnnie win on Saturday. Best regards, Mark

(Editor’s Addition to Mark’s Book by Wally Hinz ‘64, Edina, MN: Wally called and said that reading the quote by former SJU basketball and baseball coach Ed Hasbrouck — “Stick with me, boys; I’ll have you farting through silk.” — brought back many memories. One that occurred the same day as Mark’s “Go out there and BE AVERAGE” story, had Easy Ed standing on the dugout steps watching the snappily-attired Tommies come out on the field for that double-header; he commented derisively to his team, “Look at those guys — they have their stirrups all the way up to their ass.” Sophomore pitcher Mike Gerbich replied, “Why Ed, they look like the Yankees.” To which Ed said dismissingly, “Who the hell cares about the Yankees.” Mike snapped back, “Yeah, I guess the only reason you don’t like the Yankees, Ed, is they win.” It seemed to Wally that Mike G. spent much of the rest of the season cooling his heels in the bullpen.)

* * * *

Sent with great feeling from Mike Hogan SJP ‘61/Creighton ‘65, Omaha —

There was this graduate of the University of St. Thomas who somehow found a job as a photographer for a national magazine. His first assignment was to get photos of a great forest fire over in Montana.

When the Tommie drove to the site he found the smoke on the ground too thick to get any good shots, so the Purple Lad called his home office to hire a plane. “It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, the UST man saw a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!”

The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

“Fly over the north side of the fire,” demanded the Tommie, “and make three or four low-level passes.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.

“Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the Tommie with great exasperation.

After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”

* * * *

From Andy Hellie ‘09, —

Hey Bob, I was at my first Johnnie tailgate last weekend and was told by a friend of mine that I needed to start reading the Johnnie Underground. I was wondering if you could add me to the distribution list. Thanks, Andy

(Editor’s Reply: No problem, Andy; however I noticed that you were wise enough not to identify your friend. As an ‘09 grad, I sure as heck hope you weren’t drinking out of a red cup; the Life Services lady spying on the festivities from the second floor of the new Science Hall might confuse you with a current student…and you thought you left all that B.S. behind when you graduated.)

* * * *

Red Cups Controversy —

From LBean:

You know, I just didn’t realize how big a deal this issue is to the Administration. Frat party? Good Lord, can’t adults enjoy each other in an outdoor boisterous manner? We need an new infusion of Bob and Steve’s coffee mugs. Wasn’t that BlueDevil Bob? Or Mike, we come up with our own mug and sell them for cost. The mug can read in bold print: “Delicious Coffee.”

* *

From a guy named T:

I like the idea of a johnniefootball.com coffee mug that we could sell at cost.

* *

From a guy named D:

I, too, like the idea of a johnniefootball.com coffee mug, sold at cost, and bright red in color. We will still need plastic cups, in some color other than red, for those who don’t frequent the tailgate but want an adult beverage when they do attend. IMHO, this topic is a complete joke but I’ll go out and buy some other color cups in order to comply. Heaven forbid that someone show up with a red Johnnie mug. If they do we’ll have TDT [Touchdown Tommy] take care of the matter.

* *

From a guy named E:

It’s stupid. Honestly. Have to love internal politics that we are then left paying the price for. I have a lot of four letter words myself for it, but I won’t use them now.

Nobody is going to get dinged this weekend for having red cups, but we hope to phase them out in the Tommy game. That way we can ding all the Tommies and leave the Johnnies alone!

My hope is that we can illustrate that this is actually a very positive thing for the University (even though the last, oh, say, 10 years should have demonstrated that) and we can get something bigger and better as we go forward. But until then we have to play the game on their behalf, unfortunately.

* *

From a guy named T:

And this, my friends, is why I have little, if anything, to do with my alma mater…

* *

From a guy named R:

You have got to be effing kidding me. I remember having less rules in grade school.

* *

From a scoffing Tommy:

Bob – I’m thinking you all can use PURPLE CUPS, to enjoy your beverages in!!! Olde Johnnie comes in a gold looking can!!!

