JohnnieFootball » Theo Wick

SJU’s Unofficial Underground hits new low for length: read it anyway — #12

Theo Wick — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:46:28 +0000

Dear Playoff Ready Readers,

I’m amazed at the length of this particular issue…people just keep on sending material — news, jokes, announcements and the like. So I’m considerably shortening my intros and will try to condense some info:

1. Although he’s had problems with timely reformatting the past couple of weeks, look for Joel Schou ‘03 to post this issue of the Underground Newsup on www.JohnnieFootball.com just as is. If he has time he can reformat later so it looks real purty. Or just read it here now.

2. The first NCAA West Region Playoff game tomorrow against Coe College of Cedar Rapids, IA begins at NOON, not the usual 1 p.m. start. Tickets are $8. The weather should be pretty darn nice, all things considered, which means we get to look at Jim Platten’s knees again this week. Joe Boyle, injured junior first-string QB, is back maybe 85-90% and will start.

3. Tom Arth ‘66 informs us that Mike Fahey ‘75 and the others that host the Stiftungsfestivities will be in action tomorrow, with Mike saying things should get going at 9 a.m.

4. For those who don’t know, SJU defeated Carleton College (and former Johnny great Kurt Ramler ‘97 who coaches them) 41-14, turning in another undefeated season. That may sound like a run-away, but the first half was pretty even. Scared a few of us. More game info is found below — way below. It’s a long issue.

5. This is a huge weekend of activity, mainly the SJU-UST Hockey “home and home series” tonight in St. Paul and tomorrow in St. Cloud; and, of course, the playoff game tomorrow. Here’s a note from Kurt Halstrom ‘94, whom I believe is president of the J-Club this year:

A great weekend of sports is coming up in Johnnie Nation. A list of a few events is below. Look forward to seeing you at the meeting, or one of the events.

Friday

Basketball – 7pm @ SCSU

Hockey – 7pm @ St. Thomas
The Hockey Alumni Affinity group will be hosting a happy hour prior to the Johnnie Tommie game in the Cities. The happy hour will start at 5:30 on Nov. 20 at Time Out Sports Bar in Eagan (2864 Hwy 55, Eagan MN 55121) in their backroom.

Saturday

Wrestling – 9am @ Augsburg Open

Cross Country – 12pm @ Div III National Championships @ Baldwin Wallace College in Ohio

Football – 12pm vs. Coe College, first round of the playoffs

Swim/Diving – 1pm @ Gustavus Invitational

Basketball – 6pm @ MSU – Moorhead

Hockey – 7:30 pm @ the MAC in St. Cloud — UST. It is “Pack the MAC” night

[Ed’s Note: The SJU and CSB hockey teams are playing at the St. Cloud Municipal Athletic Complex (aka ‘the MAC’); since this may be a new venue for many of you, here are the directions, compliments of John Taylor‘58.

The plan is for as many of you as possible that will be around for the football game to stay and attend the SJU-UST hockey game as well. Note that the game Friday starts at 7 p.m., while the game Saturday begins later, at 7:30 p.m.] Regarding tonight [Friday] here’s part of a note by Tom Freeman ‘08:
Please come have a beer and some free appetizers on us and then head over and watch the Johnnies game. The UST rink is only about a mile away. Please bring your family and friends that may be going to the game, this is by no means limited to just former players. I am looking into getting tickets ahead of time for those that RSVP so please respond immediately if you would like me to try and get you a ticket in advance. If you want to RSVP, please email Tom Freeman at ThomasC.Freeman@gmail.com or call me at 651.338.7771 GO JOHNNIES!

6. The College of Saint Benedict basketball team ranks 24th in the D3hoops.com preseason poll. They finished last year with a 24-4 record after advancing to the Sweet 16, securing the #18 spot in the poll. And they pulled off an upset of sorts in their first game against bigger, higher-ranked foe: CSB 74- UW-Eau Claire 67. Wing Amy Stifter finished with 28 points, and was 5-for-5 from 3-point range and 7-for-8 from the free throw line! GO BLAZERS!

7. St. John’s Preparatory School won a middle school Knowledge Bowl competition Monday involving 18 teams. St. John’s Prep teams earned first and fourth places in the competition. The teams are coached by Charles Miller, physics teacher at St. John’s Prep.

Best wishes to all,

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697

* * * *

College football: Johnnies to host Coe on Saturday

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

The St. John’s football team will be playing at home throughout at least the first three rounds of the NCAA Division III playoffs should the Johnnies advance that far.

St. John’s (10-0) was named the top seed in the West Region when the Division III postseason pairings were released Sunday afternoon. The Johnnies play host to Iowa Intercollegiate Athletic Conference runner-up Coe (9-1) in the first round at noon Saturday at Clemens Stadium.

The Kohawks lone loss this season was a 24-6 setback at the hands of IIAC champion Central on Sept. 26. They have scored 30 points or more in the past six games and have outscored their opposition 173-54 in the past four.

They beat Gustavus of the MIAC 27-24 on Sept. 12. Sophomore quarterback Brad Boyle has thrown for 2,478 yards and 17 touchdowns this season. Senior running back Sam Hammes has 162 carries for 710 yards. (Read more)

* * * *

Rajkowski column: Facts to go on Coe

All too often, NCAA Division III playoff games come and go in the blink of an eye, without fans of either team taking the time to get to know a little more about the school their squad is facing.

But with Coe College of Iowa scheduled to pay a social call at Clemens Stadium for a first-round postseason matchup with St. John’s at noon Saturday, I thought it might be nice to learn a bit about the Kohawks and the school they represent.

So, in the interest of breeding a friendly sense of familiarity between small-college football aficionados (and because coming up with column ideas in the highly-busy month of November ain’t always easy), I now present 10 fun (or at least, I hope, vaguely interesting) facts about Coe: (Read more)

* * * *

A Coe College junior bought a brand new economy car from a dealer near the campus in Cedar Rapids. To celebrate the purchase of her first car she decided to drive down from there to meet a friend in Keokuk. She reached there in a few hours.

After spending a weekend there, she decided to return, and called up her roommates to expect her in the evening. But she didn’t reach home in the evening and not the next day either.

When she finally returned to the campus on the third day, her distraught roomies ran to the car and asked her, “What happened?”

Our Lady Kohawk got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, “Good golly, these car designers…these people are crazy! They have four gears for going forward, but only one for going back!”

* * * *

From Bill Marrin SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, Dallas, TX to John Sipe also ‘61/SJU ‘65, with copy to me —

IF St John’s wins this Saturday
And
IF St Thomas also wins
Then
I will fly in for the historic, record breaking, nail biting, “Tommies Suck”, slugfest in Collegeville on November 28th, rain or shine. Unless you have a better offer for seating, my three remaining seats are yours use (for that “Big If” game) providing you buy me a beer at the La before after the big game (win or lose). — Bill

* *

From John Sipe, in quick response:

Bill: That would be great. I hope to bring John, Jr. ‘89 & Dan ‘91 up for the game. Beer in the La? Yes! — John

(Editor’s Note: For Thanksgiving John, Jr. will be in with family from Encinitas, California where he is a regional VP for Houghton Mifflin, while Dan, a French professor at the University of Missouri, will come up from Columbia.)

* * * *

DeLand column: Boyle, Johnnies looking ahead

by Dave DeLand, sports editor, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE —There have been times during this football season, quite frankly, when St. John’s seemed to be doing it with smoke and mirrors, holding things together with spackle and Super Glue.

Injuries? The Johnnies have had lots of them, including several to key players.

“The amazing part of the whole year is I think we had 20 different guys miss games because of this and that,” head coach John Gagliardi said. “It’s just incredible, the amount of injuries.”

“I think it helps any time you have a little adversity like we had,” said quarterback Joe Boyle, one of those key injured players. “Even under circumstances that aren’t ideal, we came out and got wins.”

Close games? St. John’s had five that were decided on the final play, and could easily have lost four of them. (Read more)

* * * *

Johnnies go 10-0 and are ready for more

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — There are times a little friendly competition between teammates can be a good thing.

Such was the case for the St. John’s defense in a 41-14 victory over Carleton in the regular-season finale at Clemens Stadium.

Coming into the game, the Johnnies had just nine interceptions as a team all season — no one with more than two — and had not scored a defensive touchdown.

So this week in practice, some members of the defense broke into teams of two and kept track of their interceptions with the winning duo rewarded with Gatorade. (Read more)

* *

Gunderson playing through injury

[The St. Cloud Times]

* *

Boyle back running the offense for Johnnies

[The St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

For Those Interested in Carleton Victory Details —

SJU football: Freshman runs wild

COLLEGEVILLE — With leading rusher Jakob Reding sidelined with a sprained right medial collateral ligament, St. John’s freshman Steve Johnson expected to see more carries in Saturday afternoon’s regular-season finale against Carleton.

But even he did not expect as many as he ended up getting.

The Mahtomedi graduate — who started in Reding’s place — finished the day with 26 carries for 128 yards and two touchdowns to become the first Johnnies freshman to rush for 100 yards in a game since Korey Dean did it against Carleton in 1992.

His efforts helped his team finish a perfect 10-0 regular season and wrap up sole possession of the MIAC title with a 41-14 victory at Clemens Stadium. (Read more)

* *

St. John’s 41, Carleton 14

Scoring and Stats
[The St. Cloud Times]

* *

MIAC Football Week Nine: Johnnies Take Title Outright and Unblemished

by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, College Sporting News “Mapping the MIAC” Columnist

Saint John’s wrapped up its 31st Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference championship with a 41-14 win over Carleton. SJU takes its unblemished record into the upcoming NCAA Division III playoffs. Bethel closed the 2009 season with a 44-6 win over Augsburg, while St. Olaf beat Hamline 34-20 and Gustavus won a squeaker, 20-19, over Concordia. St. Thomas, hoping to secure a Pool C berth in the NCAA playoffs, stepped out of the MIAC and pounded Northwestern 63-14. (Read more)

* *

2009 MIAC Final Standings

Through games of November 14, 2009

Team	Conference W/L	Overall W/L
Saint John’s University	8-0	10-0
University of St. Thomas	7-1	9-1
Bethel University	6-2	7-3
Concordia College	3-5	5-5
St. Olaf College	3-5	5-5
Augsburg College	3-5	4-6
Gustavus Adolphus	3-5	4-6
Hamline University	2-6	4-6
Carleton College	1-7	3-7

* * * *

Notably Quick Responses to the Last UUN —

* *

From Jim Platten SJP ‘70/SJU ‘74 , St. Paul, who volunteers as a “bench bitch” for the football team and stands out, especially when the weather turns chilly, by wearing Bermuda shorts long past sensible temps. To my admonition last issue for fans to “dress in layers, wear a hat and gloves, and even bring a blanket” Jim simply writes —

Or wear shorts!!

* *

From Gary Kordosky ‘64, Tucson, AZ —

Wick: Good Underground; it is appreciated more than you realize. Wish I could see the game [Carleton] tomorrow. — gary

* *

From Dave Durenberger SJP ‘51/SJU ‘55, St. Paul, apparently awed by the sheer verbosity of the Underground News —

Bob, You are incredible!!! Dave

* *

From Mike Gerbich ‘63, Dubai, UAE, comes “The Mother of All Websites” —

What A Handy Tool! THIS IS THE COOLEST THING SINCE THE INVENTION OF THE TV REMOTE CONTROL. Just Point and click! www.allmyfaves.com Then pick a site ! ‘BOOM’ And there it is!

* *

From Wally Pattock ‘47, St. Cloud —

Hi, It was nice seeing you today. Incidentally I never received your last message. Sure would appreciate your sending it to me. — Wally

* * * *

SJU Basketball —

St. John’s Smith still 1 shy of 700

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — When we last left the Jim Smith milestone watch, the longtime St. John’s head basketball coach was one win shy of 700, heading into his team’s MIAC first-round playoff matchup against Gustavus last February.

He was also coaching from a wheelchair at the scorer’s table after suffering a fractured femur when he fell in his garage late last season.

The Johnnies lost that game 71-68, meaning Smith had to wait until this season to become just the second coach in Division III history, and the 27th coach overall, to reach the 700-win mark, while at the same time giving himself time to heal. (Read more)

* * * *

Blazer Basketball —

Blazer Basketball team 2009-2010

* *

College roundup: New-look Blazers open with victory

EAU CLAIRE, Wis. — Amy Stifter opened her season with a bang.

The College of St. Benedict junior wing finished with a career-high 28 points on the strength of 5-of-5 shooting from three-point range in the Blazers’ 74-67 season-opening win on the road at Wisconsin-Eau Claire. The Blazers finished shooting 10-of-25 from downtown.

“When you’re feeling it, you just let it fly,” said Stifter, who also had five rebounds. “We have four or five players who are deadly from three. We knocked them down a lot tonight.”

St. Benedict head coach Mike Durbin said the threes were the difference in the game. The Blugolds (0-1) were 4-of-16 from deep. (Read more)

* *

CSB basketball: Blazers are ready to run

[The St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

Two older women who haven’t seen each other in some time met unexpectedly at Coborn’s in St. Cloud: “How are you, dear, and how is your husband?” asked Agnes Winkelmann.

“I’m fine, but Ted died last week,” replied Luella Koetter.

“Oh no! What happened?”

“He went out to da garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right dere in da middle of da vegetable patch!” Luella explained.

“Oh dear! I’m very sorry. What did you do?” asked Agnes.

“I opened a can of peas instead.”

* * * *

From Mike Murphy ‘62, St. Paul —

Bob – Congrats on the recognition you got at last Saturday’s game – good use of the P.A. system. Well deserved. Well done.
I would mention in particular the carefully balanced, yet straight-forward way in which you reported and commented on the noisy commercialism at Clemens Stadium. Now they know the issue goes beyond a handful of outliers. Remains to be seen whether this legitimate complaint continues to fall on (you knew this was coming) deaf ears.

(Editor’s Explanation: Mike speaks of an announcement made during the game that said a $1,000 contribution to the Rich Hall Scholarship Fundwas being made in my name. The contributor is Chuck Garrity [Notre Dame ‘65] and cousin of my classmate Mike Garrity ‘64. Chuck, who is the president/CEO of Intelligent Financial Strategies, of which Jason Good ‘06 is operating manager, wanted to show appreciation to my support of their business and Jason in particular, and for work in connections within the SJU-CSB comminities. They chose the Rich Hall Fund in honor of our close relationship for so many years. I was pleasantly surprised and very grateful to Chuck for his contribution to SJU.)

* * * *

From John Ries ‘64, Sisters, OR, via Paul Hamann ‘63, Edina, MN —

A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her group, all who stuttered: an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman.

She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said, “If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?”

The Englishman piped up. “B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham,” he said.

“That’s no use, Trevor,” said the speech therapist, “Who’s next?”

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out, “P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley.”

“That’s no better. There’ll be no sex for you, I’m afraid, Hamish. How about you, Paddy?”

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out, “London.”

“Brilliant, Paddy!” said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.

After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said, “-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry.”

* * * *

Also from Paul Hamann —

Hi Bob, It was good to track you down last Saturday. Obviously pleased with the SJU seed. If we prevail I’ll be at the third home game. Going to see the East Coast branches of the family for Thanksgiving. Leaving Saturday, returning the Monday, after the UST/Monmouth winner game. Marc, my son, and I will be gathered around the computer to catch the game(s). Bring home a couple wins… — Paul

* * * *

Stearns County Quickie #1 —

Father Virgil Beutner, pastor of Holy Angels, was getting pretty concerned about rising expenses to run his small parish, so he decided to put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at church to cut down on paper towel costs.

However after two weeks Fr. Virgil took them out. When the bookkeeper asked him why, he confessed that they worked fine, but someone had put a sign on that read, “For a sample of this week’s sermon, push the button.”

* * * *

Stearns County Quickie #2 —

Cletus Braun knocked on his supervisor’s door after he clocked out for the day. “Boss, I need tomorrow off,” said Clete. “We’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home and my wife needs me to help with the attic
and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”

The super, Frank Schweiger, scanned the work sheet, then sadly shook his head. “Sorry, Clete, but we’re short-handed! I can’t give you the day off.”

“Thanks, boss! I knew I could count on you!”

* * * *

Stearns County Quickie #3 —

Leo Theilman, in his mid-70s, was having a cup of coffee after dinner quietly his wife Betty Lou in their tidy little home in St. Stephen. Suddenly he looked up and asked, “What will you do if I die before you do?”

“Hmmm,” thought Betty Lou. “I’ll probably look for a house-sharing arrangement. Maybe with two or three single or widowed women…maybe a little younger than me, since I’m fairly active for my age. What would you do if I die first?”

“Probably the same thing,” deadpanned Leo.

* * * *

From John Diffley ‘64, Stewartville, MN —

Bob, For some reason – technical difficulties I’m sure – I did not receive the last Underground Newsletter….or did you send it out late? At any rate, it’s time for the second season to begin and I do hope that you have paced yourself accordingly. It was so enjoyable to see so many old comrades at the Dome. — John

(Editor’s Comment: It’s not a pretty thing to see UUN withdrawal symptoms; Fr. Mike Byron ‘81 had the same problem a week or two previous. I am still getting them out weekly (for a while longer anyway), so if you don’t get it by late Thursday or sometime early Friday, my advice is to check www.JohnnieFootball.com where the UUN also resides sooner or later. Also, check your spam filter…sometimes your computers show more taste than you do.)

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

Lindsay (Novak) Good ‘06 RD, LD

Turkey Time

Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season of fun, parties and time with your family. Along with the holidays also come stress, a plethora of unhealthy foods and considerably less exercise due to the approach of cold weather. Get started on the right foot this year at Thanksgiving with some healthy holiday tips!

Healthy Eating
Set yourself up for success by having a healthy snack containing fiber and protein before a party or your Thanksgiving dinner to moderate your hunger. Control your portions of higher fat/calorie foods and fill your plate with lower calorie options such as fruit and veggie dishes. Allow yourself to have dessert, choose your absolute favorite and enjoy every bite — but just stick to one serving.

Food Safety
Make sure to thaw your turkey in the fridge, not on the counter top or in the sink. It takes 24 hours to thaw a 4lb turkey in the fridge. Therefore, a 4-8 lb turkey would thaw in 1-2 days, a 12-16 lb turkey would thaw in 3-4 days, and a 20-24 lb turkey would thaw in 5-6 days. At holiday parties, poultry, red meat and seafood should not be left out longer than 2 hours after cooking. Leftovers are good for 2-3 days in the fridge; you can always freeze your leftovers for longer.

Keep Moving
Just because it’s dark at 5pm and colder outside doesn’t mean you need to start hibernating. Keep moving by bundling up and going for a brisk walk, join a gym or try a few new workout DVDs at home. To keep moving set realistic goals, find the time of day exercise fits best with your schedule and just move!

Tackle turkey day and beyond this year
It’s a great time to spend with family and friends but a little bit of healthy eating, preparing food safely and exercise can go a long way.

A New Way to Use Thanksgiving Leftovers

Turkey & Squash Soup (www.eatingwell.com)
Ingredients
* 2 teaspoons canola oil or olive oil
* 2 leeks, trimmed, chopped and rinsed
* 1 red bell pepper, chopped
* 3 cloves garlic, minced
* 4 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
* 1 1/2 pounds butternut squash, (1 small to medium), peeled, seeded and
   cut into 1-inch cubes
* 2 tablespoons minced fresh thyme, or 2 teaspoons dried thyme
* 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
* 1 pound turkey cutlets, cut into 1/2-by-2-inch strips
* 2 cups frozen corn kernels
* 2 tablespoons lime juice
* 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* Freshly ground pepper, to taste

Preparation
1. Heat oil in a Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add leeks and bell
    pepper; cook, stirring often, until the vegetables begin to soften,
    3 to 4 minutes. Add garlic and cook, stirring, for 1 minute more.
    Stir in broth, squash, thyme and cumin; cover and bring to a boil.
    Reduce heat to medium-low and cook until the vegetables are tender,
    about 10 minutes.
2. Nutrition Per serving:
    - 238 calories;
    - 3 g fat (1 g sat, 1 g mono);
    - 33 mg cholesterol;
    - 31 g carbohydrates;
    - 25 g protein;
    - 6 g fiber;
    - 274 mg sodium;
    - 555 mg potassium.
Nutrition Bonus:
    - Vitamin A (260% daily value),
    - Vitamin C (120% dv),
    - Folate (21% dv),
    - Iron (20% dv).

* * * *

A Thanksgiving Accident —

The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom;
Then splattered all over the kitchen
completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor;
There was turkey attached to the ceiling
where there’d never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl;
There wasn’t a way I could stop it -
that turkey was out of control!

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
and thought with chagrin as I mopped
That I’d never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn’t been popped.

* *

How Pumpkin Pies Are Made —

(With thanks to Harry Burns SJP ‘74/SJU ‘78, Marilee Giere and Mike Hogan SJP ‘61

[Ed’s Quick Comment: Notice that two former Preps sent this? We never quite grow out of our affection for potty humor I sometimes think. As for Marilee — well, I guess you just have to know her.]

* * * *

Easiest way you folks will ever help anybody —

(Sent in by Chris Gillespie Scholl, mother of Janel Scholl Lewandowski ‘97)

Kare 11 & Land O’Lakes are donating $1 for every person who clicks on their web site. Go to the website listed below and on the top right side of the screen there is the green area where it says: “You Click, We donate.” It’s that easy. Please pass to all of your friends. I know that the food shelves are really hurting this year.

[www.landolakesinc.com]

(Editor’s Invite: Go ahead, it’s easy. And you can do it wherever you are reading this; you don’t have to be a Minnesota resident to click.)

* * * *

A honeymoon couple, both graduates of Coe College, is staying in the Watergate Hotel in downtown Washington. The new Kohawks bride is a little concerned. “What if this place is still bugged?”

“Oh, honey, that was years ago.”

“Still, I’d feel better if you checked.”

Her Coe College groom looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug. Finally, he says, “AHA!! Look here!”

Under the rug is a strange-looking disc with four screws. He gets out his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws and throws them and the disc out the window. “There! That should take care of your worrying, my darling!”

The next morning at check out, the clerk summons the hotel manager. The manager asks the newlyweds, “Mr. and Mrs. Jones, did anything, uh…unusual happen in your room last night?”

“Why are you asking?”

“Well, the people staying in the room below yours complained that the chandelier fell on them.”

* * * *

From Fr. Eric Hollas OSB ‘75, St. John’s Abbey —

Dear Friend of Saint John’s,

I am writing to offer you a travel experience you won’t find anywhere else. Fr. Bob Koopmann, President of Saint John’s University, and I will lead a small group to Rome and Tuscany on April 6 – 15, 2010. This will be a chance to visit SJU Faculty member Ambassador Miguel Diaz, learn about the workings of the Vatican from SJU alumnus and Rome journalist Jon Thavis, and see the marvelous landscapes of Rome and Tuscany. And not least, it’s a chance to spend time with Fr. Bob as he completes his first year as President. For more information on this unique trip, as well as registration materials, consult the link below. You may also respond directly to this email, or call my colleague, Sara Mruz at 320-363-2099.

[www.sjualum.com]

Thank you, and please join us! — Fr. Eric

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

About six months after Gertie Thielman’s husband Leo died at their home in Watkins she began thinking about her own mortality. One day her daughter, Lorna, called home from college over at St. Cloud State and Gertie announced to her, “I think it’s time for us to talk about where I would like to be buried.”

“It’s way too soon to even think of anything like that,” Lorna snapped indignantly.

Then there was a brief silence.

“Wait a minute,” Lorna finally said, “did you say married or buried?”

“I said buried.”

“Oh, okay, sure.”

* * * *

From Joe Mucha ‘66 (and Mike Obler ‘64 with the same material) —

Bob, I love puns and here are some good ones sent to me by Uncle Dick [McNamara]. He is the uncle of Jack (your fishing partner) and my wife,Kathy. Dick is a Notre Dame grad, but loves your newsletter whenever I forward it to him. (Editor’s Quick Comment: And now I’ve always liked Uncle Dick, but I’m only going to run a few of his long list.)

Go Johnnies and go Monmouth!!! — Joe

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”

3. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron,” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”

4. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

5. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. (Ed’s Note: With further thanks to Marge Pattock ‘44 who first told me this at the La Playette last year.)

6. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

7. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

* * * *

Pre-Med Students’ Quickie #1 —

“Doctor, Doctor! You’ve gotta help me! I just can’t stop my hands from shaking!”

“Do you drink a lot of coffee?”

“Not really – I spill most of it.”

* * * *

Pre-Med Students’ Quickie #2 —

At the beginning of his shift, the young doctor placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.

“Big breaths,” he instructed.

“Yes, they used to be,” replied the patient.

* * * *

Pre-Med Students’ Quickie #3 —

One day a physician had to be the bearer of bad news when she told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later the doctor heard the wife reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”

* * * *

Two Blazer Volleyballers Honored —

Two members of the St. Benedict volleyball team have received AVCA Division III All-America honors.

Senior setter Beth Hanson was named to the All-America third team. Senior outside hitter Emma Jaynes was an honorable mention selection.

The Blazers tied with St. Thomas for this season’s MIAC regular season title, won the conference tournament and advanced to the first round of the Division III tournament. Congrats, Blazers!

* * * *

School of Theology Corner —

Contributed by Gary Kordosky ‘64, Tucson, AZ —

A woman CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview. “Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. May I ask your name?”

“Morris Fishbein,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wailing Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a f**king wall.”

* * * *

From Patrick Tomczik, Northfield, MN —

Hi Bob, Dee and I have been following your newsletter this fall. As always, a great job. Dee marvels at how much time and effort you put into it. That, along with my brother Gary’s cell phone updates during the games while I travel back from Gary, IN on Saturday afternoons, keeps us in the loop on this season of undefeated SJU football suspense.

I have to say though, that I have chuckled a bit hearing about the controversy of using red cups at the Stiftungsfestivities. As you know, here at our home in Northfield where Dee and I and our children have been hosting a post game gathering since 1995, following either a St. Olaf or Carleton game, we do things a bit differently. The chicken barley soup is served in ceramic bowls, the steaming mulled cider in warmed mugs and the entrees, ranging from pork cutlets in a mushroom-onion sauce to roasted chicken breasts to grilled sirloin steak sandwiches on fresh baked buns are all served on china plates. We always have the greatest radio team announcers Mark and Brian’s favorite beef and bean casserole. Everything fresh and made from scratch in our kitchen. Baskets are filled with fresh baked rolls and relishes. The dining room buffet is filled with with Dee’s desserts. While we do ask folks to bring their own beverage, if they don’t, we provide. And no where is there to be found a cup or a plate asking for donations.

After all, we’re just following St. Benedict’s rule of hospitality. The 40 to 70 guests whom we welcome, usually leave very full and happy. I think Benedict will be proud of us and our guests would agree. So the heck with the red plastic cups! The Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, we’ll see you next year in Northfield. In the meantime; Go Johnnies, beat Coe!!

One last item Bob: A reminder that wherever you see two or three or four Johnnie football fans together, you’ll usually find a fifth!

Take Great Care, Patrick and Dee Tomczik, Benedict’s House of Hospitality in Northfield

(Editor’s Comment: Wouldn’t you know — what with that darn Macalester dropping out of MIAC football and screwing up scheduling every year — that this season SJU hosted both Northfield teams, so we didn’t get to enjoy the warm and generous hospitality of Dee and Pat this fall.)

* * * *

The Last Word —

(Contributed by Honorary Johnnie, Class of ‘65, Dave Swanson, Inver Grove Heights, MN, this is the tale of the Origin of Yodeling) —

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began? Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer’s daughter asked her father, “Who is that man going into the barn?”

“That fellow traveling through,” said the farmer, “needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn.”

The daughter said, “Perhaps he is hungry.” So she prepared a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned, her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer’s wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. “How could he leave without even saying goodbye,” she cried. “We made such passionate love last night!”

“What?” shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, “I’m going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!”

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out, …”LAIDTHEOLADEETOO.”

* * *

That’s it, Good Little Johnnies and Bennies. GO JOHNNIES! Defeather the Kohawks (or something like that.)

The Underground News urges attendance to tomorrow’s game — #11

Theo Wick — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:57:44 +0000

Dear Jays and Bees (and all you others too),

[Mr. Shoes Note #1: Typically I pull out Wicker's go-read-this-on-JF.com email introduction and simply post the Underground from that point forward. This week, I'm quoting it here for context.]

All season I’ve been directing you to www.JohnnieFootball.com so you can read the Underground News in all its deserved splendor on a real live website. So I did last week too but, as it turns out, to no avail. Here’s the reason as explained by JF.com webmeister supremo, Joel Schou ‘03 (as is SKOW):

[Mr. Shoes' Note: My sincerest apologies for not getting this up last week. I was on a deadline at the office when Bob sent it over, then had to take off for the weekend as soon as work was finished on Friday. I've been playing catch-up ever since. Look at it this way: two Undergrounds this week!]

Well, considering how fast Joel usually gets it up after I frantically send it to him a short time before sending it out to all my lists, we should all forgive him and understand that he actually has a life beyond handling the Underground …as opposed to me. Oh, that’s not completely fair to me either — I have a life, just not during football season!

[Mr. Shoes Note #2: And wouldn't you know it, I'm late again. My bad, Bob. My bad. On to the Underground...]

* *

Now, to business: As mentioned last issue, we have a chance to set an NCAA Div. III Football attendance record at Collegeville — 50,000 people attending games at ourClemens Stadium during a single regular season. The person who mentioned that to Dusty Wagner last issue said it’s a record that most likely will never be broken. We need approximately 9,000 fans to show up and cheer the Johnnies on to yet another MIAC championship in order to set that record of over 50K. Can we do it?

Well, the weather is supposed to be fair-to-middlin’ — about mid-40s with partly cloudy conditions; that’s colder than the fair-weather folks like it, but for mid-November in central Minnesota, that’s just grand. Dress in layers, wear a hat and gloves, and even bring a blanket, for gosh sakes! This is a perfect game to bring your kids and grandkids.

Next, the opponent — Carleton College — has the worst record this year in the MIAC, so the game normally wouldn’t be much of a draw. EXCEPT — for the last two years Carleton has given us everything we could handle; last year it took a deus ex machina play in the final seconds to avoid an upset and allow us to tie for the conference lead. Also, this team is coached by a former SJU gridiron great, Kurt Ramler ‘97, who will pull out all tricks to beat his former coach, mentor and good friend, John Gagliardi.

Is the outcome necessarily in doubt, though? Not really…The Knights lost too many stallions to graduation last year to be a convincing foe…except sometimes poop happens. That’s why they play the games. On paper we should win by three, maybe four TDs. But come up anyway. Be part of the ever-growing legend of SJU Football. A normal-sized crowd for this game at this time of year with no rain would be about 7,000-7,500, so we need a few more of you fence-sitters to show up and be counted. Heck, 13,100 of us came out for John’s #409 game against Bethel when the high was 13ºF, so I know we can do it.

Did I mention Tom ‘66 and Carol Arth’s chili at the Stiftungsfestivities yet? The Arths are serving it again this year. For you folks who get up to campus around or before 11:30am, why don’t you join the fans that gather in the Science Hall lot (up behind the scoreboard end of the field) and sample some of the goodies that SJU loyalists prepare for all comers — it’s the Benedictine Value of Hospitality in action, learned by example and maybe osmosis from the Benedictine monks and sisters. It’s all free, except the providers do put out a free-will offering jar to replenish supplies if you’re so moved. It’s a very mellow, welcoming crowd…and you don’t really have to know anybody; just show up. There are burgers, brats, deviled eggs, chips, often bars, cookies and/or pieces of fruit, maybe hot cider, and this week chili. There’s nothing like St. John’s football — so, Johnnie up, everybody. And, as usual, our opponents — Saturday it’s the Knights of Northfield — are honored guests, so you visitors to Collegeville please feel free to come as well. Wearing a Carleton sweatshirt or hat will probably get you a contraband brew.

* *

Last week our contest was indoors — on one of the nicest imagineable outdoor football watching days this fall. Go figure. It was a home game for Augsburg College and I’m not sure why it was played at the Metrodome. Maybe it’s done every year by them for their last home game; or maybe they looked at the schedule, saw it was SJU, and booked the joint so they could make some dough off the ever-present Johnnie Faithful. If the latter point is the reason, well…it worked. There were about 2,300 fans present and I’d say that close to 2,000 of them were dressed in red.

A little farther below you’ll read the details of that contest, won fairly convincingly 28-7 by SJU. I predicted a fairly close game, due to a frosh QB, John Ries, filling in for injured regular, Joe Boyle. I said the game would be highlighted by our defense hopefully throttling the Auggies and our offense keeping it on the ground. The final score is misleading. Throw out our first TD, which came on a fluke fumble/recovery-for-points in the opening seven seconds, and remove a meaningless TD scored in the closing seconds after a desperate Augsburg turned over the ball on downs within the red zone, and you have a 14-0 game. Only they scored on a 93-yard interception-run back in the 4th Quarter as SJU was threatening on the Auggies’ 7-yard line, the only major flaw in young Ries’ day. It should have been a 21-0 win, what with the Jays controlling the ball 2/3 of the game, mostly on the ground.

Our defense was simply awesome once again. We held their admittedly pathetic running game to ZERO yards, and their fairly potent passing game — it led the MIAC going into our game — to merely 100 yards. So it was not a too-close contest, like the St. Olaf game turned out to be.

The pregame celebration in the backroom of Hubert’s seemed very successful; we packed the place. For the most part I avoided taking notes, preferring just to mingle with old and new friends. But John Delebo ‘81, talking with Tom Awe (father of soph RB Harry) at the bar, offered this quickie for you: What do you do if your neighbor’s dog starts humping your leg? If it’s a pit bull, you let it finish. And a tall blonde, Kate Lawrence Boyle ‘97, wife of Jeff Boyle ‘90, came up and said that they’d like a “shout out” to Jeff’s uncle, Dave Boyle ‘59 of Belton, TX, who apparently is a faithful Underground reader (God bless his little cotton-pickin’ heart). I’m not sure how to do a “shout out” in the Underground, but I trust this works: “HELLO TO DAVE FROM JEFF AND KATE…AND GO JOHNNIES!, Y’HEAH?”

I bumped into two retired District Court judges down for the game while doing other family stuff in the Cities. First, at Hubert’s was classmate Rick Ahles ‘64 with wife Karendown from St. Cloud, and outside the Dome was John Lindstrom ‘63 with his wife and some family, over from their home near Willmar. I ran into Highland Park neighbor and friend Thom Farnham ‘72 and his son Tom ‘01, who is also an old chum of my older daughter Megan ‘03, both at Cretin-Derham Hall and CSB-SJU. Also saw old pals Tom‘60/’64 and Lynn McKasy who were meeting family for the game.

Inside I waved to classmate Bob Malby ‘64 as we made our way to great seats staked out on the 40 yard line by John Sipe ‘61/65 and John Diffley ‘64, up from Stewartville, MN for family stuff/game. Next to us sat star running back Kellen Blaser’s sister Melissa Voight and her husband Justin, and their two very little heirs. Kellen and Melissa have a Bennie sibling, Jennifer Blaser Femrite ‘00; they all hail from Austin Pacelli.

At the half I enjoyed a nice visit with Joe ‘66 and Kathy Mucha; Joe being retired VP of HR for General Mills. They were sitting — boys in one row, girls in front of them — with classmates Steve Askew and wife Carol Burgeson Askew, both ‘66 (Steve’s still serving as a District Court judge); Roger ‘66 and Judy Hipwell; Pat ‘66 andMolly Maxwell; and Molly Leahy Jacobs ‘66, widow of Pat ‘66. This group of friends, a real Johnnie/Bennie Rat Pack, do quite a bit together.

Besides the Johnnies’ seven-second fumble recovery TD and the Auggies 93-yard interception TD, the next most memorable item was for the Johnny Nation to get lectured by the Augsburg announcer on sportsmanship. What a fathead. The Johnny fans are very knowledgeable on the game, including rules. We appreciate good plays on either side and generally know when either side has erred. So when an Auggies back was darting around the end and heading up the field along the sidelines, a St. John’s defensive back launched himself at the opponent while still inbounds. They crash-landed well out of bounds right in front of the Augsburg bench. A flag for something like unsportsmanlike conduct or hitting out of bounds immediately went up. Naturally, the partisan Jays showed their displeasure with the call…to us it was obvious that the Auggie was not hit while trying to step out of bounds nor was he hit out of bounds. A huge and long chorus of boos peppered with “Bad Call” resounded through the cavernous stadium.

At that point the announcer reminded the fans something about the need to show sportsmanship and that the MIAC requests that…blah, blah, blah. A short announcement would have sufficed, but this guy couldn’t help himself and continued with some more remarks about thinking and acting “positive”. Some of us starting booing the announcer, and John Sipe remarked — not nearly loudly enough for it would have brought the house down if he had — “All right, I’m POSITIVE that was a bad call.” The irony of all this, certainly lost on that sanctimonious Augsburg dude, was that on the field Augsburg was flagged not once, but two times for “face mask with twisting” penalties.

After the game we hightailed it over to St. Cecilia’s to prepare for the light meal after the St. C’s Red Mass. There was a fairly nice turnout, including Joe Pilon ‘62/’66, who came with wife and friends but couldn’t stay for the party afterwards. Celebrant Fr. Mike Byron ‘81 again “convinced” the St. C’s music director, Katie Jeanne Doldmarried to her Tommy Patrick, to play the SJU Alma Mater before the processional and the Johnny Fight Song after the recessional. People do hard things for job security.

It was quite an interesting mélange of people of varying ages and backgrounds, but everyone mingled with great bonhomie, while enjoying the fruits of generous donors: John Uldrich ‘60, cooking up a storm of his JohnnieBrats™ in his SJU logo-ed white chef’s jacket; and plentiful bottles — yes, brand new bottles — of Olde Johnnie Ale, sent to us by OJA godfather Mark Selner SJP ‘68/UST ‘73 and his classmate and Cold Spring Beer district sales honcho, Mick Detviler UST ‘73. While neither could make it over Saturday, I gave the history of OJA and urged those present to start requesting that their favorite liquor stores and pubs begin carrying it — (Note to Mark Zimmer of theLa: Are you hearing this?). John Uldrich gave us his pitch about how we should start asking repeatedly for JohnnieBrats at our favorite grocery stores in order to create some demand and awareness. In both cases, St. John’s benefits. First, with OJA the Prep School receives a small piece of every drop sold, and John is donating all profits from his brats product to The Record, of which he was an editor in 1959.

The highlight of the evening was viewing a 30-year-old video of part of a CSB/SJU talent show featuring our own Mike Byron, then a smart-ass student who brought down the house two years running with his dead-on interpretation of Fr. Don (Camillus) Talafous OSB admonishing students about the downfalls of Home Town Honeys. The entire video is up on Mike’s class’s home page on the SJU Alumni website; I asked Thom Woodward ‘70 for assistance in wider viewing and here is his response:

* *

Here’s the Web page, Bob, for Mike Byron’s act.

He’s introduced at the 18:05 mark. All folks have to do is go to the Web page, hit play and then advance the scroll bar at the bottom about one-fourth of the way. Wait for the clip to re-buffer to see the time, and adjust accordingly. The “lecture” concludes at the 25:09 mark. Hope this makes sense!

(Editor’s Response: Mucho thanko, Thomas. I’m sure our more technicallly astute readers will get this easily enough; I’m wondering if there’s a way to lift this bit out of there and put it on Youtube. Maybe Webmaster Shoes can do it?)

* *

Enjoying the evening with — as Fr. Mike described it to the parish after Mass — a fellow group of “insufferable” Johnnies and Bennies were: Jim ‘45/’50 and Carol Unger;Gerry Sande ‘52/’56; George Lowe ‘55 (as in HOW), his daughter Anne and sister Jean, who is a St. C’s parishioner and longtime Johnnie football supporter; Ron ‘65 andSandy Tomczik; John Sipe ‘61/’65; Tom Awe (UST actually, but father of Harry and St. C’s member); Chris Gillespie [Scholl], of St. C’s and mother of Janel Scholl Lewandowski ‘97; Bob Welle ‘73, Mary Nord ‘74 of St. C’s; Tom Weiss ‘66/’70; Dave Smoker SOT ‘09 of St. C’s; Mike Byron ‘81; John Uldrich ‘60; Bob ‘82 andAnn Schmidt of St. C’s, their daughter Clare ‘09, and her boyfriend, SJU defensive end Jimmy Sharpe ‘10; Mary Emanuelson ‘82 of St. C’s; her brother Frank Emanuelson ‘90, and good friends, Liz Pojar UST ‘86 and Kathleen Frawley Huyck ‘82 (her husband Tom Huyck ‘82 wasn’t present). Underfoot were four future Johnnies: Andrew Herrick, Joey Pojar, and Will Huyck, all of 2017, and Dave Herrick 2018. Before we leave this year’s Red Mass report, Clare Schmidt — much to her mother’s chagrin — asked me to share this quickie: “What did the brassiere say to the top hat? You go on ahead and I’ll give these two a lift.”

By the way, Fr. Don Talafous was originally scheduled to attend the St. C’s celebration, but his achin’ 83-year-old dogs rebelled at the prospect of all that walking over to the Dome and then the many steps up and down inside. He did, however, get to see the video of Mike Byron in action…again. He witnessed the act firsthand three decades ago. He told Mike last week that he still has yet to forgive him over these 30 years but admits to being impressed with the subtleties of humor in those times versus nowadays.

