Dear Tommie:
Oh, how you’ve changed. We used to have so much in common, but now I hardly recognize you.
For so much of the last sesquicentennial our similarities made me look forward to seeing you—not just on the gridiron, but in other sports, too. We’re both Catholic, we had our all-male status and our relationships with our respective sisters, Bennie and Katie. And football? You used to be pretty good. But now? Well sometimes it seems like you just don’t care anymore. If you haven’t noticed, you’ve really let yourself go in recent years.
Over the last few decades, you’ve all but ditched Katie to be “co-ed”. And you used to be content to be a small, liberal arts college. But nooo, you want to be a big “university”, with a law school and now, I hear, maybe a med school. It seems like you’re trying to be Gopher Lite, or something.
Sure, we’ll get together again on Saturday. A lot of people will be there. Can you at least act interested? I’m sure you’re aware of the season I’m having here. It would just be so much more exciting if you gave a hoot anymore instead of just going through the motions. I know I’m not the first to tell you to get yourself a new coach. But then, I doubt if your big boss even notices you floundering.
I suppose I’ve ragged on you enough and nothing will change unless you want it to. Though I miss the way things were, I’m sure you may miss them even more—if you care at all. But hopefully, you can still be happy for me and the fun and success I’m having up here in Collegeville.
See you Saturday!
Regretfully,
Johnnie