* * * *

SJU golf clinches MIAC fall title

COON RAPIDS — The two-time defending national champion St. John’s golf team was supposed to take a hit. After all, the Johnnies had graduated three All-MIAC players, including third-team All-American Joe Schoolmeesters.

But on Monday they showed they can still be dominant.

The Johnnies, led by medalist Tony Krogen, won their fifth MIAC men’s golf championship in the past six years with a three-day total of 880.

The win clinches St. John’s 11th consecutive trip to the NCAA Division III Championship. It’s May 11-14 in Hershey, Pa.

Krogen, a sophomore, became the eighth Johnnie in school history to earn medalist honors with a three-day total of 213 (3-under-par).

Men’s team scores — 1. St. John’s 880; 2. (tie) Gustavus, St. Thomas 901; 4. Concordia-Moorhead 919; 5. St. Olaf 923; 6. Bethel 936; 7. Macalester 945; 8. Augsburg 954; 9. Carleton 966; 10. St. Mary’s 985.

(Editor’s Comment: Wasn’t even close…WAY TO GO, JOHNNIES!)

St. Benedict finished second in the women’s competition.

Kathryn Hauff shot a 240 to lead the Blazers.

Women’s team scores — 1. Gustavus 968; 2. St. Benedict 1,014; 3. St. Thomas 1,025; 4. St. Olaf 1,035; 5. Carleton 1,038; 6. Concordia-Moorhead 1,072; 7. Augsburg 1,092; 8. St. Mary’s 1,107; 9. Bethel 1,110; 10. Macalester 1,211.

(Editor’s Additional Comment: Wow! The Blazers are becoming a “golf college” too. WAY TO GO, BLAZERS!)

* * * *

From Drake Dierkhising SJP ‘59/SJU ‘63, Sonoma, CA, at the game with his grandson Ben —

I have to admit I was not a true believer, just could not see another Carlton-type win. And how we were going to stop Bethel, having trouble all day? Well, Marie Eli up in Fr. Koopman’s suite, was a believer, and my grandson Ben Dierkhising did as well. He was glued to to his seat the whole comeback! Just like everyone in the stadium, we were crushed when the PAT was deflected. But the hope got very high when the Johnnie defense stopped Bethel. Just before the set-up on Bethel’s 32, I said to Ben “16-14,” then someone said they “liked 19-14 better.” Ben became a hooked Johnnie supporter, when ‘the Kick’ went through the uprights. He has always been impressed with the wave of red as the Johnnies football team comes on the field, but the wave of RED that rushed the field after the ‘the Kick’ will be with him forever.

Item: Drake & Cafe Sarafornia were featured in the Japanese remake of ‘Sideways’

The last film featured at the Napa-Sonoma Film Festival on September 27th was “Sideways” – Japanese version. Calistoga was the center of the movie, and Cafe Sarafornia was the star, non-winery location. The female star, Kiko, was an “employee” of Cafe Sarafornia & Drake! What fun we had. We loved the movie, and not just because I got my 15 seconds of film fame; we thought it had a better rewritten plot than the original. They used real names & places in the Napa Valley. Cafe Sarafornia got a full frontal shot, and three scenes inside, along with four verbal mentions in the movie. IF the movie makes the US market people will enjoy it.

It was great to see all of youse guys at your reunion, especially Tom Borax [Ed's Note: Drake is messing with Tom Borak's '64 name]. I wish I could make it back for the Tommie game; it will be another nail biter. Go Johnnies — Drake

(Editor’s Further Note: Drake and Madeline own Cafe Sarafornia, a high quality, no snobbery breakfast and lunch restaurant in downtown Calistoga, CA, located at the top of the Napa Valley. If you are in the area, be sure to stop in and say hello to Drake…if he’s ever there anymore.)

* * * *

First Annual SIFE Golf Outing— 4 Person Scramble

To benefit Students in Free Enterprise (SIFE)

This year’s event will be held Sunday, October 18th at the well-manicured Highland National Golf Course, located in St. Paul.

Registration begins at 12:00 p.m., 12:30 lunch, and a 1:00 shut-gun start.