Finally, returning home from a full day I read via email that John ‘58 and Cathy Petsch Maas ‘60, members of St. C’s although living in Hudson, WI, found out they had double-booked for the evening and had to cancel out. Next year.

By Thursday afternoon (yesterday), I had hoped to have had sent this issue into cyberspace, but I had attended from a funeral in New Richmond, WI; that has slowed up things a bit — yet always at work on your behalf I met Justyn Cowman ‘97 at the luncheon. He is the stepson of my friend, Theresa, who died last week and was buried yesterday. Justyn, who works in sales and marketing for Kimberly Clark and just welcomed his firstborn into the world recently, told me that he also has an uncle, Joe Butorac ‘83, who is a Johnny, as well as some cousins: Jeff ‘07; Joe’s daughter, Kelly (I believe a CSB grad, but maybe still in school); and Joe’s son Matt, a current student.

Last evening we attended the celebration of the feast of St. Albert the Great at the Dominican parish named after him, i.e., “Big Al’s, the eatingest parish in the Archdiocese.” At the meal and fund-raising auction after Mass I was enjoined by Colleen Lilly ‘81 to get the Underground out first thing…she’s waiting for it; she was there with her fatherLeroy ‘55. Also present was Dave ‘63 and Karin Wendt, and oft-times Johnny fan/friend/Underground reader, Naval Academy ‘65 Joe Deitch. Naturally we were hosted by Big Al’s pastor, Fr. Joe Gillespie OP ‘64; and, although I didn’t see him in the crowd, I understand Joe’s brother, Fr. Tom Gillespie OSB, was down from St. John’s for the party.

Please try to help break the attendance record this Saturday. Go Johnnies.

All my best,

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697

* * * *

These two Carleton grads applying for jobs at a large company had to take an intelligence test. After the test they met in a bar and compared notes.

“What did you say for the question that said to name a 14-letter word for someone in charge of a plant?” asked the first Knight.

“I thought it was tough at first, but then I thought of ‘Superintendent’,” replied the second.

“Hmmm … I wonder who’s right?” said the first. “I wrote down ‘Horticulturist’.”

* * * *

2009 MIAC Standings —

Through games of November 7, 2009

Team	Conference W/L	Overall W/L
Saint John’s University	7-0	9-0
University of St. Thomas	7-1	8-1
Bethel University	5-2	6-3
Concordia College	3-4	5-4
Augsburg College	3-4	4-5
Hamline University	2-5	4-5
St. Olaf College	2-5	4-5
Gustavus Adolphus	2-5	3-6
Carleton College	1-6	3-6

UPCOMING GAMES

November 14, 2009 – all at 1 PM

Augsburg @ Bethel – Although I’d love to see the Auggies upset the Royals, it just ain’t gonna happen.
Carleton @ Saint John’s – Poor Ramler…the bottom fell out this year after two very competitive seasons.
Gustavus @ Concordia – The Cobbers are going to see their fourth straight victory.
Hamline @ St. Olaf – My sentimental favorite here is Hamline, but the game’s in Northfield…???
Northwestern (MN) @ St. Thomas (non-conference) — Will Caruso have his guys hit 60+ points or will he show some class, not to mention mercy?

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

An arts and antiques collector from the Twin Cities was walking down the main street of Albany last September when he noticed a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a shabby second-hand store and he did a double take. He recognized that the saucer was extremely old and very valuable, so he walked casually into the store and offered to buy the cat for two dollars.

The storeowner replied, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.”

The collector said, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.”

The owner quickly said, “Sold,” and handed over the cat. The collector continued, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”

“Sorry, buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this year I’ve sold eighteen cats.”

* * * *

Sent via Jerry Howard ‘59, St. Cloud — who, along with Bob Neis ‘65, Sr. Lois Wedl OSB ‘53, and Thom Woodward ‘70, serves as a regular stringer/news scout for theUUN in the Stearns County area — Frank Rajkowski’s blog after the Augsburg game; it’s so interesting that I’m reprinting the entire deal:

Behind the numbers: St. John’s/Augsburg

Posted 11/7/2009 11:34 PM CST on sctimes.com

Here is the good news for the St. John’s football team. With their 28-7 win over Augsburg this afternoon at the Metrodome, the Johnnies clinched at least a tie for the MIAC title and the conference’s automatic bid to the Division III playoffs. Which means St. John’s (7-0 MIAC, 9-0 overall) has now at least a tie for its 14th conference title in the past 19 seasons, its 27th conference title under head coach John Gagliardi and its 31st conference title overall.

The Johnnies are also going back to the postseason for the 11th time in the past 12 seasons (2004 was the only season in that stretch that St. John’s missed the playoffs). St. John’s can clinch the conference title outright with a win in the regular-season finale against Carleton next Saturday at Clemens Stadium. With a loss, the Johnnies would share the title with St. Thomas (7-1, 8-1), which is done with conference play and closes the season with a nonconference matchup with Northwestern (Minn.). But even in that case, St. John’s holds the tiebreaking edge for the automatic bid by virtue of its win over the Tommies earlier this season.

The bad news is that the Johnnies continue to face injury woes. Quarterback Joe Boyle will have the injured right thumb (partially-torn ligament) that kept him out of today’s game re-examined Tuesday and the hope is that the cast he has been wearing can be removed. But today, junior running back Jakob Reding left the game in the fourth quarter with an injured right knee. The initial indications point to a spained MCL. He will undergo an MRI Monday.

“It’s just amazing what we’ve been able to do this season when you think of all the injuries we’ve had this season,” said Gagliardi, who picked up his 470th career collegiate coaching victory to extend his lead as the winningest coach in college football history. “(All-American defensive lineman Nick) Gunderson has been playing hurt (with a torn ACL). Boyle has been out. We’ve had a bunch of other guys go down.”

And yet, St. John’s – ranked No. 4 in the nation in both Division III national polls and No. 1 in the most recent West Region rankings – remains unbeaten and seemingly in good shape for perhaps at least two or even three home playoff games with a win next week depending on how the final seedings come out (and, of course, winning said playoff games).

But before jumping ahead to Carleton and former Johnnies quarterback Kurt Ramler, let’s take one more look back at today’s win by plunging behind the numbers:

38:51

That’s how long the Johnnies held the ball in today’s win, compared to just 21:09 for Augsburg. St. John’s dominated the time of possession thanks largely to its ground game. With freshman John Ries making his first collegiate start in place of Boyle, the Johnnies once again leaned on the running attack, rushing for 213 yards as a team. Reding had 10 carries for 69 yards, Steve Johnson had 15 carries for 65 yards and Kellen Blaser had 15 carries for 59 yards. Nine players carried the ball for St. John’s in all.

The Johnnies ability to control the ball on the ground was especially apparent on an 18-play, 98-yard drive in the second quarter that ran 10:28 off the clock and was capped off by a 21-yard touchdown pass from Ries to Blaser to make the score 21-0. But the touchdown was just the second pass of the drive as St. John’s ran the ball on 16 of those 18 plays.

“It felt like we were out there for almost the whole second quarter,” said Blaser, who also rushed for a 2-yard touchdown in the first quarter.

With the ground game working, Ries just had to manage the offense. He finished 8 of 15 passing for 91 yards and a touchdown. He also threw one interception, which was returned 93 yards for a touchdown in the fourth quarter by Tyler Judkins for Augsburg’s only score of the game. The interception ended a 16-play, 75-yard Johnnies’ drive that had run 8:34 off the clock.

“It was my first (start), so I’m not going to be too hard on myself,” Ries said. “There were things I thought I could have done better. That interception was a big play. But it wasn’t the end of the world. Overall, I thought I managed the game pretty well and got the ball in the hands of our playmakers.”
His teammates also felt Ries performed well as he returned to the field where he led Wayzata to the Class 5A state title last season.

“He did a good job,” said tight end Josh Overman, who suffered a bruised rotator cuff, but not before making a lunging 26-yard catch over the middle to set up Blaser’s touchdown run. “We told John that his job is to get the ball to our playmakers and to manage the game. He doesn’t have to be the guy to make big plays. He just needs to get us the ball and let us do our jobs. And he did a good job of that today.”

4

That was the number of sacks the Johnnies defense recorded today, including three in the first half. That success helped keep the Augsburg passing game – which was averaging an MIAC-best 283.9 yards per game – largely in check. The Auggies finished with just 100 yards passing and were held to exactly zero yards in the running game. Augsburg quarterback Marcus Brumm finished 15 of 32 passing for 100 yards with an interception. The Auggies also lost two fumbles, including one on the game’s opening kickoff that freshman Kevin Wenner returned 16 yards for a touchdown to give St. John’s a 7-0 lead just seven seconds into play.

“We had a bunch of sacks right away and after that you could see that they were really trying to get off some quick passes,” said defensive tackle Noel Meyer, who had a sack and a fumble recovery. “That pressure really affected what they were trying to do.”

2

That’s the number of weeks in a row that Augsburg has given up a touchdown on the game’s opening kickoff. In a 42-3 loss to St. Thomas a week ago, it was Tommies sophomore Fritz Waldvogel who returned the kickoff for a touchdown. Today, it was Wenner’s fumble recovery that put the Auggies in an early hole from which they never recovered.

“That was beautiful,” Gagliardi said with a smile. “It was big. I wish that would happen every week.”

* * * *

A banker who is a graduate of the Unversity of St. Thomas was arrested recently for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education.

As the detective — a St. John’s alum — was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, “My daugter’s in college too. I have one question for you: where were you going to get the rest of the money?”

* * * *

The St. John’s football team (7-0 MIAC, 9-0 overall) hangs steady at No. 4 in both of this week’s Division III national polls. The Johnnies remain No. 4 in both the D3football.comand AFCA top 25 rankings. Mount Union and Wisconsin-Whitewater remain No. 1 and 2 in each poll. St. Thomas is No. 10 in the D3football.com poll and No. 12 in the AFCA poll after beating Bethel Saturday.

The Royals are no longer getting any votes in the D3football.com poll.

* * * *

College football: Ries steps up, delivers the win for the Johnnies

By Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

MINNEAPOLIS — John Ries wasn’t trying to be Superman Saturday afternoon. An efficient, competent version of Clark Kent suited him just fine.

The St. John’s freshman quarterback managed the Johnnies’ offense effectively enough to help his team top Augsburg 28-7 in MIAC action before a crowd of 2,335 at the Metrodome.

“Our game plan was to pound the ball on the ground and throw a few short passes to help get me in a rhythm,” said Ries, who finished 8 of 15 passing for 91 yards. St. John’s piled up 213 rushing yards.

“I wasn’t trying to do anything too fancy. That wasn’t why they had me in the game. My job was just to manage the offense.” (Read more)

* * * *

College football: Wenner sparks SJU

By Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

MINNEAPOLIS — Unlike some of his teammates, St. John’s freshman defensive back Kevin Wenner never got the chance to play at the Metrodome while in high school.

But the St. Cloud Cathedral graduate certainly made the most of his first opportunity to play under the Teflon as a collegiate player Saturday afternoon.

Wenner who recovered an Augsburg fumble on the opening kickoff and returned it 16 yards for a touchdown seven seconds into the game. The fumble occurred when Auggies freshman Cameron Krugerud faked a handoff after fielding senior Russell Gliadon’s kick.

Krugerud seemed to lose control of the ball and Wenner was there to take advantage. (Read more)

* * * *

St. John’s 28, Augsburg 7

Scoring and Stats
[The St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

MIAC Football Week Eight: SJU Clinches Title, UST in NCAA Playoff Hunt

by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, College Sporting News’ “Mapping the MIAC” Columnist

On an Indian summer day with temperature in the 60s, Saint John’s went inside the HHH Metrodome to wrap up the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference’s automatic berth in the upcoming NCAA Division III playoffs. They scored a 28-7 win over Augsburg, assuring them of at least a tie for the conference crown. St. Thomas kept pace with a 19-10 win over Bethel, keeping UST on the inside track for a Pool C berth in the playoffs. Elsewhere, Concordia toppled Carleton, 31-16, and St. Olaf downed Gustavus, 20-7. Hamline stepped out of league play and retained the Paint Bucket with a 38-6 win over Macalester. (Read more)

* * * *

A new Carleton student was asked by her faculty advisor, “If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?”

After a little thought, she answered, “The living one.”

* * * *

Unofficial Underground Flu (H1N1 or Otherwise) Information Center —

Flu Square Dance

Choose your partners, one and all,
Aspirin, Advil, or Tylenol!

Now fling those covers with all you’ve got,
One minute cold, the next minute hot,

Circle right to the side of the bed,
Grab the tissues and Sudafed.

Back to the middle and don’t goof off;
Hold your stomach and cough, cough, cough

Forget about slippers, dash down the hall,
Toss your cookies in the shower stall.

Remember others on the brink;
Wash your hands; wash the sink.

Wipe the doorknob, light switch too,
By George, you’ve got the it, you’re doin’ the Flu!

Some like it cold, some like it hot;
If you like neither, get the shot.

* *

Anti-Flu Info

(Editor’s Explanation: I’m a skeptic about all the hype regarding H1N1 flu. I don’t plan to take the shots, but rather am taking natural steps to build immunity from all of this seasonal crud. You don’t have to agree with me; in fact, there are some people who definitely need the shots and should check with a doctor about it. Here’s a link to some info from some equally skeptical MDs about the flu and how to avoid it (if you are a normally healthy individual without compromised immune sytems, respiratory difficulties or other medical problems): [www.douglassreport.com] )

* *

Bill Moldaschel Groaner —

(Editor’s Explanation: When I transferred into St. John’s Prep as a junior, we had a biology teacher named Bill Moldaschel ‘59 from Sleepy Eye, MN who either had just graduated or was a senior teaching us. He was discussing viruses and how they related to Biology when he told us about a little story that went around in the so-called Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918 that killed millions around the world.)

There was a man who had a parrot named Enza. One day the bird escaped its cage and flew out the window. The man missed his pet very much and often went outside and called its name: “Enza, Enza.” He had just about given up hope of ever seeing him again when one day he opened the door and in flew Enza.

(Editor’s Further Word: I don’t know how Mr. Moldaschel fared as a science teacher later on, but I can guarantee you he didn’t go far as a comedian. Does anyone know what ever became of him? I can’t find him in the SJU Online Directory. We had another SJU student/teacher that same year who taught us English: Chuck Hoenig ‘59. I ran into Chuck at Homecoming five years ago; he’s a retired high school English teacher who lives in Eden Prairie.)

* *

Okay…Is It a Cold or the Flu? —

How do you tell them apart? With flu it’s common for you to have a fever, non-productive cough, severe aches and pains, often the chills, tiredness and severe chest discomfort along with a headache. The flu comes on very quickly, in a matter of hours.

On the other hand, with a cold it tends to develop over a few days; it comes with a sore throat, sneezing, stuffy nose and a hacking, productive cough.

No matter which symptoms you get, wash your hands a lot, stay away from people and remain home and in bed. Cuz I don’t want your stoopid flu…or cold. Best advice for you to avoid either is to take a pharmaceutical-grade fish oil daily, plus supplement with Vitamin D-3 and, during the winter months, Cod Liver Oil. One or two of those odorless garlic capsules daily will help too. Drink green tea while you’re at it. Wash your hands frequently and keep them away from your face, especially mouths and eyes.

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

Taking advantage of the unseasonably mild and dry early November weather, four monks from St. John’s Abbey decided to take some time off during an afternoon last week for the probable last round of golf of the year.

Swapping their Benedictine habits for polos and slacks, they headed for the River Oaks Golf Course just outside Cold Spring. After paying their greens fees, the monks hired two caddies to carry their four bags, and then teed off.

After several holes one of their their caddies asked, “You guys wouldn’t be monks from St. John’s by any chance?”

“Actually, yes, we are,” one middle-aged cleric replied. “But how did you know?”

“I’ve never seen such bad golf and such clean language,” came the reply.

* * * *

From Aimee Wagner, wife of Dusty ‘83, Eden Prairie, MN —

Do you know how to get a hold of Lindsay Good [‘06, Nutrition Bites columnist]? She needs to know about my healthy chocolate I eat. There is no caffeine, all natural and low sugar:

Healthy chocolate??? Take a look: Diabetic Friendly, Caffeine Free, Gluten-free And Trans-Fat Free. No Artificial Colors Or Flavors, No Preservatives, Waxes Or Fillers. Extremely High In Antioxidants, Neutralizing Free Radicals and tastes awesome!! www.fortheluvofchocolate.com — Aimee

(Editor’s Comment: Aimee, aka the ‘Earth-Mother of the Stiftungsfestivities’, is responsible for the wonderful deviled eggs she prepares and supplies for each tailgate. (I imagine that her husband, Dusty ‘83, godfather of JohnnieFootball.com, might have some duties with those eggs too.)

* * * *

From Lindsay Good ‘06, Edina, MN —

Thank you for passing along the email, Bob! The chocolate looks interesting – might need to try it although plain old dark chocolate will do for me

I’m glad you did email me because Jason ‘06 and I are in Santa Monica for his conference and I will not have a Nutrition Bites prepared for this week’s Underground. Sorry! Enjoy the rest of your week~ Lindsay

* * * *

Pre-Med Students’ Corner —

A guy calls the anesthesiologist’s office. “I just got my hospital bill and your charge was $900. That’s more than what the surgeon charged me for the operation! Is this a of mistake?”

“No, not at all.”

“That’s an awful lot of money for just knocking someone out.”

“I knock you out for free. The $900 is for bringing you back around.”

* * * *

“Failing with Style”

Some of the best test paper blunders from the most clueless — and inventive — students.

Question: Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin

Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie

Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar’s death?
Answer: Suspicious ones

Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease.
Answer: Early death

Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country?
Answer: Malaria

Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom.

* * * *

From John Hooley ‘74, Stillwater, MN —

Thanks, Bob. Great to sit with you and Fred [Senn '64] at the E-Luncheon. Thanks for adding me to your Underground News distribution list. I will look forward to receiving the write-ups in the future.
Best regards, John

(Editor’s Note: Also sitting with us at that luncheon table were Kyle Nolan ‘98, Gigi Fourré Schumacher ‘74, Kathy Garrett Bassett ‘84 (daughter-in-law of Jim Bassett ‘58, who is recovering from a serious bike accident), John Uldrich ‘60, Laurie Rivard ‘81, and Jay Diley (father of Jimmy ‘05, former SJU center, who two weeks ago passed the bar, got married to Elizabeth Gottwalt ‘05, and began a brewing business, all in the space of about four days.

The E-program, sponsored by the Donald McNeely Center for Entrepreneurship at CSB/SJU, featured a presentation by Bennett Morgan ‘85, president and COO of Polaris Industries, a leading manufacturer and marketer of off-road vehicles, motorcycles and snowmobiles. Accompanying him were some other Johnnies and Bennies that work for Polaris: Mark McCormick ‘77-director of Polaris Defense; Mike Malone ‘80-VP Finance & CFO; Dewey Pettit ‘93-internal audit manager; Sean Bagan ‘98-manager, international finance & operations; Jodi Jostock ‘99-international sales operations analyst; Ben Hooley ‘04-international marketing specialist; and Lisa Kingsley‘04-corporate marketing specialist.)

* * * *

From Dick Jessen SJP ‘59/SJU ‘63, Foley, MN —

Hi, Bob. Mike Boyle is a loyal Johnnie football fan and a friend with whom I sing bass in St Mary Cathedral Choir in St. Cloud. Mike would like to be included on your SJU UUN mailing list.

There is also a Red Mass at St Ben’s at 5 p.m. Saturday November 14, 2009. Fr Don Talafous will be the celebrant. — Dick

(Editor’s Note: Dick refers to the real Red Mass, celebrated in honor of judges, attorneys, civic leaders and academicians since Medieval days where those sorts of yore wore red robes in the course of their formal duties. Everyone is welcome to attend the Mass, held at Sacred Heart Chapel, after the Carleton game. The St. Cecilia’s version of the Red Mass celebrated overt, unmitigated prideful/grateful Johnnie-ness and Bennie-ness.)

* * * *

From Bob Malby ‘64, Edina, MN —

Wickster, Too bad we didn’t get together sooner when I saw you at the Augsburg game yesterday. I had a nice visit with John Diffley at halftime. I believe that it was Rich Ahles that I saw in the stands, but we didn’t talk. I was surprised that I didn’t see more guys from the class of ‘64 at the game. But, then, it was an awfully nice day to be inside at the Dome.

I sent a note to our classmate, John P Ries, in Oregon, to see if the new QB, John Ries, is any relation. Since the announcer pronounced his name “Rice”, I expect there is no connection. Either that, or the radio guys don’t know how to pronounce a good German name. But, then, there are the legions of people who suffer from dyslexia syndrome that for eons have pronounced FaVre as though it were spelled FaRve…………….

I tried to get Gary Hackenmueller and Wally Hinz to go to the game yesterday, but no takers. Gary and I did go to the St. Olaf game. As you know, it’s hard for Gary to get around, so we didn’t stop at the pre-game fest. I see by the Underground that Ben Grage was there. Sorry I missed seeing you guys. See you at the playoffs. — Bob

* * * *

From Honorary Johnny and shipmate on board the USS Boston, Harry Acker, Virginia Beach, VA, sent the night before the Augsburg game —

Hey, Sea Scribbler! Good luck tomorrow. By the way, I’m all for term limits in Congress. Each member should be limited to 2 terms: 1 in office, 1 in jail! — Roadblock

* * * *

From Dio Rockers ‘64, Scottsdale, AZ —

Wick, Thanks for the information on the death of Jim Lehman. He was our JV football and varsity track coach at Austin Pacelli in the late 50’s. I attended St. John’s because of Jim. As you can imagine, he was in his early 20’s at the time and an amazing athlete. He would have the running backs in football try to catch him while he was running backwards. They never did. I always hoped I would have a chance to run into him in Scottsdale. Sadly that will never happen. — Dio

* * * *

From John Chromy ‘64, Washington, D.C., re the last issue —

Wicks–thanks, always great fun. – John

* * * *

From Dennis Ginther ‘63, Denver, CO —

Quick question – I noticed a note from Joe Mulheran ‘64 — Knew him way back when if he is the NW Airline pilot— we were buddies that, as often happens, drift. Would like to touch base with him if you could forward his email address. Thanks, Dennis

* * * *

From Bill Draves ‘64, Cactus Gulch, AZ —

Wick, Hey, even without a football game to report on, you write an interesting newsletter. More, please! — Bill

(Editor’s Comment: AZ Billy obviously gets lonely, or maybe bored, out there in Cactus Gulch. We are nevertheless pleased with and grateful for his ongoing support. Incidentally, two other friends of mine — David Van Landschoot ‘72, now of Littleton, CO, and classmate Bob O’Donnell ‘64, of Ft. Worth, TX, wrote in with some jokes and a hello. It was nice hearing from both of them; in fact, we might see Bob at the Carleton game since he has to be up in Minnesota around that time.)

* * * *

From Mike Hogan SJP ‘61/Creighton U. ‘65, Omaha, comes a serious message, only some of which I need to publish for you women readers —

Handbags

Have you ever noticed girls who set their handbags on public toilet floors, then go directly to their dining tables and set it on the table? Happens a lot!

Women carry handbags everywhere; from the office to public toilets to the floor of the car. Most women won’t be caught without their handbags, but did you ever stop to think about where your handbag goes during the day?

We decided to find out if handbags harbour a lot of bacteria. We learned how to test them at Nelson Laboratories in Salt Lake, and then we set out to test the average woman’s handbag.

Most women told us they didn’t stop to think about what was on the bottom of their handbag. Most said at home they usually set their handbags on top of kitchen tables and counters where food is prepared. Most of the ladies we talked to told us they wouldn’t be surprised if their handbags were at least a little bit dirty.

It turns out handbags are so surprisingly dirty, even the microbiologist who tested them was shocked.

Microbiologist Amy Karen of Nelson Labs says nearly all of the handbags tested were not only high in bacteria, but high in harmful kinds of bacteria.

Pseudomonas can cause eye infections; staphylococcus aurous can cause serious skin infections and salmonella and e-coli found on the handbags could make people very sick.

In one sampling, four of five handbags tested positive for salmonella, and that’s not the worst of it. ‘There is fecal contamination on the handbags’ says Amy. Leather or vinyl handbags tended to be cleaner than cloth handbags, and lifestyle seemed to play a role.

People with kids tended to have dirtier handbags than those without, with one exception.

The handbag of one single woman who frequented nightclubs had one of the worst contaminations of all. ‘Some type of feces or possibly vomit,’says Amy.

So the moral of this story is that your handbag won’t kill you, but it does have the potential to make you very sick if you keep it on places where you eat. Use hooks to hang your handbag at home and in toilets, and don’t put it on your desk, a restaurant table, or on your kitchen counter top.

The microbiologists at Nelson also said cleaning a handbag will help. Wash cloth handbags and use leather cleaner to clean the bottom of leather handbags.

* * * *

Back & Forth with Mark Selner about Old Johnnie Ale after he emailed that he and Mick Detviler arranged for a supply to be served after the St. C’s Red Mass:

Wicker: Much obliged, Mark! Drinking out of our new BOTTLES will be great. And the Padre [Fr. Mike Byron] loves OJA…I brought him a 4-pack right after you started selling them and he’s been slipping me plenary indulgences ever since.

Selner: Does the Padre do blanket forgiveness??? I’ve always said, for every case of OJA you buy, you lose 5 years from purgatory!! (I think this is a Benedictine thing!)

(Editor’s Comment: Perhaps either Fr. Byron or someone from the Abbey or the School of Theology can weigh in with the correct theological perspective — like exactly how much OJA is needed to effect spiritual benefits.)

* * * *

Elementary and Secondary Education Majors’ Corner —

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said: ‘Let me see if I’ve got this right.

‘You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

‘You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

‘You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.

‘You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.

You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

‘You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

‘You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN’T PRAY?

* * * *

A recent Carleton grad found employment easily enough after graduation. After six months in his entry level job, the Knight decided he needed both more pay and more responsibility, so he prepared some written arguments and, late one afternoon, knocked on his boss’ door.

The boss motioned for the Carleton lad to come in. The Knight put his briefcase on the man’s desk, opened it and handed his boss an envelope. “What this?” asked the manager.

Our Knight said firmly, “It’s for my job evaluation. I took the liberty of typing up some reasons why I feel I’m a model employee ready for greater challenges.”

His boss nodded, then opened the envelope. He studied some pages for a few moments, then said,
“These are photocopies of your naked butt.”

Quickly reddening, the Carleton grad sheepishly replied, “Oops. Wrong envelope.”

(With thanks to Glenn McCoy of “The Duplex”)

* * * *

Quote of the Week —

“Your mind is on vacation, but your mouth is working overtime.”
— Mose Allison, jazzd singer/songwriter

* * * *

SOT, Jewish Studies Department —

An 18-year-old Jewish girl tells her mother that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting and crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!”

Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Mercedes stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, “Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

“Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a condo in Miami, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account.

“However, if there is a miscarriage, I’m not sure what to do. What do you suggest?”

The mother, who had remained silent until now, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, “So, you’ll try again!”

* * * *

THE LAST WORD —

From the Underground’s Resident Humorologist, C.J. Ross ‘64, San Diego —

A University of St. Thomas alum walks into a St. Paul restaurant on west 7th Street with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The Tommy grad says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $9.40 please,” and the Tommy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the UST grad and the ostrich come again and the Tommy says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again our Tommy reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. “The usual?” asks the waitress.

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,” says our guy.

“Same,” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $32.62.” Once again the Tommy pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table…

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?”

“Well,” explains the UST grad, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp… When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the Tommy.

The waitress then asks, “What’s with the ostrich?”

The Tommy sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

* * * *

That’s It! And not a moment too soon. G O JO H N N I E S ! ! Give Carleton a real Knightmare…or something like that.

SJU Unofficial Underground News calls for a big turnout at the Dome — #10

Theo Wick — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:27:49 +0000

Dear Readers —

[Mr. Shoes note: My sincerest apologies for not getting this up last week. I was on a deadline at the office when Bob sent it over, then had to take off for the weekend as soon as work was finished on Friday. I've been playing catch-up ever since. Look at it this way: two Undergrounds this week!]

As usual, I can always find lots of stuff to cram into the Underground, but I’m needing to show some restraint if this is to get out early enough for you to make use of the info. Here’s the situation: Tomorrow we play Augsburg, a “home game” for them at the HHH Metrodome. Certainly not our favorite venue, especially with a mild, pristine late-season Saturday outdoors in the offing. Nevertheless we shall make the best of it. I’m a bit worried about this game as I explain later on in an ‘Editor’s Note’. Therefore, I hope the team and all of you are taking this contest seriously.

First, let the team be prepared and excited about playing championship ball…it’s not going to be a cakewalk (at least I don’t think so right now. Ask me at half time.)

Second, I hope that many, many of you can (a) make the trip down/over/up to the Dome to support our lads withgreat vigaa (as they say in Baaston); and (b) join the Johnnies and Bennies of St. Cecilia’s parish for our version of the “Red Mass” and a little JohnnieBrats™ and pizza and Olde Johnnie Ale party after the game.

Re the Johnnies’ Dome Game —

* Join the Saint John’s Alumni Association and the J-Club at Hubert’s Bar and Restaurant (601 Chicago Ave., Minneapolis – across the street from the Metrodome) on Sat., Nov. 7 from 10:30am to 12:30pm for a football pep rally. [Ed's Note: I'll drink to that!] Tickets will be on sale at Hubert’s for the 1pm Johnnies vs. Augsburg MIACfootball game in the Metrodome. No advance registration is required for this event. Bring your family and head to Hubert’s to kick off a day of Johnnie football fun! This will be our tailgate this game.

— OR —

* Augsburg will begin selling tickets at Gate B (located on the northeast side of the MetroDome at 10am) Doors to the MetroDome for the game will open at 11:30am. Kick-off is at 1 p.m. Ticket prices are $7 for adults and $3 for students with ID.

* I understand there is free parking on the east end of the Dome; as is ever the case, it’s first come-first served. There’s other parking close by as well, but it may not be free.

After The Game —

You are cordially invited to the 2nd Annual St. Cecilia’s “Red Mass” and Celebration that unabashedly celebrates our Johnnie- and Bennie-ness. Mass at 5pm and reception with light meal approximately 6:15 in the church hall. It’s an easy drive from the Dome and will be a nice, friendly and hopefully ‘filling’ time, thanks to generous donations ofJohnnieBrats by John Uldrich ‘60 and Olde Johnnie Ale by Mark Selner SJP ‘68/UST ‘73 and Mick Detviler UST ‘73 of the Cold Spring Brewery.

(Editor’s Important Note: Our “Red Mass” is not to be confused with the real Red Mass offered for the intention of judges, lawyers, civic leaders and academics (all of whom need all the prayers they can muster) at St. Ben’s at Sacred Heart Chapel on November 14 at 5pm. Go here for details; it may not be too late to sign up for the awards reception honoring trial attorney Susan Holden following the Mass: http://www.csbsju.edu/news/2009/10/Red_Mass.htm )

Presider at St. C’s is Fr. J. Michael Byron ‘81 who, after Mass will entertain those attending the reception with a reprise of his talent show offering 25 years ago: the interpretation of Fr. Don (Camillus) Talafous’s warning of the scourge of the “Home Town Honeys.” Fr. Don won’t be able to attend due to some ongoing problems with his feet and all the steps at the Dome, however we hope other monks might attend. All St. John’s and St. Benedict’s students, alumni, parents, siblings, community members, staff and assorted family, friends and wannabes are cordially invited to attend both the Mass and get-together downstairs afterward. There’s no official cost but a freewill offering will be gratefully accepted for food and drink costs. The wearing of red is strongly encouraged. Tommies are also cordially invited, with purple garb charitably tolerated.

St. Cecilia’s is conveniently located near Hwy 280 and University Avenue (close to the border between St. Paul and Minneapolis), at 2357 Bayless Place, St. Paul, MN 55114. For directions go to www.stceciliaspm.org …or just go east on I-94 to the University Ave/Hwy 280 exit to the left. Take the University Avenue ramp off and proceed straight, through Franklin/University Avenues, then across Territorial Road, where you hang an oblique right and head right into the place.

* * * *

A recent grad of Augsburg College called Delta’s reservation office and ordered a ticket. The clerk asked, “How would you like to pay for that?”

“By credit card.”

“Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?”

“Uhhh … V, I, S, A.”

* * * *

From Mark Lohmann ‘58, Buffalo, MN —

Wick: Rec’d your gentle nudge to bring your book ["Coached For Life" by Jack Uldrich SJP '82] to the game Saturday….will do. A brief correction to the UUN from last week…..although we lived in Miles City [MT] for 18 years, I was neither a teacher nor a coach. (Save for some Little Guy Hockey).

See you Saturday. Wonder what the update is on [Joe] Boyle. I see the Tommies didn’t have much trouble with Augsburg. — Mark

(Editor’s Comment: I can’t believe there actually was a factual error in the Underground, of all places! But I’m gratified that Mark reads the UUN so closely that he didn’t miss the “gentle nudge.” Regarding Mark’s query about junior starting QB Joe Boyle’s bad thumb, yesterday Frank Rajkowski, in his blog in the St. Cloud Times, reported that the docs removed his cast, looked at the healing progress, shook their heads and put a new cast back on. Joe would like to play two Saturdays from now at our last regular season game against Carleton in Collegeville. Probably won’t happen, though, especially if we survive Augsburg in a healthy manner. Tomorrow it’s definitely frosh QB John Rieswho’s had some time to study film, prepare a game plan and practice with the big guys during the bye week.

About that game tomorrow…in my advanced years I’m beginning to think (and worry) about games just like John Gagliardi, a world-class worrier. First, we have a virtually untried QB making his first start going into an important game against a mid-ranked, but still dangerous MIAC team (look what happened when we played bottom dweller St. Olaf two weeks ago! On our home field! Yikes!); then we have an offense that — with a couple of exceptions againstHamline and Gustavus, okay maybe Concordia by the end — has not blown anyone away this season, in fact barely escaping most of the other games (yet we’re ranked #4 in D3…Go figure!); and then we might be going in theAugsburg game over-confident because UST beat them so soundly last Saturday (forgetting that the previous year Augsburg surprised UST and beat them). On paper we should defeat the Auggies, but throw that paper out the window — we most likely will have a very close game at the Dome. I really doubt we’re going to put on any explosive offensive display…it’ll no doubt be Jakob Reding then Kellen Blaser (and vice versa) into the middle of the line for three or four yards each carry most of the game, maybe a 13-7 ultra-conservative win for the Jays. Ho-hum. Come on, DEFENSE! Given the comfortable kicking environment inside the Dome, I wonder if Russ Gliadon will set yet another field goal record, for the third time this season — do I hear 55 yards?…he may have to for the Jays to eke out another win. To those who think I may be sounding overly pessimistic…damn right I am; we could very well lose this game. No wonder John feels like he does each week.)

* * * *

And speaking of Jack Uldrich, as we were before my game rant, here’s an excerpt from his e-newsletter:

To Succeed in the Future, Think Like a Child, Now!

Success Magazine recently published an article entitled “Think Like a Child” in which I was quoted extensively. I encourage you to read it because, in addition to my insights (which, not surprisingly, I believe merit your attention), it cites a number of other experts and practioners of “thinking like a child.” Here are just a few of the child-like characteristics woth emulating:

Children are naturally curious and open-minded;

Children aren’t conscious of what other people think;

Children don’t easily take “no” for an answer;

Children understand that recess can be the most important part of the day;

Children engage their imagination and aren’t afraid to try on new roles;

Children draw their inspiration from other children; and

Children don’t view setbacks as failures.

* * * *

A very patient teacher of remedial math at Augsburg College asked her freshman student, “If I gave you two rabbits, and another two rabbits and another two, how many would you have?”

“Seven”

“Now, listen carefully. If I gave you two rabbits, and another two rabbits and another two, how many would you have?”

“Seven.”

“Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”

“Six.”

“Good. Now if I gave you two rabbits, and another two rabbits and another two, how many would you have?”

“Seven.”

“Where do you get seven from?”

“Because I have one rabbit at home,” explained the newbie Auggie.

* * * *

From Paul Hamann ‘63, Edina, MN (for just a little bit longer, then off to Sedona, AZ) —

Hi Bob, Did you see the latest NCAA rankings? If they hold up we’ll have a few more home games this year. — Paul

WEST REGION

St. John’s 8-0, 8-0

UW-Whitewater 6-0, 8-0

Linfield 7-0, 8-0

Central 9-0, 9-0

Monmouth 9-0, 9-0

St. Thomas 7-1, 7-1

Coe 7-1, 7-1

Cal Lutheran 6-1, 6-1

Redlands 6-1, 6-1

St. Norbert 8-1, 8-1

(Editor’s Comment: Thanks, Paul. I don’t know why Whitewater’s getting all this disrespect in the West Region; they are, in my opinion, the team to beat. On the other hand, it sure would be nice to host those guys up here for a change assuming, of course, that SJU gets that far themselves. I’ve printed out below the first ten in D3Football.com’s Top 25…you can see that Whitewater still holds #2, as they have all season thus far. Mt. Onion is firmly seated in #1, where they’ve been all year also. By the way, in case you may ask about “Mt. Onion”?, I call them that because they’ve brought tears to so many eyes over the years.)

Mount Union
UW-Whitewater
Wesley
St. John’s
Linfield
Central
Mary Hardin-Baylor
Monmouth
Case Western Reserve
St. Thomas

* * * *

From Warren Janzen ‘64, retired business manager of SJU, who is hosting a little Bambi hunting extravaganza this weekend for our classmates Tom Schlough, Bill Stewart, Merlyn Jerzak and Mike Sullivan —

Bob, for the record, this week is a Spiritual Retreat — in the woods…or maybe a Family Reunion — and Bambi has now grown up. There is a contest: who will have an opportunity to give this old guy a little rest. It must be really hard to carry a bushel basket on your head for 6 months. Take care, — wj

(Editor’s Comment: They’ll no doubt be singing, “Yes, we have no bwanas”…and I know they’ll miss their women.)

* * * *

College football: Johnnies’ O-line has hit ground running

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — When members of the St. John’s offensive line arrived for practice this preseason, they were greeted with a mission by offensive line coach Jim Mader.

“He really stressed that he wanted us to be one of the most physical lines in the conference,” senior left guard Blaine Anderson said.

“So that’s what we focused on — staying low, coming off the ball hard and knowing your assignment on every play. Because it’s hard to play intense and physical if you’re not sure of your assignment.”

The emphasis on physical and precise play was part of the Johnnies’ overall effort to shore up the running game. The team averaged just 106 yards per game on the ground in 2008 — ranking St. John’s seventh out of nine teams in the MIAC.

The Johnnies had 14 rushing touchdowns in 11 games and averaged only 2.7 yards per carry.

“We took it upon ourselves at the beginning of the year to get better,” senior right tackle Drew Percival said. “We knew we had to step up as an offensive line. We were one of the weak parts of the offense last year and that had to change. We needed to be more physical.” (Read more)

* * * *

From Mark Selner SJP ‘68/UST ‘73, Shoreview, MN (the godfather of Olde Johnnie Ale) —

Bob – Just now we received a shipment of Olde Johnnie Ale 12 PK Bottles!!! Surdyk’s EDLP will be $11.99. So, SPREAD THE WORD!!!

Also, I just talked with Mick [Detviler, UST '73] Tuesday, and he said he’d be glad to donate some of the new Olde Johnnie Ale 12pk bottles for your get-together this Saturday at St. Cecilia’s. Let me know how many you may need, or email Mick directly. I will copy him on this email so you have it.

I am really excited about this [new bottle packaging]!! It opens up a whole new avenue for placements of the beer!! Now you can BUG your favorite liquor store, AND BAR, to get it in!!! — Mark (AKA Beer King!!)

(Editor’s Enthusiastic Note: YES! Maybe now we can again find it at the La Playette and Br. Willie’s Pub, not to mention your neighborhood liquor stores and pubs. People — directly request it from your favorite suppliers. OLDE JOHNNIE ALE in bottles — 12 packs. Remember, the Prep School gets a few cents on every bottle sold.)

* * * *

From George Flynn ‘64, Minneapolis, last seen at the Dubliner Pub last Friday night —

Bob — Regarding the three-day stay [Paul] Judge, [George] McKenzie and I had at SJU and the Guesthouse: it was very different. First, I’ve probably been in hundreds of hotel rooms, but never one with no tv or radio, but with a large cross behind the bed. It’s as close as I’ll get to a monastery or Walden Pond.

We ate Friday pm in the Refectory and, while the choices are 10-fold more than we had 50 years ago, the quality isn’t much different. Saturday am Fr. Don [Talafous] said a Mass for the three of us at one of the altars in the basement of the church — it was quite intimate and moving. We then watched the Tommy game, which was a great tilt as you so loyally reported. Then we went in to St. Cloud with Fr. Don Saturday night and had a nice dinner.

All in all, very pleasant. I’d recomment the Guesthouse…its ‘away’, reflective and peaceful. — George

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

Lindsay Good, ’06, RD, LD

Caffeine Confusion

If you pay attention to health related news, caffeinated beverages are good for you one week and bad for you the next. The article this week will (hopefully) help with this confusion by taking a look at the current recommendations for caffeine, the world’s most commonly ingested drug.