The cost for this event is only $75. This price includes entry into all events, 18 holes of golf, riding cart, lunch, and various awards. Registration fee is collected at event.

Current CSB/SJU students will be attending and hope to be a part of your team. They are eager to network with you and hopefully you can find out what CSB/SJU has been up to these days and hear what a great organization SIFE and the volunteer projects they are involved with.

To help us properly plan for this event, please pre-register by contacting Lainie Steffen at lmsteffen@csbsju.edu or 651-210-0806.

* * * *

Advance Planning Department, Augsburg Game Division —

Although there are five Saturdays to go and we have contests with Hamline, St. Thomas, St. Olaf, and then a bye week before the Augsburg game at the Metrodome on November 7, we are alerting people to mark their calendars for the J-Club-sponsored pregame Johnnie Pep Rally at Hubert’s back bar beginning at 11 a.m. Game tickets can be purchased at the rally.

After the game, Johnnies and Bennies of St. Cecilia’s Parish and its Johnnie pastor, Fr. Mike Byron ‘81, are hosting the Second Annual “Red Mass”, beginning at 5 p.m. Following Mass there will be a light meal, featuring Olde Johnnie Ale, JohnnieBrats™ and pizza, among other items. Twenty-five years ago Mike Byron gave his award-winning impersonation of Fr. Don Talafous giving his frequent admonitions of the drawbacks of freshmen attachments to “Home Town Honeys” in the Johnnie Talent Show. Fr. Don is hoping to be present for the reprise. St. Cecilia’s is an easy, five-minute ride east of of the Dome on I-94, near Hwy 280 and University Avenue. This is for your planning; more details will follow in four weeks.

* * * *

From Glenn Rother SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, VA —

Bob: Another great weekend in Minn sports. Johnnies waited until the last second (again). Pls add SJU grad Scott Thein to your UUN email list; he is cc’ed above. Go Johnnies! — Glenn

(Editor’s Note: Both Glenn and Scott work for L-3 Commmunications, a prime contractor in Command, Control and Communications; Intelligence, Surveillance and Reconnaissance; Government Services; and Aircraft Modernization and Maintenance. L-3 is also a major provider of homeland defense products and services for a variety of emerging markets.)

* * * *

From John Uldrich ‘60, Minneapolis, fulfilling my request to write down some of what he told me over coffee…this guy’s had quite a life —

Bob: Enjoyed the Longfellow’s cuppa…You asked the JohnnieBrat™ impresario about ‘generational-Johnnies’ in my clan…father “Sonny Boy” Uldrich (also John) was an East Coast prep athlete with great credentials in track, basketball and baseball. Believe he was recruited by Fr. Dunstan Tucker to finish his UG degree at SJU, coach both the prep and college track team in 1938-39. Understand he was instrumental in getting the St. John’s Invitationalup and running. Got his degree in 1939.

When WWII bubbled up, he was tasked to be an ‘athletic officer’ serving in China. In over the Hump – out over the Hump – 3 1/2 years all told. In addition to working with U.S. Troops, he taught Chinese Nationalists fundamentals of baseball. Earned his Purple Heart that way — He and his ‘boys’ were demonstrating “Tinkers-To-Evers-To-Chance” play. Dad was “Chance” …ball was a live grenade. Pin fell out leaving Evers…

I came to SJU in 1954 from Little Falls. Went three semesters and Fr. Gunther Rolfson suggested I might consider looking elsewhere for my UG education…opted to go to Europe and wander about. Was a stage-door ‘Johnnie’ in Barcelona, member of a covert operations team in Yugoslavia (get a future leader out) and did a solo spy gig photographing MiG 17s in Russia courtesy of the Norwegian Merchant Marine (in exchange for being able to work my way home on one of their tankers). Didn’t think I was ready to face Gunther so joined the Marines on a 2-2-2 enlistment. Got a full year of credits from Santa Ana JC and then knocked on Gunther’s door (grades picked somewhat). Back at SJU in ’58 – carried twenty-five credits for three more semester and ‘granulated’ (some say ‘manured’) from SJU in February 1960.

Sallied forth into the Brave New World, married a St. Cloud Stater – did the requisite ‘begetting and a’begotten’ and came up with four great kids – two boys, two girls (Ann-Tom-Jack-Katie). Jack went on to four years at SJU Prepand Katie to St. Ben’s. She was just a year shy of the transformation to the joint certification. Most of her credits were from SJU however and she worked in Bursar’s office on campus.

I went to China in 1996 to teach the Chinese about “Futures and Options” (a little like teaching an alcoholic how to drink). Came back in 2000 with new perceptions and an adopted son Ben. He opted for the U of M, graduating last December and is back in Shanghai making his fortune.

Son Jack (Gov. Ventura’s bud) has Megan and Sean (9 & 7) so who knows if the ‘Generational Magnet’ will be in effect some 8-10 years down the road …

Bob – Now You Know The Rest Of The Story…more on JohnnieBrats™ and sundry other food products later. — John

(Editor’s Note: John Uldrich is Chairman of Uldrich-Integris Media Inc., MInneapolis MN and Plano TX, 612-722-2287; some of his ventures include these variations on a theme:

• “Weather-Health-Wellness-Wealth”
• “World’s Premier Fish & Game Forecast Service”
• “Putting EarthTide Forces To Work For you!”

John has also been a pilot, a chef, member of the National Fishing Hall of Fame, economic development consultant and educator in Shanghai, China, and author of several books, both fiction and non-; he gave me two after signing them: a political thriller partially set in northern Minnesota, “Fifth Force Assembling”, and one of four cookbooks, “Blue Ribbon Burgers.”)

* *

This is what precipitated my coffee date with John Uldrich in the first place…I’m a sucker for a literate guy every time:

Robert: Thoughts while watching the minutes following the victory. Would also have liked to been a moth or bee listening to the words spoken to the fallen warriors encircled in the end zone – tumultuous victory and abject defeat – both being dealt with in a noble manner.

The original quote of William S. followed by my version:
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother; be never so vile. This day shall gentle his condition. And gentlemen in England now abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

The St. John’s Version – Gender Sensitive:
“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers/sisters. For he/she today that were present at this field of battle shall be my brother/sister; be he/she never so vile. This day shall gentle his/her condition. And gentlefolk in cities, towns and burgs now abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here and hold their ‘hoods’ cheap whiles any speak thatwere present at this noble field or – standing tall among the Pines bedecked in Red upon this day.”

Literary license courtesy John Uldrich – Editor, The Record – 1959

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

Over in western Stearns County the town’s police chief was also its veterinarian. One night the phone rang and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, “Is your husband there?”

“Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?”

“Both. We can’t get our dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar in it.”

* * * *

From Tim Flynn ‘91, St. Paul —

Hi Bob – What an unbelievable game!!!! I still can’t believe it. It was great chatting with you on Saturday! Sorry I could not buy you a Guinness at the Dubliner when you were there, but I will next time!

PaddyWagon “Irish Music with a Twang” is made up of myself (SJU ‘91) on guitar, mandolin, banjo and vocals, as well as Mark Bortscheller (SJU ’90) on bass, and 4 other non-SJU guys (Kevin Galligan- vocals & trumpet, Kevin O’Brien – vocals and harmonica, Joe Defoe – Guitar, and Dave Russell- Fiddle…rest assured non of them are Tommies) and we play about 7-8 times a year, mainly at the Dubliner Pub, but occasionally at Shamrocks, O’Gara’s and every memorial day weekend at Madden’s! Our website is www.paddywagon.net and our full schedule can be found there. Upcoming shows at the Dubliner— Friday October 30, Saturday November 28th, and Saturday December 19th. Go Twins! — Tim

(Editor’s Comment: My sort-of neighbor down here in Highland Park is Tim’s classmate, Vic Murphy. Prior to the Gustavus game Vic emailed me and mentioned that The Dubliner Pub was pouring Guinness’ 250th Anniversary brewand that Tim’s group was playing. First-born heir Megan ‘03 and I took in some of their show and thoroughly enjoyed it. For older folks like me, Tim advises to get there early — about 8:30 pm or so — to find seats in the not-so-big venue, getting comfortably situated before all the Tommies stumble in around 9:30-10. With Tim’s and/or Vic’s reminder to me, I’ll mention Paddy Wagon’s next gig with an eye toward getting some Underground readers to join me there. Tim, by the way, is the son of my classmate and friend, George Flynn ‘64, with whom I sat at last Saturday’s thrilling game, surrounded by a gaggle of other Cretin alums in our college class: Chuck Tarara and wife Nancy; John Wolkerstorfer and his wife Marilyn; and Bill Kling. That’s a lot of Raiders for one Johnnie game.)