Caffeine is a substance found in coffee, tea, soft drinks, chocolate and certain medicines. It has many effects on the body’s metabolism, including stimulating the central nervous system which can make you more alert and give you a boost of energy. Currently, most doctors recommend limiting caffeine to 200 milligrams a day — here is a chart with a few common products and caffeine amounts.
Product                                                                           Caffeine
Coffee, 8 oz                                                                    100-125 mg
Green Tea, 8 oz                                                             30-50 mg
Lipton Brisk Iced Tea, 12 oz                                        35 mg
Diet Coke, 12 oz                                                            45 mg
Dark Chocolate, 1 oz                                                    30 mg
Excedrin, extra strength, 2 tablets                              130 mg
Those who should limit caffeine include: pregnant and nursing women, people with hypertension and those sensitive to caffeine. It has been found that more than 500 to 600 milligrams of caffeine a day, or about five to seven cups of coffee, can cause restlessness, anxiety, headaches and abnormal heart rhythms.

If you’re like most adults, caffeine is a part of your daily routine. And most often it doesn’t pose a health problem. Overall, research shows that caffeine (especially from coffee) is actually more healthful than it is harmful. But, be mindful of your total daily caffeine consumption and find non-caffeinated substitutions if you are over the recommended daily amount.

* * * *

Irreverent Quickie #1 —

Q: What do you get when you mix Holy Water and prune juice?
A: A religious movement.

* * * *

Irreverent Quickie #2 —

Did you hear about the Augsburg coed that was so dumb she saved burned-out light bulbs to use in her darkroom.

* * * *

Excerpted from a note to family and friends by Joe Rodwell SJP ‘64/Air Force Academy ‘64, Stillwater, MN. Joe was MN All-State Quarterback from tiny St. John’s Prep our senior year, then went on to AFA where he was an All-American Center before graduating and flying fighter jets —

Tomorrow Sue and I are traveling to CO Springs for the 45th reunion of the Class of 1964 from the Air Force Academy, then on to Park City, Utah, to spend a week with Sue’s sister, Jane, and her husband, Rod.

Yesterday I was asked to be an honorary captain for the Air Force / Army coin toss with two of my distinguished teammates/classmates, John Lorber and Al McArtor.

John was the starting running back (those days we called him a “halfback”) from Iowa. He scored the first TD ever in Falcon Stadium in 1962. John had an exemplary military career, with several commands along the way to becoming a Four-Star general who ultimately commanded the entire Air Forces in the Pacific Ocean. In his spare time in the military, John began painting as an “escape” from his day jobs. He is quite skilled at painting — in May I was at his house and he had a painting of the 13 homes that he and his wife have lived in. He only paints for charity and family, although I am sure his work would have significant appeal!

Al McArtor was from a suburb of St. Louis (Webster Groves), a reserve QB on our team, and during our senior year he was (I believe) our Wing Commander the 2nd semester, which meant he was in charge of the entire Cadet Wing. He later was assigned to the Air Force Thunderbird Aerial Demonstration Team (following my roommate Jerry Bolt, who was killed in a test flight while assigned to the Thunderbirds), and after leaving the Air Force, Al worked at Federal Express and was appointed as Director of the Federal Aviation Administration during (I believe) the George H.W. Bush administration. He is currently Chairman of Airbus Americas, a company that is attempting to get the aviation contract for the refueling tankers that has been in the news the past few years.

Sue and I will be attending a luncheon hosted by Air Force head coach Troy Calhoun on Friday, and Al and I will be interviewed by a local TV station that has a “Where are they now?” segment. I haven’t been on the stadium turf since last playing against the U. of Colo. In 1963, that game delayed two weeks because of the assassination of President JFK. Our Class of 1964 football teammates will be presenting a plaque to the AF Athletic Association that all 15 of us have funded. I’m looking forward to an exciting week-end. — Joe

* * * *

Ta Da Boom #1 —

Guy viewing new license to DMV clerk: “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”

“It’s okay, sir. That’s how you’re going to look when the police pull you over anyway.”

* * * *

Ta Da Boom #2 —

“Sir, your daughter says she loves me, and she can’t live without me, and she wants to marry me.”

“And you’re asking my permission to marry her?”

“No, I’m asking you to make her leave me alone!”

* * * *

Ta Da Boom #3 —

“You have three boys. How do you know which one to blame when something goes wrong in the house?”

“I send all three to bed without letting them watch television. In the morning I go after the one who’s got the black eye.”

* * * *

Uh-Oh…Trouble in Paradise? (Part 3) —

From Dave LeVine, an excerpt from his current sports column in the Cold Spring Record; Dave is a season ticket holder and dyed-in-the-wool SJU fan for many years —

A NOTE TO TOM STOCK, Athletic Director at St. John’s University. Tom, season ticket holders are tired of and irritated at the excess merchandising and advertising on your stadium public address system. If there are 100 plays during a game, after each comes a PA commercial or promo, not to mention the pre-game and half-time inundations. You likely derive many thousands of revenue dollars for your sports programs via this means. However, it has become so prevalent as to nearly stupefy our senses. The next thing we might hear is “Flag on the field, brought to you by Joe’s Pizza in Avon.” “The play is under review, presented by The Cup Cake Bakery.” “The penalty – ten yards, brought to you by Five Yard Realty.”

Discussion in the stands indicated that most would have no problem with ticket prices being raised a dollar or two, just to gain back the sanctity of Saturday afternoon Collegeville football. Thanks, Tom! Please consider.

The class and prestige of St. John’s seems far more important than to cheapen the event with loud, over-sold and smothering advertising.

* *

From Tom Arth ‘66, Inver Grove Heights, MN —

Bob: Another great Underground News!! Will miss football this weekend. Could you please put this note in your next issue of the Underground News:

I’m tired of hearing complaints about the loud PA system and advertisements at the football games. Tom Stock is the number one marketing person in D3 football. He has done wonders for the support of Johnnie athletics, and schools come to him all the time asking him for advice. The money raised from these great sponsors help pay for our great facilities and the 175 plus uniforms for the football team along with uniforms for the other sports teams. It also pays for transportation for the teams and ice time for the hockey team because we don’t have any big benefactors to help build our own ice arena. So my suggestion to the people who are complaining: each of you write a yearly check for $25,000 to the athletic marketing department to make up for the lost revenue of our loyal sponsors. Then you can have your silence. — Tom

P.S. Tell ‘em: If you don’t like the noise in the stadium go watch the game from the parking lot. The view is pretty good from there and it’s FREE”

(Editor’s Note: Tom and his wife Carol are great and generous supporters of Johnny Athletics and are advertisers in the program and announcements. Incidentally, Tom asked me to tell everyone that Carol will be serving her world famous chili at the tailgate before the Carleton game. Come early, get warmed. It’s g-o-o-o-d stuff.)

* *

From Bill Marrin SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, Dallas, TX —

Re all the noise about noise: Apparently I don’t get to enough games to file a complaint. At any rate, thanks for the job you do reporting the good, the bad, and the ugly, as that is what free speech is all about, right? Say hi to John “Bede Hall” Sipe. Go Johnnies! — Bill

* *

From Tom Gottwalt ‘82, Plymouth, MN —

It was nice to see you at Bo Diddley’s after the St. Olaf game and thanks for the mention in last week’s Underground News. If you can, please add the above individuals to your distribution list for future issues if you don’t already have them on it. Dave [Anderson], Nate [Nygren] and Mark [Dobberstein] are fellow SJU ‘82 grads with me. My Dad,Louie (Lou) is SJP ‘49/SJU ‘54. Con Schmid is a friend and classmate of my Dad’s from SJP and SJU but I’m not sure of his exact grad dates [SJP ‘49/SJU ‘53].

One final note: I’m inclined to agree with the flurry of recent comments you’ve received about the inordinate commercial announcements involving the Johnnie Game Day Program, etc. It really does interrupt the conversation during the games.

Go Johnnies. I’m looking forward to reading more Underground News in the post season. — Tom

(Editor’s Note: Tom is VP, Director of Tax for TCF Financial Corporation in Wayzata, proving that he was definitely notan English major. Re post-season Undergrounds, I’m making no promises…it’s just about killing me to get these out during football time, but I sure appreciate his support. By the way, I met his dad, Louie, yesterday at the CSB-SJU Entrepreneurial Luncheon; hope to report on that, the President’s T.C. reception last week, the crowd at the Dubliner for Tim Flynn’s PaddyWagon’s gig, and other good stuff like that.)

* *

From Pat Maurer ‘89, Woodbury, MN —

Excellent as always!

Not sure how people feel about the newer Johnnie football anthem given the discussions about PA volume and allegiances to the existing “Don’t Stop Living in the Red”, but I thought I’d pass along this nice vignette on the making of the “Johnnie Anthem” as posted on George Maurer’s (’88) website.

(Nepotism Disclaimer: I’m a fan of the anthem and NOT just because George is my brother and my daughter plays trombone on it!) — Pat

(Editor’s Note: Pat is one of several volunteer contributing photographers to JohnnieFootball.com. I recommend that you hit the link to George’s story of how the anthem was made…it’s really a kick.)

* * * *

From F.L. “Flip” Spanier SJP ‘51/SJU ‘55, Roseville, MN —

Hi Bob, Thanks for mailing me all the material, one of which was the SJU Unofficial Underground News; I couldn’t tell, but it looks like you are the editor of that news. In any event, thank you for saying the nice things about me and my family in the Editor’s Note. I did subscribe to the Health Institute news which Dave [Durenberger, Flip’s classmate] edits; thanks for giving me the info. Don’t know yet whether I willl be able to make the Red Mass this coming Saturday; my brother-in-law’s funeral (this Thursday in Greenwald, MN.) will determine that somewhat. All else is well. Thanks again and warm regards, Flip

P.S. Sure was nice to get acquainted and be involved together in SJP.

* * * *

From Wally Pattock ‘47, St. Cloud —

Hi, I bought a new computer so I am back in business. Haven’t received any of your recent messages. Would appreciate your putting my name back on your distribution list. — Wally

(Editor’s Note: Well, I’ve missed hearing from Wally and Marge too, not to mention not seeing them at the La after the games.)

* * * *

From Joe Mulheran ‘64, Deer Lake, MN (and Naples, FL any day now), this is the story told by a young woman about her father —

One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!’ My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a mother would know), “‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”

* * * *

MIAC Profiles of Excellence:

Nick Gunderson, Saint John’s University

by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, College Sporting News’ “Mapping the MIAC” Columnist

Injuries are a part of athletics, particularly the rough-and-tumble sport of football. Players learn to carry on through nagging injuries, but a major injury, such as a torn ACL, can end a season and possibly a career. When defensive lineman Nick Gunderson tore his left ACL in the first game last fall, it looked like his playing days at Saint John’s University were through. He was able to come back this fall, but he is hobbled by another injury – a torn ACL on the right knee. While the injuries have taken a toll on his football career, they have not stopped Nick from embarking on his post-graduate career.

He started working as a Financial Analyst for United Health Care in June 2009. “I had an internship there in the summer of 2008, and they offered me a job starting in June,” he said. When he got hurt last fall, Nick was able to obtain a medical hardship, retaining his season of eligibility. He decided to add a semester and accumulate the 150 class hours needed to be able to sit for the CPA exam. His employer was able to allow Nick the freedom to return to school this fall.

Entering the season in 2008, Nick was just about everyone’s preseason All-American. He was named to the All-American teams by d3football.com, Lindy’s, Street & Smith, USA Today, The Sporting News and Consensus Draft Services. The Johnnies hosted East Texas Baptist in the season opener and Nick suffered a season-ending knee injury. “Last year, I tore my ACL and partially tore my meniscus,” Nick recalled. “It was a non-contact, freak play. An MRI confirmed the extent of the injury and a month later, after the swelling had gone down, I had surgery.” (Read more)

* * * *

‘Modern, Caring, Sensitive’ Underground Presents. . .

The great discovery: It’s a human issue, not a woman’s issue

by Sr. Joan Chittister OSB on Oct. 27, 2009

Every science student in the country knows that for every action we can expect an equal and opposite reaction. Which translated means that whatever we try to do, someone else will try to stop it. So here’s the question: Given the kind of explanatory data that is coming out of “The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation” on the social condition and challenges facing women at this moment in history, what can we expect now?

Not since John F. Kennedy appointed Eleanor Roosevelt in 1961 to head his President’s Commission on the Status of Women have we ever had a complete review of the circumstances defining the lives of women in the United States. Now we do. And who, besides women, would have believed what the current research shows.

There are several figures that underlie all the rest: Half the United States workforce at this point in time are women. Over 40 percent of those are the primary breadwinners of their families. Another 23 percent are co-breadwinners of the family, meaning that the family can’t get along without their income.

For those who live on another planet, those figures point to two radical social changes that are now the fabric of this country. First, “the little woman” is not working anymore for pocket money. She’s working to survive. And second, for the sake of the country as well as for its women, other social institutions are going to have to adjust to this new reality. (Read more)

(Benedictine Sr. Joan Chittister is a best-selling author and international lecturer on topics of justice, peace, human rights, women’s issues, and contemporary spirituality in the church and in society.)

* * * *

Obit: The Untimely Death of Jim Lehman ‘56 —

Rajkowski column: Lehman was true St. John’s great

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times, November 3, 2009

John Gagliardi remembers the great plays Jim Lehman made during his time in a St. John’s uniform.

The longtime Johnnies football coach even compiled many of them in a film he used to show to his players each season.

But as special as Lehman was on the field, Gagliardi said he was just as special off it.

“He was one of the greatest players we ever had,” said Gagliardi of Lehman, who died last week at the age of 75 after complications during lung surgery at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester.

“But more importantly, he was just a great guy and a great person. He was the kind of guy that every coach would love to have and I was lucky enough to have had him on my team.”

Lehman, of course, was perhaps best known as the father of Tom Lehman, the Alexandria High School graduate who played golf at the University of Minnesota before going on to years and years of success on the PGA Tour.

But longtime fans of St. John’s will remember Lehman for his own achievements in Collegeville, where he played football from 1952-55. He was part of the first three teams Gagliardi, who arrived in 1953, coached at the school.

The new head coach made him his quarterback in 1953, when the team finished 6-2 and tied with Gustavus for the MIAC title — the school’s first taste of a conference crown since 1938.

“When I came back to fall practice, I was second or third string,” Lehman recalled in a 2002 interview. “After about the second scrimmage, John walked up to me and said, ‘I want you to know that you’re going to be my No. 1 quarterback. Now relax and enjoy yourself out there.’

“That eased the pressure and made me work a lot harder. It taught me a lot about life.”

Lehman switched to halfback beginning in 1954 and Gagliardi said an injury he suffered helped convince him to phase out full contact in his practices — a philosophy that has continued to this day.

“When your star players get hurt, boy, you’re in trouble,” Gagliardi said in 2002. “I was trying to survive here. Why take chances like that.”

Lehman recovered enough to score 13 touchdowns in 1954 and 16 in 1955, finishing among the nation’s leaders in scoring and earning MIAC MVP honors in the process.

After graduation, he had the chance to play professionally for the Baltimore Colts, but injuries ended those hopes.

“He was truly one of the best we ever had,” remembers Gagliardi, whose 469 career victories are the most in college football history.

“For years, we had a highlight film of him that we’d show to our players. There were some great runs in there. Just dazzling stuff. He was amazing to watch. Those runs were classics.

“I’ve told a story at nearly every banquet that I’ve ever been asked to speak at. I talked about the great Jim Lehman. How he played both offense and defense in the days before face masks when backs didn’t carry the ball as much as our guys do now. And people often asked me how I thought he’d do now, when he could carry the ball more and he wouldn’t have to play defense.

“I always said I thought he could still get at least seven or eight touchdowns. And they’d ask me ‘Why only seven or eight?’ I’d say ‘You have to remember, Jim is 70 years old now.’”

Lehman remained in contact with his old head coach over the years and it was clear he still felt close ties to the school when he spoke of Clemens Stadium in 2008.

“I think it’s probably one of the most naturally beautiful stadiums in the country,” he said. “You walk in and that setting just hits you. The trees and the fall colors, the way it sits in that bowl — it’s just a really special place.”

A story on the PGA Web site after Lehman’s death noted that in lieu of flowers, his family was requesting donations be made to the SJU/Jim Lehman Athletic Fund.

But even those close ties to the school were not enough to persuade his son Tom to play for the Johnnies, though it almost happened.

“That’s the other story I like to tell,” Gagliardi said. “Tom was all set to come to St. John’s, just like his Dad and his brother and uncle did. They were all St. John’s guys and Tom was a great quarterback up at Alexandria.

“But about a week before the start of the season his freshman year, I got a call from his Dad saying he was going to the University of Minnesota. ‘To play football,’ I asked him. ‘No, to play golf,’ he said. I said ‘Geez Jim, what kind of future do you think he’s going to have in golf?’”

Gagliardi said Jim Lehman’s presence on the roster during his first few seasons in Collegeville made a big difference in getting him started on the right foot.

“He was a great ballplayer and a good guy,” Gagliardi said. “You need those kind of guys around.

“He’ll really be missed.”

* * * *

Saint John’s Bible included in Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit

by David Unze, St. Cloud Times

Original folios of The Saint John’s Bible will be included in a gallery at the Science Museum of Minnesota next year when an exhibition of the Dead Sea Scrolls is presented.

The inclusion of the Bible folios with the scrolls combines the oldest and newest hand-scribed biblical manuscripts.

The Dead Sea Scrolls exhibition opens March 12. Included in that exhibit will be original folios of the Saint John’s Bible, which was commissioned by St. John’s Abbey, and is being created by artistic director Donald Jackson.

The pages that will be included in the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit have not been seen previously in the Twin Cities. (Read more)

* * * *

Yep, It’s That Little Johnny —

Scoutmaster to troop: “Name three things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the forest.”

Little Johnny answered, “A compass, a canteen of water and a deck of Playing cards.”

“Why’s that?”

“The compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration…”

“And what’s the deck of cards for?”

“You take them out and start playing Solitaire. Once you do that, some a**hole is going to come up behind you and say, ‘Put that red nine on top of the black ten!’”

* * * *

The Last Word —

Sure Not Your Mother’s Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

* *

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

* *

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

* *

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
‘What have you got there?’
Said the pie man unto Simon,
‘Pies, you dumb ass!’

* *

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings’ horses,
And all the kings’ men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

* *

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

* *

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too ’cause he was gay.

* *

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad……..
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

* * * *

That’s It, Folks… G O J O H N N I E S ! ! Turn those guys into Auggahyde (or something like that.)

Best wishes to you all,

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697

The SJU Unofficial Underground News doesn’t take a bye week — #9

Theo Wick — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:44:02 +0000

Dear Restless Readers,

Yeah, it’s a bye week for the Jays, and you may be getting antsy. But to tell the truth, although it’s strange not to be heading off somewhere to watch our Johnnies on Saturday, this off-week comes at a very good time. Junior QB Joe Boyle reinjured his gimpy thumb in the first quarter in what should have been a breather game for St. John’s against St. Olaf. In fact, before Joe got hurt on a routine play, he had already led his offense to a quick score and presumably was on the way to another when he was yanked and in comes a frosh, #16 John Ries, QB of 2008 State 5A Champion Wayzata High.

The youngster did okay, having virtually no in-game experience before his debut, but we didn’t score anymore meaning SJU’s mighty defense had to earn their spurs once again, as we held on to a surprisingly hard-fought 10-3 victory over a very scrappy Ole squad, a team that seems much stronger than its 1-4 MIAC record, though 3-4 overall.

Highlights come down to two plays at the end of the first half when the Oles were threatening near our goal to go ahead with time running out; first, they threw a pass to their guy moving just inside the goal line on the right side for a TD pass when an SJU defender jumped in front and nearly took the ball all the way back before being tackled somewhere in the Ole 30s. And next, with less than a second remaining, senior Russ Gliadon did it again! He set a new St. John’s record with a 52-yard field goal, putting SJU up 10 to 3, this coming only three games after he sent it the first time with his game-winning 49-yard thriller over Bethel.

Near the end of the game St. Olaf was threatening once again, having driven most of the field to around our 10 or so. We were having trouble stopping them on that drive for some reason and some of us fans-in-the-stands were having visions of another nail-biting, knuckle-chewing OT game. The Oles, who showed some really questionable time management in the last two minutes, finally took two-outs in a row to discuss their final play of regulation with just a couple seconds left. It turned out to be a pass (duh!) and two of our monsters squashed the QB for a loss to remain undefeated. Boy, what a year for cliff-hangers.

We need this bye to heal up some guys, but particularly to bring our new QB up to game-time speed. In some ways it’s a deja vu flashback to last year when we were trying out three QBs for the first half of the season — the result was offensive anemia, what with the coaches calling each play, the team needing to get used to the style of each of the QBs, the offensive line unsure of what was expected, RBs unsure of blocking assignments.

This time around I think we’re in better shape — the O-Line has matured and, in the last three or four games, has come together impressively, being a key part of our victories; the backs are running and blocking with much more authority this year; and the team, having successfully responded to Boyle’s leadership, still have the nucleus intact. Our generally powerful passing attack has been muted this year though, and now with a new kid at the helm, I don’t see it improving — and not because Ries doesn’t have an arm…he does; it’s part of being in synch with his A-team receivers and that takes time and experience. It also takes receivers who help out their QB by getting themselves in the clear when originally covered — we need a lot of work on that. So don’t expect much from the offense for the next couple of games, putting all the more pressure on the defense. Just be pleasantly surprised and grateful if we can score more than a couple TDs each game remaining in the regular season.

When will Boyle return? God (and maybe his doctors) only knows, but it doesn’t look too good for the near term. Maybe, after a monastery full of novenas, Joe will miraculously heal enough by the play-offs to utilize his extra dimensions of speed and elusiveness, reading defenses, and knowledge of the offense, if they don’t bring him back too soon. But for the next game or two it’ll most likely be running. And running. And more running. So, a couple of wishes for the coaching staff: how about using ALL our running backs? The last couple of games it’s been mostly Jakob Reding and Kellen Blaser with a dollop of Steve Johnson thrown in. And one more thing: please don’t script the poor Ries kid so closely that the game bogs down…let your veterans help young John ad lib when necessary… and let your team have some FUN. When our guys have fun and are allowed to get creative, good things happen. They know what has to be done.

(Just in: “Partial tear for Boyle” by Frank Rajkowski in today’s St. Cloud Times )

Before I leave the St. Olaf game, I wanted to mention — in perusing the program roster for the Oles — that they have 25 kids from Florida, California, Oklahoma or Georgia on their 96-man squard; about half of those are freshmen or sophs. Hmmmm? I wonder what the draw is…Snow?…Ice?…Tall, Blonde, Nordic Beauties?

In the same program there is an interesting graphic showing of that 137 out of 163 members of the 2009 Johnnies are from Minnesota. Of that 137, about 50 are from Central Minnesota and maybe 60 from the Metro area. For our out-of-staters we have five from North Dakota and four from Wisconsin…and, in full disclosure, we have two from Texas and two from California. And two from that football hotbed — Alaska.

* *

Up at the tailgate John Sipe ‘61/’65 and I received a warm, friendly, nutritious welcome from a gaggle of regulars, but the headcount was down to about a third of the throng assembled for the Tommie game. Besides the great camaraderie and time to visit a little more in depth with various people, I was introduced to former Viking Stu Voight who was attending his first St. John’s game; I guess he has a business in St. Cloud and he’s in the area more often. Or something. Also Kim Devoy ‘63 waved me over to say hello to some fellows he was standing with — turns out one was my classmate Ben Grage ‘64 along with his brother Jim ‘66 and a friend of theirs, Ron Lebens UST ‘63. All of them, including Kim, hailed from Shakopee, MN in days of yore. And, just before the game was to start, I heard a man ask, “Does anyone need tickets?” Well, Sipe and I sure did, especially if they meant you get to sit down too. Our benefactor, Dave Hinman, is a salesman for Sentinel Printing in St. Cloud (which does a lot of business with SJU), who had a handful of tickets that another St. Cloud gentleman buys each year but rarely uses completely. Someone told him the tailgate was a good place to find grateful fans. Turns out these ducats were smack on the 50-yard line, about a third way up. Besides Dave’s good companionship, John and I were surrounded by other folks we knew or came to know: old St. Paul Midway neighbor Bill Farmer ‘69 right behind us and behind him superfans Donna and Dana Buttenhoff; in front of us classmate Jim Conn ‘64, wifeAnita, and two women friends who came along; and beside us were classmate Mark Sieve’s ‘64 brother Kurt, his wife Jeanne and last of their four Johnnie sons, juniorJake ‘11. Besides the Mark connection, it turns out that Kurt and Jeanne are parents to my friend and former MoCo Advertising coworker, Adam ‘03. The Conns and the Sieves routinely come down from Alexandria for the games. Although Kurt didn’t attend SJU, his brothers Mark and Jon ‘69 did, and all four of Kurt’s sons did/do: Nathan ‘99, Adam, Andrew ‘05 and Jake.

When Joe Boyle went out with his injured hand, a new QB came in. “Who’s #16?” we all asked, looking in the program. A youngish woman sitting in front of Dave turned around and said pleadingly, “He’s John Ries…and he’s my son, so please go easy on him.” It was Sue Ries and we were able to cheer him — and her — on through all the highs and lows of his debut under the gun. Before halftime I thought I’d beat the rush to the men’s room (and I did) by leaving with a couple of minutes to play. Emerging from the lav I witnessed the dramatic interception, run back and awesome field goal. And I got to say hello to another classmate, retired judge Rick Ahles ‘64 (who also has dynamite seats up higher), who proudly announced that he finally had ALL his brothers at the game with him: Pete Ahles ‘60, a retired MD from California now back in Minnesota; twins Markand Jim (both ‘76, but only Jim stayed all the way through); and Jerry, the only non-SJUer of the brothers. During halftime I visited my St. Cecilia’s homies in the next section: Tom and Kathy Awe, their two daughters Hattie and Lucy, and Tom’s siblings, brother John Awe, sister Patty Welch, her husband Neil and son Peter of TCU, all up from Houston, TX; and sister Margaret Callan. So that means in over three games I’ve met virtually all of Tom’s and Kathy’s families, most of whom have travelled from out of state to see frosh Harry play.

The La Playette segment afterward was interesting because of some people that recognized me from the photo accompanying the Underground on JohnnieFootball.com. The first was Maureen Forsythe, wife of John ‘74 and brother of Bill Sullivan ‘74. Together they own and operate Bo Diddley’s Deli, right across the street from the La. John opened his restaurant in 1981 and they’ve been going strong ever since. Long time readers may recall about four or five years ago I featured John in a cute story about how John Gagliardi (who often says that he cuts no one from the team) actually sent John a letter suggesting that he not come out for the team the next year. John has kept that letter as sort of a historical document for over 30 years. John and Maureen and I had a nice visit for a bit, made nicer when Tom Gottwalt ‘82 strolled up to say hello; he was in the deli dining with some friends from North Dakota, I think he said. John showed me a plaque in his shop that has listed the many winners of the annual “Peg & Keg Cribbage Tournament,” which he has run since1975 each February through the present. Interested alums should email John at bomosubshop@charter.net. Before I left with our sandwiches to consume in the backroom of the La, John mentioned that he runs an ad in JohnnieFootbal.com offering 50% off of any 6″ sandwich if the purchaser comes in and mentions the winning score of the game. “Either nobody’s reading my ad or they aren’t hungry,” John said. So here it is:

Back at the La, I was visiting with John Uldrich ‘60, and son Jack SJP ‘82, and John’s friend up from Plano, TX, Ann Theriault, widow of Dick ‘60, when a woman came up and asked if I was the fellow who wrote the Underground. Guilty, sez I. She introduced herself as Diana Gliadon, who with her husband Tom, just had witnessed their son Russ’ second record-setting field goal this season. They were sitting with the parents of two recent outstanding linemen grads, the Kotsmiths [Andy '09] and the Lukes[Joe '09]. John Sipe introduced me to the son of one of his condo neighbors, Patrick Heelan ‘03, a classmate of my firstborn, Megan Wicker ‘03, at both Cretin-Derham Hall and CSB/SJU. He was celebrating of sorts, having just received word that he passed his bar exam. Congrats to him.

Back at our sandwiches, Jack Uldrich was telling us about his latest book, “Coached For Life,” which he has co-written with Ed Flaherty with a foreword by John Gagliardi. The book, available at the SJU Bookstore among other places, is the account of how spiritual and other values taught to football teammates in a small Catholic high school in Montana carried over into their adult lives. John and I each acquired one of Jack’s books, but mine was pre-empted by Mark Lohmann ‘58, who taught and coached in Miles City, Montana several ages ago; I hope he remembers to return it at the Augsburg game as he promised. For more info on the book, visit www.coachedforlife.com.

We had to return to the Cities early for John’s appearance at the St. Joan of Arc Benefit and Dinner, so we didn’t get to visit too long with Noel and Clark Stanton, in from San Rafael, CA to see son John ‘11, Hilary Tomczik, wife of Gary ‘67, who was visiting from Santa Barbara, CA before going to see her ill mother in England; Mark Lewandowski, Voice of the Johnnies; Jay Cutler MUU ‘72, Ron ‘65 and Sandy Tomczik, Rosie Overman, her son Josh ‘11 and other family, some Lillys ‘55 & ‘81,Tom ‘66 and Craig Arth ‘99, Mike Laliberte ‘69 and his constant fellow Johnnie fan, Phil ‘69 (whose last name embarassingly slips me this instant), and of course, our host, innkeeper Mark Zimmer SJP ‘70.

Enjoy the Saturday off from the gridiron, but as you’ll read, there are other things going on with PaddyWagon and SJU hockey. Hope to see many of you at Hubert’s before the Auggie game, or at the Dome, or at the St. Cecilia’s Red Mass after the game.

Best wishes,

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com/651-699-4697

* * * *

Re the Johnnies’ Dome Game —

* Join the Saint John’s Alumni Association and the J-Club at Hubert’s Bar and Restaurant (601 Chicago Ave., Minneapolis – across the street from the Metrodome) on Sat., Nov. 7 from 10:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. for a football pep rally. [Ed's Note: I'll drink to that!] Tickets will be on sale at Hubert’s for the 1 p.m. Johnnies vs. Augsburg MIAC football game in the Metrodome. No advance registration is required for this event. Bring your family and head to Hubert’s to kick off a day of Johnnie football fun!

** And, after the game, you are cordially invited to the 2nd Annual St. Cecilia’s “Red Mass” and Celebration.

Mass at 5pm and reception with light meal approximately 6:15 in the church hall. It’s an easy drive from the Dome and will be a nice, friendly and hopefully ‘filling’ time. More details next newsletter.

***ATTENTION: Just in from Tom Stock, SJU Athletic Director:

I just received a call from Dr. Paul Grauer from Augsburg. He asked that Saint John’s communicate the following information to Johnnie fans for the Johnnie / Augsburg football game in the MetroDome on Saturday, Nov. 7:

Augsburg will begin selling tickets at Gate B (located on the northeast side of the MetroDome at 10 a.m.) Doors to the MetroDome for the game will open at 11:30 .am. Kick-off is at 1 p.m. Ticket prices are $7 for adults and $3 for students with ID.

FYI, thanks, and GO JOHNNIES! ~Tom Stock

* * * *

From Paul Hamann ‘63, Edina, MN —

Hi Bob, I’ve given up on Massey and the NCAA regional rankings are out today. Just pleased we keep winning. Here’s a link for the newsletter if you’re interested. [Ed's Note:Sr. Lois Wedl and Tom Stock also sent this in.] It’s a clip on “St. John’s Football Coach Not Letting Age Stop Him“ Keep up the great work. — Paul

(Editor’s Note: In D3Football.com’s Top 25 Rankings, SJU and UST both moved up; SJU to 4th from 5th, and UST to 15th from 16. Here’s how the first six read: Mt. Union, UW-Whitewater, Wesley, St. John’s, Linfield, and Central. Interestingly, only Whitewater remains in the Top 25, although UW-Stevens Point and UW-La Crosse both received votes, as did Bethel. At one time the WIAC had three with one more close behind receiving votes. And the MIAC had three also with one close behind. See for yourself. )

* * * *

Early Predictions on Regional Rankings —

From Eric Brever ‘01, St. Paul, who delves into play-off possibilities in his column in JohnnieFootball.com —

[JohnnieFootball.com]

* * * *

2009 MIAC Standings

Through games of October 24, 2009

Team	Conference W/L	Overall W/L
Saint John’s University	6-0	8-0
University of St. Thomas	5-1	6-1
Bethel University	4-1	5-2
Augsburg College	3-2	4-3
Gustavus Adolphus	2-3	3-4
Carleton College	1-4	3-4
Concordia College	1-4	3-4
St. Olaf College	1-4	3-4
Hamline University	1-5	2-5

UPCOMING GAMES

October 31, 2009 – all at 1 PM

Augsburg @ St. Thomas — Tommies, but a good preview of our Dome game with the Auggies.
Bethel @ Gustavus — Royals have just too much fire power, but one can always hope.
Carleton @ Hamline — Probably the Knights, but Hamline could surprise. Ask the Royals.
Concordia @ St. Olaf — Best game this week…both are better than their standings; I’d say Oles most likely.

* * * *

From Mike Beck to Dusty Wagner ‘83, godfather to JohnnieFootball.com —

Good morning, Dusty – You may already be all over this but, if not, thought I’d shoot you a note and figure out how to “get ‘er done.”

If my math is correct, SJU needs to draw 8,328 fans to the final home game vs. Carleton in order to hit 50,000 fans for the season. It would be unbelievable to average 10,000 fans/game for the 5 regular season home games this year — probably establish a D-III average attendance record that would never be eclipsed.

We ought to get this challenge out on the website and start getting some traction. Thoughts? — Becks

(Editor’s Comment: Depending upon the weather and what happens at the Augsburg game (i.e, an SJU win or loss), that should be a fairly easy to do. But mid-November can present some climatical challenges that fair-weather fans might decide to sit out. This Carleton game, though, will be a tough one (given what happened last year) and I sure encourage everyone reading this who is able, geographically speaking, to come up, not only to help establish a monumental attendance record, but even more importantly, support our team at a crucial time of the year. And don’t forget, Augsburg will not be a push-over either — witness the St. Olaf game. So, for those who are able, come out to the Metrodome and make some noise for SJU on November 7.)

* * * *

‘Always Welcome News’ Department —

From Eric Chalmers ‘92, Rosemount, MN —

Mr. Wicker, I had the pleasure of introducing some very close friends of mine to SJU the weekend of the Tommie game. Below is the note my friend Jeff wrote to the AD after the weekend. I thought the readers of your fine newsletter would appreciate Jeff’s thoughts as much as I did. Needless to say, Jeff and his family came away impressed. Go SJU! — Eric

* *

Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 7:57 PM
To: Stock, Thomas
Subject: St. John’s Character

Mr. Stock: I am writing you to let you know of the time my family had at the game on Saturday. Very close friends of ours that attended St. John’s & St. Ben’s had told us of the setting and the environment of a Johnnies home football game. Well, we decided to go with our friends yesterday for the game against St. Thomas.

The game, the environment and everything around it was about as good as it gets until after the game when it hit a new level. As fans poured onto the field after that thrilling win, my friend suggested we take our sons out onto the field. As we were out there our sons asked several players for their autograph. This is where the character of St. John’s was magnified. Each of the players took the time to sign a program and a football for our sons age 7 and 9, but the method and manner in how they did it was of the utmost class. To a player, each of them took the time to ask our sons if they enjoyed the game, where they were from and if they wanted to be a future Johnnie.

I cannot begin to express the maturity, class and the positive role model that your players demonstrated. I’m sure they didn’t think it was big thing, but it was. A former Johnnie told me that Coach Gagliardi always said, “do the ordinary things extraordinary well” and things will be ok. The ordinary things demonstrated by the players yesterday were really extraordinary.

Mr. Stock, in this day and age of needed character it is very reassuring to know the future is very bright. Please pass on my sincere thanks to the players and to Coach Gagliardi. He won more than just a ball game yesterday, his players helped to win over some future Johnnies as well.

My first trip to St. John’s was a memory that will last a life time for me and my family. All the best to you and to your University. Sincerely, Jeff Shaffer

(Editor’s Comment: Thanks, Eric, for taking the time to share this very nice, affirming message from your friend, Jeff. Generally, St. John’s and St. Bens’ attracts young people who find the hospitality and openness of our Benedictine communities an appealing part of their college selection process…and then, once here, begin through osmosis or whatever to project the same values to others when they can. Go Johnnies, Go Blazers!)

* * * *

From Al Richie SJP ‘60/UST ‘64, Wayzata, MN —

There were two recent graduates of St. Cloud State University who were going into business for themselves in a rental storefront on St. Germain Street in downtown St. Cloud. Sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store, they looked around their space. As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One Husky said to the other, “I’ll bet any minute now some damn Johnny is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious St. John’s student in a red sweatshirt walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, “What are you sellin’ here?”

One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling a$$holes.”

Without skipping a beat, the Johnny said, “Must be doing well… Only two left.”

* * * *

The Assault on Tailgating —

A fun article forwarded by Dusty Wagner ‘83:
[espn.com]

(Editor’s Further Thought: Gee, maybe I shouldn’t put this in the UUN and give Life Services any more ideas.)

* * * *

There was this graduate of the University of St. Thomas who was down on his luck in Las Vegas. He had gambled away all his money and had to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men’s room.

The stall happened to be open, so the Tommy used the dime in a slot machine and hit the jackpot. He took his winnings to the poker tables and turned his small winnings into ten million dollars. Now wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, he went on the lecture circuit telling his incredible story. He always told his audiences, “I am eternally grateful to my benefactor, If I ever find that man I will share my fortune with him.”

Finally, after one of his lectures, a man in the audience came up to our Tommy and said, “I’m the benefactor you’re looking for. I was the one who gave you the dime.”

“Oh, no…not you,” explained the Tommy, shaking his head, “I’m looking for the guy who left the stall door open.”

* * * *

College football: Defense keeps SJU unbeaten

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — With the St. John’s offense struggling to score points and starting quarterback Joe Boyle on the sidelines with an injured thumb, it was left to the Johnnies defense to come up with big plays Saturday afternoon.

And time and time again in a 10-3 victory over St. Olaf, that’s exactly what they did.

The defense recorded three turnovers — including a huge interception that cornerback Mike Bonynge returned 66 yards to set up a school-record 52-yard field goal by Russell Gliadon to end the first half — as the Johnnies (6-0 MIAC, 8-0 overall) remained unbeaten before a crowd of 9,101 at Clemens Stadium. (Read more)

* * * *

SJU college football: Gliadon sets new mark

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — When Russell Gliadon set a school-record with a 49-yard field goal in the closing seconds to beat Bethel on Oct. 3, he expected the record to stand for some time.

He certainly didn’t expect to break it himself just three weeks later. But that’s just what happened Saturday when the St. John’s senior booted a 52-yarder with under a second to play in the first half as the Johnnies beat St. Olaf 10-3 at Clemens Stadium. (Read more)

* * * *

DeLand column: Johnnies’ ‘D’ does the dirty work

by St. Cloud Times sports editor Dave DeLand

COLLEGEVILLE — Human nature being what it is, it would have been awfully easy for the members of the St. John’s football team to get as excited about Saturday’s game and opponent as they would get about taking out the garbage or washing their skivvies. (Read more)

* * * *

St. John’s 10, St. Olaf 3

Scoring and Stats
[The St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

College football: Blaser carving out spot with SJU

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times
[The St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

MIAC Football Week Six: SJU Holds Top; Auggies Win a Wild One

by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, CSN Mapping the MIAC Columnist

Saint John’s held onto its lead in the battle for the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference championship with a 10-3 win over St Olaf. St. Thomas kept pace by downing Carleton, 48-28. Concordia notched its first win in MIAC play with a 41-21 hammering of Hamline and Augsburg took control of fourth place with a 28-21 squeaker over Gustavus. (Read more)

* * * *

Hot time in the Old Town Friday Night —

From Tim Flynn ‘91, St. Paul —

Hi Bob – You asked me for a reminder of the next time our group gets together: PaddyWagon plays this Friday, October 30th at 9:00 at the Dubliner Pub on University and Vandalia in St. Paul, right off I-94. The group is made up of me (SJU ’91) on guitar, mandolin, banjo and vocals, as well as Mark Bortscheller (SJU ’90) on bass, and four other non-SJU guys (Kevin Galligan - vocals & trumpet, Kevin O’Brien – vocals and harmonica, Joe Defoe – Guitar, and Dave Russell - Fiddle…rest assured none of them are Tommies). Thanks for the plug – we look forward to seeing you there! — Tim

(Editor’s Note & Invitation: Won’t you join me, your intrepid Johnny/Benny-backing editor, in taking in a set or two with Tim and his boyos this Friday. I’m going to be there by 8:30pm so I can be sure to get a seat at a table. And I usually pimp out around 11:00 or so. But I hope some of you Celtic (and other genres, like folk, rock, country, Dixieland) music lovers will join me, since we don’t have a game the next day. [Full disclosure: Tim is the son of my classmate and friend, George Flynn '64, but that's not why I'm plugging them...they're very good and lots of fun. No cover, either.]

PaddyWagon “Irish Music with a Twang” plays about 7-8 times a year, mainly at the Dubliner Pub, but occasionally at Shamrocks, O’Gara’s and every memorial day weekend at Madden’s! Their website is www.paddywagon.net and the full schedule can be found there. Upcoming shows at the Dubliner after this Friday are Saturday, November 28th, and Saturday, December 19th if you can’t join me this week.)

* * * *

SJU Hockey —

Alumni Game and MIAC Showcase
by Doug Schueller, Head Hockey Coach

I would like to report that the 2009 SJU Hockey Alumni game was another success and that approximately 25 alumni showed up to play with about 20 stopping over for a BBQ at my house after the game. I hope to continue growing this event in years to come. I almost forgot to mention that the current team got their first win of the season defeating the SJU Alumni by a score of 10-7.