* * * *

It’s St. John’s Prep School’s GASTHAUS Time Again!

(A note from Marti Jacobs, SJP)

Dear Bob, We would like to personally remind and invite you to join us this weekend for GASTHAUS! We are taking reservations through Saturday afternoon — so please get a group together and give Mary a call at 320-363-3317!
We’ve brought back Rindsrouladen this year and are excited to be partnering with the chefs from the Austrian Schnitzel HQ restaurant in Waite Park! Herr Michael and Herr Thomas Oelsboeck are from Vienna, Austria and are looking forward to preparing a delicious meal for you! You can also e-mail your reservation to Mary at mritter@csbsju.edu. In the meantime, you can check out the menu on our Web site by clicking here: http://www.sjprep.net/pages/Gasthaus
It’s a great event – hope to see you there! Thank you! — Marti Jacobs

(Editor’s Note: SJP’s annual GASTHAUS is both a fine tradition and a delicious fundraiser for the school.)

* * * *

From Al Richie SJP ‘60/UST ‘64, Wayzata, MN —

A senior Bennie really thought she’d been very patient — through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage — with her steady St. John’s boyfriend of nearly four years.

One night her slow-to-catch-on Johnnie took her to a Chinese restaurant in Waite Park. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, “So…how do you like your rice? Boiled? Or fried?”

Without missing a beat, our Bennie looked over her menu at him and replied clearly, “Thrown.”

* * * *

From Paul Hamann ‘63, Edina, MN, further explaining the Massey Ratings he sent in last issue —

Hi Wick, Didn’t see you but caught up with a few of your classmates. Great finish to the game…that’s an understatement!!

Re the ratings: Massey takes into account lots of factors like the quality of your opponents etc. Obviously way beyond an English major like you and a science major like me. Perhaps a math wonk could decipher the formula for Massey ratings. I like them because SJU, when worthy, is usually higher in the Massey ratings than the D3football beauty contest.

This week Massey has Whitewater first, Mt. Union second, Trinity (CT) third and SJU fourth, UST 7, and Bethel and Concordia in the top 20. The MIAC is third-ranked conference. NESMAC, which was 10 – 0 in non conf. is first, and the WIAC 2nd. The first 3 conferences according to the rankings are head and shoulders above the rest. But we knew that about the MIAC and WIAC. Who/what is the NESMAC? I know they don’t participate in the playoffs.

Assume you’ve already seen the replay of “The Kick” on U-Tube. Will look for you at the UST game. — Paul

(Editor’s Note: Speaking of D3Football beauty contests — http://www.d3football.com — SJU remains ranked at #6; our opponent next week remains at #15. Using an English major’s math skills to decipher the D3 rankings, I think that means we beat UST by a TD and a field goal; however if you use the Massey ratings we only beat them by a field goal. Either way the Tommies are dead meat!)

* * * *

Overheard at the Hamline Student Union, Part 1 —

“What?!? You caught your girlfriend with another guy and you’re not punching his lights out?!?”

“I’m waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

“To catch her with a shorter, skinnier guy.”

* * * *

From Tom Weiss SJP ‘68/SJU ‘74, River Falls, WI —

Bob, I just got this link from the Fort Hood Paper. Nice result for our son on the hard work he did in Iraq! Not necessarily for the UN but still a cool story!
http://www.forthoodsentinel.com/story.php?id=1990 — Tom

(Editor’s Comment: Tom, this link absolutely belongs in the Underground! All of our continued best wishes to Tom II during his recovery and congratulations for his fine work done in Iraq.)

* * * *

From Jim Nathe ‘64, PA someplace

Hi Bob, I made an unplanned family-related trip back to Minnesota last week, which gave me the opportunity to spend a few hours enjoying the Johnnie Homecoming football game and visit briefly with some classmates at our 45th class reunion. My thanks to you for the warm welcome and to Rick Ahles for giving me one of his football tickets. The game was one of the most exciting and enjoyable football games I’ve watched this year; no small statement, given the only other college football team I follow regularly is Notre Dame!

Please extend my congratulations to Bob Spinner and Ken Roering for their well deserved recognition in receiving the Fr. Walter Reger Distinguished Alumni Award and Alumni Achievement Award respectively. —Jim

* * * *

From our official Unofficial Underground News humorologist, C.J. Ross ‘64, San Diego, CA —

Three coeds from Twin Cities-area MIAC colleges were all applying for the last available “equal opportunity” position on the Minnesota Highway Patrol. The trooper conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?”

The college seniors all nodded. The trooper got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, “To be an effective police officer, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth.”

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first coed, a senior from Bethel, and withdrew it after about two seconds. “Now,” he said, “did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?”

The Bethel Royal immediately said, “Yes, I did. He has only one eye!”

The trooper shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!”

The Bethel lass hung her head and walked out of the office.

The trooper then turned to the second young woman, a senior from Hamline University, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, “What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?”

“Yes! He only has one ear!”

The trooper put his head in his hands and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just told that young lady from Bethel? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You’re excused too!”

The Piper [Pipette?] sheepishly walked out of the office.

The trooper turned his attention to the third and last coed, a senior from the University of St. Thomas, and said, “This is probably a waste of time, but…” He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, “All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?”

The senior Tommie said, “I sure did. This man wears contact lenses..”

The trooper frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the Tommie coed with a puzzled expression and said, “You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?”

And our Tommie rolled her eyes and said, “Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.”

* * * *

MIAC Profiles of Excellence: Ryan Wimmer, Saint John’s University

by Rich Mies, MIAC columnist for College Sporting News

Often, football is compared to war. Terms such as battles, bombs and in the trenches are used to describe activity on the gridiron in militaristic fashion. The quarterback often is referred to as the team’s general in another warfare analogy. However, when talking about Saint John’s University linebacker Ryan Wimmer, a more apt comparison would be that of a hunter, something he does extraordinarily well both on and off the field.

On the field, Ryan patrols the middle of SJU’s defense so thoroughly most opponents run their game plan away from him. Like a hunter, he is in constant pursuit of his prey- whether that is a runningback hoping to gain a few yards, a receiver looking to get open or a quarterback trying to get off a pass. Ryan is a two-time All-MIAC selection, as well as All-Region and preseason All-American and he is a key component to one of the most stringent defenses in the area. (Read more)

* * * *

Overheard at the Hamline Student Union, Part 2 —

“I got this new deodorant stick. The instructions said, ‘Remove cap and push up bottom.’ I can barely walk with it, but when I fart I smell real nice.”

* * * *

From Jim Seckinger ‘64, ?? —

Bob, Thanks for the nice note. I will stay in touch. I am just back from London with gratitude for all the gifts I received in life, one of which is SJU. ‘To whom much is given, much is expected’ and we are trying to fulfill that expectation. — Jim

* * * *

From Fred Cremer ‘67, North Carolina —

Bob, I just wanted to let you know that Mike Scherer [‘67] called me here in North Carolina from the SJU stands in the last 36 seconds of the game. He gave me the game situation and said he would be my play-by-play announcer and to stay on the phone. I just wanted all NFL, Collegiate, and High School play-by-play announcers to know that their jobs are NOT in jeopardy.