I also want to inform all of you that we have our 2009 MIAC Showcase this weekend with 3 games at 2-5-8 each day. These games will all be played at the Bloomington Ice Garden and should be a great promotion for our league. The Johnnies play at 2pm on Saturday against St. Mary’s and then again on Sunday at 8pm against the Tommies. You can also see the entire schedule below.

Friday, October 30th:

2:00 p.m. Augsburg vs. Bethel
5:00 p.m. St. Thomas vs. Saint Mary’s
8:00 p.m. St. Olaf vs. Hamline

Saturday, October 31st:

2:00 p.m. Saint Mary’s vs. Saint John’s
5:00 p.m. Concordia vs. St. Olaf
8:00 p.m. Bethel vs. Gustavus

Sunday, November 1st:

2:00 p.m. Hamline vs. Concordia
5:00 p.m. Gustavus vs. Augsburg
8:00 p.m. Saint John’s vs. St. Thomas

Ticket prices are just $5.00 for everyone attending (children 5 and under free). One ticket gets you access to all games on that particular day. Methods of payment include cash or check (written out to the “MIAC”). No credit cards will be accepted.

Come support your team, mingle with alumni and friends, and support the guys as they begin the 2009-2010 hockey season.

I hope to see you this weekend, Doug

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

By Lindsay Good ‘06, RD, LD

Eating Healthy for Less

What costs more? Eating healthy or poorly? Most would guess that eating healthy costs more, but it doesn’t have to. It’s true that out-of-season blueberries are expensive and a lunch of grilled salmon and spinach salad will cost more than a Happy Meal. But it’s also true that by making smart choices, you will not only improve your health and lose weight, you can also save enough money at the same time.

Try these cost-effective changes:

Choose raw over processed foods. In general, the less processed a food, the more nutritious and less expensive it is.

Bag your snacks. 100 calorie packs are convenient but you’re paying for the packaging. Buy snack-size baggies and portion out your own snacks.

Save on produce. Apples, oranges, bananas, carrots, and cabbage are affordable year round. Produce can be expensive if you’re buying them out of season. Frozen fruit and veggies are also an inexpensive, healthy choice.

Buy in bulk. Get oatmeal, rice, nuts, dried fruit, and other dry goods in bulk. Join Costco or Sam’s Club and split purchases with friends or family to save in the end.

Try generic. Store brands often cost less, but the quality may not be the same. Buy only the brand-name products that are worth the extra cost.

Go meatless. Substitute beans twice a week and you’ll save hundreds of dollars a year and consume less of the unhealthy fats.

Eat in. About 47.5 percent of the average American’s food dollar is spent in restaurants. Replace the McDonald’s bag with a brown bag and bring your lunch to work.

The bottom line? You don’t have to be wealthy to eat healthy. Pound for pound, you’ll pay less for raw foods like rice or fresh fruits than for processed, canned or frozen foods like chips and chocolate-chip muffins. With a little planning you can save money and calories.

* * * *

Two middle-aged friends, a St. John’s alum and a UST grad, played golf together one day at the Johnny’s country club. Just before they teed off on the 12th hole, they stopped to buy cold drinks from the beautiful young woman driving the beverage cart. As the Johnny reached for his wallet, he flirted with her a bit, saying to her, “You’re in great shape. You must work out a lot.”

Flattered, she gave him an enormous smile and gushed, “Oh, thank you so much!”

The Tommy was very much impressed with both his Johnny pal’s charm and the young lady’s enthusiastic response and, to himself, vowed to act more like his Johnny chum around the young ladies.

The next weekend, the Tommy was with a group of his UST classmates at a different course. At the 10th tee was another lovely young woman driving the beverage cart. He decided to show off in front of his Purple fellows. “Watch this,” he whispered to his foursome. He walked up to the cart and said, “You’re in great shape. You must work out a lot.”

“Yeah,” she replied dryly. “You oughtta try it yourself.”

* * * *

Instant & Brief UUN Feedback —

From John Taylor ‘58, SJU Institutional Advancement, on the lateness in the day of the last issue:

…about time; I have been missing my nap waiting!

From C.J. Ross ‘64, San Diego —

This is OUTSTANDING — What a “shot”!!! You are the best. — C J

From Sister Lois Wedl OSB, St. Benedict’s Monastery —

What a fantastic picture. Thanks, Bob. — Lois

From mí SJP/U compadre, John Sipe SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, St. Paul —

Great work, my man. — js

From Bill Draves ‘64, Dry Hole, AZ —

Wick, From afar (far away and very warm!), it seems like this football season has not been for the faint of heart! I wonder, he wondered, what the rest of the year holds — especially in the playoffs!

Sorry I missed the trio of [Paul] Judge, [George Flynn] Flynner and [George] McKenzie. There are a lot of stories there! They should tell you about their trip to Russia. — Bill

* * * *

(And speaking of this trio):
From Paul Judge ‘64, Encinitas, CA —

Bob, Thanks for the note. Yes, the three of us were there [a visit to SJU and the Guest House] inquiring about the possibility of entering the monastery as decrepit geezers in seek of salvation. We thought there would be a break in price if we entered under the “buddy system.” We were soundly turned down. All was not lost though as there was a Tommy-Johnny game the same weekend, which we enjoyed immensely. Hope all’s well with you and your family. Sincerely, Paul

* * * *

From Mollie Mulheran Raih ‘65, Edina, MN —

Hi Bob, Saw your friend Fr. Mike Byron ['81] last eve! — Mollie

(Editor’s Note: I took that opportunity to personally invite Mollie and her Tommie ‘65 hubby Dr. Tom Raih to the St. Cecilia “Red Mass” for Johnnies, Bennies and friendly Tommies on Saturday, Nov. 7, beginning at 5 p.m., after the Johnnie-Auggie game at the Dome. Fr. Mike will be presiding. I now personally invite all of you too.)

(Mollie’s Quick Response

Thanks, Bob! We will be in the Holy Land…praying for you, while you pray for us…please:)

* * * *

From John Maas ‘58, Hudson, WI —

The picture was perfect and it was good to see that some 1958 Johnnies were cheering them on. Good luck tomorrow! — John

* * * *

From Colleen Lilly ‘81, Edina, MN —

Hi Wicker, Thanks for the Underground. My sister [Mary Wozniak '87] sent it to me so I will put it in my email log and hopefully I will continue to receive it!! See you Sat! — Colleen

* * * *

From Gary Kordosky ‘64, Tucson, AZ —

Wick – great picture, greater newsletter. I looked at the picture and it became obvious the would-be Tommy tackler was slowed down by the weight of the ink in his tattoos. cheers, gary

* * * *

From John Uldrich ‘60, Minneapolis —

Bob: great UUN! That pic should go along way . . .

See you at the game – will introduce you to Ann Theriault from Plano TX. Her husband, Dick ‘60 was a two-year Johnnie; made the first tour of the Marines in Vietnam flying an H34 Helicopter – spent ten years flying for Air America in and out of Laos. Passed out of the picture about 32 years ago. [May he RIP.] Ann and I have been seeing each other over the past two years. She has fond memories of SJU in the 60’s. — J.

P.S. will be in town for the ‘rouge et noir’ event on the 7th!

(Editor’s Note: John is the “godfather” of JohnnieBrats™, developed from his special recipe and produced for him, thus far, by the St. Joe Meat Market; John intends profits from this venture to go to The Record, of which he was an editor in 1959. He’s looking to franchise the brand so Johnnies all over the country can enjoy the taste. People attending St. Cecilia’s Red Mass and Reception on November 7th will taste these North Woods delicacies served now by John himself.)

* * * *

Intercepted email from C.J. Lyngen ‘92 to Ryan Heining ‘91 at 9:45 Saturday a.m. —

Ryan, Are you up here yet? I’m in Quad 254 with my girls working on their homework. I think we discovered a new routine — Get up to Collegeville @ 8/8:30 work on homework, then hit Stiftungfestivities. Go Johnnies! — C.J.

(And a reply, not from Ryan, but David Lukinac ‘92, Bayside, WI, who apparently was suffering through the Gopher loss to OSU.) —

Can a graduate with such stature as yourself have a brewski in Quad 254? Hope the Johnnies can do better than the gophers are at OSU? — luke

* * * *

From John Diffley ‘64, Stewartville, MN —

Bob,

You are a true English major! An off-week on the horizon — whatever will you write about? I can hardly wait for the next issue. Here’s my promised report on Ole Radio:

I tuned in the Ole station (KDHL Northfield/Faribault) and I will have to say that I was disappointed as the announcer was not the usual one who puts so much local color into the color portion of the play-by-play. It was so matter of fact that I went back to Relevant Radio and listened to Mark L. and Co. [Mark Lewandowski, Byran Backes, Mike Carr, Charlie Carr]. Those Norwegians (and Florida imports) always manage to make a game of it. Let’s hope the two week breather and a novena will put the war-wounded back into readiness. That poor Gunderson [All-American senior Nick Gunderson with reinjured leg] saw his best years as an underclassman. The only positive note is that there are usually five fellows lined up behind every starter to prove that they can do the job even better than the annointed can…what a motivator John [Gagliardi] is just by his presence.

…and that damn Sid Hartman will drone on for hours on end about those eternal do-nothings at the U. I remember one time somebody called in and said that maybe the U should schedule St. John’s and Sid immediately immediately shot back caustically by saying, “St. John’s would have no business on the same field as the U of M.” At the time I thought — “Yes, Sid, you might be right, but the U of M would have no business being in the same classroom as the Johnnies.” Enough of my droning. Thanks, John

* * * *

From the earthy Suzie Gooding, wife of Bruce ‘69, Durham, NC —

It’s been quite a while since we were camping. Seems there have been some new and exciting items available to those who like the great outdoors…Just when you think that you have everything packed in the camper they find some new gadget! — Suzie

* * * *

Restaurant Quickie, #1 —

Diner: Waiter, why is that alley cat staring at me through the restaurant window?

Waiter: Oh, it’s because you’re using the plate we usually feed him on.

* * * *

Restaurant Quickie, #2 —

A man walks into a French restaurant and asks the waiter, “Do you serve snails here?”

“Ah, but of course!”

“Okay, I’ll have the steak, and my little friend here will have the garden salad.”

* * * *

Restaurant Quickie, #3 —

A piece of string walks into the La Playette and orders a beer. Owner Mark Zimmer eyes him carefully and says, “Are you a piece of string?”

“Why yes, I am.”

“Well, we don’t serve pieces of string here.”

With that Mark throws the string out the door. The string picks himself up, dusts himself off, ties himself into a knot and frays one of his ends. He walks back into the bar again.

“I’ll have a beer, please.”

“Say,” says Mark, “aren’t you that piece of string I just threw OUTTA HERE?”

“No, I’m a frayed knot.”

* * * *

Thought for The Week —

“The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love
Born out of concern for all beings…
As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become.”

— Buddha

* * * *

Uh-Oh… Trouble in Paradise? (Continued) —

From Bob Christensen ‘62, Minneapolis —

Bob…I concur with Murph’s “complaint-in-alliteration” regarding the always annoying audible advertizing at the SJU home football games….Bob

(then Bob, a semi-retired physician, sent another message)

Bob…there is a thought-provoking and somewhat alarming article in the October 19th issue of The New Yorker magazine titled “Offensive Play” by Malcolm Gladwell, which describes new medical research suggesting an apparent increased incidence of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (a type of dementia) occurring in not only NFL players, but also in high school and college players—esp. lineman and also at a relatively young age…I have sent a copy of the article to Gag and thought you and possibly your readers might also be interested…most of us either played football or have had family members who played or are still playing football….Bob

* *

From Maxwell Stein ‘04, Anoka, MN (and sometimes Naples, FL) —

Theo: Mike Murphy hit the nail on the head last week in his write-in to the UUN. The in-game experience has drastically fallen off in recent years as it has become ever more commercialized. Is it really necessary to have 87 announcements to check out the press box for the new Rhino Deck? What about the constant barrage of “turn to such and such page in your Johnnie GameDay program to see if your page is stamped in red to win…” The new Bose speakers mounted on the Press Box must be cranked up, because it is damn near impossible to have any sort of meaningful conversation with the person next to you during the game. And God forbid they have some sort of hearing impairment.

Isn’t there a better way to give Johnnie football sponsors value? What about creating revenue streams in other areas (perhaps a $10/game ticket for the reserved seats or an exclusive tailgating lot with a parking pass good for all home games at a flat fee of $50 or so for the season)? I just think these things need to be looked at in the offseason. You wouldn’t believe many of the off-color remarks I am hearing in the stands where people are continually growing more tired of hearing the same monotonous plugs week after week. Theo, it is a real problem. People are turned off by the overwhelming bombardment of commercialization at Johnnie Football games. I actually think they are on the verge of a backlash (where the advertising has the reverse effect of its obvious intended purpose). By that I mean, people will go out of their way to NOT support the Johnnie football advertisers as a way to speak with their wallet.

SJU has tried (and some may argue succeeded) in becoming a Faux-Division 1 program in the name of the almighty dollar. The game experience has certainly NOT improved proportionally speaking. I realize it that SJU needs income for its athletic progams, but the in-game advertising is way over the top. At what point is enough, enough? I am a firm believer that the advertising both audibly and visually at Clemens Stadium is way past the point of saturation.

Cheers, Max Stein, Official SW Florida Hurricane Correspondent of the Underground News

* *

From Jim Marrin SJP ‘60/ SJU ‘64, St. Cloud —

Bob: Kudos to Mike Murphy for his comments in the last UUN regarding an issue that has long angered and saddened me, namely, the rampant crass commercialism that has come to characterize Johnnie football.

I have been a Johnnie football fan since 1956 when I attended my first game as a freshman at St. John’s Prep. Except for my years in the U.S. Navy, I have hardly missed a home game in all that time. I remember a time when the stadium PA system was used sparingly and then only to call the game or otherwise enhance fan enjoyment. I also remember when Sports Illustrated named St. John’s one of the top ten places in the country to watch a college football game.

Since then, we have seen massive infusions of money into improving stadium infrastructure from generous donors like Bill Clemens and many others. And yet if Sports Illustrated were to visit the campus today, I would not be surprised to see St. John’s listed as one of the worst places in the nation to watch a college football game.

Why? We now have a “premier and enhanced” marketing program, one of the best if not the best in Division III, or so we are told. Our “premier and enhanced” marketing program consists of — how to best describe it — bombarding players and fans with incessant ads, giveaways, and pleas to “support our advertisers” over the stadium PA system. It is loud, intrusive, continuous and obnoxious.

Example 1: “Turn to page 3 of your Johnnie Game Day Program. If you see ‘Go Johnnies’ stamped in red, you’ve just won (insert here – a pizza, T-shirt, beverage cooler, etc.).” In protest and as a matter of principle, I have stopped buying Johnnie Game Day Programs.

Example 2: “If you’re the lucky fan sitting in (section, row, seat), you’ve just won (etc., etc., etc.)”

Benedictine hospitality is everywhere on campus, everywhere except within the confines of Clemens Stadium. It stops at the gate. Within the stadium, there is no way to converse, no way to enjoy the camaraderie of friends and classmates, no way to enjoy the game, no way even to think. I leave every game with a splitting headache.

If St. John’s doesn’t stop this inanity, this ugly advertising freight train, and soon, I for one will vote with my feet. I will stop buying season tickets and stop attending home games. If enough fed-up fans do the same, then maybe one day St. John’s will find itself with the worst football attendance record in Division III and the generosity of people like Bill Clemens will all have been for naught. — Jim

* *

From Jim Conn ‘64, Alexandria, MN —

Hi Bob – Good to visit with you at the Stiftungsfestivities – those deviled eggs are the greatest! [Ed's Note: Yes they are! Thanks again to Aimee Wagner for her weekly treats.] The Blaser touchdown photo you pasted into the UUN came through fabulously and actually clarified the confusion of that moment because the OT touchdown was obscured from our seats on the 50 yard line due to the SRO crowd & wound up Johnny faithful trying to get a view of whether Blaser had crossed the goal line. I predict that Ryan Ward’s photo of that moment will live in Johnnie football annals for a long, long time. Thanks for publishing it.

On another topic dear to my heart was the mention by Mike Murphy of the earsplitting confusion thrown at us by the rap-level decibel setting of the PA system. Over the years I’ve become seriously hearing-challenged and am now on my third set of hearing aids over the past 10 years (ten years ago I was too embarrassed to have even mentioned hearing aids but that’s what age, maturity and peers in similar circumstances will do to you). For those of us hearing-challenged the PA system turns about 50% of the 4-hour afternoon into a cacophony of unbelievable duress — impossible to carry on conversations with old and new friends alike, impossible to listen to a headset radio in an effort to deduce what is happening on the field — and turns a premier Johnny sporting event that should be energizing and enjoyable into a challenging effort to remain engaged. After dutifully looking for the proverbial red stamp in my program over the past several years now, I’ve stopped doing it, both for revenge and because I think the chances of SJU beating Mount Union are better than me seeing a red stamp in my game-day program. Regards, Jim

* *

From Todd Mueller ‘74, Arden Hills, MN —

Hi Bob, Regarding the St. John’s P.A. Announcer at the Tommie Game…

I (and at least a half dozen fans around me) agree with one of your reader’s comments that the hawking of the announcer was incessant and incredibly irritating. Not only that, but it was embarrassing too. Here we’re witnessing a thriller of a game and totally caught up in the excitement, when once more, deep into the 4th quarter, we were interrupted in our conversations of potential strategies and asked to “turn to page fifty-six in our program and if our book has a stamp on that page we’ve won a water mug” courtesy of some local CPA firm. Yikes.

It was like the guys in the box were at a different game. Hello? Does anyone care? I have no problem with the volume of the speakers, or even the promotions themselves (note to staff: please get a Best Buy employee who can actually speak), but cool it on the number of announcements especially at the end of the game!

SJU might have the best sports marketing program in Div 3, but one of the tenets of effective marketing is knowing when to say enough. Enough. — Todd

(Editor’s Comment: Yikes! Mr. Murphy has unleashed some very strong pent-up feelings. Other than some intemperate comments about Tommies, I haven’t seen anything like this depth of aggravation in the 15+ years I’ve been laboring with the Underground News.

It appears to me there are four distinct problems outlined above: loudness of the new speakers; number and frequency of ads; the idea of such overt commercialization of a small college football game in the first place; and interruption of action for non-sports-related announcements. Or, perhaps to sum it all up, too darn much talking about things that aren’t related to SJU football.

Note to Sports Marketing: Better take a look at your game day ad format for next season before 2 or 3,000 fans (or more) stand up and yell, “We’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore!” Mr. Stein’s suggestion of looking for new ways to make up for possible lost ad revenue seems like a winner.)

* * * *

Top Ten Signs — How bad is our economy?

The economy is so bad that…

10. If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant “you” or “them.”

9. The Mafia is now laying off judges, and Exxon-Mobil had to lay off 25 Congressmen.

8. Yesterday, I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

7. I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

6. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

5. “Hot Wheels” and “Matchbox” stocks are trading higher than GM.

4. McDonald’s is introducing the ‘Quarter Ouncer’.

3. Parents in Beverly Hills have had to fire their nannies and learn their kids’ names.

2. Motel Six won’t leave the light on for you any more.

And the Number One sign of our bad economy:

1. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

* * * *

INNER PEACE —

by Sister Lois Wedl OSB, St. Benedict’s Monastery

Inner Peace: This is so true

If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then You Are Probably…The Family Dog!

And you thought I was going to get all spiritual.

(Editor’s Comment: Yep…they sure don’t make nuns like they used to.)

* * * *

And speaking of Sister Lois, take a look at this wonderful Halloween treat she sent some of us; for those with young children and grandchildren, it’s a real kick:

[www.cubpack81.com]

* * * *

English Majors’ Corner. . .Halloween Division —

Impress your English teacher this year with a poet costume.
Vampire Poems
The Graves of Poets

* * * *

The Unofficial Underground News’ OB-GYN Corner —

(Answering questions that Bennies and others might have about pregnancy and childbirth)

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A: Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A: In your breasts.

Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A: Yes, baby lips.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

* * * *

From Fr. Don Talafous’s e-newsletter received yesterday (Wednesday) I was saddened to learn that Troy Fritz ‘88, Executive Director of University Relations, Institutional Advancement at St. John’s, is moving on to become Development Director for St. Cloud Cathedral High School on Nov 2. I heartily concur with Don when he says, “We will miss Troy’s energy, positive spirit, even temper and patience!” Our best to Troy in his new pursuits at Cathedral where he’ll join Mike Mullin, who left the Prep School’s Development and Alum Relations spot to become the new President of Cathedral. What are we…a farm team for CHS? Incidentally, if you’re not yet on Fr. Don’s email list and would so desire, please email him at DTalafous@csbsju.edu and ask to receive his newsletter.

* * * *

From Pete Gareri ‘62, Plymouth, MN —

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she said.

A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

‘Well’, she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”

“That must’ve been scary,” said the teacher.

“It sure was,” said the little girl. “My kitty raised her back, went ‘Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Ffffff!,’ but before she could say ‘F**k!,’ the Rottweiler ate her!”

The teacher had to leave the room.

* * * *

Fourth Annual ‘Polidazzle’ —

From Matt Lindstrom ‘92, Sartell, MN, Associate Professor of Political Science and Director, The Eugene J. McCarthy Center for Public Policy and Civic Engagement

You’re invited to the 4nd Annual “Polidazzle: Students and Alums in Politics and Policy”
Thursday, December 3, 2009 — 5:30 p.m.-7:30 p.m.
The News Room, 990 Nicollet Ave, Minneapolis (at Tenth Street), (612) 343-0073

Polidazzle is a networking event for CSB/SJU students, alums, staff and faculty interested in public policy and civic life, sponsored by The Eugene J. McCarthy Center. This reception offers an excellent opportunity for current students to meet alumnae/i who are active in civic and political life as professionals or volunteers. Feel free to invite other alums you know.

Polidazzle is a two hour open house reception with complimentary drinks and abundant hors d’oeuvres and takes place along the Holidazzle parade route. SAVE THE DATE and RSVP SOON….

Please RSVP to Stacy Penk, Coordinator of the McCarthy Center for Public Policy and Civic Engagement at CSB/SJU. RSVP to Email: spenk@csbsju.edu Phone: (320) 363 3266

* * * *

(And Speaking of “alums who are active in civic and political life”…)

An excerpt from “Commentary from Dave Durenberger” regarding how large banks are screwing over the American public in his e-newsletter from the National Institute of Health Policy:

TOO BIG TO CARE

Wells Fargo used to be a nice Minneapolis bank called Norwest where a young banker named Richard Kovacevich got his start and sailed west as Wells Fargo. Kovacevich recently passed his baton to John Stumpf, a boy who was raised up in Pierz, MN. So I make certain assumptions about local and small town boys. Like they think about their mom and dad and neighbors in small towns before they take advantage of ordinary folks.

We all know that millions of middle class Americans are drowning in credit card debt for which they may well be responsible. Leave out the enticements and the unsolicited promises that reeled them in. In light of the near-collapse of America’s financial system, and the taxpayer bailout engineered by Wall Street and its Washington, D.C., farm team, came limits on credit card interest increases.

Wells Fargo beat the deadline for congressional enforcement by jacking up its rates. I was tempted to call my St. John’s Prep School classmate, Floribert Spanier, from Pierz, whose daughter is married to John Stumpf. Flip, as we have always called Spanier, retired a few years ago as president and CEO of the Catholic Aid Association, a fraternal financial association that, I suspect, was much more understanding of their “members.”

(Editor’s Note to Dave: As they’d say down South about the speedy interest raising, “Wey-ll, son, that’s cuz bidness is bidness.”)

(Additional Editor’s Note: Dave Durenberger SJP ‘51/SJU ‘55 writes a lively, interesting and often blunt column on national, political and health policy (monthly I think); If you wish to SUBSCRIBE to Dave’s commentary, please send an email to nihp@stthomas.edu with the subject line “Subscribe Commentary”. Also, Flip Spanier SJP ‘51/SJU ‘55 and his wife Patricia Welle Spanier, who live in Roseville, MN, have four children, three of whom went to SJU/CSB: Ruth Spanier Stumpf ‘76 (San Francisco), Doug ‘83 (a musician in St. Paul), and Maria Spanier Stinnett ‘87, North Oaks, MN.)

* * * *

Red Tie Gala, Advance Notice —

The 3rd Annual SJU Red Tie Gala will be held February 5, 2010, at the Northland Inn in Brooklyn Park, MN. If you’ve been meaning to go and put it off for the first two years, now’s the time to act: Register online at gojohnnies.com (go to J-Club link), or call Heidi Goebel at 320-363-2591.

Price of $75 includes dinner and entertainment ($50 for alums of 2007, 2008 & 2009); besides most of the coaches, this year we have as special guest Jared the Magician coming off his grand performance in the CSB/SJU Fine Arts Series.

RSVP Deadline: January 25, 2010. Silent auction items welcome. All proceeds support the Johnnie athletic programs.

* * * *

The Last Word —

The young Scottish lad decided to try living in Australia. He found an apartment and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Scotland to see how her son was doing in his new life.

“I’m fine, but there are some really strange people livin’ here in Australia. One woman cries all day long, another lies on the floor moaning. And the guy next door bangs his head on the wall all the time.”

“Well, me wee laddie,” says his mother, “I suggest you don’t associate with people like that.”

“Oh, I don’t, Ma’am, I don’t. No, I just stay inside me apartment all day and night playin’ me bagpipes.”

* * * *

That’s it, folks…and believe me, that’s quite enough.

God Bless Us Johnnies and Bennies, Every One.
(with apologies to Charles Dickens)

SJU’s Unofficial Underground News remains decidedly ecstatic — #8

Theo Wick — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 20:17:13 +0000

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s Kellen Blaser ripping the hearts out of the Tommie Faithful!

And how sweet it is…!

* * * *

Dear Readers,

The need for incorporating photography into the virtually all copy/all the time Underground News is particularly made necessary this issue because of what I hope will be an award-winning shot of Kellen Blaser’s dive for the overtime TD, giving SJU a 20-17 squeaker win over a powerful, talented Tommie squad.

The above photo is the splendid work of Ryan Ward, son and MIAC co-photographer for D3Football.com with his dad, Tim Ward ‘78 (aka Retired Old Rat). Ryan is a 2008 graduate of Loyola University Chicago. In real life he is a Certified Public Accountant working for KPMG. His photo has already shown up on the D3 site, and in two areas on the JF.com site, and in College Sporting News’ MIAC wrap-up. Undoubtedly SJU will purchase it to use in all kinds of things, like posters, in magazines, on websites, and so forth.

But nothing static like a photo can duplicate the eruption of joy at the game’s sudden conclusion from most of the nearly 13,000 souls present for the latest edition of the famed Johnnie-Tommie game. In overtime, and from the south end’s 25-yard line, the Tommies threatened a bit, then settled for a 3-pointer from a former Johnnie who transferred to UST, I assume so he could play in his senior year.

Then it was the Johnnies turn from the same 25-yards out. It was junior Jakob Reding smashing three times through the line, and finally senior Kellen Blazer taking it in for the final eight yards, probably five of them airborne. There was a slight delay while the refs conferred — as we found they must before signaling an overtime TD — and then, a la theBethel game, the Johnnies and Bennies from the student stands at the north end flooded the field, seemingly more of them and perhaps even more joyous than in the surprising victory over the Royals. After all, this was the TOMMIE GAME…and we won again, this the twelfth in a row.

I think this calls for a quick Tommie joke…

A University of St. Thomas undergrad was on a street corner in downtown St. Paul when he passed a blind woman using a cane. The woman stops him and says, “Excuse me, but if it’s not too much trouble, can you see me across the street?”

The helpful Tommie said, “Just a minute.” He scurried across the street, looked back and yelled, “Yes, I can see you just fine!”

* * * *

From John Tuvey ‘89, West St. Paul (via Thom Woodward ‘70), some number crunching:

Today’s fun fact: This May, at some point during graduation ceremonies at the University of St. Thomas, the 11,000th student who has gone his/her entire collegiate career without having witnessed the UST football team beating St. John’s will walk across the stage to receive his/her degree. And that’s just this millennium.

* * * *
From John Diffley ‘64, Stewartville, MN —

Bob, As always, it was so enjoyable chatting with you on the phone. Your efforts are much appreciated…it gives a whole new look to the end of the week. Yes, our Purple Brothers on Summit Ave, with all their attendant posturing and parading, would love to have nothing more than the title that gets all the attention and ink…I’m sure their desire and ultimate frustration in procuring “the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge” must have caused them more sleepless nights than we’ll ever know. Looking forward to seeing you at the much maligned but dear-to-our-hearts Dome — John

(Editor’s Note: Our good friend John is too humble to mention it, but he recently was named Minnesota German Teacher of the Year (and this includes both High School and College instructors) for his standout professionalism over the years at Stewartville H.S. I asked him how he achieved this award and his replied, “I’ve outlived all my competitors.” It took me a little searching, but I found the notice and a photo of John receiving his award on — of all places — a website hosted by St. Thomas…makes it all the better.)

* * * *

A few more thoughts about the Johnnie-Tommie game before we move on to our next gridiron foe, the St. Olaf Oles. Many thought that the attendance for the BIG GAME might exceed that of the SJU-Bethel game in 2003 where John Gagliardi set his “most wins” record of #409 with a thrilling, come-from-behind victory. Probably many have forgotten that the preceding game — #408, the tying game — was another squeaker whereby SJU was almost upset by a then mediocre UST team in St. Paul. Those Tommies…they generally come so very, very close. But I digress…we were speaking of attendance. At 12,903, the offical head count was still a couple hundred short of the record of 13,107, making this game our second largest attended. Too bad we didn’t break it, because the weather was much, much better than that of the Bethel game; in fact, it was nearly perfect for fall football playing and watching — cloudless, lots of color in the trees, little wind and temps in the high-40s.

John Sipe SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, Chris Gillespie and I arrived on campus about 10:15…and still were very lucky to find a parking place in the Science Hall lot near the Stiftungsfestivities. The campus was buzzing very early. About five minutes later my good friend of 25 years from St. Cecilia’s, Tim O’Hara UST ‘76 arrived with his carload of fellow Tommies, including his brother Mike O’Hara UST ‘70, Joe Callan UST ‘75, and Kevin Mackenl, U of M ‘75; they joined us at the tailgate. There was quite a large group this past week — many newcomer Johnnies and Bennies, such as Liz Benda Anderson ‘64 and husband Rich Anderson ‘65, and Bob Christensen and Wayne Belisle, both of 1962, up with two Tommie friends…I’d estimate about 10-15% of the Stiftungsfestivies crowd were Tommies, all eating, drinking and conversing with great bonhomie with their Johnnie/Bennie Brethren/Cistern with very little trash talk (with the possible exception of Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80 who just could not help himself), except when Joe Callan politely asked where the Johnnies kept their sheep. I explained that it’s the same place Tommies keep their goats…that said we all enjoyed another adult beverage. Here’s what Tim O’Hara wrote after the game:

Rob, Thanks for being such a great host on Saturday. We had a lot of fun. The game ended up being closer than it should with the Toms falling a bit short. It gives us purpose for next year. The tailgating was a highlight. I was impressed meeting all the nice people. I can see why it’s a weekly routine. We didn’t make it to the La but maybe next time. Good luck to the Johnnies the rest of the year. Thanks again for a great afternoon despite the loss. Tommily yours, Tim

Unfortunately, not all was so sanguine with younger Tommie fans, many visibly impaired by alcohol, with some absolutely exhibiting near-total gyro failure. Not a pretty sight, especially with the ones wearing T-shirts slamming our Bennies…I didn’t know they were playing the Tommies. Actually, one was kind of fun: On the front — BEER; and on the back — Turning Bennies into Beauties since 1913. But another really disappointed: It showed a Glorified Christ on the Cross with the words — Thank God for St. Bens; and on the back — We needed a place to put all the ugly girls. Well, that offends in multiple ways, but it’s surprising that got by in a still-nominally Catholic school. The irony of so many — how do I say this charitably? — plain and/or overweight Tommettes wearing this shirt was certainly lost on them.

The behavior of some Tommies, mostly of the male variety, seems to speak volumes about who’s attracted to the school. Besides the aforementioned weaving and slurring of words, there was an in-your-face-crudeness and uncalled-for chippiness that was directed to anyone wearing red, regardless of gender or age. From our plastic seats above the path to the south end of the stadium we watched what seemed like an endless stream of Toms and Tommettes walking back and forth, missing a truly wonderful game played by both teams. We sat with Ron ‘65 and Sandy Tomczik, their son Paul ‘92, Gary Tomczik ‘67 in from Santa Barbara, their cousin-in-law Don Binder from Washington state, and Paul’s wife Jane’s ‘92 uncle, Jerry Wright, a Tommie grad of the early 50s; we were joined in the second half by Fr. Hilary Thimmesh OSB and his nephew. At one point, when the Johnnies were leading 14-7, one fellow came walking by alone and snarling to all of us, like “Pretty quiet now, aren’t you?” and “Now watch the Johnnies go down.” I said softly to him, “Have you looked at the scoreboard lately?”, to which he responded loudly and angrily, something to the effect of inviting me to use an infant’s feeding motion on his male appendage. Such class. Real class.

Well, we won…and somehow this dramatic victory was made all the more delicious in the face of some Tommies’ behavior. That, and the belief from nearly every Tommie that they had us this time, that they would not only win, but do so by a wide margin. And they let us know it at every opportunity. They obviously did not use my “English Major’s Method” of prognostication, instead believing all their internal hype.

At the end of the game, after savoring the delight of the team and student fans bouncing up and down on the field, we made our way as quickly as possible through that horde to the backroom of the La Playette. Shortly after arriving and placing a pizza order next door, the power went out. We learned as others came in that the outtage included just about everywhere in that part of Stearns County. It lasted over an hour. Some wags suggested that it was the work ofRich Mies, trying to dampen the Johnnie/Bennie celebration by gnawing on a cable somewhere. It was a wonderful party though, including several Tommies, such as a very gracious Mike Wartman, dad of Tommie superstar running back Ben and nephew of Johnnie Prep ‘51 and College ‘58 Phabe Wartman; and Bob Goth, good-natured Tommie brother of Wally ‘89. One of the barmaids was wearing a nice La T-shirt that red on the back: You don’t have to drink to have fun…but why chance it. And a Bennie showed up at Brad Riebel’s ‘83 table wearing a tacky one of her own: front — Johnnies versus Tommies; and back — Tommie Football – Going down on the field and each other since 1885. Then another couple of Bennies showed up wearing a comical: Front —Tommie Girls; back — You can’t spell SLUT without UST. Fair play, I guess…and these Bennies were real lookers, I’ll tell ya.

I really didn’t take any notes until we hit the La, so here’s some of the people we enjoyed seeing and visiting with: Tom‘66 and Carol Arth, and Tom’s son Craig ‘99; John Lohmann ‘64 and his older bro Mark ‘58; Jay Cutler MUC ‘72; a whole bunch of Clan Lilly, including Leroy ‘55, wife Colleen, Pat ‘79 and his daughter Nicole (and later son Andrew‘11), Colleen, Jr. ‘81, and Mary and Joe Wozniak (both ‘87) with daughter Maggie; Pete Hacker ‘88; Tim and sonRyan Ward; Harry Burns ‘74/’78 and son Charley ‘09; Tom Weiss ‘66/’70; John Giesen ‘60 (who still fits in his J-jacket of that era); Ron Sandeen ‘57; Blake Elliott ‘03, Zach McBroom ‘02, and Paul Gans ‘05; Pat and Sue Hall (both ‘89) and their kids; and all the Tomcziks mentioned previously, except Amy and Justin Quirim (both ‘97) and their kids. Joining Chris and me from St. Cecilia’s were Ann and Bob ‘79 Schmidt, and the Sullivans who have either belonged or frequently attended over the years: John ‘65, his son Sean and his grandson Patrick who is looking over colleges. We heard from various sources who had been on the field after the game that (a) the players had never seen John as “keyed up” for a game as this one; (b) QB Joe Boyle had injured his thumb against Hamline, had it bandaged and in a glove, and that the Tommies were going after his hand whenever they could; (c) it was a fouled up audible that caused the center to mess up; and (d) that Don Binder, who comes in two or three times a year for games, has never see the Johnnies lose over several years now.

Although I didn’t see them, Fred Senn ‘64 said he ran into three of our classmates who were taking a nice long visit back at SJU, staying in the Guesthouse: Paul Judge back from San Diego, George Flynn, Minneapolis, and George Mckenzie in from New York. Perhaps I can prevail upon one or more of those worthies to send us a recap of how long they stayed and what they did.

Tomorrow I believe it’s supposed to clear up a wee and be about 50º F; it’s doing that rain/snow thing right now as I write. I’m planning to go up again — the season is just so short — with John Sipe. It’s “Family Weekend,” which means parking problems already when we get there. I think that SJU will win, and if our guys take our Ole opponentsseriously, we may win going away — not a laugher, but compared with some games this year, more of a normal contest than one of those heart-stoppers, such as Eau Claire, Bethel and St. Thomas. And remember, last year St. Olaftied us in regulation and it took another one of those OT masterpieces to win. SO — are you listening SJU Team? — these guys are no slouches, nor is Augsburg proving to be…and then there is Carleton, which we barely managed to beat last year. Pay attention to your tasks, men.

Best wishes to all readers…with special condolences to our Tommie friends (there’s always next year…and next year…and next year…and…)

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697

* * * *

Uh-Oh…Trouble in Paradise?

From Mike Murphy ‘61, St. Paul —

Bob — As a Twin Cities sports commentator observed, it was a “Norman Rockwell” day in Collegeville last Saturday. And it almost was. There we were, behind the Pine Curtain, looking down onto the bright green field, surrounded by waves of cardinal shirts and caps, all beneath the bluest of blue skies. And yes, there was a splash of purple across the way; but mainly it was cardinal and blue. I liked the play calling: if we can usually get 5 by pounding it right at ‘em, why not; at least till they show they can stop us. And in the end, they couldn’t.

But if the play calling was good, another kind of calling unfortunately got in the way of our enjoyment of the game. It seemed like at everytime-out, when we most wanted to talk about the game or get caught up with an old friend (including a classmate back from New Jersey), our conversation was drowned out by the new boom-box P.A. system, directing us to some page “in your Johnnie game day program” to see if we won a pizza. It was incessant. Normal conversation can’t compete with that din. And maybe that’s just the point — I guess all the loud commercialism generates big bucks for athletics. Good.

But is there a way to strike a balance between the school’s need for advertising revenues and the fans’ wish to talk among ourselves during the game?

We don’t just come up there to watch the game; we also come up to have a chat (during the game) with old friends from New Munich or New Jersey. But there’s no chatting over that boom-box P.A. system. Can they ratchet down the decibels? Maybe they could take it down from its present Viking Horn level to something closer to a Wally the Beer Man level. We can hear Wally selling his suds, but he doesn’t get in the way of our conversation during the game.

I know several other season ticket holders who share this concern. We’d like a time-out called on the conversation-busting boom-box barking. Then we’d have a real Norman Rockwell Saturday afternoon in Collegeville again.

(Editor’s Comment: This problem was mentioned in the Underground three or four years ago. At that time it was explained by Rob Culligan ‘82, SJU VP of Institutional Advancement, that SJU has one of the premier — if not the best — Division III sports marketing programs in the nation, and that the success of it, particularly with advertising involving SJU football, pays for much of the rest of the school’s athletics…and that it was just too important, too valuable to stop. Nevertheless, it appeared that the school tried to tone down things for a year or two, before falling right back into it now, perhaps due to improvements in the audio system. Any other comments or points of view on this subject?)

* * * *

Overtime, overjoyed, undefeated

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — These kind of dramatic victories in big games are starting to become almost routine for Kellen Blaser and the rest of his St. John’s teammates.

So even after two botched punt attempts helped archrival St. Thomas erase a 14-point Johnnies’ lead and seize the momentum going into overtime in a pivotal MIAC matchup played before a crowd of 12,903 Saturday afternoon at Clemens Stadium, it came as no surprise to Blaser that his team went on to win 20-17. (Read more)

* *

SJU football: Fake punt plans go awry at key time

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — It was originally meant to be a fake punt.

With the St. John’s offense facing a 4th-and-inches at the 50 and leading 14-7 late in the fourth quarter of Saturday afternoon’s 20-17 overtime victory over St. Thomas, the Johnnies coaching staff originally hoped a sneak play might keep the drive alive.

But when St. Thomas didn’t line up as expected, the decision was made to call off the fake and punt the ball away. The new course was communicated from the sideline, but not everyone heard, and the result was a short snap from long-snapper Cody Socher that got loose and ended up being downed at the Johnnies’ 17. (Read more)

* *

St. John’s 20, St. Thomas 17 (OT)

Scoring and Stats
[The St. Cloud Times]

* *

DeLand column: Sound familiar? SJU finds a way

by St. Cloud Times sports editor Dave DeLand

COLLEGEVILLE — Regardless of the relative merits of the two teams, there has been one common denominator in all of the St. John’s/St. Thomas football games over the last dozen years:

Both teams have always found a way.