Mike would give me the formation and that would be the last I heard from him as he got caught up in the excitement of the moment. This repeated until the fourth and five situation from the 32 yard line. Then it took several minutes for me to find out if the field goal was good or not. At least I knew that the Johnnies won even if it did take a while for the results to be relayed to me. Great ending in a great Johnnie tradition! — Fred

(Editor’s Reply: Fred, I think you should know that Mike announces like he fishes. However, on the Tundra after the game I visited with Mike and his darling wife Suzie ‘67, sister of my classmate Mike Sharkey ‘64, who was unable to return for Homecoming. Using Suzie’s cell phone we called him to describe what had happened after the fact…the result was a much more succinct call.)

* * * *

Mystery Solved Department —

Last issue Jim Kearney ‘64 wrote of encountering an auto with the license GO JONEZ with an SJU holder on a Milwaukee street. Today we have the identity established by Eric Brever ‘01:

The mystery Milwaukee driver alluded to herein is none other than the illustrious John Borgen ’01. A picture of his license plate is attached to the email. It’s pretty classic, and we gave him some trouble about the uniqueness of it atMike Slavik’s (’01) wedding two weekends ago. The picture is courtesy of Chris Chambs (’01) and his wife Colleen Probst Chambs (’01). John and Chris—the Johnez license plate is famous! -EB

* * * *

From Terry Fruth ‘61, Minneapolis —

Wick: Have you printed many of the “Man walks into LaPlayette” jokes:? [Ed’s Answer: Not too many; you’ll see why in a sec.] Examples: Man walks into La with a parrot on his head. Mark says: “Where did you get that thing?” Parrot answers: “It started as a pimple on my ass.”

Man walks into La with a parrot on his head. Mark says: “Where did you get that thing?” Parrot answers: “They are all over the place outside.”

Duck walks into La and asks, “Got any duck food?” and Marks says: We don’t allow ducks in here so get out before I nail those big feet of yours to the floor. Duck leaves.

Next night same scene and duck says: “Got any nails in here?” Mark says: “NO!” Duck quickly responds: “Got any duck food then?”

(Editor’s Comment: Terry, you stick to lawyering and I’ll do the humor around here.)

* * * *

From the Underground’s Official Roving Correspondent, Al Eisele ‘58, Falls Church, VA, a “Norvegan” joke sent to him by a real Norwegian Cobber —

Three Norwegians go down to Mexico to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, Sven, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if he has any last words. He says, “I yust graduated from St. Olaf College in Northfield and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for Sven’s forgiveness, and release him.

The second, Lars, is strapped in and gives his last words, “I yust graduated from the Concordia College in Moorhead and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.”

They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees; beg for his forgiveness, and release him.

The last one, Ole, is strapped in and says, ‘Vell, I’m from the University of Nort’ Dakota in Gran Forks and yust graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this t’ing in.

(Editor’s Note: Last August I attended Len and Kay Mrachek’s annual spaghetti feed at their lovely home in Edina. While there I listened in as several of the Class of 1958 recalled some of the antics of their old pal, Big Al Eisele. Since that class has already celebrated its 50th anniversary, I’m sure that even the Benedictine Statute of Limitations (remember, dear fathers…Moderation) has passed, and some of these Eisele memories can now be made public: The first is how Al hauled some friends down to the Sagatagan in the dark of night to where he had previously located a fine stringer of fish someone had caught and was keeping in the lake. With his pals as witnesses, Al hauled the load of game fish up into the off-limits Monastery Garden and let them all loose in the goldfish pond. The second escapade dwelt with Al finding his inner arsonist as he squirted lighter fluid under the dormroom door and onto the terrazzo floor of one of his friends in, I believe, Mary Hall and set it aflame, then knocked on the door to catch the attention of his studious friend and high-tailed it. Finally, Al returned from a weekend off campus with a large railroad flare and again, desiring witnesses to his late night-time mischief, led some out along the trail around the lake to the shrine to St. Katrina Tekawitha. There he set off the flare, which burned so brightly that it lit up that whole end of the lake for a long, long time leaving, even to this day, some black smudges on the concrete bench. Come home, Al…all (or maybe a lot) is forgiven.

By the way, Al has previously told me that we should never believe a word that came out of Len’s party.)

* * * *

That’s it. Hope I can get back in rhythm for next issue. GO JOHN’S: RIP THE PIPERS A NEW FLUTE. (or something like that.)