The Johnnies? They’ve always found a way to win, even when things weren’t trending particularly well. You don’t win 12 games in a row against your biggest rival without being confident, and opportunistic…

The Tommies? They’ve always found a way to lose, even when they may have been the more talented team. (Read more)

* * * *

Gagliardi settles in usual spot atop MIAC

“Questions with Bob,” Bob Sansevere, St. Paul Pioneer Press

Check out the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference football standings, and you’ll see a familiar sight: St. John’s is in first place. The Johnnies, winners of seven conference titles in the past decade, remained undefeated and claimed sole possession of first place in the MIAC with their 20-17 overtime victory over St. Thomas, which fell to 5-1, 4-1 in the conference. The Johnnies are 7-0, 5-0 in the MIAC, and ranked fifth in NCAA Division III. I talked to Johnnies coach John Gagliardi about the win over St. Thomas and a few other things, too. (Read more)

* * * *

Did you hear about the lonely and dateless St. Olaf college student who went to the library and checked out a book called “How to Hug?” He got back to his dorm and found out it was Volume Seven of the encyclopedia.

(Editor’s Comment: OK, I realize that’s a little sophisticated for typical Underground humor, but think about it.)

* * * *

2009 MIAC Standings

Through games of October 17, 2009

Team	Conference W/L	Overall W/L
Saint John’s University	5-0	7-0
University of St. Thomas	4-1	5-1
Bethel University	4-1	5-2
Augsburg College	2-2	3-3
Gustavus Adolphus	2-2	3-3
Carleton College	1-3	3-3
St. Olaf College	1-3	3-3
Hamline University	1-4	2-4
Concordia College	0-4	2-4

UPCOMING GAMES

October 24, 2009 – all at 1 PM

Gustavus @ Augsburg — It should be the Gusties, but who knows anymore?
Hamline @ Concordia — A battle for the bottom…What’s happened to the Cobbers?
St. Olaf @ Saint John’s — By at least 3 TDs if we don’t needlessly make it a game by overconfidence.
St. Thomas @ Carleton — The Tommies will regroup and smite Carleton, probably mightily.

* * * *

MIAC Football Week Five: Overtime Thriller Puts Saint John’s in Control

by Rich Mies, College Sporting News’ “Mapping the MIAC” Columnist

Saint John’s took control of the race for the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference championship with a thrilling 20-17 overtime win over previously unbeaten St. Thomas. That leaves SJU as the lone unbeaten team in the league, holding a one-game lead with three remaining to play. The crowd at that game – 12,903 – was one of the largest ever to see a Division III football game. The dramatic finishes were not confined to Collegeville, as Bethel kicked a field goal as time expired to tip Hamline 20-17, Augsburg needed overtime to nip Concordia 27-20 and Gustavus scored 14 seconds remaining to topple Carleton, 28-21. (Read more)

* * * *

From Bill Draves ‘64, Cerveza Caliente, AZ —

Wick, Thanks again for all of your hard work. And thanks for moving your newsletter over to the web. Being on the web makes it come alive! Hyperlinks rule!! — Bill

(Editor’s Response: I shall pass your kudos on to those who actually deserve it: Dusty Wagner ‘83 (godfather ofJohnnieFootball.com) and Joel Schou ‘03 (as in Skow), webmaster of same.)

* * * *

From Bill Marrin SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, Dallas, TX —

Bob, Adding back the bold on names makes my speed reading much easier! Also, was that a color pic I saw or are my eyes deceiving me? Since I attended the 409 game where a record 13,100 people showed up in “colder than sh*t weather,” I predict a new record will be set considering much nicer weather. As far as who will win, St Thomas is a dangerous team, so all bets are off! I’m staying in Dallas where the temperature is 75. — Bill

* * * *

From Mark Selner SJP ‘68/UST ‘73, Shoreview, MN

Sorry BOB!! Purple will reign this Saturday!! 16-9. Inside track to the playoffs!! As much as I like Gags – it’s OUR turn to be the top!!
Mark (Olde Johnnie Ale) Tommie Grad 1973, Selner

* * * *

Quote by John Gagliardi found in the St. Paul Pioneer Press after SJU defeated St. Thomas 20-17 on Saturday:

“I didn’t know it until somebody pointed it out that St. Thomas hadn’t won here in 24 years. If someone told me that 24 years ago, I would have thought they were insane.”

* * * *

From Dan McDermott ‘84, Plymouth, MN —

Bob – this is why we make the Tommies sit on the far side with the sun in their eyes…

* * * *

From Sister Lois Wedl, OSB, St. Benedict’s Monastery —

Bob, did I tell you how pleased Sister Olivia was to find out about the guests from Hokkaido, Japan. It was thanks to your newsy SJU Undergrounder that I could alert her to an experience she is very excited about. She knew nothing about their coming. Lois

(Editor’s Note: Our thanks to Tom Haeg ‘70 for his earlier communications to the Underground.)

* * * *

From John Sipe SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, St. Paul —

Tammy Hedquist, in her third year at St. Olaf College, sat in her U.S. Government class. The professor asked Tammy if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

The young Ole coed pondered the question; then, finally, said, “That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.”

* * * *

Pre-Law Students’ Department —

Uncle Bubba was arrested for selling moonshine. At his trial, his lawyer put him on the stand and said, “Ladies and gentlement of the jury. I ask you to take a good look at my client. Look carefully at him. I’ll give you some time.”

After a few seconds of silense he continued, “Now, ladies and gentleman of the jury, you’ve looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there and honestly believe that if my client had a quart of whiskey he would sell it?”

Uncle Bubba was acquitted.

* * * *

Pre-Law Students’ Department, Part 2 —

The sheriff knocks on Old Jake’s door. “Jake, there was a busload of lawyers passed this way and nobody’s seen ‘em since. D’ya know anything about ‘em?”

“Ahhh, yup. The bus ran offa the road and crashed into that tree.”

“I see. And what happened to the lawyers?”

“I buried ‘em all up over yonder.”

“They was all dead then?”

“Well … some of ‘em said they wasn’t, but you know how lawyers lie.”

* * * *

‘Happy Halloween’ —

That’s the greeting from the Underground News’ Resident Humorologist, C.J. Ross ‘64, San Diego , who sent us this card:

[terrisfp.com]

* * * *

And here’s a terrifying Halloween Ghost Story:

It was a dark and stormy night. Mark was walking through the cemetery. Suddenly, he heard a voice cry out, “Mark! Mark!”

Pretending not to let it bother him, he pulled his coat a little tighter and kept walking. Again the voice said, “Mark! Mark!”

That did it. Mark took off full speed and didn’t stop till he was well outside the cemetary gate. As he stopped to catch his breath, the moon broke through the clouds enough so he could see what had been following him.

It was a dog with a speech impediment.

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

Lindsay Good, RD, LD ‘06

Nuts about Nuts

Nuts can get a bad rap due to their high fat and calorie content, but they are actually a great addition to an overall healthy diet. Nuts are very portable, fairly inexpensive, a good source of protein and unsaturated fat and most importantly may help reduce your risk of heart disease, diabetes and some forms of cancer.

What makes them so good?
All nuts can make a good snack or addition to a meal, although there are a few nuts that provide more health benefits. These include almonds, walnuts, pecans and cedar nuts. Nuts provide many great nutrients such as fiber to keep you full longer and help lower cholesterol, Vitamin E to stop the development of plaque in arteries, unsaturated fats and plant sterols to help lower cholesterol. Nuts also contain folic acid, magnesium, zinc and niacin.

How can I add them into my diet?
A serving is one ounce, or a small handful. Add walnuts to a salad for some protein, peanuts to stir-fry for added flavor, or hazelnuts or pine nuts to your pasta. To increase the volume of a snack but not the calories combine ? ounce of your favorite nut, two Tablespoons of dried fruit and ? cup of whole grain cereal (such as Quaker Oat Squares®).

Even though nuts contain mostly healthy fat, they still are a concentrated source of calories so your serving should be limited. Also, the health benefits of nuts are lessened if the nuts are covered in chocolate, sugar or salt. Raw is the best choice! Hopefully you are “nuts” now, too!

* * * *

Quote the Week —

“Meetings are indispensable when you don’t want to do anything.”
— John Kenneth Galbraith

* * * *

St. John’s Calendar

Thursday, October 29 – 6:30 p.m.

Earlier this year the Saint John’s University Board of Regents named Fr. Robert Koopmann, OSB, the Twelfth President of the University. Join us at a reception for alumni and friends to meet Fr. Bob on Thursday, October 29 at 6:30 p.m. at the Westin Edina Galleria (3201 Galleria Edina, Corner 69th & York, Edina, MN).

The $25 registration includes a heavy hors d’oeuvres buffet and a cash bar
will be available. Business attire is recommended.

Please register online by NOON, Monday, Oct. 26 or contact JoAnnMatheny jmatheny@csbsju.edu or call 320.363.2592.

* *

Friday, October 30 – 9 a.m.-4 p.m.

Our next one-day Busy Men’s Retreat is October 30th, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. at the House of Prayer on the Saint John’s University campus.

Give yourself a day to enjoy the autumn blaze in the woods and be in conversation with other men about leadership. Join us for prayer, fellowship and laughter. Limited to 15 men.

* *

Friday, October 30 – 5-8 p.m.

Travis Lewellyn, sophomore backup defensive back on the SJU football team, stepped away from the Johnnies in mid-season and donated a kidney to his ailing father, Jeff.

A spaghetti dinner and a silent auction to help with Jeff Lewellyn’s medical costs will be 5-8 p.m. October 30 at theMoose Lodge in Waite Park. Tickets will be sold at the door, $8 for adults and $4 for children under 10.

Will someone please send me info on how to contribute to Jeff’s medical expenses fund if unable to attend the dinner!?

* *

Friday, October 30 – 6:30 p.m.

Music in the Grove Series – St. John’s Abbey Schola in Concert
You are invited to join us for an evening of song with the Abbey Schola from St. John’s University on Friday, October 30. The evening begins with a prayer ritual at 6:30, with a concert to follow at 7:30 p.m. There is no charge for this event; a free will offering will be accepted.

Following the concert, you are invited to join Fr. Robert Koopman, OSB, newly installed president at SJU, and the Schola members at a reception. We would love to host many Bennie and Johnnie alums and encourage you to bring a friend.

Music in the Grove is a concert series hosted by St. Joseph the Worker Catholic Church located at 7180 Hemlock Lane, Maple Grove.

For more information, you may contact Music in the Grove at 763-425-6505 x 512; or by email at musicinthegrove@sjtw.net.

* *

Saturday, November 7 – 5 p.m.

We proudly announce St. Cecilia’s Second Annual “Red Mass” and reception to be held in conjunction with the regular Saturday evening Mass at 5 p.m. on November 7, after the St. John’s-Augsburg game in the Dome. This “Red Mass” is not to be confused with the real Red Mass offered for the intention of judges and lawyers. This one unabashedly celebrates our Johnnie- and Bennie-ness.

Presider is Fr. J. Michael Byron ‘81 who, after Mass will entertain those attending the reception with a reprise of his talent show offering 25 years ago: the interpretation of Fr. Don (Camillus) Talafous’s warning of the scourge of the“Home Town Honeys.” Fr. Don expects to be there, as will other monks I hope.

All St. John’s and St. Benedict’s students, alumni, parents, siblings, community members, staff and assorted family, friends and wannabes are cordially invited to attend both the Mass and get-together downstairs afterward. A light supper will be served; a freewill offering accepted for food and drink. The wearing of red is strongly encouraged. Tommies are also cordially invited, with purple garb tolerated.

* *

Saturday, November 14 -

The Alum Association of Saint John’s Prep has announced that they will present long-time Prep Athletic Director and teacher, Pete Cheeley ‘76, with their highest award – the Armor of Light.

Please join us at the Legacy Dinner on Saturday, November 14th and join the Alumni/ae Association in honoring Pete with this esteemed award. Pete will join 40 others who have been honored with this award since 1977.

Save the date and register with Mary Ritter at 320-363-3317 or mritter@csbsju.edu. A suggested donation of $15 is appreciated for this formal dinner and dessert celebration of our Prep School donors and awardees.

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

The phone rings in the lawyer’s office in downtown St. Cloud. The caller asks, “Can I speak with Mr. Burns, please?”

The receptionist responds, “I’m sorry. Mr. Burns passed away last week.”

Two minutes later the phone rings again and the same voice asks for Mr. Burns. Again, the secretary tells him that Mr. Burns is dead.

Another two minutes, another call, the same voice with the same question.

The receptionist is a bit spooked, so she asks, “Didn’t you just ask for Mr. Burns twice? Are you having a difficult time accepting that he has died?”

“Oh no,” comes the reply. “I just love hearing it.”

* * * *

Bonus Quote of the Week —

“I’ve had the experience of being on top and riding the roller coaster down again, nearly to the bottom. You know, if you economize and don’t buy new airplanes or long-range jets, or that sort of thing, you can get by on a billion or two.” — Ted Turner

* * * *

Dedicated to all SJU Military Veterans

From Dave Swanson, Honorary ‘65, Inver Grove Heights, MN —

There was a ragged, old, retired destroyer Chief who shuffled into a waterfront bar. Stinking of whisky and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the “Piano Player Wanted” sign from the window and handed it to the bartender. “I’d like to apply for the job,” he said.

The barkeep wasn’t too sure about this doubtful looking old Squid, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off. So the barkeep decided to give him a try.

The old Chief staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of sound and music, unlike anyone had heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.

The bartender took the old Chief a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played. “It’s called, ‘Drop your Skivvies, Baby, We’re Gonna Rock Tonight,’ said the old Chief after he took a long pull from the beer.

The bartender and the crowd winced, but the piano player went on with a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping. After he finished the Chief acknowledged the applause and told the crowd the song was called, ‘Big Boobs Make My Anchor Chain Run Out.’ He then excused himself as he lurched to the head.

When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, “Look Chief, the job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out?”

“Know it?” the old Chief replied, “Hell, I wrote it!”

* * * *

Two Sad Anniversaries —

It was 20 years ago yesterday (October 22) that Jacob Wetterling was abducted near his home in St. Joseph. That act has changed the fabric of the community for both good and bad over the years — good by the way the town came together in support of the Wetterlings and how it remains so still, and bad on how this violent act has taken away the trust and innocence of a prototypical small American town. My classmate Merlyn Jerzak ‘64 and his daughterRochelle Jerzak Curtis ‘97 played bit roles in Jacob’s disappearance. The Jerzaks lived next door to the Wetterlings in a quiet, woodsy neighborhood just outside St. Joe, and Rochelle often babysat for them. The night of the abduction, Rochelle had been phoned by Mrs. Wetterling, who was at a party out of town, to sit for their youngest child while Jacob, his brother and another friend biked over to the convenience store to rent a movie. When the two remaining boys came running home to tell of the nightmare that just happened, Rochelle called her dad, Merle, who immediately notified the police. For those interested, here’s a link to the story as told twenty years later.

Another sad area event will be the upcoming seventh anniversary of the disappearance of then-SJU sophomore Josh Guimond ‘04, who was — I firmly believe — abducted from campus on November 9/10, 2002. Although I certainly don’t have any kind of knowledge proving my belief, I suspect that his disappearance is related to the same person or persons responsible for Jacob. May God hold both Jacob and Josh close to His heart, as well as their still-suffering families and friends. May those that love them receive answers soon. For those interested, here’s a link to a discussion forum in the St. Cloud Times that outlines the search and findings on Josh’s case.

* * * *

From the Underground’s Roving Correspondent, Al Eisele ‘58, Falls Church, VA —

Wickster: Thought you’d like to know that the Johnnies had some extra help in beating the Tommies. I was at theUniversity of Oklahoma a week ago Saturday for the OU-Baylor game, and afterwards I talked to coach Bob Stoops, whom I’d met when I was teaching there in the fall of ‘07. Anyway, I reminded him I’m an alum of St. John’s, whose football coach has won more than any other in the history of the game, and he said, “Of course, I know about aboutJohn Gagliardi. I’m tired of reading about him. He makes me jealous.” Anyway, he signed my OU-Baylord game program for Gagliardi as follows: “To Coach John G. You’re the best! Bob Stoops”. I sent it to John, so while it obviously helped the Johnnies beat St. Thomas, although it didn’t help OU beat Texas; and they lost their Heisman Trophy quarterback, Sam Bradford, to injury in the process. But Stoops makes $4.2M, so I guess he’ll survive. They take their football serious in the Big 12.

Also, about those selective memories you picked up at Len Mrachek’s party: Don’t remember any of those. Len must have mistaken me for somebody else. I was a model student and never did anything like that at St. John’s. Like I said, never believe anything you hear at a Len party.

P.S. Good thing he didn’t tell you about the time I set fire to Brother Leo’s beard. — Al

* * * *

Remembering Sr. Nancy Hynes OSB —

Sr. Nancy, a beloved English/Writing professor at CSB/SJU and an all-time St. Ben’s character, died last winter of brain cancer. In the e-newsletter, The English Web, a few Johnnie and Bennie writers penned their special tributes to her. Hit this link to get to them.

* * * *

Tim Archbold ‘83, Arden Hills, MN —

Hi. My Dad, Bernie [Archbold ‘58] used to forward the “Underground News” to me. While speaking with John Klein[‘86] today, he reminded me of the wonderful insights and better jokes. I would love to be added to your distribution list. Thanks, Tim

P.S. — I asked one of my Mormon friends, “What’s your definition of bigamy?” His reply was, “It’s when you have one too many wives.”
He then asked me how I defined monogamy. I thought about it for a minute and replied… “Same thing.”

* * * *

From Larry Schultz ‘76, Vadnais Heights, MN —

Re the new policy of residing on campus all four years: Excellent idea. Moving back on to campus for my senior year (75-76) was one of the smartest things I ever did. That year on second Benet with those great guys, e.g. Koloski, Wright, Ebeling, Budzien, Owen, Cormier, Stortz and McGee to name a few, combined with a brand new bathroom/shower area, gave me a much deeper appreciation of SJU. And even better personal hygiene.

If it’s not too much trouble, Vanilla Bean would like to be added to the UUN list of lucky recipients. [Bob, Vanilla Bean is my daughter. My nom de guerre on d3 is LBean. So the spawn is Vanilla Bean. Thank you! The next Stinger’s on me. Hope to see you at the St. Olaf game but filial responsibilities may preclude that. — Larry

(Editor's Explanation: I introduced Larry to the glories of the Stinger [about 2/3 brandy, 1/3 white creme d'menthe] at the Milwaukee Grill in Janesville, WI the eve of the Whitewater game last December. Actually, I think we should have just stayed in the bar, given the dismal results of that game. Oh, by the way, the name used in this next story is purely coincidental.)

* * * *

Oldie but Goodie Department —

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of a Mr. Schultz who was about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. This Mr. Schultz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry Mr. Schultz,” the mortician muttered to himself, “I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.”

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

“I have something to show you just won’t believe,” he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

“Oh, my God!” the wife exclaimed, “Schultz is dead!”

* * * *

History Majors’ Corner —

(Contributed by Drake Dierkhising SJP ‘59/SJU ‘63, Sonoma, CA)

Some East German jokes about communism.

From an Oct. 14 article by Hans-Ulrich Stoldt and Klaus Wiegrefe in Spiegel Online International’s ongoing series “20 Years After the Wall”:

Did East Germans originate from apes? Impossible. Apes could never have survived on just two bananas a year.
Such jokes were whispered in communist East Germany—and West German spies recorded them diligently to gain insights into the public mood, according to recently released intelligence files.

“What would happen if the desert became communist? Nothing for a while, and then there would be a sand shortage.”
Jokes like that made the rounds among East Germans during the communist era, and West Germany’s intelligence service would collect them, as a way to assess the public mood behind the Iron Curtain but also to amuse its masters in Bonn, the West German capital.

Here’s another one: “Why does West Germany have a higher standard of living than we do? Because communists can’t get work permits there.”

The ubiquitous Trabant or Trabi, East Germany’s legendary plastic car with its clattering two-stroke engine, was a favorite butt of jokes as well. Like this one: “A new Trabi has been launched with two exhaust pipes—so you can use it as a wheelbarrow.”…

East Germans weren’t averse to secretly lampooning their political leaders, bureaucracy or the chronic supply shortages that plagued the country, even though it was risky for them.

Printed in The Wall Street Journal

* * * *

Women’s basketball: CSB senior makes return

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

ST. JOSEPH — The weather outside Claire Lynch Hall was gloomy Thursday evening. But inside, all was bright and happy for St. Benedict senior wing Mindy Schmidt as she and her teammates on the Blazers basketball team began practice for the 2009-10 season.

The 5-foot-8 Schmidt was soaking up being back on the court after a torn anterior cruciate ligament, a torn meniscus and two deep bone bruises in her right knee cut short her season a year ago.

“It feels so great to be back here and to have one more year to play with my teammates,” said Schmidt, a former All-MIAC first team pick who averaged 11.5 points and 3.8 rebounds per game in 17 games before her injury and still earned all-conference honorable mention distinction. (Read more)

* * * *

College men’s basketball: Veteran Johnnies put inexperience in the past

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — In each of the last two seasons, at least a couple freshmen have been called upon to make significant contributions to the St. John’s basketball team.

But those players are now experienced sophomores and juniors, and as the Johnnies began practice for the 2009-10 season Thursday afternoon, junior post Aaron Burtzel said the young label no longer applies.

“The last couple years, we have been pretty young and we’ve had a bunch of guys getting their first college experience,” said the 6-foot-5 Burtzel, who is entering his third season in the starting lineup. “But now we want to take away that young title ourselves. We feel like we’re a more experienced team and we’re ready to make a real impact on (the MIAC).” (Read more)

* * * *

DeLand column: It doesn’t have to be D-I to be special

by Dave DeLand, St. Cloud Times sports editor

I spent last Saturday watching college football in a newly renovated NCAA Division I stadium, complete with all the luxury boxes and amenities and bells and whistles that you’d expect at a Big Ten Conference facility.

And as I sat there with the other 62,869 paying customers at Memorial Stadium in Champaign, Ill., I found myself thinking about how much better the game I had seen the previous Saturday at a little Division III stadium had been, and how much fun the game this Saturday at the same little Division III stadium was going to be.

Sometimes, you have to look at things from a higher vantage point to appreciate how special they really are.

And anybody who enjoys college football should relish the truly unique experience we have right here in Central Minnesota. (Read more)

* * * *

From our resident humorologist, C. J. Ross ‘64 —

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, “He’d still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn’t come along.”

* * * *

Wanna get the Tommie Slant on things before the game?

Tommie-Johnnie rivalry starts with Ignatius O’Shaughnessy

By Zach Pagano, Reporter

[www.tommiemedia.com]

* *

Tommie-Johnnie T-shirts selling quickly

By Brian Matthews, Reporter

[www.tommiemedia.com]

* *

‘It’s the greatest small-college rivalry in the country’

By Jordan Osterman, Sports Editor

[www.tommiemedia.com]

* *

Party buses to put more purple in Clemens Stadium

By Kari Jo Johnson, Reporter

[www.tommiemedia.com]

* * * *

LAST WORD…And Yet More Scenes From Stearns County —

Contributed by UST alum Bob Goth, brother of Wally Goth ‘89, deep in the dark of the La Playette —

Marv and Helen Aschburger, retired farmers now living in Cold Spring, were given a sea cruise by their children on the occasion of their 50th wedding anniversary. It wasn’t something they would ordinarily do, but Marv thought it would do them both good to get away; Helen was kind of nervous about being at sea on “all that water.” Just before they were to depart Helen misplaced her hearing aids. Marv, hustling her out to the car so they wouldn’t miss their plane in the Cities, told her not to worry, he’d just talk louder to her, that she really didn’t need them for the week-long trip.

Things seemed to be going fairly well; Marv was patient and repeated things for Helen when he needed to. She, on the other hand, continued to be very uneasy sailing on the ocean. Marv kept reassuring that they would be safe. The first night on the ship as they were preparing for bed Marv pointed at the bunks and asked Helen, “Up or down?” At that Helen grabbed him and made passionate love to him. Marv was certainly surprised at his wife’s sudden ardor.

This scene repeated itself each night that week. Marv would ask Helen, “Up or down?” and each time his question was met with more passionate lovemaking. “Up or down?”…and all heck broke loose. Marv was starting to get used to this after so many years of little activity.

When their trip ended and they returned to their apartment in the senior community, Helen looked for and soon found her missing hearing aids. As for Marv, he had high hopes that Helen’s renewed interest in lovemaking would continue. He was quite puzzled when, as they prepared for bed, Helen rebuffed him quite strongly. “I don’t get it, Helen…on board the ship you were very amorous. What’s the problem now?”

“Me amorous?” she replied. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Well,” said Marv, “Every night when we were about to go to bed and I asked you about sleeping ‘up or down’ you just threw me on the lower bunk and made love?”

“UP OR DOWN?” Helen yelled. “I thought when you pointed at the beds you were saying, “F*ck or drown!”

* * * *

That’s it — GO JOHNNIES!! BEAT THOSE OLES INTO A LENA. (Or something like that.)

SJU Underground News adds irresponsibly to the SJU-UST game hype — #7

Theo Wick — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:17:07 +0000

Dear Revved Up Readers (and that includes you, too, Tommie fans),

Tomorrow is the bigga day. Boasting rights for a year, but also post-season ramifications, float in the outcome. I strove mightily to get this issue out yesterday, Thursday, and would have had nearly catastrophic technical problems not stopped me dead in my tracks. File corruption! Drat!! It took 40 minutes at the “Genius Bar” in the Mall of America Apple Store to break into the cruddy file containing the work of two previous days and save it in a fashion that it could be reconstructed. Last night this “Labor of Love” turned into a “Labor of Sincere Unaffection.” (Mom always said “hate” was a bad word.) Our thanks to Martha LeDuc, mother of Megan Wicker ‘03, for getting me a last-minute appointment at Apple.

Still, it’s the Johnnie-Tommie game and even the cyber-gods were to be thwarted…besides, there are too many good Tommie jokes here to be denied. Have a ball, Jays and Bees…but remember to be nice — With superiority and great giftedness comes responsibility, so don’t even think of saying, “Tommies suck” this weekend. (Even if it’s kinda true.)

There is a great deal of material here so I’ll get out of the way, except to say what most already know — and that is we’re in for a fine game tomorrow. The weather is said to improve and my guess we could have over 12,000+ people jammed in Clemens Stadium. Probably a couple thousand could be Tommie fans, so welcome them warmly. And, projecting the Benedictine Value of Hospitality, please refrain from asking them why only 3,600 fans turned out last week to O’Shaughnessy Stadium to watch a vastly improved Tommie team take on a fairly strong Concordia team — during the St. Thomas Homecoming, only filling 2/3 of the seats. Pathetic.

What do I think about the game? I think UST is a bit better on offense and SJU is a bit better on defense. And you know what “they” always say — that the defense wins games. Ergo: SJU in a nailbiter, by probably a fingernail, as in the Bethel game. Who knows? Maybe we’ll have more than 50,000 people watching a key play on Youtube again this week.

Enjoy the game, whether live, on the radio or over the Internet. Life is good, especially when you remember to yell: G O J O H N N I E S ! ! !

Best regards,

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697

P.S. I call your attention, as I do most football issues, to the tailgate beyond the scoreboard. Everyone is welcome, including our Tommie guests. Don’t be shy, just come over, grab a burger, and talk to someone new…or bring your friends if you’re the shy type. Just below is a fine article written by Frank Rajkowski this morning; Frank covers SJU, CSB and the MIAC for the St. Cloud TImes. I hope that his story on the tailgaters will move more of you to join us.

* * * *

Their own team: SJU’s tailgaters

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — In his courtroom, they call Scott County judge Mike Fahey “your honor.”

But around Collegeville, at least on St. John’s football Saturdays, he is known as “Johnnie Red,” or “the Godfather.”

Johnnie Red refers to the online handle that Fahey uses while discussing the Johnnies on the message boards atD3football.com, or on the fan Web site johnniefootball.com.

Godfather refers to his role in starting the tailgate party known as Stiftungsfestivities, which have preceded St. John’s home games (and even some on the road) since 2001, bringing Fahey and a band of other devoted Johnnies fans together with parents, former players and even fans of that week’s opposition.

The tailgaters will again be out in full force in the parking lot in front of the Science Center located just above the scoreboard and the south end zone of Clemens Stadium before the Johnnies — ranked No. 6 in the nation in Division III — take on archrival St. Thomas — ranked No. 15 — at 1 p.m. Saturday in Collegeville. (Read more)

* * * *

Just a couple words about the Hamline game.

First, it was pretty darn cold out there — game-time temperature was 34 degrees with a strong breeze making things feel even colder in what is still early-October. It was Hamline’s Homecoming, but a nowhere Piper crowd was on hand — of the 1,800 present, I’d bet 1,000 were Johnnies fans, students and parents.

A small but lively group of about 25-30 held the pregame celebration at Gabe’s Roadhouse near Hamline, and an even smaller group enjoyed the postgame analysis at O’Gara’s. The game was pretty one-sided as a 41-7 score might indicate, but two plays stand out in my mind. On our first offensive play after a 3 & Out for the Pipers, junior Jakob Reding ran something like 45 yards for an untouched TD. A bit later, still in the first quarter, junior QB Joe Boylethrew a 37-yard pass to sophomore Andrew Rotschafer, who, though covered, dove through the air at the back of the end zone and snagged Joe’s bullet one-handedly, tucking it in for a TD…that warmed up the crowd and certainly will find its way onto the 2009-10 highlights film.

* * * *

From Charley Walters’ column in the St. Paul Pioneer Press yesterday:

Two college football coaching legends will be in action Saturday when Joe Paterno’s Penn State team plays host to the Gophers and John Gagliardi’s St. John’s team plays host to St. Thomas.

Paterno’s team (5-1) is ranked No. 13 in Division I. Gagliardi’s team (6-0) is ranked No. 6 in Division III. St. Thomas (5-0) is ranked No. 15 in Division III.

Paterno, 82, has 388 victories in 44 seasons. Gagliardi, 82, the most-winning coach in college football history, has 467 victories in 61 seasons.

That’s 855 victories between them.

Gagliardi met Paterno last year at a coaches convention in Nashville, Tenn., where the two were saluted on stage with an ovation by thousands of their peers. Both had grandparents who came from the same area in southern Italy.

“The only difference is that Joe’s got a great head of hair, thick and very little gray,” Gagliardi said Wednesday. “I was astonished. He’s got different genes than I have, I guess.”

Gagliardi’s secret to success?

“No secret; you’ve got to have good ballplayers,” he said. “My whole life is dependent on one of my players doing something real good at the key moment to make me look good.”

Gagliardi, who turns 83 next month, a month before Paterno, remains as competitive as ever.

“I’ve been running scared all my life,” he said. “I always think of that saying, ‘A coward dies a thousand times and a hero but once,’ but I’ve died thousands of times.”

Gagliardi’s health?

“That’s the key to everything, isn’t it?” he said. “I can assure you that I don’t feel as good as I did 20 years ago, or 10. It doesn’t get any easier.”

Lastly, who makes more money, Paterno or Gagliardi?

“At last report,” Gagliardi said, “he made a few million more per season than I did,” John said.

OVERHEARD

Legendary St. John’s football coach John Gagliardi, who turns 83 next month, asked if he has any plans to retire: “I don’t have any plans, but don’t think that I don’t give it a lot of thought all the time.”

* * * *

Players on the Tommie Game —

“I can’t wait. This is going to be the matchup of a lifetime. I can’t stop thinking about it already. It’s going to be a great game. They’re a quality opponent and the rivalry between the two teams is just going to make it that much more special.”

— Junior outside linebacker John Stanton

“St. Thomas is always a big game, but this year, it’s going to be even bigger. We’re both coming in undefeated. It will be a great matchup.”

— Junior running back Jakob Reding

* * * *

‘Know Thine Enemy’ Department —

“Questions with Bob Sansevere,” sports columnist with the St. Paul Pioneer Press

When Glenn Caruso left his head coaching position at Macalester College to become the football coach at theUniversity of St. Thomas, he tool over a program that was coming off a 2-8 season. In just his second season at St. Thomas, Caruso has the Tommies at 4-0 overall, 3-0 in the MIAC, and ranked 15th in the nation in NCAA Division III. The Tommies have scored 27 touchdowns in four games — the second-most TDs in Division III. I talked to Caruso about the turnaround. (Read more)

(Editor’s Observation: Coach Caruso’s comments about UST’s location near a majority of the state’s top businesses being an easy sell for the school just confirms what we always knew anyway: that St. Thomas is just like theMinnesota Business Academy except it has a fancier address.)

* * * *

A University of St. Thomas grad walked into a Minneapolis Social Security office and up to the clerk sitting at the front desk. “I’d like to apply for Disability, please,” the Tommie said politely.

“What is your disability?” asked the clerk.

“I’m having trouble with my eyes,” he replied.

“What kind of eye trouble?” she inquired.

“I can’t see myself going to work.”

* * * *

2009 MIAC Standings

Through games of October 10, 2009

Team	Conference W/L	Overall W/L
Saint John’s University	4-0	6-0
University of St. Thomas	4-0	5-0
Bethel University	3-1	4-2
Carleton College	1-2	3-2
Augsburg College	1-2	2-3
Gustavus Adolphus	1-2	2-3
St. Olaf College	1-3	3-3
Hamline University	1-3	2-3
Concordia College	0-3	2-3

UPCOMING GAMES

October 17, 2009 – all at 1 PM

Augsburg @ Concordia — It’s gotta be the Cobbers, right?…they can’t be an 0-4 team, can they?
Carleton @ Gustavus — If I had to pick, I’d guess Carleton…except I love the Gusties’ stadium.
Hamline @ Bethel — Hamline should get a bye…it’s been a long year and will get longer Saturday.
St. Thomas @ Saint John’s — Will the Toms blow yet another one? Tradition says they could.

* * * *

From Dave Swanson [Honorary ‘65], Inver Grove Heights, MN, his own attempt at Tommie humor—

A professor at the University of St. Thomas was giving a lecture on paranormal phenomena. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 25 students raise their hands.

“Well, that’s a good start…Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?” About 15 students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” Seven students raise their hand.

“Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” Three students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further…Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” Way in the back, a junior UST football player raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The big Tommie lineman replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, “So, Phil, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost?”

Our Tommy replied, “Ghost!?! Hell, from way back there I thought you said ‘Goats’!”

* * * *

MIAC Football Week Four: The Stage Gets Set on a Frigid Day

by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, College Sporting News ‘Mapping the MIAC’ Columnist

After an unseasonably blustery day that started with snow on the ground and ended with forecasts of more in the offing, the title chase in the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference heated up. Unbeaten co-leaders Saint John’s and St. Thomas posted solid wins, setting the stage for next Saturday’s showdown between the two rivals. SJU hammered Hamline, 41-7, while UST dispatched of Concordia, 31-17. Elsewhere in the conference, Bethel topped St. Olaf, 15-7, and Augsburg nipped Carleton, 31-28. Gustavus stepped out of league play and edged Pacific Lutheran 34-33. (Read more)

* * * *

There was this St. John’s grad who married the daughter of a St. Thomas alum. After twenty-five years the Tommie died. The Johnnie had the task of seeing to the funeral arrangements. In the funeral home, the director said, “I’m sorry your dear father-in-law passed away.”

“Thank you,” said the Johnnie. “It’s hard to believe he’s dead.”

The funeral director then asked, “Forgive me for asking, but would you like to choose a burial, embalming, or cremation?”

Our Johnnie replied, “I’m taking no chances. I’d like all three.”

* * * *

College football: SJU mutes Pipers in 41-7 win

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

ST. PAUL — On a chilly afternoon at Klas Field, it didn’t take the St. John’s offense long to get warmed up.

The Johnnies scored on their first three possessions, including twice on the first play of a drive, en route to beating Hamline 41-7 before a homecoming crowd of 1,748.

“Three straight touchdowns, that’s not a bad way to start,” said junior running back Jakob Reding, who got things going with a 45-yard touchdown run on his team’s first offensive play of the game. “Everything was going right for us. We ran the ball well. We hit a few passes. It was all working out.”

St. John’s remained undefeated (4-0 MIAC, 6-0 overall) heading into next Saturday’s key conference showdown with archrival St. Thomas (4-0, 5-0) at Clemens Stadium. The Johnnies are ranked No. 6 in the nation in both major Division III polls. (Read more)

* * * *

SJU college football: Offensive line happy … well, for the most part

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — St. John’s senior tackle Drew Percival and his comrades on the Johnnies offensive line had plenty of reasons to feel good about their performance in Saturday afternoon’s 41-7 victory over Hamline.

And then there were places where they still want to see improvement.

The Johnnies rushed for 248 yards and five touchdowns as a team on a day when the chill and fierce breeze made passing the ball a bit trickier.

But St. John’s — which came into play having allowed an MIAC-most 13 sacks — also gave up three more against the Pipers, all of them coming in the first half. (Read more)

* * * *

St. John’s 41, Hamline 7

Scoring and Stats
[The St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

From Chris Kennedy, Honorary Johnnie, Chicago, writing of the Bethel ad other UUN reports —

Must have been a great game to be at. I used to see Puke and Snot at the Minnesota State Fair!

* * * *

From Max Stein ‘04, Twin Cities AND Naples, Florida, who took in the Tommie-Cobber game rather than our contest at Hamline —

Theo, It was terrific to see you and many others at Gabe’s before the game last Saturday. The scouting at UST was successful. This is the Tommies’ best team in many years (probably comparable to the early 00s with RB Jake Barkley, QB Nick Ambrasas, WR Andrew Hilliard, and the constant flow of Kaiser boys from Mora, MN). It should be a terrific game this weekend. My full report was posted on Monday morning at JohnnieFootball.com (where we received record hits nearly bringing our site to its knees)!! See you Saturday, you old dog.

Maxwell Stein
Official SW Florida Hurricane Correspondent of the Underground News

* * * *

From Bill Draves ‘64, Send Mas Aqua, AZ —

Wick, Thanks for sending me the link to “The Kick” earlier this week. It was awesome. I wondered how the score got to be 14 to 13 and missing the extra point must have been a crowd silencer. But the kicker did not have to wait too long to redeem himself which he did in record fashion. Go Johnnies! — Bill

(Editor’s Note: Wanna see it again? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zemXhIlLlfk)

[Mr.Shoes's Note: Embedded below, because that's why we're doing the web-based UUN]

* * * *

Gliadon’s kick for SJU made him a star

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — Russell Gliadon has become something of an Internet sensation this week.

The video of the St. John’s senior kicker’s school-record 49-yard field goal with 2.8 seconds remaining to lift the Johnnies past Bethel 16-14 in last Saturday’s homecoming game at Clemens Stadium — and of the St. John’s student section storming the field afterward — has been posted on YouTube.

And as of early Thursday evening, the footage had generated 53,099 views. (Read more)

* * * *

From Frank Ziegler ‘62, Paynesville, MN —

Wick, It was interesting to note back in Underground #2 that Art Froehle [SJP '59/SJU '63] is a Gabriel Garcia Marquez fan and remembers fondly his summer (1965) in Bogota, Colombia. Your SJU classmate Peter Donohue['64] of the Bronx (then known as Pedro) and I were roommates in Bogota (and elsewhere, off and on) during our Peace Corps adventures in Colombia from ‘64 to ‘67.

One Sunday while climbing to our assigned locale in the Plaza de Santamaria for the fiesta brava we looked over and saw Art Froehle in the crowd and had a mini-reunion right there. It proves that Johnnies will always meet in the cheapest seats.
Through a friend I was able to obtain a signed copy of one of Garcia Marquez’ books which I treasure as only a literature major could.

MORE IMPORTANTLY: I append an article from today’s St. Cloud Times which should be summarized in theUnderground News. And it points to a benefit dinner the night of Friday, October 30 in Waite Park. Let’s get a crowd to show up there!! — Frank

(Editor’s Comment: Good memories, Frank…and thanks for the article, which was also sent to me by Sr. Lois Wedl, OSB at St. Ben’s. It’s a wonderful story and deserves more than summarizing. It begins below with a link for the rest. It would be helpful if someone could send info on how we who can’t make the benefit can still send in a donation to help out this family; I’d run that info next issue.)

SJU student donates kidney to father

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — The decision was scary. But for Travis Lewellyn, it was also the easiest choice he’s ever had to make.

Lewellyn’s father Jeff suffers from IgA nephropathy, a disease that hampers the kidneys’ ability to filter waste and excess water from the bloodstream.

Jeff Lewellyn had lived with the condition for 13 years, but in the past year and a half it began to worsen to the point that he needed a transplant or he was going to have to begin dialysis.

A number of family members and friends were tested as potential donors and Travis was the perfect match. So the sophomore backup defensive back on the St. John’s University football team decided to step away from the Johnnies in mid-season and donate a kidney to his ailing father. (Read more)

How members of the Johnnie Nation can help

A spaghetti dinner and a silent auction to help with Jeff Lewellyn’s medical costs will be 5-8 p.m. Oct. 30 at the Moose Lodge in Waite Park. Tickets will be sold at the door, $8 for adults and $4 for children under 10.

* * * *

From Terry Kotnour ‘64, our man in New Yawk City, who writes about attending his first Homecoming since he left:

How great was that??? It was like being 19 again, yelling for victory at a very exciting homecoming game. Looks like SJU has not lost its touch in terms of coming from the jaws of defeat to victory.

The campus looked great, much improved over the last 45 years, but still remnants of the past.

It was great visiting with John Wolkerstoffer ‘64 and Marilyn Pink ‘64 after all these years. I was finally driven to dig up that old photo of Marylin, Mark Sieve, John Goulet and Carol Hughes [all 1964] from 1960, the first ‘mixer’ I attended. No one has changed, except now we don’t smoke.

Had a chance to play golf on Monday, one of the few rainless days of my trip the Minnesota…that day and the SJU Homecoming…perfect timing. — Terry

(Editor’s Note to Missing ‘64 Classmates [and all Johnnie alums]: You can always come home, brothers.)

* * * *

From Thom Farnham ‘68, a friend and neighbor in St. Paul, who wrote: Bob, the item below made me think of the big game this weekend. I hope all is well with you. — thf

The Tommie with the Bad Headache

This University of St. Thomas grad of the 1980s had been plagued with a series of bad headaches; he looked up one of his UST classmates, an internist in St. Paul, to seek relief. The Tommie doctor knowingly said, “Joe, I’ve got good news for you…and bad news; the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, one that causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife because he knew a Tommie classmate would never do him wrong. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need… A new suit.” He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.”

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see… size 44 long.”

Our Tommie laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit; it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”

Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.” The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.” Tommie Joe was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business 60 years,” came the reply.

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. He walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?” Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The salesman said, “Let’s see… size 36.” Our Tommie laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.’”

The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

* * * *

The ‘Stick Around, You’ll Get Your Answer Eventually’ Department —

From John Taylor ‘58, SJU Institutional Advancement, responding to Paul Hamann’s ‘63 query about who/what is NESCAC, the #1 Massey-rated football conference (with the WIAC and our MIAC ranked second and third.) —

(Ed’s Note: I’ve shortened some of this to get to our answer.)

Bob, Regarding the interesting piece from Paul Hamann…My son is a sophomore at Trinity. They won on Saturday. Here are some clips from their web site.

Hartford, Conn. – Junior Craig Drusbosky (Orange, Conn.) threw touchdown passes of 16 and 11 yards to classmate Michael Galligan (Shoreham, N.Y.) in the final 1:48 of the game to lead the Trinity College Bantams to a 26-21 victory over the Williams College Ephs in New England Small College Athletic Conference (NESCAC) football action this afternoon at Jessee/Miller Field. Trinity, ranked No. 1 in New England, improves to 2-0 with its 12th victory in a row, its third straight win against Williams, and its 32nd consecutive triumph at home. The Bantams remain flawless in its 32 games played on the artificial turf Jessee/Miller Field. Williams, ranked No. 5 in New England, falls to 11.

Trinity College student-athletes have not only gained recognition on the field but they do so in the classroom as well. 75 Bantams earned NESCAC All-Academic honors, eight were named to ESPN The Magazine Academic All-District Team, and two were selected as ESPN The Magazine Academic All-Americans in 2008-09. Six Trinity student-athletes were named President’s Fellows, three were Deans’ Scholars, 16 were inducted into Phi Beta Kappa, and one was awarded a postgraduate scholarship by the NCAA.

Trinity makes a big deal of not playing for a national crown in football…but then does in all the other sports. Could never figure that one out.

NESCAC=Northeast Small College Athletic Conference. The formation of NESCAC originated with an agreement amongAmherst College, Bowdoin College, Wesleyan University and Williams College first drafted in 1955. Along with these four institutions, Bates College, Colby College, Hamilton College, Middlebury College, Trinity Collegeand Tufts University are sustaining charter members. Connecticut College joined in 1982, bringing the Conference’s membership to its current total of 11 institutions. Hope this helps. — John

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

by Lindsay Good, RD, LD ’06

Five Fattening Fall Foods

Summer is the best time of year for fresh fruits and vegetables, but when the temperature starts to dip, many of us crave rich fall foods that are perfect for Johnnie football games, meals to eat while curled up in front of the fireplace, and if we aren’t careful, weight gain.

So what exactly are the diet-spoilers to watch out for this season? Here are five fall foods brought to you from WebMD that can really pack a caloric punch:

Cream soups and hearty stews. Cream of baked potato and broccoli cheese soups and beef stroganoff may sound very enticing at this time of year, but these choices are loaded with calories and fat. Be sure to choose broth and vegetable based soups and stews to fill you up for fewer calories.

Root vegetables. While many are super-nutritious, root vegetables can pack on the calories when you cream them, fry them, or mix them with cheese, cream, or butter. Save on calories by these veggies oven-roasted or grilled.

Seasonal beverages. Hot drinks such as hot chocolate, pumpkin-spice lattes, eggnog, and apple cider are a quick and easy way to take in lots of extra calories. Try a hot cup of tea which is calorie-free.

Apple, pecan, and sweet potato pies. These fall favorites do have some healthy ingredients such as nuts or fruits and vegetables, but they also include high-calorie ingredients. Pass on the crust, add a dollop of light whipped topping, and have only a sliver to still enjoy these desserts without the extra calories.

Stuffing. There are so many versions of stuffing, most containing high-fat ingredients such as butter. You can make a low-fat stuffing using vegetables or fruit, and pass on the gravy.

To stay on track this fall season, be aware of portion sizes, enjoy these foods in moderation and choose lower calorie/fat options when possible.

* * * *

From C.J. Lyngen ‘92, Rogers, MN —

(Editor’s Preface: Recently Bill Cahoy ‘74, Dean of SJU’s School of Theology, was speaking on the pregame show before a St. John’s Football game and mentioned that one of his Theology program’s graduates “was the first Johnnie married to another Johnnie.” He was speaking, of course, of Trish Anderson Lyngen ‘92/SOT ‘99 who is married to C.J. The latter sent me a copy of some teasing emails that Bill and C.J. exchanged over the mention. I responded that it was the Late Great Rich Hall ‘63 who had introduced me to C.J. using that very line. C.J. wrote:)

Bob, Your email also triggered another memory of mine with Richie. He always told me he wanted to stand in front of the building at St. John’s that was named after him and have his picture taken: The Great Hall. Go Johnnies! — C.J.

* * * *

From Fr. Joe Gillespie OP ‘64, Big Al’s Church off Lake Street, Minneapolis —

Bob: thanks for passing on the information! I owe you free Bingo cards! Thanks for the SJU news and the Undergroundletter. Always an informative treat. I look forward to seeing you on Oct. 18th. I leave for Israel and Egypt on Oct. 19th, so it will be important to schedule a lunch upon my return (Nov.2nd). Peace, Joe

* *

Mass ‘n Brunch the morning after the Johnnie-Tommie Game —

Come to Big Al’s (aka St. Albert the Great, the eatingest parish in the Archdiocese):

Famous Fall Festival & Roast Beef Dinner, Sunday, Oct. 18 from 11 to 4; Great food: $10 adults/ $9 65+/$5 age 6-12/ younger free; vegetarian option & take-outs available; classic festival booths and raffles, plus a kids’ Creativity Area. BINGO from Noon to 4 pm; St. Albert the Great Catholic Church E. 29th St. at 32nd Ave. S. — accessible entry behind statue; call 612-724-3643 or visit www.SaintAlbertTheGreat.org for more info.

* * * *

This very inebriated St. Thomas student staggers out of a bar on Snelling Avenue and gets on a bus. Weaving up the aisle reeking of alcohol, the Tommie plops himself down next to an old lady who is wearing a cross and carrying a Bible. The disgusted woman looks our Tommie up and down and exclaims, “I’ve got news for you. You’re going straight to hell!”

“Oh, NO!!” yells the sloshed Tommie. “Driver, shtopp!!! I’m on the wrong bussch!”

* * * *

Joe Daly to receive Award during SJU-UST game —

At halftime of the Johnnie/Tommie football game this Saturday, there will be a presentation of the College Sporting News 2008-09 Male Senior Student Athlete Award to Joe Daly ‘09. This award recognizes four years of excellence on the playing field (the golf links in Joe’s case), outstanding achievement in academics and an active role in community service, both on campus and beyond.

Earlier Profiles of Excellence article on Joe:
[www.championshipsubdivisionnews.com]

Press release announcing the 2008-09 winners:
[www.championshipsubdivisionnews.com]

* * * *

The HR Director asked a new hire, a graduate of the University of St. Thomas, to report to his office: “What is the meaning of this? When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we’ve discovered that this is the first job you’ve ever held.”

“Well,” explained the Tommie sheepishly, “… in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”

* * * *

Forwarded by Ron Tomczik ‘65, Medicine Lake, MN —

Music in the Grove Series – St. John’s Abbey Schola in Concert
Date: October 30, 2009
Time: 6:30 p.m.

You are invited to join us for an evening of song with the Abbey Schola from St. John’s University on Friday, October 30. The evening begins with a prayer ritual at 6:30, with a concert to follow at 7:30 p.m. There is no charge for this event; a free will offering will be accepted.

Following the concert, you are invited to join Fr. Robert Koopman, OSB, newly installed president at SJU, and the Schola members at a reception. We would love to host many Bennie and Johnnie alums and encourage you to bring a friend.

Music in the Grove is a concert series hosted by St. Joseph the Worker Catholic Church located at 7180 Hemlock Lane, Maple Grove.

For more information, you may contact Music in the Grove at 763-425-6505 x 512; or by email at musicinthegrove@sjtw.net.

* * * *

“Your Honor, I must be excused from this jury because I am prejudiced against the defendant.”

“How so?”

“I took one look at the man in his blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said, ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty, guilty, guilty!’ So, Your Honor, I can not possibly remain impartial.”

“Get back in the jury box. The man in the blue suit is the defendant’s attorney.”

* * * *

Blazers’ Big Win in Volleyball —

After suffering their first conference loss last Friday to St. Mary’s in a heart-breakingly lousy call/decision by the refs covering their own mistake and ending CSB’s 13-match winning streak, our #20-ranked Blazers defeated St. Thomas Wednesday evening, tying the #9-ranked Tommies for MIAC leadership. That victory ended the Tommettes’ winning streak over MIAC teams at 36. The Blazers next host Macalester on Friday. The Blazers are 5-1 in the MIAC, 19-5 overall [the Lady Toms are (5-1 MIAC, 17-5 overall]. GO BLAZERS!

* * * *

From Mike Hogan SJP ‘61, Omaha, a Creighton grad who still doesn’t like Tommies —

A drunk University of St. Thomas grad walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her.

She jumped up and slapped him silly. The Tommie immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”

“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.

“Funny,” our Tommie muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”

* * * *

SJU in the News —

Fr. Robert Koopmann becomes SJU’s 12th president

by Dave Aeikens, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — The Rev. Robert Koopmann has been president at St. John’s University since July 1. On Thursday, (Oct. 1) the college community celebrated and made the designation official during the second presidential inauguration in the 152-year history of the school.

Koopmann, who is a St. John’s graduate, a monk, a music professor and an administrator, vowed as the 12th president to keep the university moving forward and to have St. John’s continue as a leader in the U.S. and world.

“We start with the best education we can possibly offer,” Koopmann said. (Read more)

* *

Sun-sourced power: St. John’s moves toward a greener future

By Kirsti Marohn, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — The first few metal posts sticking out of a field don’t look like much yet.

But in six weeks, this field surrounded by corn stalks will hold 1,820 black-paneled modules generating 400 kilowatts of sun-powered electricity for nearby St. John’s University.

Construction of the solar farm began this week after rain delayed work for a few days. The project’s leaders say they still expect it to be completed by November.

Despite its humble beginnings, the St. John’s project will dwarf other Midwestern solar farms and is expected to generate nationwide interest. (Read more)

* * * *

The “What’s It All About, Alfie” Department —

(Editor’s Explanation: The following is an excerpt from a weekly newsletter I receive, Spiritual Wealth, written by an investment guru named Alexander Green. In his piece last week, Mr. Green tells of the famous 72-year “P.T. Grant Study” from the Harvard Medical School that followed 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, sickness, health, marriage, parenthood, grandparenthood and old age. They were studied over seven decades from every conceivable angle, including eating and drinking habits, exercise, mental and physical health, career changes, financial successes and setbacks, marital history, parenthood, grandparenthood and old age. Some were famous, some very successful and accomplished, some were failures, but after all the study, a professor — Dr. George Vaillant — who has dedicated his life’s work in following these men was able to condense all his findings about overall life satisfaction into one sentence: “That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.” Here is what Green writes in his column…)

The Grant Study confirms what the wisest among us have always known, that a successful life is not about the grim determination to get or have more. Nor is it about low cholesterol levels or intellectual brilliance or career accomplishments.

It’s about human connections: parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, neighbors and mentors. Without them, life quickly loses its flavor, whatever material successes we enjoy. Lasting satisfaction is rare outside of meaningful, human relationships.

Look back at your life and you’ll almost certainly find that the most significant moments were births, deaths, weddings and celebrations. Your most profound moments? When you touched others… or they touched you.

In times of suffering – loss, sickness, death – it is not prescriptions, formulas, or advice we seek, but the healing presence of another. When we forget this – when we think only of ourselves – we choke the source of our development.

Real meaning comes from taking care of those you love, letting them know how you feel.

Fortunately, we have countless opportunities to give a bit of ourselves each day through a thoughtful act, a word of appreciation, or a sense of understanding.

As Dr. Vaillant concludes, true success “is more about us than me.”

* *

A Related “Alfie” Tidbit:

In his book “Love and Death,” the Rev. F. Forrester Church wrote: “The goal is to live in such a way that our lives will prove worth dying for. The one thing that can’t be taken from us, even by death, is the love we give away before we go.”

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

From Marilee Giere, a friend from St. Cecilia’s in St. Paul —

A father, who had been raised in Stearns County but had lived in Chicago for many years without returning to Minnesota, brought his teenaged son back to an uncle’s farm to take the lad hunting for his very first time. That first morning out in the field, the father placed his son under a large tree and told him, “Stay here and be VERY QUIET. I’ll be just over there in those woods.”

A few minutes later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back to his son.

“What’s wrong?” the father asked. “I told you to be quiet.”

The son answered, “Look, I was quiet when that little snake slithered across my feet. I didn’t move a muscle when a squirrel climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn’t cough when I swallowed the gnat. I didn’t cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. I was even quiet when a skunk breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, ‘Should we eat them here, or take them with us?’…Well, I just panicked!”

* * * *

Mathematics Majors’ Department —

(with a nod to the Underground’s resident humorologist, C.J. Ross ‘64, San Diego)

The math teacher posed this problem, “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?”

The savvy SJU student answered, “A lawyer!”

* * * *

Management Majors’ Department —

The American Corporation

Chief Executive Officer:
- Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
- Is more powerful than a locomotive.
- Is faster than a speeding bullet.
- Walks on water
- Talks with God.

Chief Operating Officer:
- Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
- Is more powerful than a switch engine.
- Is faster than a speeding BB.
- Walks on water if the sea is calm.
- Talks with God if special request is approved.

Executive Vice President:
- Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
- Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
- Can fire a speeding bullet.
- Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.
- Is occasionally addressed by God.

Senior Vice President:
- Barely clears a Quonset hut.
- Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive.
- Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury.
- Swims well.
- Talks to animals.

Vice President:
- Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings.
- Is run over by a locomotive.
- Is not issued ammunition.
- Dog paddles.
- Talks to walls.

Manager:
- Runs into buildings.
- Recognizes a locomotive two out of three times.
- Wets himself with a water pistol.
- Can’t stay afloat without a life preserver.
- Mumbles to himself.

Engineer:
- Lifts buildings and walks under them.
- Kicks locomotives off the tracks.
- Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them.
- Freezes water with a single glance.
- *Is* God.

* * * *

Forwarded by Jerry Howard ‘56, St. Cloud, the UUN’s Stearns County Stringer —

St. Ben’s, St. John’s plan has St. Joseph officials concerned

by Jim Maurice, WJON.com

ST. JOSEPH/COLLEGEVILLE — The College of St. Benedict and St. John’s University have made a change that could have a huge economic impact on the city of St. Joseph and Collegeville Township.

They’re now requiring students to live on campus for four years, instead of just during their freshman and sophmore years.

Cynthia Smith-Strack is the Consulting Economic Director for St. Joseph. She says a recent study indicated the two schools have a combined impact of $16.6 million annually on the local economy. Once the system of virtually no students living off campus is fully implemented, businesses could lose $10.4 million every year.

So, she says St. Joseph needs to be prepared. The city may have to help landlords of current rental houses transition those homes into other uses. St. John’s already started the four-year residency requirement last year. They just completed an apartment building with 58-beds for juniors and seniors. They now have 80% of their students living on campus.

St. Ben’s will begin requiring all of their students to live on campus next fall. A 150 unit housing complex for juniors and seniors is under construction. It should be completed by August of 2012. The St. Joe EDA hosted a meeting last (Wednesday) night involving landlords, city officials, and representatives from both schools.

Meanwhile, the Dean of Students at the College of St. Benedict Jody Terhaar says she doesn’t believe the economic impact on the city will be as great as first thought.

She says they already have over 50% of their juniors and seniors living on campus. That number will eventually reach 95%. She says the new policy will reduce the number students living off campus by about 150 — not the 450 that was first feared.

Students have the option to petition to live off campus, which will be granted on a case-by-case basis.

(Editor’s Comment: Actually I have two comments: The first is I have no sympathy for many of the slumlords charging top dollar for absolute crapholes in St. Joe. Second, I’ve long thought that our young men and women who live off campus miss a great deal of what makes a St. John’s/St. Ben’s education such a life-enhancing opportunity — to live in close community and truly become one with each place: their traditions; living up close and personal with monks and sisters; experiencing the unique rhythms of both establishments; and developing closer relationships with far more students and faculty than one can while living off campus.)

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

Emil and Rosetta Bohnenstingel of Richmond had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Rosetta was finishing the dinner dishes, Emil stepped up behind her. “Would you like to go out, Old Girl?” he asked.

Not even turning around, Rosetta quickly replied, “Oh, yes, I’d love to!”

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn’t until the next day that Emil confessed that his question had actually been directed to their dog, who’d been lying near Rosetta’s feet on the kitchen floor.

* * * *

Secret ‘Big Red’ Strategy Revealed —

From John Uldrich ‘60, Minneapolis —

If you been watching the SJU football carefully this season, since the first home game, two men (not wearing red) have been lingering near the end zone closest to the field house runway.

When the ‘Thundering Red Herd’ moves onto the field, these men have been surreptitiously dropping miniature seismic detectors to the ground attached to transmitters under their jackets. The impact data is sent in nanoseconds to the Scripps Institute in LaJolla where the world’s most sophisticated seismic computers are located…Repeat performance after the first half — all home games.

The long-held secret; when the ‘herd’ hits the end zone and then crosses the red zone, the field in that corner compresses an average of 0.33 inches and holds that ‘depression’ for some three hours due to the ‘times-four-traverse’. Kick-off or punt, this then is the true ‘coffin corner’.

No knows who the smart Johnnie in the Physics Department was that figured this out, but the ‘down-hill’ roll or ‘tumble’ usually is good for between 1/2 and 1 ‘downhill’ yard more. If you sometimes wonder at the logic of the coin toss – now you have some added insight. The ‘laugher’ part of the deal is that the opposition runs the same route but separated by time – adding to the ‘depressive action’ . . .

In a game of sometime inches, this is big stuff!

Everyone knows that the field is not lit and now you know it is not level and – why all the 250 lb+ guys are bunched up in the middle of the ‘herd’… coming and going.

John “Black Ops” Uldrich –‘60

P.S. Anyone sharing this with an ‘outsider’ may find themselves terminated with extreme prejudice.

* * * *

From David Sauer ‘61, Brookfield, WI —

Bob: John Uldrich, of SAINT JOHN’S RECORD fame, suggests I join the SJU Underground. What are the initiation rituals required?

(Editor’s Reply: Our rituals? At the Unofficial Underground News? Just your typical Catholic ones — send money.)

* * * *

A University of St. Thomas coed from one of the tony western suburbs of Minneapolis went on vacation this past summer to a dude ranch in Colorado. Much more at home at the mall, she nevertheless tagged on with some friends who convinced her to give it a try.

The first day there her pals talked our Tommette into going horseback riding with them. She reluctantly said she’d give it a try. At the stables, the cowboy preparing the horses asked her, “Do you want a Western saddle or an English saddle?”

“What’s the difference?” our USTer wanted to know.

“The Western saddle has a horn and the English saddle doesn’t.”

“The one without the horn will be fine,” replied the Tommie. “I don’t expect we’ll run into much traffic around here.”

* * * *

What’s Up in St. Cloud?

Item # 1 — St. Cloud police issued 224 citations in the south side during St. Cloud State University’shomecoming weekend. The 224 citations were issued for 251 violations committed from Thursday through Saturday.Stearns County Jail booked 26 people on a variety of charges in relation to the homecoming weekend special enforcement. Police cited 151 people for minor consumption and 45 people for having open containers of alcohol on public property.

(Editor’s Comment: Gee, why do so many minors get bombed at their Homecoming each year? I thought it was an alumni thing to do at SCSU.)

Item # 2 — St. Cloud won a bronze medal in an international competition for the most livable cities in the world. The award was announced earlier this week at the International Awards for Livable Communities in Pilsen, Czech Republic. St. Cloud got the bronze medal in the Whole City Awards for cities with a population of 20,001-75,000. (The city won two awards in 2007. It won the second of two gold medals given for cities with a population of 20,001-75,000 people and took home the prize for best efforts at planning.)

(Editor’s Comment: Huh? Apparently the awards committee discounted that ungodly mess of commercial sprawl, visual pollution, and stupifying traffic congestion on Division Street from Waite Park all the way into town. Everytime I’m near there I flash back to Dante’s Purgatorio. Congrats anyway to St. Cloud.)

* * * *

What’s Up With The Prep School? —

The Alum Association of Saint John’s Prep has announced that they will present long-time Prep Athletic Director and teacher, Pete Cheeley ‘76, with their highest award – the Armor of Light.

Please join us at the Legacy Dinner on Saturday, November 14th and join the Alumni/ae Association in honoring Pete with this esteemed award. Pete will join 40 others who have been honored with this award since 1977.

Save the date and register with Mary Ritter at 320-363-3317 or mritter@csbsju.edu. A suggested donation of $15 is appreciated for this formal dinner and dessert celebration of our Prep School donors and awardees.

Girls resident students moving to Saint John’s ‘10-11.

Re the SJP residency program: At the end of this school year, we will need to find a new home for our resident girls as the College of Saint Benedict needs to end our lease with Richarda Hall. It is part of their Master Plan to use that dorm as office space. Prep administrators are considering the following options:

Move the Prep boys to an open dormitory on the SJU campus [Ed: lots of luck there; are our old dorms in the garret of the Quadrangle still available?] and house the girls in the current boys’ dorm (Saint Michael Hall). OR…House both the girls and the boys at Saint Michael Hall with the appropriate security measures in place. [Ed: Oh, joy — teenage hormones...just how appropriate will be the security?]

Both of these options present financial opportunities and challenges and are being carefully weighed. The residency program is crucial to the sense of community and the niche of Saint John’s Preparatory School, so this issue will be resolved with the continuation of the residency program. However, discussions as to how best to accomplish this are being held currently, so pleasesend your feedback and questions to Headmaster, Fr. Tim Backous, at tbackous@csbsju.edu and stay tuned for updates!

Fr. Tim and Brenda Brown, Alum Director, are hosting a trip to the Holy Land over spring break, February 26 – March 7, 2010. Fr. Tim has been to the Holy Land several times and is looking forward to sharing this special place with our Prep alums and friends. Please contact Brenda at bbrown@csbsju.edu or 320-363-2098 if you are at all interested, as soon as possible. This group is limited to twenty Prep friends and alums, so let me know if you might like to join us. The itinerary includes in-depth visits to Galilee and all the famous sites; the Jordan River and Mount Tabor; Bethlehem and Jerusalem with all The Way of The Cross holy sites; and Bethany, Jericho, Mt. Temptation and the Dead Sea.

* * * *

The Last Word —

Mrs. Weinstein broke her ankle. After returning home, still in pain and discomfort, she summoned everyone to her darkened bedroom. She asked, “Are my sons here?” Paul and Saul answered, “Yes, mother.”

Mrs. Weinstein then asked, “Are my daughters here?” Rachel and Sarah dutifully replied, “Yes, mother.”

Mrs. Weinstein asked further, “Are all my grandchildren here?” The grandchildren responded, “Yes, grandmother.”

Mrs. Weinstein paused for a moment, then asked, “Are the rest of my relatives here?” All the relatives said, “Yes, were all here!”

So Mrs. Weinstein demanded, “Then why is the light on in the kitchen?”

* * * *

That’s it — LET’S PUT THE TOMMIES’ LIGHTS OUT TOMORROW. GO JOHNNIES!

The SJU Unofficial Underground proclaims yet another Deus ex Machina win — #6

Theo Wick — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 19:21:08 +0000

Dear Triumphant, but Still Incredulous Readers,

Sorry this is so late…life keeps getting in the way of my chosen pursuits. Let me tell you, though, it’s okay if we all slow down and savor one of the unlikely yet exciting wins in St. John’s football history. If for some reason you haven’t heard, SJU eked out a last second win over Bethel for a Homecoming 16-14 surprise. If for some reason you have seen this video yet, then you have to pause and go to this link right now! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zemXhIlLlfk

(Mr. Shoes note: Or watch it below. This is exactly why we’re putting Bob’s UUN on JohnnieFootball.com)

What will stay with me for the rest of my life are two things: First, as my friend Chris said later, that field goal kick, because it carried so far, seemed to fly in slow motion and everyone around us just sat in expectant silence, not really believing it would make it or go through the uprights, but still hoping.

And the, second, after it did, the spontaneous eruption of the Red-clad Johnnies and Bennies sitting in the opposite end zone leaving their bleacher seats as one and rolling joyously onto the field as a human tsunami. My-oh-my-oh-my! What a day!

* * * *

Before we go any further, I want to apologize to those readers who last week attempted to hit the link I had for www.JohnnieFootball.com; nothing good happened because I put an extra “s” in the site address. My real, real bad. Sorry for the inconvenience. Hit it again this week and I promise you better results, as soon as webmaster Mr. Shoes does his magic: you’ll find much better reading than with this old-fashioned emailing.

* * * *

Back to our regularly scheduled cybertrash:

IMPORTANT NOTICE FOR THOSE GOING TO THE HAMLINE GAME TOMORROW:

The venue for the pregame warmup is at Gabe’s Roadhouse, formerly Gabe’s By The Park. The address is 991 North Lexington Parkway in Saint Paul (at the intersection of Lexington and Energy Park Road, a little north and east of Hamline University). Gabe’s phone: 651-646-3066. All are invited; folks will start gathering by 11 a.m. It’s a large place and won’t be too busy that early, but let’s try to all sit together anyway.

Directions
[Google Maps]

After our most probable lopsided victory, the postgame analysis will be held at O’Gara’s Bar & Grill, down Snelling Avenue about a mile and a half from Hamline, at the corner of Snelling and Selby — 164 Snelling Avenue North. Phone is 651.644.3333. Hope to see you all there as well.

This is the most incomplete, but still lengthy UUN I’ve ever sent. Time is just gone. Better you get the basic stuff and wait for refinements next issue. Like perhaps some reporting on Homecoming and other delights.

Best wishes to you all…and GO JOHNNIES — DO WHATEVER ONE DOES TO ‘PIPERS’, ONLY VERY WELL!

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697

(Note: For 37 years I lived across the street from Hamline and have some affection for the joint; heck, they even bought my house about three years ago and paid a pretty penny, I might add, so let’s all be nice guests and try not to gloat if we happen to outscore them by maybe four or five TDs. Save all gloatings for a hoped-for victory next week against the Tommies.)

* * * *

The ‘Kick’ in Quotes —

“There’s ups and downs (to being a kicker), but you can’t think about what just happened. This was the one chance to redeem what I had just done.”
— Russell Gliadon ‘10, senior placekicker

“Like all kickers, even in the pros, there are times when you screw up. But he’s done a good job for us and we have confidence in him. That last kick puts him in the ranks of the immortals here.”
— John Gagliardi, head coach

“I’m feeling 100 percent better right now. It was looking like I was going to go home tonight and sit by myself, or maybe have a few guys over to console me. Now I can go out with my friends and celebrate.”
— Russell Gliadon ‘10

“I thought about shooting him. I just about committed suicide after that. Thank God I didn’t completely bleed to death.”
— John Gagliardi

“It’s pretty much as low as you can be, missing an extra point with one-and-a-half minutes left. I was mostly worried about my teammates. I didn’t want to let them down.”
— Russell Gliadon ‘10

“I wasn’t coming out, not with the game on the line. I would have had to break my leg to keep me on the sidelines. They would have literally had to carry me off the field.”
— Joe Boyle ‘11, junior quarterback

“It was fourth-and-seven, that’s what it came down to. We would have had to not only pick up the first down, but get out of bounds as well. So after talking it over, we decided to kick it. There wasn’t really much else we could do.”
— Jim Gagliardi ‘77, offensive coordinator

* * * *

Magic? No, just more of the same

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

Around Collegeville, certain fans of the St. John’s football team have taken to calling it Johnnies’ Magic.

It happened again Saturday in a 16-14 homecoming victory over Bethel. Senior kicker Russell Gliadon kicked a school-record 49-yard field goal with 2.8 seconds left to play, giving the Johnnies a game many had already written off as a loss.

The fact that Gliadon had missed a crucial extra-point attempt that would have tied the score at 14 less than two minutes earlier only made the story that much more compelling, and even members of the opposition couldn’t help but marvel.

“We knew playing St. John’s that it was going to be a fight all the way to the end,” said Bethel junior running back Logan Flannery. “The Johnnies are kind of notorious for winning games on plays like that.”

Indeed they have been. Saturday’s dramatic finish joined an ever-growing list of memorable endings and narrow escapes the Johnnies have been a part of in recent years. (Read more)

* * * *

2009 MIAC Standings

Through games of October 3, 2009

Team	Conference W/L	Overall W/L
Saint John’s University	3-0	5-0
University of St. Thomas	3-0	4-0
Bethel University	2-1	3-2
Carleton College	1-1	3-1
St. Olaf College	1-2	3-2
Hamline University	1-2	2-2
Gustavus Adolphus	1-2	1-3
Concordia College	0-2	2-2
Augsburg College	0-2	1-3

UPCOMING GAMES

October 10, 2009 — 1pm start

Bethel @ St. Olaf — Poor Oles are going to see some Royal Frustration
Carleton @ Augsburg — Everybody’s rolling over the Auggies these days
Concordia @ St. Thomas — Although one can hope, UST will unravel the Cobbers
Saint John’s @ Hamline — SJU enjoys a breeze while waiting for the Toms
Pacific Lutheran @ Gustavus (1:30, non-conf.) — Gusties, I presume

* * * *

DeLand column: Johnnies’ Gliadon redeems himself

by Dave DeLand, sports editor, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — We all screw things up, sometimes very important things.

We all have moments we instantly wish we could have back.

We all make mistakes. But not many of us make them in front of thousands of spectators, with such potentially dire consequences.

And not many of us get an immediate chance at redemption. For that, Russell Gliadon will always be grateful. (Read more)

* * * *

SJU saved by the boot at homecoming

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — Call it a tale of two kicks.

The first looked like it might make Saturday the worst day of St. John’s kicker Russell Gliadon’s football career. The second turned it into the most memorable.

Gliadon kicked a school-record 49-yard field goal with just 2.8 seconds left to play to lift the Johnnies to a dramatic 16-14 victory over Bethel before a homecoming crowd announced at 10,567 at Clemens Stadium. It came less than two minutes after the senior missed a routine extra-point attempt that would have tied the score at 14 after senior Kellen Blaser scored on a 4-yard touchdown run with 1:47 to go in the game.

“I’m feeling 100 percent better right now,” a beaming Gliadon said afterward. “It was looking like I was going to go home tonight and sit by myself, or maybe have a few guys over to console me. Now I can go out with my friends and celebrate.” (Read more)

* * * *

Boyle bruised, but smiling in win

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

COLLEGEVILLE — Joe Boyle is likely to wake up in a lot of pain this morning. But in the aftermath of his team’s 16-14 victory over Bethel Saturday afternoon, the St. John’s junior quarterback’s bumps and bruises may not sting quite as much.

Boyle was sacked four times against the Royals and threw three interceptions. Twice, he lay face down on the field after absorbing big hits.

But he never left the game and ended up engineering three fourth-quarter scoring drives — including a 10-play, 33-yard march that was capped by senior Russell Gliadon’s 49-yard game-winning field goal with 2.8 seconds left on the clock. (Read more)

* * * *

St. John’s 16, Bethel 14

Scoring and stats
[The St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

MIAC Football Week Three: Kicking It In

by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, CSN ‘Mapping the MIAC’ Columnist

Saint John’s and St. Thomas, the co-leaders in the chase for the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference championship, both won Saturday, albeit in greatly differing ways. The Johnnies needed a school record 49-yard field goal with 2.8 seconds to play to overcome Bethel 16-14, while the Tommies rolled over Gustavus, 45-12. Elsewhere, Hamline snapped an 11-game MIAC losing streak with a 38-28 win over Augsburg, and Carleton retained possession of the fabled Goat Trophy with a 17-13 win over St. Olaf. (Read more)

* * * *

Blazers Volleyball Remains Undefeated in MIAC and Extends Winning Streak to 13

The College of Saint Benedict volleyball team (18-4 overall, 4-0 MIAC) cruised past Carleton College 3-0 Wednesday evening to remain undefeated in MIAC play. Up next CSB travels to Winona, Minn., to take on St. Mary’s University Thursday night.

Prior to the Carleton match the Blazers volleyball team moved up four spots in the AVCA Coaches Top 25 Poll this week, claiming the #16 position after being ranked 20th last week. The University of St. Thomas, who holds first place in the MIAC, shifted down in this week’s poll, moving from seventh to tenth. GO BLAZERS!

(Editor’s Sad Note: Last evening, at St. Mary’s in Winona, our Blazers lost their first MIAC game and first in 13 matches. How they lost is baffling and most unfair: they had the game won after the tightest of contests, when their victory was taken away because of a ref’s errant whistle (that nobody heard anyway).

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

Lindsay Good, RD, LD ‘06

Fruits and Vegetables: 5 to 9 Servings a Day

Fruits and Vegetables are a very important part of a healthy diet because they are great sources of vitamins and minerals, phytochemicals and fiber. The World Cancer Research Fund and the American Institute for Cancer Research report that in over 200 well controlled studies, nearly 80% have reported that the more fruits and vegetables a person ate the lower the incidence of cancer. Even though there is such strong evidence of the benefits of fruit and vegetable consumption, nearly 75% of Americans fail to get the minimum recommendation of 5 servings a day.

How can I reach the recommendation?
Keep in mind that one serving is equal to 1 medium sized piece of fruit, 1/2 cup cut up fruit or vegetables, 1 cup of leafy greens and 4 ounces of juice. A serving is quite small, load up on vegetables at dinner and you could easily have 3 servings or more on your plate! To save money on fresh fruits and vegetables and it get the best quality it helps to purchase what is in season. (A list can be found here: http://www.fruitsandveggiesmorematters.org/?page_id=674)

Top 10 Ways to Prepare Fruits and Veggies
from www.fruitsandveggiesmorematters.org

Bake: Sweet potato fries by cutting up into slices and seasoning with olive oil, cayenne pepper and a dash of salt.

Boil: Diced or crushed tomatoes in a vegetable or chicken broth for the base of a homemade tomato soup! Add fresh herbs and spices to make your own unique recipe.

Steam: Any of your favorite vegetables with citrus juice and zest added to the water to create bold, new flavors. Try lemon juice with spinach, orange with broccoli or grapefruit with carrots!

Stir-Fry: Zucchini, yellow squash, diced tomatoes and mushrooms with olive oil and herbs. Add some diced jalapeno for an extra kick and serve over brown rice.

Saute: Pear and apple slices (peeled) in a skillet with a little butter until tender. Add marmalade and orange slices, remove from heat and serve for a fruity dessert.

Roast: Whole red potatoes in the oven after tossing them in a mixture of olive oil, garlic and rosemary until tender for a mouth-watering side to any meal!

Grill: Pineapple, peaches or mango. Top with a dollop of low-fat ice cream, frozen yogurt or sherbet.

Stew: Frozen corn, onions, peppers, celery, and salsa. Serve over rice. Add some red or black beans and call it a meal!

Blanch: Carrots, cauliflower, green beans, asparagus and broccoli. Marinate in your favorite low-fat vinaigrette and serve cold. If desired, add other veggies like onions, mushrooms and peppers.

Microwave: Frozen or canned vegetables on those busy nights.

* * * *

The Department of Groan Quickies —

(Dedicated to Marge Pattock, whose husband Wally has not yet sent me his new email)

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bouncer says, “I’ll let you in, but don’t start anything.”

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says: “A beer, please, and one for the road.”

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” “I know,” said the doc. “I amputated your arms!”

* * * *

From John Danielson SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, Littleton, CO, a South Dakota native commenting on a joke of last issue:

Wick, Sorry that you found out that our cattle in South Dakota can read and talk. It has been a secret all these years, but I guess if got a Bethel guy back to his bible it was worth letting the secret out. — JRD

* * * *

From Bill Draves ‘64, Dry Heat, AZ —

Wick, Another winner! [meaning the last issue] Sorry to miss the 45th but planning ahead for number 50. Can’t wait to see all those old people! But remember 70 is the new 45! Have a great one! — Bill

* * * *

From John Chromy ‘64, Washington, D.C.

Wicks, I cannot make it but I just mailed to the Alumni office a check for $640 as an extra donation in honor of the Class of ‘64 Reunion. Good luck with the entire event. Cheers, John

* * * *

From Tom Haeg ‘70, , MN —

Tom Haeg, ‘70, and his wife Sue (she’s Norwegian; her name is Sue, but when she’s mad, her name is ‘Susan’), are coordinating a visit in November 2009 for 56 Japanese high school students from the northern island of Hokkaido. Their school, Kaisei Gakuin, was founded by Bendedictine nuns from St. Ben’s more than 40 years ago. Although they will be staying with host families in the Cities, they will take a motor coach to spend one day on a field trip to St. John’s. The St. John’s Arboretum will provide guides for a hike and pottery master Richard Bresnahan [SJP '72/SJU '76] will conduct a studio seminar for their benefit. Also, they will visit the calligraphy display in the Bible project, have a meal in the Refectory, observe a Gregorian chant and otherwise tour the campus. The visit to St. John’s and St. Ben’s will also pay tribute to Sr. Olivia Forster, OSB, who dedicated her career to the education and well-being of the less fortunate in Hokkaido. Sr. Olivia is currently in the monastery at St. Ben’s.

* * * *

A Hamline grad called an airline reservation agent; he wanted to book a flight for two but wasn’t happy with the price of $259 per ticket. “I want the $249 fare I saw advertised,” the Piper alum insisted firmly, saying he would accept a flight at any time. After searching for about a half hour, the agent finally managed to find two seats on a 6 a.m. flight.

“I’ll take it,” said the Piper loudly. But almost immediately he started to have second thoughts. “I’m concerned that my wife might not like the early hour.”

The agent sighed, and then warned him, “There’s a fee of $25 per person if you change the reservation.”

“Oh, that’s no problem,” said our Piper dismissively. “What’s fifty bucks?”

* * * *

From Mark Sieve ‘64, Minneapolis, who missed our 45th Reunion because of his 35th year obligations at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival in his role as Sir Ralph Puke of “Puke & Snot” fame; he writes of his feelings on visiting campus after many years when we dropped copies of his book, “Call Me Puke: Life on the Dirt Circuit,” at the SJU Bookstore (or go to pukensnot.com, hit the store link to order it.) —

Hey Wick, Thanks for acting as tour guide on our recent day trip to SJU, it truly refreshed my spirit in ways I haven’t experienced in quite some time.

As I told you, simply driving onto the campus always brings a rush of good memories, and I hadn’t experienced that for some years. When Thomas Wolfe said “You can’t go home again,” I think it was because his parents were there. But I know I can “go home” to Collegeville anytime I want; the feeling of community and belonging never goes away. It’s quite remarkable.

‘Twas a very brief time in my life, as it was for all of us, but a critical one. I arrived at Benet Hall in 1960 too young to know what I was getting into, finding out immediately how little I really knew about anything, but also happily discovering that I was surrounded by curious minds, powerful intellects, and generous people who invited me to join their search for truth, whatever shape it might take.

Four years later I left with the confidence to make decisions and take control of my life. Forty-five years later, that confidence still allows me to step into a pair of tights and walk out in front of audiences at renaissance festivals to perform mock-Shakespearean sketches that Father Conrad would certainly have loved. Sitting in Brother Willie’s having a beer and listening to students discuss the rise of China and its implications for our economy, I was struck by the idealism and lack of cynicism in the room. How damn refreshing! I resolved to set aside more time in the months ahead to keep this connection with St. John’s alive.

Thanks again for your hard work in keeping all of us connected and informed, your love of and dedication to SJU is palpable. Have a great homecoming, I’ll be raising a glass to a big Johnnie win on Saturday. Best regards, Mark

(Editor’s Addition to Mark’s Book by Wally Hinz ‘64, Edina, MN: Wally called and said that reading the quote by former SJU basketball and baseball coach Ed Hasbrouck — “Stick with me, boys; I’ll have you farting through silk.” — brought back many memories. One that occurred the same day as Mark’s “Go out there and BE AVERAGE” story, had Easy Ed standing on the dugout steps watching the snappily-attired Tommies come out on the field for that double-header; he commented derisively to his team, “Look at those guys — they have their stirrups all the way up to their ass.” Sophomore pitcher Mike Gerbich replied, “Why Ed, they look like the Yankees.” To which Ed said dismissingly, “Who the hell cares about the Yankees.” Mike snapped back, “Yeah, I guess the only reason you don’t like the Yankees, Ed, is they win.” It seemed to Wally that Mike G. spent much of the rest of the season cooling his heels in the bullpen.)

* * * *

Sent with great feeling from Mike Hogan SJP ‘61/Creighton ‘65, Omaha —

There was this graduate of the University of St. Thomas who somehow found a job as a photographer for a national magazine. His first assignment was to get photos of a great forest fire over in Montana.

When the Tommie drove to the site he found the smoke on the ground too thick to get any good shots, so the Purple Lad called his home office to hire a plane. “It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, the UST man saw a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!”

The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

“Fly over the north side of the fire,” demanded the Tommie, “and make three or four low-level passes.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.

“Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the Tommie with great exasperation.

After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”

* * * *

From Andy Hellie ‘09, —

Hey Bob, I was at my first Johnnie tailgate last weekend and was told by a friend of mine that I needed to start reading the Johnnie Underground. I was wondering if you could add me to the distribution list. Thanks, Andy

(Editor’s Reply: No problem, Andy; however I noticed that you were wise enough not to identify your friend. As an ‘09 grad, I sure as heck hope you weren’t drinking out of a red cup; the Life Services lady spying on the festivities from the second floor of the new Science Hall might confuse you with a current student…and you thought you left all that B.S. behind when you graduated.)

* * * *

Red Cups Controversy —

From LBean:

You know, I just didn’t realize how big a deal this issue is to the Administration. Frat party? Good Lord, can’t adults enjoy each other in an outdoor boisterous manner? We need an new infusion of Bob and Steve’s coffee mugs. Wasn’t that BlueDevil Bob? Or Mike, we come up with our own mug and sell them for cost. The mug can read in bold print: “Delicious Coffee.”

* *

From a guy named T:

I like the idea of a johnniefootball.com coffee mug that we could sell at cost.

* *

From a guy named D:

I, too, like the idea of a johnniefootball.com coffee mug, sold at cost, and bright red in color. We will still need plastic cups, in some color other than red, for those who don’t frequent the tailgate but want an adult beverage when they do attend. IMHO, this topic is a complete joke but I’ll go out and buy some other color cups in order to comply. Heaven forbid that someone show up with a red Johnnie mug. If they do we’ll have TDT [Touchdown Tommy] take care of the matter.

* *

From a guy named E:

It’s stupid. Honestly. Have to love internal politics that we are then left paying the price for. I have a lot of four letter words myself for it, but I won’t use them now.

Nobody is going to get dinged this weekend for having red cups, but we hope to phase them out in the Tommy game. That way we can ding all the Tommies and leave the Johnnies alone!

My hope is that we can illustrate that this is actually a very positive thing for the University (even though the last, oh, say, 10 years should have demonstrated that) and we can get something bigger and better as we go forward. But until then we have to play the game on their behalf, unfortunately.

* *

From a guy named T:

And this, my friends, is why I have little, if anything, to do with my alma mater…

* *

From a guy named R:

You have got to be effing kidding me. I remember having less rules in grade school.

* *

From a scoffing Tommy:

Bob – I’m thinking you all can use PURPLE CUPS, to enjoy your beverages in!!! Olde Johnnie comes in a gold looking can!!!

* * * *

SJU golf clinches MIAC fall title

COON RAPIDS — The two-time defending national champion St. John’s golf team was supposed to take a hit. After all, the Johnnies had graduated three All-MIAC players, including third-team All-American Joe Schoolmeesters.

But on Monday they showed they can still be dominant.

The Johnnies, led by medalist Tony Krogen, won their fifth MIAC men’s golf championship in the past six years with a three-day total of 880.

The win clinches St. John’s 11th consecutive trip to the NCAA Division III Championship. It’s May 11-14 in Hershey, Pa.

Krogen, a sophomore, became the eighth Johnnie in school history to earn medalist honors with a three-day total of 213 (3-under-par).

Men’s team scores — 1. St. John’s 880; 2. (tie) Gustavus, St. Thomas 901; 4. Concordia-Moorhead 919; 5. St. Olaf 923; 6. Bethel 936; 7. Macalester 945; 8. Augsburg 954; 9. Carleton 966; 10. St. Mary’s 985.

(Editor’s Comment: Wasn’t even close…WAY TO GO, JOHNNIES!)

St. Benedict finished second in the women’s competition.

Kathryn Hauff shot a 240 to lead the Blazers.

Women’s team scores — 1. Gustavus 968; 2. St. Benedict 1,014; 3. St. Thomas 1,025; 4. St. Olaf 1,035; 5. Carleton 1,038; 6. Concordia-Moorhead 1,072; 7. Augsburg 1,092; 8. St. Mary’s 1,107; 9. Bethel 1,110; 10. Macalester 1,211.

(Editor’s Additional Comment: Wow! The Blazers are becoming a “golf college” too. WAY TO GO, BLAZERS!)

* * * *

From Drake Dierkhising SJP ‘59/SJU ‘63, Sonoma, CA, at the game with his grandson Ben —

I have to admit I was not a true believer, just could not see another Carlton-type win. And how we were going to stop Bethel, having trouble all day? Well, Marie Eli up in Fr. Koopman’s suite, was a believer, and my grandson Ben Dierkhising did as well. He was glued to to his seat the whole comeback! Just like everyone in the stadium, we were crushed when the PAT was deflected. But the hope got very high when the Johnnie defense stopped Bethel. Just before the set-up on Bethel’s 32, I said to Ben “16-14,” then someone said they “liked 19-14 better.” Ben became a hooked Johnnie supporter, when ‘the Kick’ went through the uprights. He has always been impressed with the wave of red as the Johnnies football team comes on the field, but the wave of RED that rushed the field after the ‘the Kick’ will be with him forever.

Item: Drake & Cafe Sarafornia were featured in the Japanese remake of ‘Sideways’

The last film featured at the Napa-Sonoma Film Festival on September 27th was “Sideways” – Japanese version. Calistoga was the center of the movie, and Cafe Sarafornia was the star, non-winery location. The female star, Kiko, was an “employee” of Cafe Sarafornia & Drake! What fun we had. We loved the movie, and not just because I got my 15 seconds of film fame; we thought it had a better rewritten plot than the original. They used real names & places in the Napa Valley. Cafe Sarafornia got a full frontal shot, and three scenes inside, along with four verbal mentions in the movie. IF the movie makes the US market people will enjoy it.

It was great to see all of youse guys at your reunion, especially Tom Borax [Ed's Note: Drake is messing with Tom Borak's '64 name]. I wish I could make it back for the Tommie game; it will be another nail biter. Go Johnnies — Drake

(Editor’s Further Note: Drake and Madeline own Cafe Sarafornia, a high quality, no snobbery breakfast and lunch restaurant in downtown Calistoga, CA, located at the top of the Napa Valley. If you are in the area, be sure to stop in and say hello to Drake…if he’s ever there anymore.)

* * * *

First Annual SIFE Golf Outing— 4 Person Scramble

To benefit Students in Free Enterprise (SIFE)

This year’s event will be held Sunday, October 18th at the well-manicured Highland National Golf Course, located in St. Paul.

Registration begins at 12:00 p.m., 12:30 lunch, and a 1:00 shut-gun start.

The cost for this event is only $75. This price includes entry into all events, 18 holes of golf, riding cart, lunch, and various awards. Registration fee is collected at event.

Current CSB/SJU students will be attending and hope to be a part of your team. They are eager to network with you and hopefully you can find out what CSB/SJU has been up to these days and hear what a great organization SIFE and the volunteer projects they are involved with.

To help us properly plan for this event, please pre-register by contacting Lainie Steffen at lmsteffen@csbsju.edu or 651-210-0806.

* * * *

Advance Planning Department, Augsburg Game Division —

Although there are five Saturdays to go and we have contests with Hamline, St. Thomas, St. Olaf, and then a bye week before the Augsburg game at the Metrodome on November 7, we are alerting people to mark their calendars for the J-Club-sponsored pregame Johnnie Pep Rally at Hubert’s back bar beginning at 11 a.m. Game tickets can be purchased at the rally.

After the game, Johnnies and Bennies of St. Cecilia’s Parish and its Johnnie pastor, Fr. Mike Byron ‘81, are hosting the Second Annual “Red Mass”, beginning at 5 p.m. Following Mass there will be a light meal, featuring Olde Johnnie Ale, JohnnieBrats™ and pizza, among other items. Twenty-five years ago Mike Byron gave his award-winning impersonation of Fr. Don Talafous giving his frequent admonitions of the drawbacks of freshmen attachments to “Home Town Honeys” in the Johnnie Talent Show. Fr. Don is hoping to be present for the reprise. St. Cecilia’s is an easy, five-minute ride east of of the Dome on I-94, near Hwy 280 and University Avenue. This is for your planning; more details will follow in four weeks.

* * * *

From Glenn Rother SJP ‘61/SJU ‘65, VA —

Bob: Another great weekend in Minn sports. Johnnies waited until the last second (again). Pls add SJU grad Scott Thein to your UUN email list; he is cc’ed above. Go Johnnies! — Glenn

(Editor’s Note: Both Glenn and Scott work for L-3 Commmunications, a prime contractor in Command, Control and Communications; Intelligence, Surveillance and Reconnaissance; Government Services; and Aircraft Modernization and Maintenance. L-3 is also a major provider of homeland defense products and services for a variety of emerging markets.)

* * * *

From John Uldrich ‘60, Minneapolis, fulfilling my request to write down some of what he told me over coffee…this guy’s had quite a life —

Bob: Enjoyed the Longfellow’s cuppa…You asked the JohnnieBrat™ impresario about ‘generational-Johnnies’ in my clan…father “Sonny Boy” Uldrich (also John) was an East Coast prep athlete with great credentials in track, basketball and baseball. Believe he was recruited by Fr. Dunstan Tucker to finish his UG degree at SJU, coach both the prep and college track team in 1938-39. Understand he was instrumental in getting the St. John’s Invitationalup and running. Got his degree in 1939.

When WWII bubbled up, he was tasked to be an ‘athletic officer’ serving in China. In over the Hump – out over the Hump – 3 1/2 years all told. In addition to working with U.S. Troops, he taught Chinese Nationalists fundamentals of baseball. Earned his Purple Heart that way — He and his ‘boys’ were demonstrating “Tinkers-To-Evers-To-Chance” play. Dad was “Chance” …ball was a live grenade. Pin fell out leaving Evers…

I came to SJU in 1954 from Little Falls. Went three semesters and Fr. Gunther Rolfson suggested I might consider looking elsewhere for my UG education…opted to go to Europe and wander about. Was a stage-door ‘Johnnie’ in Barcelona, member of a covert operations team in Yugoslavia (get a future leader out) and did a solo spy gig photographing MiG 17s in Russia courtesy of the Norwegian Merchant Marine (in exchange for being able to work my way home on one of their tankers). Didn’t think I was ready to face Gunther so joined the Marines on a 2-2-2 enlistment. Got a full year of credits from Santa Ana JC and then knocked on Gunther’s door (grades picked somewhat). Back at SJU in ’58 – carried twenty-five credits for three more semester and ‘granulated’ (some say ‘manured’) from SJU in February 1960.

Sallied forth into the Brave New World, married a St. Cloud Stater – did the requisite ‘begetting and a’begotten’ and came up with four great kids – two boys, two girls (Ann-Tom-Jack-Katie). Jack went on to four years at SJU Prepand Katie to St. Ben’s. She was just a year shy of the transformation to the joint certification. Most of her credits were from SJU however and she worked in Bursar’s office on campus.

I went to China in 1996 to teach the Chinese about “Futures and Options” (a little like teaching an alcoholic how to drink). Came back in 2000 with new perceptions and an adopted son Ben. He opted for the U of M, graduating last December and is back in Shanghai making his fortune.

Son Jack (Gov. Ventura’s bud) has Megan and Sean (9 & 7) so who knows if the ‘Generational Magnet’ will be in effect some 8-10 years down the road …

Bob – Now You Know The Rest Of The Story…more on JohnnieBrats™ and sundry other food products later. — John

(Editor’s Note: John Uldrich is Chairman of Uldrich-Integris Media Inc., MInneapolis MN and Plano TX, 612-722-2287; some of his ventures include these variations on a theme:

John has also been a pilot, a chef, member of the National Fishing Hall of Fame, economic development consultant and educator in Shanghai, China, and author of several books, both fiction and non-; he gave me two after signing them: a political thriller partially set in northern Minnesota, “Fifth Force Assembling”, and one of four cookbooks, “Blue Ribbon Burgers.”)

* *

This is what precipitated my coffee date with John Uldrich in the first place…I’m a sucker for a literate guy every time:

Robert: Thoughts while watching the minutes following the victory. Would also have liked to been a moth or bee listening to the words spoken to the fallen warriors encircled in the end zone – tumultuous victory and abject defeat – both being dealt with in a noble manner.

The original quote of William S. followed by my version:
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother; be never so vile. This day shall gentle his condition. And gentlemen in England now abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

The St. John’s Version – Gender Sensitive:
“We few, we happy few, we band of brothers/sisters. For he/she today that were present at this field of battle shall be my brother/sister; be he/she never so vile. This day shall gentle his/her condition. And gentlefolk in cities, towns and burgs now abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here and hold their ‘hoods’ cheap whiles any speak thatwere present at this noble field or – standing tall among the Pines bedecked in Red upon this day.”

Literary license courtesy John Uldrich – Editor, The Record – 1959

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

Over in western Stearns County the town’s police chief was also its veterinarian. One night the phone rang and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, “Is your husband there?”

“Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?”

“Both. We can’t get our dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar in it.”

* * * *

From Tim Flynn ‘91, St. Paul —

Hi Bob – What an unbelievable game!!!! I still can’t believe it. It was great chatting with you on Saturday! Sorry I could not buy you a Guinness at the Dubliner when you were there, but I will next time!

PaddyWagon “Irish Music with a Twang” is made up of myself (SJU ‘91) on guitar, mandolin, banjo and vocals, as well as Mark Bortscheller (SJU ’90) on bass, and 4 other non-SJU guys (Kevin Galligan- vocals & trumpet, Kevin O’Brien – vocals and harmonica, Joe Defoe – Guitar, and Dave Russell- Fiddle…rest assured non of them are Tommies) and we play about 7-8 times a year, mainly at the Dubliner Pub, but occasionally at Shamrocks, O’Gara’s and every memorial day weekend at Madden’s! Our website is www.paddywagon.net and our full schedule can be found there. Upcoming shows at the Dubliner— Friday October 30, Saturday November 28th, and Saturday December 19th. Go Twins! — Tim

(Editor’s Comment: My sort-of neighbor down here in Highland Park is Tim’s classmate, Vic Murphy. Prior to the Gustavus game Vic emailed me and mentioned that The Dubliner Pub was pouring Guinness’ 250th Anniversary brewand that Tim’s group was playing. First-born heir Megan ‘03 and I took in some of their show and thoroughly enjoyed it. For older folks like me, Tim advises to get there early — about 8:30 pm or so — to find seats in the not-so-big venue, getting comfortably situated before all the Tommies stumble in around 9:30-10. With Tim’s and/or Vic’s reminder to me, I’ll mention Paddy Wagon’s next gig with an eye toward getting some Underground readers to join me there. Tim, by the way, is the son of my classmate and friend, George Flynn ‘64, with whom I sat at last Saturday’s thrilling game, surrounded by a gaggle of other Cretin alums in our college class: Chuck Tarara and wife Nancy; John Wolkerstorfer and his wife Marilyn; and Bill Kling. That’s a lot of Raiders for one Johnnie game.)

* * * *

It’s St. John’s Prep School’s GASTHAUS Time Again!

(A note from Marti Jacobs, SJP)

Dear Bob, We would like to personally remind and invite you to join us this weekend for GASTHAUS! We are taking reservations through Saturday afternoon — so please get a group together and give Mary a call at 320-363-3317!
We’ve brought back Rindsrouladen this year and are excited to be partnering with the chefs from the Austrian Schnitzel HQ restaurant in Waite Park! Herr Michael and Herr Thomas Oelsboeck are from Vienna, Austria and are looking forward to preparing a delicious meal for you! You can also e-mail your reservation to Mary at mritter@csbsju.edu. In the meantime, you can check out the menu on our Web site by clicking here: http://www.sjprep.net/pages/Gasthaus
It’s a great event – hope to see you there! Thank you! — Marti Jacobs

(Editor’s Note: SJP’s annual GASTHAUS is both a fine tradition and a delicious fundraiser for the school.)

* * * *

From Al Richie SJP ‘60/UST ‘64, Wayzata, MN —

A senior Bennie really thought she’d been very patient — through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage — with her steady St. John’s boyfriend of nearly four years.

One night her slow-to-catch-on Johnnie took her to a Chinese restaurant in Waite Park. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, “So…how do you like your rice? Boiled? Or fried?”

Without missing a beat, our Bennie looked over her menu at him and replied clearly, “Thrown.”

* * * *

From Paul Hamann ‘63, Edina, MN, further explaining the Massey Ratings he sent in last issue —

Hi Wick, Didn’t see you but caught up with a few of your classmates. Great finish to the game…that’s an understatement!!

Re the ratings: Massey takes into account lots of factors like the quality of your opponents etc. Obviously way beyond an English major like you and a science major like me. Perhaps a math wonk could decipher the formula for Massey ratings. I like them because SJU, when worthy, is usually higher in the Massey ratings than the D3football beauty contest.

This week Massey has Whitewater first, Mt. Union second, Trinity (CT) third and SJU fourth, UST 7, and Bethel and Concordia in the top 20. The MIAC is third-ranked conference. NESMAC, which was 10 – 0 in non conf. is first, and the WIAC 2nd. The first 3 conferences according to the rankings are head and shoulders above the rest. But we knew that about the MIAC and WIAC. Who/what is the NESMAC? I know they don’t participate in the playoffs.

Assume you’ve already seen the replay of “The Kick” on U-Tube. Will look for you at the UST game. — Paul

(Editor’s Note: Speaking of D3Football beauty contests — http://www.d3football.com — SJU remains ranked at #6; our opponent next week remains at #15. Using an English major’s math skills to decipher the D3 rankings, I think that means we beat UST by a TD and a field goal; however if you use the Massey ratings we only beat them by a field goal. Either way the Tommies are dead meat!)

* * * *

Overheard at the Hamline Student Union, Part 1 —

“What?!? You caught your girlfriend with another guy and you’re not punching his lights out?!?”

“I’m waiting.”

“Waiting for what?”

“To catch her with a shorter, skinnier guy.”

* * * *

From Tom Weiss SJP ‘68/SJU ‘74, River Falls, WI —

Bob, I just got this link from the Fort Hood Paper. Nice result for our son on the hard work he did in Iraq! Not necessarily for the UN but still a cool story!
http://www.forthoodsentinel.com/story.php?id=1990 — Tom

(Editor’s Comment: Tom, this link absolutely belongs in the Underground! All of our continued best wishes to Tom II during his recovery and congratulations for his fine work done in Iraq.)

* * * *

From Jim Nathe ‘64, PA someplace

Hi Bob, I made an unplanned family-related trip back to Minnesota last week, which gave me the opportunity to spend a few hours enjoying the Johnnie Homecoming football game and visit briefly with some classmates at our 45th class reunion. My thanks to you for the warm welcome and to Rick Ahles for giving me one of his football tickets. The game was one of the most exciting and enjoyable football games I’ve watched this year; no small statement, given the only other college football team I follow regularly is Notre Dame!

Please extend my congratulations to Bob Spinner and Ken Roering for their well deserved recognition in receiving the Fr. Walter Reger Distinguished Alumni Award and Alumni Achievement Award respectively. —Jim

* * * *

From our official Unofficial Underground News humorologist, C.J. Ross ‘64, San Diego, CA —

Three coeds from Twin Cities-area MIAC colleges were all applying for the last available “equal opportunity” position on the Minnesota Highway Patrol. The trooper conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So y’all want to be cops, huh?”

The college seniors all nodded. The trooper got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, “To be an effective police officer, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth.”

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first coed, a senior from Bethel, and withdrew it after about two seconds. “Now,” he said, “did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?”

The Bethel Royal immediately said, “Yes, I did. He has only one eye!”

The trooper shook his head and said, “Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!”

The Bethel lass hung her head and walked out of the office.

The trooper then turned to the second young woman, a senior from Hamline University, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, “What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?”

“Yes! He only has one ear!”

The trooper put his head in his hands and exclaimed, “Didn’t you hear what I just told that young lady from Bethel? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You’re excused too!”

The Piper [Pipette?] sheepishly walked out of the office.

The trooper turned his attention to the third and last coed, a senior from the University of St. Thomas, and said, “This is probably a waste of time, but…” He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, “All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?”

The senior Tommie said, “I sure did. This man wears contact lenses..”

The trooper frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the Tommie coed with a puzzled expression and said, “You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?”

And our Tommie rolled her eyes and said, “Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.”

* * * *

MIAC Profiles of Excellence: Ryan Wimmer, Saint John’s University

by Rich Mies, MIAC columnist for College Sporting News

Often, football is compared to war. Terms such as battles, bombs and in the trenches are used to describe activity on the gridiron in militaristic fashion. The quarterback often is referred to as the team’s general in another warfare analogy. However, when talking about Saint John’s University linebacker Ryan Wimmer, a more apt comparison would be that of a hunter, something he does extraordinarily well both on and off the field.

On the field, Ryan patrols the middle of SJU’s defense so thoroughly most opponents run their game plan away from him. Like a hunter, he is in constant pursuit of his prey- whether that is a runningback hoping to gain a few yards, a receiver looking to get open or a quarterback trying to get off a pass. Ryan is a two-time All-MIAC selection, as well as All-Region and preseason All-American and he is a key component to one of the most stringent defenses in the area. (Read more)

* * * *

Overheard at the Hamline Student Union, Part 2 —

“I got this new deodorant stick. The instructions said, ‘Remove cap and push up bottom.’ I can barely walk with it, but when I fart I smell real nice.”

* * * *

From Jim Seckinger ‘64, ?? —

Bob, Thanks for the nice note. I will stay in touch. I am just back from London with gratitude for all the gifts I received in life, one of which is SJU. ‘To whom much is given, much is expected’ and we are trying to fulfill that expectation. — Jim

* * * *

From Fred Cremer ‘67, North Carolina —

Bob, I just wanted to let you know that Mike Scherer [‘67] called me here in North Carolina from the SJU stands in the last 36 seconds of the game. He gave me the game situation and said he would be my play-by-play announcer and to stay on the phone. I just wanted all NFL, Collegiate, and High School play-by-play announcers to know that their jobs are NOT in jeopardy.

Mike would give me the formation and that would be the last I heard from him as he got caught up in the excitement of the moment. This repeated until the fourth and five situation from the 32 yard line. Then it took several minutes for me to find out if the field goal was good or not. At least I knew that the Johnnies won even if it did take a while for the results to be relayed to me. Great ending in a great Johnnie tradition! — Fred

(Editor’s Reply: Fred, I think you should know that Mike announces like he fishes. However, on the Tundra after the game I visited with Mike and his darling wife Suzie ‘67, sister of my classmate Mike Sharkey ‘64, who was unable to return for Homecoming. Using Suzie’s cell phone we called him to describe what had happened after the fact…the result was a much more succinct call.)

* * * *

Mystery Solved Department —

Last issue Jim Kearney ‘64 wrote of encountering an auto with the license GO JONEZ with an SJU holder on a Milwaukee street. Today we have the identity established by Eric Brever ‘01:

The mystery Milwaukee driver alluded to herein is none other than the illustrious John Borgen ’01. A picture of his license plate is attached to the email. It’s pretty classic, and we gave him some trouble about the uniqueness of it atMike Slavik’s (’01) wedding two weekends ago. The picture is courtesy of Chris Chambs (’01) and his wife Colleen Probst Chambs (’01). John and Chris—the Johnez license plate is famous! -EB

* * * *

From Terry Fruth ‘61, Minneapolis —

Wick: Have you printed many of the “Man walks into LaPlayette” jokes:? [Ed’s Answer: Not too many; you’ll see why in a sec.] Examples: Man walks into La with a parrot on his head. Mark says: “Where did you get that thing?” Parrot answers: “It started as a pimple on my ass.”

Man walks into La with a parrot on his head. Mark says: “Where did you get that thing?” Parrot answers: “They are all over the place outside.”

Duck walks into La and asks, “Got any duck food?” and Marks says: We don’t allow ducks in here so get out before I nail those big feet of yours to the floor. Duck leaves.

Next night same scene and duck says: “Got any nails in here?” Mark says: “NO!” Duck quickly responds: “Got any duck food then?”

(Editor’s Comment: Terry, you stick to lawyering and I’ll do the humor around here.)

* * * *

From the Underground’s Official Roving Correspondent, Al Eisele ‘58, Falls Church, VA, a “Norvegan” joke sent to him by a real Norwegian Cobber —

Three Norwegians go down to Mexico to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, Sven, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if he has any last words. He says, “I yust graduated from St. Olaf College in Northfield and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.”

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for Sven’s forgiveness, and release him.

The second, Lars, is strapped in and gives his last words, “I yust graduated from the Concordia College in Moorhead and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.”

They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees; beg for his forgiveness, and release him.

The last one, Ole, is strapped in and says, ‘Vell, I’m from the University of Nort’ Dakota in Gran Forks and yust graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this t’ing in.

(Editor’s Note: Last August I attended Len and Kay Mrachek’s annual spaghetti feed at their lovely home in Edina. While there I listened in as several of the Class of 1958 recalled some of the antics of their old pal, Big Al Eisele. Since that class has already celebrated its 50th anniversary, I’m sure that even the Benedictine Statute of Limitations (remember, dear fathers…Moderation) has passed, and some of these Eisele memories can now be made public: The first is how Al hauled some friends down to the Sagatagan in the dark of night to where he had previously located a fine stringer of fish someone had caught and was keeping in the lake. With his pals as witnesses, Al hauled the load of game fish up into the off-limits Monastery Garden and let them all loose in the goldfish pond. The second escapade dwelt with Al finding his inner arsonist as he squirted lighter fluid under the dormroom door and onto the terrazzo floor of one of his friends in, I believe, Mary Hall and set it aflame, then knocked on the door to catch the attention of his studious friend and high-tailed it. Finally, Al returned from a weekend off campus with a large railroad flare and again, desiring witnesses to his late night-time mischief, led some out along the trail around the lake to the shrine to St. Katrina Tekawitha. There he set off the flare, which burned so brightly that it lit up that whole end of the lake for a long, long time leaving, even to this day, some black smudges on the concrete bench. Come home, Al…all (or maybe a lot) is forgiven.

By the way, Al has previously told me that we should never believe a word that came out of Len’s party.)

* * * *

That’s it. Hope I can get back in rhythm for next issue. GO JOHN’S: RIP THE PIPERS A NEW FLUTE. (or something like that.)

SJU Unofficial Underground bring you a dark, damp Homecoming — #5

Theo Wick — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 16:45:53 +0000

Dear Readers,

Happy Homecoming to all of you, whether you can make it back or not. Although the weather is supposed to be less than spectacular, I suspect that we’ll have a good 10,000 up on campus, maybe more. Part of that is due to the very big MIAC contest between St. John’s and the team that has beaten us three years running — Bethel University.

SJU is 4-0 and currently ranked 6th in the D3Football.com “Top 25″ standings; Bethel is 3-1, losing only to #4-ranked Wheaton (IL) in the last seconds. For some reason Bethel has maintained a mastery over the Jays in recent years, ekeing out a victory in two of those games thanks to momentary Big Red miscues they capitalized on. But I also think that the game means more to them than it does to SJU; where we really get up emotionally for UST, we just seem flat against Bethel, who in turn seems to see this contest as a special replaying of the Reformation. I also think that Bethel should be in the Top 25, as they definitely will be if they beat us yet a fourth time. On the other hand, if SJU is to remain in the hunt for another championship season — and here I’m speaking of more than the MIAC championship — we will have to meet and survive this most serious challenge. And then, after a breather against a struggling but game Hamline next week, we meet theTommies back here in Collegeville for another titantic contest. UST is also undefeated and plays at Gustavus this weekend; they moved up two more places in the Top 25 to #15 after decimating Hamline 63-10.

Speaking of Gustavus, it seems so long ago now that we traveled down to St. Peter and came away with a 38-10 victory. Although our struggling defense looked somewhat improved from the three earlier games, and although our offense behind QB Joe Boyle, the first-half heroics of WR Josh Overman and a punishing running attack put up a lot of points, I felt that we still have a long way to go to be the kind of overall team that dominates. Let’s hope the Cardinal and Blue can keep building on these incremental improvements…while avoiding any more injuries. These are killing us.

I drove to St. Peter with my friend Rick Kellen, who annually takes in two or more games with us. We met up with a great crew of Johnnies at Patrick’s for our pre-game festivities: Pete Amann ‘90, Ron ‘65 and Sandy Tomczik, Jay Cutler, Leroy ‘55 and Colleen Lilly, Larry Schultz ‘76, Pete Hacker‘88, Tim Ward ‘78 and son Ryan, Clark Stanton (without Noel this game) in from San Rafael, CA, Mike Fahey ‘75, Max Stein ‘04 and his Gustie grad pal,Bret Boese GAC ‘04, Kim Devoy 63, Vic Murphy ‘92, Bill and Ted Sharpe, and a van load from Collegeville, driven by Tom Stock: Frs. Wilfred Theisen and Alberic Culhane (still not wearing red), Br. Damian Roger (who’s in charge of the Abbey’s fleet of autos), John Taylor ‘58 and David Chabowski ‘10, a Wasie Scholar and pre-med student from Warsaw, Poland. David is also a superb photographer who was going to be snapping at the game.

Up the hill we went to Hollingsworth Field, led by Ted Sharpe, a Gustie grad of ‘95 and brother of SJU DE Jimmie Sharpe. Ted took us up Grace Street. I thought that most appropriately named for a good Lutheran School. It made me wonder if there is a Predestination Avenue at Macalester or a Temperance Lane at Hamline. How about an Evangelism Boulevard at Bethel? As far as I know the folks at St. John’s are already striving to keep up —Purgatory Drive might work, but so would Novena Circle, Guilt Street or even Indulgences Way.

Gustavus’ field, named after a longtime coach, is simply a beauty to behold; it was wonderful seeing all those red shirts and hats in the stadium, too. The Johnnie fans do stand out, especially when we almost match the number of home field supporters. We sat with a bunch of players’ parents: the Sharpes; Tom Awe and his admin assistant Gail Minnick, down to see Tom’s son Harry; Clark Stanton, in town to watch his hard-hitting son John; the Kurt Weberfamily (whose last Johnnie son Adam is out for the year); Rosie Trobec Overman ‘77 of Albany, mom of Josh who had a career day until leaving with a bruised thigh; and Mrs. Dirkes of Avon, mother of OL Eric Dirkes. We also sat next to Joel Montpetit ‘65 and a bunch of the Patrick’s crowd. Joel is one of the benefactors of the newly expanded and improved press box and presidents’ suites up at Clemens Stadium.

At half time I briefly visited with Pete ‘65 and Judy Regnier, who I had seen a few days previously on their tandem bicycle passing my house; they were down with grandchildren who were frolicking about on the lovely grass verge surrounding the sucken playing field. I saw Huy Tran, Honorary Johnnie ‘88; Dale Lund; Chris Chapman ‘94 (neighbor of the Len ‘58 and Kay Mrachek, who I didn’t see); John Ditzler SJP ‘58/SJU ‘62; Pat Maxwell ‘66;Dana Buttenhoff (of JF.com fame); Jerry Fesenmaier SJP ‘54 (usually united at the hip with Prep classmate John Quinlivan, whom I didn’t see); Pat McDonnell ‘67 and wife Pam Johnson; Ron ‘57 and Barb Sandeen; and Mike Murphy ‘61 who was leaving — he said that he had work to do around the house and felt comfortable returning home after doing his part (we had a good lead at halftime), and that it was now up to me to finish up.

After the game we went onto the field with the parents and congratulated John Stanton and Harry Awe and commiserated with Ben Vanderheyden, who was on crutches after a late game bump on the knee. We said hello to Jim Platten SJP ‘70/SJU ‘74 wearing his traditional bermudas, but they were competely appropriate for that beautiful sunny and warm day; we’ll see how comfortable he is this Saturday with drizzles, clouds and 50ish temps expected. We saw Bob Neis ‘65 exiting, and Karl Hemmesch ‘99 with son Zander and his babysitter Ashley Sinner ‘10; Karl’s wife Sara ‘99 was with 8 month old Mason, who was attending his fourth Johnnie game, all victories — keep bringing Mason, folks. All in all, it was simply a terrific day. Beautiful weather, great stadium, wonderful Johnnies and Bennies/parents, et al, fine game result, and warm after-game catching up at Whiskey River.

* * * *

In preparation for Homecoming, I did a dry run this past Tuesday with two 1964 classmates, fellow English majors Mark Sieve and Mike Obler. Mike and I accompanied Mark back “home” to SJU while he dropped off some copies of his new book, “Call Me Puke: A Life on the Dirt Circuit,” with SJU Bookstore manager Ann Jonas so it would be available for the Homecoming crowd. This well-written, interesting and very amusing book tells how Mark, once offered a baseball contract with the Minnesota Twins, left St. John’s instead with a faulty pitching arm and a new career in high school teaching. Interested in acting and inspired from people and events at SJU, Mark slowly parlayed his way into a lifelong alter ego, Sir Ralph Puke, and who with UST grad Joe Kudla as Sir Thomas Snot, became the longest running comedy duo in the country (like 35 years!) playing at Renaissance festivals and comedy clubs since 1974 until Joe’s sudden death about a year ago. Mark’s book tells his story — between alternating chapters — of both his life and his work in Puke and Snot. Needless to say, St. John’s has a meaningful role in his remembrances. Later on down I’ve reprinted one such short chapter with Mark’s permission.

But first I have to relate what a super day the three of us experienced. We were met in the Great Hall by Thom Woodward ‘70, who led us via the main hallway of the Quadrangle where historical photos of old St. John’s line the walls down to the newly-revamped Refectory. (Or “Reef” if you prefer.) Going from station-to-station, we selected what foods sang to us, and then headed back to the old Prep Refectory, now named after Fr. Walter Reger. We sat and briefly visited with our classmate Joe Friedrich ‘64 who is retiring soon after a long career teaching at St. John’s. He mentioned that he and his wife will soon be leaving on a trip to New Zealand with an old friend Lee Hanley ‘58 and his friend Mary; he also said that he won’t be at Homecoming, so it was good that we got to see him there. After Joe left we began reminiscing with Thom about the famous food strike of, I think, 1963. The students, led by people like Mark Sieve, finally had had it with poorly cooked and presented food, as well as a very stingy and autocractic attitude on the part of the Food Service. The word went out and on the given day participants grabbed their food, walked over to the conveyor belt for dirty dishes, and dumped the contents of their plates onto their trays and walked out. Sure shook up people in the Abbey and especially the Food Service. Changes in both preparation, selection and attitude were evident almost immediately. But one of our ringleaders, Mark, ended up not participating because he was told by the basketball coach, Ed Hasbrouck, that the team — for whom Mark was manager — needed the protein and for him to see that they all ate. Ed Hasbrouck, known as Easy Ed, is the subject of the chapter that I’ve reprinted below.

We were joined at table by Professor Nick Hayes ‘68 and we enjoyed some memories about Prof Heininger, God bless his soul. Mike had just mentioned how young everyone looked, “like high schoolers,” when one Bennie sitting at an adjoining table looked over to him and said, “Are you Mr. Obler?” It turned out to be an former student of his at Hastings High School. I asked her if him was any good as a teacher. “Oh, yes. He was our favorite substitute and we loved it when he taught Mrs __?__’s class.” Before we left the dining hall we said hello to Dr. Sy Theisen, retired sociologist who was lunching with a former confrere.

Leaving via Devil’s Tower, we stepped into the brilliant sunshine and headed for the old gym, aka Rat Hall and nowGuild Hall. Next we walked over to 2nd Floor Tommy to see if Fr. Hilary Thimmesh, an old prefect of ours, was there. We met him in the hallway and had a quick visit. Next we visited the Art Building and Galleries, then headed for the Petters Pavillion and Abbey Church, the new Guest House, and the two Science buildings. From there we went over to Clemens Stadium where we ran into athletic director Tom Stock and his assistanct Joe Vardas who were sprucing up the Johnnie bench area for this Saturday’s game. We were admiring the new Press Box/VIP Suitesand Tom gave us his keys for a self-guided tour. Man, it’s really nice. Leaving them we headed for the Palestra where we checked out the track and basketball areas and dropped into the soccer training room where I was able to visit with Soccer Coach Pat Haws ‘72 who mentioned how well the guys were hanging in there. MIAC soccer is as competitive and closely tied up as football. I said hello to Michael Halvorson ‘01, then rejoined Mark and Mike as we watched the guys (and a gal or two) pumping iron or running in place in the weight room before heading up to Sexton Commonsto deliver the books. It just so happened that we were developing a thirst just at the time Br. Willie’s Pub opened early for a symposium in a series called “Politics and A Pint”; we enjoyed a mug while Economics professor and mentor to E-Scholars Paul Marsnik ‘81 and Asian Studies teacher Sophia Geng prepared to conduct a program (with free pizza as further enticement) entitled “The China Moment”, a discussion of the growing global influences of China and what it means for America. We sampled some pizza, sipped our brews and listened in. On the way out Mike met his nephew, Jamie Obler, a sturdy frosh lineman who says he really loves St. John’s so far. Mark also was in phone contact with his nephew, son of his brother Jon ‘69. As we approached our car to leave we encountered Fr. Jerome Tupa OSB, who was tending to the Abbey service dog, Ashley.

I am late with this issue again because of our Tuesday jaunt and then my attendance yesterday afternoon at a Health Care Town Meeting held at St. Catherine University, just a couple blocks away from my house. So I have to rush right now. BUT, I want to call everyone’s attention to three books and three authors, one of whom will be signing tomorrow at the Bookstore:

That person is Dr. Wayne Liebhard ‘79, who has written a must-read book on health care problems from his perspective as a primary care physician. Actually I bought it two years ago, but Wayne says he’s updated it and you can meet him tomorrow. The book is “Elephants in the Exam Room: Seven Things You Need To Know About Today’s Health Care “Crisis.” He takes no prisoners…we’re all part of the problem and Wayne is no shrinking violet.

The next book is “Waiting For Mozart” by Chuck Pilon SJP ‘53/SJU ‘58. He won’t be up there as far as I know but a copy or two of his book is available. It’s a fictional story about a titanic power struggle within a church between a pastor and some members of the parish council taking place 25 years afer Vatican II. I haven’t started it yet, but plan to so soon. For more info go to www.charlespilon.com.

Finally, there is Mark’s book “Call Me Puke” that you can pick up at the Bookstore or, well…here’s what Mark says:

Wickster, People can get the book by going to magaga.com or pukensnot.com, go to the store link, and order it—I send them out signed. (They can also order from a general site at callmepukebook.com, but it’s more expensive and I don’t sign them because they get mailed from the distributor.) Response to the book has been excellent—lots of rave emails, even the Amazon ‘customer reviews’ has a half dozen good ones—-I’ve sold nearly 2000 copies, largely at festivals, and have yet to hit the eastern market, which I’ll be doing in October with some media appearances in Washington and Baltimore.

All right, gotta go…C’MON JOHNNIES…Stop ‘em this time!

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 651-699-4697

* * * *

As promised, here is the chapter from “Call Me Puke”:

Chapter 10 — DEEP THOUGHTS

“Stick with me, boys; I’ll have you farting through silk.” — Easy Ed

MINNESOTA HAS FIVE distinct seasons: spring, summer, fall, winter, and baseball. The latter begins anytime between early March and late April, depending on how soon the ground thaws and the snow melts. High school and college baseball teams get an early start on the season by working out indoors in a gymnasium. Rat Hall, the ancient but serviceable gym where St. John’s athletes played their basketball games, was the site of baseball tryouts as the ice on Lake Sagatagan melted and winter sloshed into spring.

I found myself one of dozens of freshman hopefuls working out on the polished hardwood of the basketball court in the spring of 1961. Ground balls hit by assistant coaches shot off the floor like ricocheting bullets; sliding practice was a manly exercise in avoiding floor burns; batting practice took place inside a netted enclosure.

I was encouraged by the number of upperclassmen who took the time to stop by the cage and watch me throw. One senior pitcher warned me that the coach would undoubtedly try to change my throwing motion. I was to listen respectfully and when he left immediately revert of my current windup. It was clear that the veterans had minimal respect for the abilities and baseball knowledge of our coach, Easy Ed.

Easy Ed was a former high school coach from central Minnesota whose main job was to coach basketball. The baseball job was an afterthought. In only one year, Ed had become something of a local Yogi Berra due to his habit of dishing out incomprehensible nuggets of life lessons and Yoda-like wisdom on road trips.

He sired ten children and complained that the Benedictines who ran St. John’s expected him to work for subsistence wages and donate the rest of his time to the church. He often shared his experience as a Catholic male, hoping to save us some of the difficulties he underwent: “Before you ask a woman to marry you, boys, always make sure her father has fixed her teeth and bought her a winter coat.”

In the middle of a losing streak my sophomore year, he delivered the single most memorable motivational speech on the steps of the dugout any of us would ever hear, just before we took the field to begin a doubleheader against our arch rivals, St. Thomas:

Okay, boys, this is how it works. At the end of the season, all anybody remembers is who ended up in first and who ended up in the cellar. Let’s get out there and find a way to get out of the cellar and end up in the forgotten middle. All I want to see is assholes and elbows leaving this dugout. Get out there and BE AVERAGE!

We lost both games.

Despite his obvious shortcomings, I quickly came to value Easy Ed’ ability to recognize talent and employ it properly. I made his final cut and became a starting pitcher as a freshman for the second time in my young life.

* * * *

UPCOMING GAMES

October 3, 2009 – all at 1 PM

Bethel @ Saint John’s — Who wants it more? And who will make fewer mistakes?
Gustavus @ St. Thomas — The Gusties are gonna be shell-shocked — one more time.
Hamline @ Augsburg — Maybe, just maybe, the Pipers will finally win one.
St. Olaf @ Carleton — Wish it wouldn’t be so, but it’s the Oles again.

* * * *

Did you hear about the Bethel alumna who once baked a chicken for three and a half days because the recipe said ‘cook for half an hour per pound’ and she weighed 125?

* * * *

Johnnies go 4-0 with win

By Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

ST. PETER — Things didn’t start out so smoothly for Joe Boyle on Saturday afternoon.

But they got a lot better after that.

The junior quarterback’s first pass of St. John’s MIAC matchup against Gustavus was intercepted, setting the stage for an early Gusties’ field goal.

But, Boyle rebounded to lead the Johnnies to 24 unanswered first-half points en route to a 38-10 victory at a sunny Lloyd Hollingsworth Field. (Read more)

* * * *

Former backup Bonynge makes big impact for SJU

By Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

It was just a few weeks ago that Mike Bonynge was a backup wide receiver.

But Saturday afternoon, he was the starting cornerback for St. John’s in a 38-10 win over Gustavus.

Bonynge is a 5-foot-10, 180-pound transfer from Augustana. He is now considered a freshman eligibility-wise due to the MIAC’s revised policy on honoring redshirts earned at other schools. Bonynge started in place of senior Dominic Haik, who was taking the Law School Admission Test in St. Paul and did not get to St. Peter until the start of the second half.

He ended up tying for the team lead in tackles with seven and he had a big fumble recovery on a botched punt return in the first quarter that set up the Johnnies’ first touchdown of the day. (Read more)

* * * *

St. John’s 38, Gustavus 10

Scoring & Stats
[The St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

MIAC Football Week Two: Three at the Top

by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, College Sporting News ‘Mapping the MIAC’ Columnist

After the second week of conference play, the chase for the Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference championship is shaping up to be a three-horse race. Saint John’s and Bethel both won, setting the stage for the annual showdown next Saturday. SJU downed Gustavus 38-10 while BU tripped Concordia 29-10. St. Thomas remained tied for the lead, flexing its offensive muscle with a 63-10 shellacking of Hamline. St. Olaf bounced back with a 24-14 win over Augsburg, while Carleton retained possession of the Book of Knowledge with a 38-0 whitewashing of Macalester in non-conference action. (Read more)

* * * *

The art supply store sold artists’ canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.

Recently a Bethel art major came in and asked the clerk, “Can you please cut some canvas for me?”

“Certainly, what width?”

And the Royal lad replied, “Uhhhh … scissors?”

* * * *

A reminder from Thom Woodward ‘70, Alumni Relations Ambassador, for those who plan to get on campus a bit early for Homecoming:

Greetings from Collegeville! It will be great to have you at Saint John’s University for our Homecoming festivities. Just a reminder about an informative program on The Saint John’s Bible being offered Friday, 2 p.m. – 3:30. If you are on campus mid-afternoon, come join us in the Alcuin Library downstairs in Room AV2 (part-way through the session we will move to the Hill Museum and Monastic Library). I know you will marvel at the great work being done on The Bible project. See you tomorrow at Saint John’s!

* * * *

Two Bethel Royals grads are talking.

“I’m very upset. I bought some stock.”

“I understand. The market is doing very poorly.”

“That wasn’t it. I bought a hundred shares of Proctor & Gamble and a week later my broker called me to say that Proctor & Gamble had announced a split.”

“So why are you so upset?”

“They were together so long …”

* * * *

SJU to honor Catholic Charities’ interim chief

St. John’s University has picked Robert Spinner ‘64 to receive the Father Walter Reger Distinguished Alumnus Award this year.

Spinner, who has spent his career in the health care industry, will be recognized during the SJU Alumni Association homecoming banquet Friday at the school. The award is the highest presented by the association. It recognizes outstanding volunteer service.

Spinner, a 1964 graduate, is the 41st recipient. He spent 33 years with Allina Hospitals & Clinics and its predecessor organizations, serving as president and CEO of Abbott Northwestern Hospital for 10 years. He retired in 2001 as president of Allina Hospitals & Clinics. Spinner is now interim CEO of Catholic Charities for the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis.

St. John’s will also present nine Alumni Achievement Awards at reunion celebrations Saturday.

Recipients are: Ralph Kilzer ‘57, a member of the North Dakota Legislature; Don Hall ‘59, stockbroker and volunteer; Ken Roering ‘64, professor and University of Minnesota department chair; the Rev. Bob Flannery ‘69, priest and ecumenist; John Hooley ‘74, business executive; Tom Schnettler ‘79, business executive; John Wiehoff ‘84, business executive; the late Jim Goodman ‘84, community leader; and Kyle Loven ‘89 FBI agent.

(Source: St. Cloud Times staff report )

* * * *

Here’s a brief note from Bob Spinner in the Voice, the newsletter of Catholic Charities of St. Paul & Minneapolis:

From the Interim CEO

Since 2005, Fr. John Estrem served as CEO, and the agency and community benefitted from his strong leadership. As you may know, Fr. Estrem resigned effective June 30. When Archbishop John Nienstedt asked me to serve as interim CEO, I didn’t hesitate.

Catholic Charities’ work and its staff’s and supporters’ dedication impressed me before and during my seven-year tenure — including two as chair — on the Board of Directors. I’m a retired hospital executive and have bachelor’s degrees in accounting and economics from St. John’s University and a master’s degree in healthcare administrationfromthe University of Minnesota.

Many Catholic Charities agencies are led by a lay CEO who handles day-to-day operations. With the archbishop’s approval, the board will recommend a lay person as its new CEO. The archbishop will decide what role a priest will have at Catholic Charities.

Our focus remians on serving those most in need, on ensuring those who cry out the leat and suffer the most have a voice and have their basic needs met. At St. John’s, I was schooled in the Benedictine tradition. One of St. Benedict’s more well-known prayers simply says: “Listen carefully and attend with the ear of your heart.”

For those who work with, graciously support and speak on behalf of those most in need, that prayer contains wisdom and direction. If we hear them, we will further resolve to end poverty and bring justice to our community.

(Editor’s Observation: You can take the man out of St. John’s, but you can’t take St. John’s out of the man!)

* * * *

An Important Notice —

From Eric Brever ‘91, St. Paul —

Bob – Just a FYI from your friendly Gameday Management Crew. If you could pass it along I would be eternally grateful. This is serious, too—unfortunately, no joke attached.

As we recall, SJU is not a dry campus. However, given that this lawyer actually reads the rules, the only alcohol permitted is in controlled situations and distributed by Dining Services. So when we tailgate on campus, alcohol is technically not permitted. In order to keep tailgating on campus, we have to keep alcohol beverages out of sight. That means cans/bottles have to be hidden…and we’ll have to get rid of the kegs.

Life Safety is concerned about the use of the red-plastic cups as their use has become synonymous with Beer Pong and Frat Parties. Therefore, they have requested that tailgaters no longer use red cups as the container of their alcohol.

We suggest that tailgaters use Coffee Mugs, Starbucks cups, et al, so as not to be overly uniform and to better hide their liquid of choice. They do a nice job of keeping hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold.

So please use coffee mugs and travel containers when imbibing this weekend so as to keep the good vibe going! As always, Go Johnnies! – EB

(Editor’s Comment: My first reaction to this request was one of bewilderment (what happened last game to cause this nit-picking?), exasperation (we’re already doing everything they’ve asked), and then anger (what kind of b.s. is this?). I ranted in response; then I spoke with Eric last evening and exchanged a couple short emails with Troy Fritz‘82, Alumni Affairs Director (his approximate title); next I slept on it. And now I’m more sanguine if not entirely pleased with all this fuss.

Basically, there are persons in the administration who detest the fact that our modest, fairly subdued beer drinking is part of tailgating at all; others in the administration — most likely Johnnie alums — are trying to accommodate loyal alumni/ae, family, friends and student parents who do tailgate because they understand it’s all about unique Johnnie camaraderie and not about beer bust type drinking. This brouhaha is about the “rule book” types being in the face of the “gray area” types in policy and procedures discussions, and red cups seem to be a symbol more than an actual problem.

Apparently the parent of a prospective student mentioned to Admissions that they thought there was a frat party going on as they walked by the Stiftungsfestivities; that person cited the red cups as the reason. Heck, it might not even have been a critical comment, but simply a bemused observation, yet it was enough for those whose knowledge of our already surreptitious and modest imbibing is a continual irritant to say, “See, it’s causing more problems,” despite the fact that most tailgaters are over 30 — in my case well over — and steady financial supporters of St. John’s.

However, in order to quell further dissent and to prevent even more drastic reactions, those more comfortable and understanding of the gray areas are asking us — pretty please, if you will — to start using other color and type containers when enjoying our fellowship and hospitality. They know that most people at the tailgate are dressed head to toe in red…and the red cup is simply part of our celebration of Johnnie and Bennie-ness, but rather than risk alienating the “by the rules” folks any further, they are passing along the request. And therefore so do I — If you want to assist a good Johnnie volunteer alum leader like Eric Brever help preserve the overall good and fun of the tailgate, try bringing up a plastic mug or Caribou coffee cup to get the Administration brownshirts off his back. I know, I know…it’s chicken, but go along with it.)

* * * *

A giraffe walks into the La Playette. Mark, the owner, says, “We don’t serve customers who are already high.”

* * * *

From John Wolkerstorfer ‘64, Coon Rapids, MN —

Bob, I changed e-mail providers and have sadly missed your “unofficial news.” Would appreciate being readmitted. Also, looking forward to our 45th anniversary year celebration this coming weekend. — John

* * * *
From Gary Kordosky ‘64, Tucson, AZ —

Wick: Great Underground. See you next week; by the way, what is the normal dress for the Friday Alum dinner? I assume dress for the Saturday event after the game is casual, am I correct? — gary

(Editor’s Note: Dress for the Friday evening Alumni Dinner is definitely grown up, i.e., coats & ties. Saturday evening (and brunch in the a.m.), both in the Alumni Lounge, is neatly casual. And be sure to read our Last Word story sent in by Gary way at the bottom.)

* * * *

From Sister Lois Wedl OSB ‘53, St. Benedict’s Monastery —

Exploritas is the new name for the programs of Elderhostel, Inc…. Today, Elderhostel has evolved as an organization, and so have our programs. www.exploritas.org/about/history.asp

Hence the name: (Explore and veritas) Explore the truth in many ways. The program is no longer limited to “elders” nor is it held in “hostels”.

(Sr. Lois added the following after I wondered if this wasn’t “mission creep.”)

Bob, I think EXPLORITAS is a better choice because many adults do not believe the program is for them because they don’t consider themselves “elderly” and they really are not. Although we still house our guests in the residence halls which do resemble “hostels” in some ways, many programs are held in beautiful conference centers or in motels. As far as I am concerned, “EXPLORITAS” is a better name choice. Without a doubt, it will take some of old-timers a bit of time to get used to the new name. (I have directed the Elderhostel program for 20 years!) — Lois

* * * *

Dedicated to the School of Theology —

The devout Bethel alum lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on his South Dakota ranch. Three weeks later a cow walked up carrying the Bible in it’s mouth.

The Royal cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the Book out of the cow’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name was written inside the cover.”

* * * *

From Bill Draves ‘64, Good Beer, AZ —

Bob. So, I dreamed last night that I was at the reunion. The only classmates I recognized were Fr. Joe, Pinger and you! The rest I had to introduce myself to and they to me. But it was fun and sunny!! Enjoy the whole weekend.

With all due respect to your email and all the years you have used that media, the Johnny Football site is so much better. The good part is that it is still your interesting wit and sense of humor that shines through! — Bill

(Editor’s Note: We owe it all to JF.com webmaster Joel Schou (as in Skow) ‘03; also Bill refers to Fr. Joe Gillespie ‘64, his roomie for a year, and John McCormick SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64. The use of nicknames would make for some fascinating reading…just ask Whee-Oop and Pinger.)

* * * *

From Bernie Tuohy ‘72, Sunfish Lake, MN —

Wick, If you still sent your email, announcing a new version is out, you could simply include a link and we would all be taken to the colorful website.

I know that your letters do not need frivolous embellishment like color, but it does help out the guys doing JohnnieFootball.com. — Bernie

* * * *

From Bill Carney ‘66, Ft. Lauderdale, FL —

Bob, You are progressing into the 21st Century now that your newsletter is on the World Wide Web. Now if you can add video and pictures to it you will be well ensconced into the present. Here are two you can start with — Bill

(And Bill also sent this little story of Dr. Epstein)

Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate and medical degrees in his home town and then left for New York City, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.

Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper at a conference coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently broke wind. The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and reverberated it down the hall!

He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.

Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.

The desk clerk asked him, “Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?” Dr. Epstein replied, “Well, young man, no, it isn’t. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away.”

“Why haven’t you visited?” asked the desk clerk.

“Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I’ve been too ashamed to return.”

The clerk consoled him. “Sir, while I don’t have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn’t even remembered by others. I bet that’s true of your incident too.”

Dr. Epstein replied, “Son, I doubt that’s the case with my incident.”

“Was it a long time ago?”

“Yes, many years.”

The clerk asked, “Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?”

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

By Lindsay (Novak) Good, RD, LD ‘06

Artificial Sweeteners: A Good Alternative?

The typical American diet has more added sugar than ever before. In excess, sugar adds extra empty calories which can lead to weight gain. Artificial sweeteners can be a great substitute for sugar to sweeten your food or drink without contributing calories.

What are Artificial Sweeteners?
Artificial sweeteners are chemicals or natural compounds that offer the sweetness of sugar without the calories. Because the substitutes can be more than 1,000 times sweeter than sugar, it takes a much smaller amount to create the same sweetness.

Are they safe?
There have been many stories about artificial sweeteners claiming they cause a variety of health problems such as cancer. According to the National Cancer Institute, however, there is no scientific evidence that any of the artificial sweeteners approved for use in the United States cause cancer.

Natural sweeteners from the stevia plant, such as Truvia™, are excellent zero calorie sweeteners. Truvia™ is not as intensely sweet as artificial sweeteners and also does not have a bitter aftertaste like other sweeteners can. (Truvia™ is my favorite!)

Make sure to use artificial sweeteners sensibly. Keep in mind that one teaspoon of sugar is only 15 calories; you can decide whether it is worth it, or not.
Sweet Potato Pie with Truvia™
from www.truvia.com

Ingredients:
•   Pastry for single-crust 9-inch pie
•   3 medium sweet potatoes
•   1/4 cup unsalted butter
•   16 packets Truvia™ natural sweetener
•   3/4 cup skim milk
•   3 eggs, large
•   2 tsp vanilla extract
•   1/4 tsp salt
•   1/2 tsp cinnamon, ground
•   1/2 tsp nutmeg, ground
•   1/8 tsp allspice, ground
•   Light whipped topping, optional

1.  Assemble all ingredients; preheat oven to 400°F.
2.  Wash exterior of each potato, prick several times with a fork and bake
     until tender 60-75 minutes. Cool potatoes to room temperature.
3.  Scoop interior flesh of baked potatoes into a medium bowl (no skin).
     Mash potatoes until smooth.
4.  Melt butter and add to sweet potatoes.
5.  In a separate small bowl, whisk together Truvia™ natural sweetener,
     eggs, vanilla, salt and spices.
6.  Add spice-egg mixture to potatoes. Mix until well combined smooth
     mixture.
7.  Carefully transfer pie to oven and bake on bottom rack until filling is just
     set approx 35-45 min. Transfer to a wire rack to cool. Optional: Garnish
     with light whipped topping

Nutrition Facts per serving
Calories 260
Total Fat, 15g
Saturated Fat, 7g
Trans Fat, 0g
Cholesterol, 135mg
Sodium, 300mg
Total Carbohydrate, 32g
Dietary Fiber, 2g
Sugars, 5g
Protein, 5g
Vitamin A, 220% DV
Vitamin C, 15% DV
Calcium, 6% DV
Iron, 6% DV

(Editor’s Note: Lindsay, a registered and licensed dietician, invites readers to suggest topics on nutrition and overall wellness that you would like her to write on. You can reach her at lindsay.ann.good@gmail.com)

* * * *

The Catholic Spirit, newspaper of the Archdiocese of St. Paul & Minneapolis, annually selects winners of its “Leading by Faith” Award, honoring business people guided by their Catholic Values. Selected this year in its non-profit sector is Joe Cavanaugh ‘81.

Leading is about inspiring, says Youth Frontiers CEO

The older Joe Cavanaugh gets, the more he realizes leadership is about modeling — rather than just guiding — behavior, said the CEO of Youth Frontiers in Minneapolis.

“Leading is more about inspiring,” Cavanaugh said. Leading is having the vision, rather than the plan, he said, “like running ahead and going, ‘C’mon, everyone.’”

Youth Frontiers provides day-long community-building retreats for students from a single grade level and school staff. “The idea was to bring these kids together,” he said.

“One of my foundational principles is [that] we have more things that bring us together than separate us,” he added, and this is the message he takes into classrooms. (Read more)

* * * *

“Daddy took me to the zoo today.”

“How was it?”

“It was great! One of the animals came in and paid $90.40 on the two dollar exacta!”

* * * *

From Mike Sharkey ‘64, North Platte, NE —

Hi Bob, It’s official. I won’t be attending our homecoming this weekend. Bad news about that, but we did have our time together in July. Stay sober and give my best to everyone.

I had a very enjoyable dinner with John Vanderhoof [‘64] in Kansas City last week. He looks good and is enjoying semi-retirement from his health insurance business. — Mike

P.S. Glad you enjoyed your fishing trip with brother-in-law Mike [Scherer ‘67].

* * * *

From Dave Steil ‘64, Yardley, PA —

Sorry to hear about Mary Ann Baenninger [President of St. Ben’s who announced she will be moving back East after this school year]. She moved from here in Bucks County to St. Benedicts. Although I did not know her then, she lived about 8-10 miles from my home. If you have any information on where she is moving to, perhaps some of us could offer assistance.

My daughter and grandchildren, who live in Richmond, VA, just returned from visiting family in Cold Spring. She brought back some Olde Johnnie Ale. It was everthing one could ask for in a hearty beverage. I will have to trade in my inventory of Yuengling and Rolling Rock. — Dave

* * * *

From John Uldrich ‘60, Minneapolis —

Roberto: road to the anointed bar [in St. Peter prior to Gustie game] looked too dismal – Hope you and your group got there. I have brats [Johnnie Brats for the 2nd Annual Red Mass at St. Cecilia’s after the Augsburg game November 7] to transfer to you.

Let me know if we can cuppa over the exchange at your place or some place in Highland. I’m just across the river. — J.

(Editor’s Grateful Reply: Call or email early next week…coffee’s on me.)

* * * *

The “Why We’ll Never Win” Department (Part 1) —

(Contributed by the UUN’s official humorologist, C.J. Ross ‘64, San Diego) —

What a woman says…
This place is a mess! C’mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You’ll have no clothes to wear if we
don’t do laundry right now!

What a man hears…
blah blah blah blah blah C’MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!

* * * *
From Paul Hamann ‘63, Edina, MN (until it snows, then he’s outta here) —

Hi Bob, Always enjoy the newsletter. Prefer to get it via e-mail.
SJU is number 4 in the Massey ratings going into the Gustavus game.
http://www.masseyratings.com/rate.php?lg=cf — Paul

(Editor’s Note: I thank Paul for sending this in but I don’t get it…#6 in the D3 Football.com “Top 25” I get.)

* * * *

From Jim Kearney ‘64, Milwaukee —

Robert — So, yesterday I’m driving down (up?) Wisconsin Avenue in Milwaukee and I notice this license plate in front of me that says GO JONEZ. My first thought is that the guy is a Jones who put his bid for a vanity plate in late. Then I notice that the license plate holder is St. Johns University. Aha! I think. I know what this guy’s about. So, we get stopped at a light and I exit the car and walk up to his. He’s clearly not too sure about this–some grizzled SOB approaching him in this manner–as he rolls the window down about four inches. On second thought, he may have been talking to some guys from the class of ‘64 and was on the lookout. Anyway, I said, “What year did you graduate?” He had to think a minute–clearly taken aback–then he says, “2001.” I said, “’64.” At that point his face lights up and he extends his hand through the partially open window. So, a St. John’s moment on a busy Milwaukee street.

So, this old lady walks into a crowded commons room of a nursing home and loudly announces — “If any man in here can tell me what I have in my hand, I’ll have sex with him tonight!” Some guy in the back yells, “An elephant?” She thinks for a second, then says, “Close enough!”

Thanks very much for doing this again. I know it’s a lot of work but you bring joy to a great many people, myself included. — Jim

(Editor’s Note: Are there any readers of the ‘01 vintage could can help identify Jim’s mystery Johnnie driver?)

* * * *

From Mark Selner SJP ‘68, Shoreview, responding about the mention of Guinness’ 250th Anniversary brew —

Bob – we’re tasting the Guinness 250 now at Surdyk’s. Selling it for only 6.29 a 6pk!! Just the ticket for cooler weather!! — Beer king!

* * * *

The “Why We’ll Never Win” Department (Part 2) —

(Also contributed by C.J. Ross) —

This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the man, “In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered ‘twice weekly’. Your wife, on the other hand, answered ’several times a night’.”

“That’s right,” replies the fella, “And that’s how it’s going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off.”

* * * *

From Barry Betlock ‘64, Ojai, CA (for the time being) —

Hey Wick, That the Scandahoovians are fodder for the Underground is understandable. Picking on the poor, downtrodden and yet sensitive, egalitarian Bohunks may border on crossing the line that harmonizes with your unrelenting high journalistic sensitivity and refined taste. Take care, Barry… NSOTW

(And in further response to my query of where he now resides and if he was coming to Homecoming, Barry wrote:)

Wick, I’m still In Paradise West and now wondering where and when I’ll land. For some convoluted circumstances related to this “recession” we’re still in Ojai and am trying to finish some business and then (2010) move to ? (not Maine). I had such a great time at the last reunion it’s hard to say I can’t make this one. There are so many people I wanted to see but it’s not possible. Say hi to all from me and thanks for all your work on behalf of our class. It really is a very special group. Enjoy, Barry…VD Ball?

(Editor’s Non-Explanation: NSOTW and VD Ball are embarrassing elements of a Johnnie youth that I don’t care to go into right now, but Wally Blaylock SJP ‘62/SJU ‘66 claimed a few weeks ago at his brother Mike’s [SJP ‘61] funeral that he was present at my utterance of the former.)

* * * *

A portion of a note from Bob Faust ‘64, Woodbury, MN…who knows plenty about the VD Ball) —

I am still up in the air [about Homecoming], but my ongoing recovery from the heart attack and the leg bypass surgery (especially overcoming the supposedly unrecoverable ‘congestive heart failure’ has still been a main focus. My wife and I worked at the Minnesota State Fair 12 consecutive days and that was a breakout of sorts for me as I came close to living and feeling “normal”. Mostly the issue is what Ed Sthokal [the Rev. Edward Sthokal SJ of the Jesuit Retreat House] might call “being physically disposed”. If I go it will have to be a brief stay and will be contingent upon having decent control of the leg neuropathy enough to drive the car up and back and to get around during the festivities. After missing umpteen homecomings due to my Navy reserve commitments I had hoped to max out the remaining events.

All of your wonderful work coordinating these things is a great gift to the Class of 1964 and to SJU in general. I know the joy of the journey is a great reward, but I hope your reward for all of this will go beyond that. What a labor of love. — Bob

(Editor’s Response: Well, thanks, Bob…but sometimes it’s just a labor of like.)

* * * *

Quote of the Day —

I realized I was dyslexic when nobody else went to the toga party dressed as a goat.
— Marcus Brigstocke

* * * *

From Mike Murphy ‘72, Villa Park, IL —

Hey Bob: Saw the Underground on johnniefootball.com and realized I haven’t been getting e-mail versions. Would you mind checking to see if I’m still on your list?
Also, saw a mention of Bro. Willie. When he died I wrote something on my blog. Thought you’d like to see it.
http://mike-ascend.blogspot.com/2009/04/memories-of-willie.html

Thanks. Go Johnnies. — Mike

(Editor’s Comment: Mike’s blog piece on Br. Willie is certainly worth reading; I’ve printed it out below. Mike and his wife Anita live in Illinois where he is a pastor at Christ Church in Oak Brook, IL.)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Memories of Willie

Bro. Willie died.

Willie was a Benedictine monk at St. John’s Abbey and University where I did my undergraduate work. I knew him when he was in his 60’s. He died in his 90’s. He was a simple man. He worked first in the monastic dairy and later become a legendary night watchman, patrolling our campus. He was known as the Night Abbot and often said that his job was “to make sure the night started on time and ended at the right time, because if someone doesn’t watch it, how will everyone know when it’s done?” So popular was Willie that when a new college commons was opened the community named the campus watering hole after him. Who knows how many pints have been lifted, in his honor, at Bro. Willie’s Pub?

His death reminded me of the ‘unforced rhythms of grace’ I saw lived out before me during my college years. Matthew 11:28-30 quotes Jesus.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” The Message.

Benedictine monks live life together under the Rule of St. Benedict. The Rule helps them establish a rhythm to their life that can be summed up very simply …Worship and Work. Early in the morning the monks would gather for prayer, again at noon time, and finally in the evening. They’d come before God … to seek His face … to give praise … to intercess for others. And then they would continue their worship as they moved into their work and their play. For some their work took them to the kitchen or the carpentry shop. For others the lab or the classroom. For Brother Willie, it was in the dark of night, shuffling through the hallways of the campus.

For the monks, all of life was a prayer. It was an easy rhythm. No false dichotomies between what was sacred and what was secular.

Looking back, there was a peacefulness about that unforced rhythm. The monks were alive, very present and filled with joy. There was much laughter, a sense of wisdom, a connectedness to the past and an anticipation for what the future might hold.

Was it a perfect place? No. What place is? But the rhythm of their life together became a habit that nurtured the good things God offered.

All too often I live life at a frenetic pace. I rush here and I rush there. I’m sometimes persuaded that some things I do are sacred and others not. I forget that simple pleasures are gifts from the Lord. I don’t see God in the ordinary places of life.

Brother Willie was a good man. I was saddened to read of his death but warmed by his memory. And God used his life once again to remind me that there is a better way to live …leaning into the unforced rhythms of grace, keeping company with Jesus who wants to teach me how to live freely and lightly. That’s good news.

* * * *

(Editor’s Prologue: What follows is a wonderful article that appeared in last Sunday’s St. Paul Pioneer Press about two recent SJU 2008 grads’ fledgling entrepreneurial pursuits.)

Jon Goodman and Kellen Groves have a sneaking suspicion these kits will make money

[St. Paul Pioneer Press]

* * * *

Local (meaning the Cities) Cultural Opportunities —

The Saint John’s Men’s Chorus will perform at the Minnesota Collegiate Choral Festival on Saturday, November 14, 7:00 p.m. at Benson Great Hall, Bethel University, Arden Hills, MN. The choir will sing individually and also in a massed choir under the direction of Craig Jessop. The combined choirs will premiere a commissioned choral work that was composed specifically for this Festival by Minnesota native Eric William Barnum. The new composition will be featured as the grand finale of the Festival Concert.

Other choirs participating in the Festival include: MSU-Mankato Concert Choir; Northwestern (MN) Concert Choir; University Singers – UMD; and UST Chamber Singers

All seats are reserved and will go on sale at the Benson Great Hall Box Office on September 8, 2009. Tickets are priced at $25 each. To purchase tickets, please visit the Benson Great Hall Box Office online or call: 651.638.6333 or 866.424.4849
SJU Theology Day at the Basilica of St. Mary, Minneapolis, Tuesday, October 20, 6-9 p.m. SJU’s Daniel Finn PhD will present “The Economic Crisis and Catholic Social Thought.” No fee though free-will donations gratefully accepted. A light meal will be served, so please register by calling 612-317-3414.
(OK, not necessarily “cultural”) Join fellow Bennies and Johnnies for a job search networking social at SALO (20 South 13th Street, Suite 200, Minneapolis) on Tuesday, October 20 from 4-7 p.m. There is no fee for this event, but space is limited to 50 participants. Registration ends October 10. Click here to register on-line.

* * * *

The Last Word —

(submitted by Gary Kordosky ‘64)

A group of Bethel Alumni get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house prepares the meal. When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to outdo all the others, just as she always tried to do in college; so she was looking for just the perfect meal. Al suggested they have mushroom-smothered steak. But mushrooms are expensive. She told her husband, “No mushrooms. They cost too much.”

He said, “Why don’t you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty.”

She said, “No, some wild mushrooms are poison; you can’t ever be sure.”

He said, “Well, I see animals eating them and they’re OK.”

So Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, diced them for her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and gave their dog Ol’ Spot a double handful. Ol’ Spot ate every bite. All morning long, Janet watched Ol’ Spot and the wild mushrooms didn’t seem to affect him, so she decided to use them. The Royals Alum meal was a great success, and Janet even hired a lady from town to help her serve.

After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played 42 and dominoes. About then, the helper lady from town came in and whispered in Janet’s ear. “Mrs. Williams, Ol’ Spot just died.” Janet went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, “That’s bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as possible. We’ll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone’s stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.”

Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump. One by one, they took each person in to the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, “I think everything will be fine now,” and he left.

They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room and about this time the helper lady came in and said, “You know, that fellow that ran over Ol’Spot never even stopped !”

* * * *

That’s it…GO JOHNNIES! Flush the mushrooms out of the Royals big time.

SJU Underground sez ‘booga-booga’ to the Gusties — #4

Theo Wick — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:40:03 +0000

About the Concordia game —

It was a relief to (a) leave Moorhead with a 31-19 win last Saturday, and (b) leave looking pretty darn good after a shaky first half. For yet another week our defense has looked somewhat porous, at least before half time where we experienced not one but TWO [2!!] deus ex machinas in the earthly form of Kyle Schroeder who — while the Cobbers relentlessly double-teamed his more famous linemate Nick Gunderson — was able to cause and pounce on a couple of fumbles tragically made (if you’re a Cobber) within the Johnnie five-yard line. Without those “miracle” plays the Jays would have been on the ropes. In the second half the Dee-guys started (are you ready for this?) blitzing and stunting and making life pretty miserable for the previously accurate, successful and talented Concordia quarterback; kind of makes you wonder why they waited so long in this game and the previous nail-biting game against UW-Eau Claire. Hope they continue this swarming effect against other talented teams that begin passing on us with success.

Meanwhile, in both halfs our Johnnies looked [or sounded since I listened to the game over the Johnnie Radio Network] like they could pretty much do what they wanted to offensively when they had to, including putting together a couple full-field drives for TDs. Johnnie QB Joe Boyle was to the offense that Kyle Schroeder was to the defense: Wonderful! Dominant!

All this makes me optimistic about this Saturday’s game against Gustavus Adolphus down in St. Peter. The Gusties have a new, improved program and should be coming at us with a game ferocity after pulling out an exciting OT victory at Hamline last week. Still, I think — if we don’t have a Vikings-like letdown after the big win over the Cobbers — we’re too deep and experienced for them…maybe to the tune of 30 to 10.

I’m going to St. Peter to support our team, but also to once again enjoy Gustavus’ state-of-the-art stadium where — are you listening St. John’s? — old fogies like myself are let in for free thus avoiding what I think is the biggest problem at the new Gustie home — the lack of ticket sellers and length of time standing in line. Although it was the Gustavus homecoming two years ago when we first visited the then brand new joint and that no doubt added to the sell-out throng, I know people who couldn’t get inside until the first quarter was already over. My advice: get there early…or just stand outside and watch the game from the end zone fence because there doesn’t seem to be a lot of visitor seating.

Because of the rather strict Gustavus policies toward the kind of benign frivolity surrounding the Traveling Stiftungsfestivities, St. Peter is probably the one venue where Mike Fahey ‘75 and his enthusiastic supporting cast choose to “tailgate” indoors at Patrick’s a block or so west of the main drag through town. Here’s a helpful note from Max Stein ‘04, the Underground Official Hurricane Correspondent:

Theo — here is the info for Saturday in St. Peter.
Patrick’s on Third, 125 S. Third Street, St. Peter MN 56082, 507-931-9051: Opening at 11am

Cheers, Maxwell Stein, Official SW Florida Hurricane Correspondent

(To which I say, ain’t it great having a top notch staff here at the Underground?)

After the game some of us traditionally go over to Whiskey Junction’s bar, as opposed to the restaurant side, for our post-game analysis; it’s located just across the Minnesota River when you take the street with a stoplight downtown. We know where it is but don’t know street names. All of you are invited to either venues or both. Now, for my quick picks:

Week Two in the MIAC —

Augsburg @ St. Olaf — Hard not to pick the country Lutherans over the city Lutherans. Oles fur sure, don’tcha know.
Concordia @ Bethel — As much as I’d like the Cobbers to rebound, it’s not going to happen.
Saint John’s @ Gustavus — Jays running [or passing] away if they don’t take the Gusties lightly.
St. Thomas @ Hamline — Poor Hamline never gets a break.
Carleton @ Macalester (non-conference) — After Carleton’s last week, it might even be a contest.

* * * *

Last Thursday (after hitting “send” on the Underground) and Friday were super days for me. For a couple of years — after being outbid at the silent auction at the Red Tie Gala both times by the slick, ruthless Joe Mucha ‘66/Mike Scherer ‘68 Combine for a half day of fishing guide services by professional walleye champ fisherman Perry Good(father of Jason ‘06), I have been a rather poor loser and whining a bit whenever I ran into these two. At the last Gala, Perry and Mike Zauhar ‘73 told me that maybe they perhaps could arrange something so I could join them. Mike, a retired Brainerd, MN high school teacher and basketball coach, also is a fishing guide in the Brainerd Lakes area.

So, it came to being that Joe settled on a day with Perry and Mike and his bidding partner Mike, and then invited me to join them along with Joe’s brother-in-law Jack McNamara. I accepted Joe’s invite as a hungry walleye might entertain a handsome-looking leech. Or maybe minnow would be a better word. So I met Mike Scherer outside the Police Department of Becker, MN, where Mike had already ascertained that it would be permissable to leave my auto there overnight, protected by that fine force.

One of the nice things about riding with a member of the Board of Regents, as Mike currently is, is that you hear hot skinny a day or two before the rest of the vast Johnnie-Bennie Unwashed. He told me that he had just learned that St. Ben’s charming and capable president — MaryAnn Baenninger — had just given notice that she is looking for a new president’s job at some college — practically any college — back in her native Eastern U.S. area because she needs to be by her ailing husband, who has returned to their Pennsylvania home for upcoming medical treatment, and the rest of their family. I for one hate to see her go, which will be after this current school term, although I have to say she’s showing the right priorities — family first before Bennie Bread and now Bennie Brats! It’s too bad that this has to happen when SJU is breaking its own rookie prez, Fr. Bob Koopmann, OSB; MaryAnn could have helped him get his feet wet over a few seasons, particularly in areas where the two schools’ orbits coincide. Now, with less than a year’s cycle, Fr. Bob will have to help break in the new St. Ben’s chief while still being a newbie himself.

Another thing I learned from Mike is the part he played in getting the student section bleachers installed in the north part of the stadium; before he started lobbying for them, the Johnnies and Bennies had to stand around the track area to try to watch the game. Mike figured it was a sort of justice issue for existing students, as well as a long term investment for future alums who would be asked to contribute to their alma maters. Mike credits Tom Stock for making it happen.

Anyway, Mike and I arrived in Brainerd in time for me to get a one-day fishing license. We went to the Gander Mountain megastore and mentioned to Diane, the lady issuing them, that we were going out with Perry and Mike; she knew them both well, so Mike then told her we were there to pick up some fishing supplies they asked for — like dynamite and a trotline. She plugged her ears and loudly sang “La-la-la-la.” Those Brainerd types all stick together.

We then proceeded to Gull Lake and Chateau Mucha, a stately, classic Shingle-style mini-resort that resembled a North Woods version of those gorgeous Hamptons estates on Long Island. Joe, a recently-retired exec from General Mills (and former regent himself) has done all right for himself…come a long way from the Bohunk farmlands of Montgomery, MN. Joe and Jack graciously welcomed us and we awaited the arrival of the two fishing pros to begin a steak dinner that Joe himself — with able assistance from Jack, the self-proclaimed “kitchen bitch” — produced for us. Conversation, which lasted until 11-ish, centered a great deal of the time about sports figures in southern Minnesota high schools. And fishing. And St. John’s.

Early the next morning the four of us met Perry and Mike Z. with their dyn-o-mite fishing boats at a nearby bait store, then consolidated into their trucks and headed east to Farm Island Lake, selected by Mike Z. the previous night under the theory that it was one of the few that was offering up any walleyes — the fisherman’s Holy Grail. Me, being the obvious rookie, was assigned to Mr. Walleye Champ, Perry, along with Jack. Mike Z. hosted Joe and Mike S. in his craft. We had established phone contact with Jeff Norman ‘78, who was in the area at his cabin with friend Tony Biebl‘71. They came over to our lake and the three Johnnie boats went into some kind of topside feeding frenzy.

Perry showed great patience with me, even when I snaggled the rod and reel he had given me. I listened to him closely and tried to follow his instructions to a tee. Under his tutelage I brought up four smallish northerns and one fairly nice sized walleye that, due to special limitations on that lake, turned out to be a half-inch too small to keep at 18 1/2 inches. Perry actually seemed pleased with my haul, all of which was returned to the dark waters — he probably was more surprised that I was able to catch anything. Meanwhile, Mike Z.’s crew, also catching a few more than we did, was keeping them all for Mike S. to use at a family fish fry he was planning. Perry had caught about ten northerns and a good-sized rock bass himself and released them all except for the last two that Mike Z. shouted over to keep. Saying goodbye to Jeff and Tony, we headed for Mike Z’s lovely lake home on Round Lake, which neighbors the huge Gull, in order to clean the fish for Mike S. There we talked with Molly Zauhar ‘04 who was home from her Minneapolis job for an area wedding. I got a real kick out of the spacious, spotless Zauhar garage. Mike asked me if I had checked out his St. John’s Shrine. Man, he wasn’t kidding. From his own “J” letter from basketball to last year’s SJU calendar featuring Gag to banners proclaiming SJU’s four national championships and game by game scores of the 2003 “Perfect Season” Mike had it all, along with photos of all his Brainerd High School basketball teams, and newspaper clippings up on the walls, including one local article that told of Michael Z. Jr’s ‘06 electrifying interception and 100 yard return that changed the entire Mt. Union-SJU Championship game around. There are a few individuals plays that stick out in my mind from that year — Blake Elliot’s ‘03 50-yard gallop for a TD in the same game and his return of a 4th Quarter kick-off that helped win the #409 game for Gag against Bethel are two — but Michael’s thrilling run will be forever firmly entrenched in my memory.

Mike S. returned me to my car late Friday afternoon; both of us still basked in the glow of the great SJU fellowship, a beautiful day on the lake and Joe’s generosity and hospitality. And that’s why I decided to include this joke in honor of Joe and Mike, contributed by Honorary Johnnie Chris Kennedy in Chicago — because it sort of relates to fishing:

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay Of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties. “We are sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife,” said one of the Mounties.

“Tell me! Did you find her!?” the husband shouted. The Mounties looked at each other. One said, “We have some badnews, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?” Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The Mountie said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.”

“Oh my God!” exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The Mountie continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound snow crabs and 6 good-size lobsters clinging to her.”

Stunned, the husband demanded, “If that’s the good news, what’s the great news???”

The Mountie said, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”

* * * *

I’m going to sign off so I can get this puppy underway, only a day late. It’s raining here in St. Paul Friday morning and will continue to do so throughout today and into tomorrow, so be prepared perhaps for a dampish game on the morrow. I plan to be there with my friend Rick Kellen, starting at Patrick’s and working my way around to the game and post-game venues.

Need I say, “GO JOHNNIES!?! Well, I say it anyway, adding “Slam da Gusties!”

Best regards,

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul, MN
651-699-4697; theowick@aol.com

* * * *

This Johnnie junior is on a bad blind date with a Bennie his roommate’s girlfriend lined him up with. Suddenly his cell phone rings. The polite Johnnie excuses himself to take the call. When he returns he has a grim expression on his face. With lowered eyes, he says, “I just got some bad news. My grandfather has died and I have to leave immediately.”

“Thank heaven!” said the Bennie. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to.”

* * * *

Tidbit sent by my man in St. Cloud, Jerry Howard ‘56, who gleaned it in an article or blog in the St. Cloud Times —

Family affair

Over the years, [John] Gagliardi had the chance to coach his sons John Jr. and Jim as players. Jim is now in his 18th season on his father’s coaching staff and serves as the team’s offensive coordinator.

Meanwhile, the next generation of the Gagliardi clan is arriving on campus.

The head coach’s grandson Joey Benson — the son of his youngest daughter Gina — is a freshman offensive lineman on the Johnnies’ roster this season.

“It’s been really fun so far,” Benson said. “It’s a dream come true to play for him. I’ve gotten the chance to see him in a little different light, watching him do his job from the inside. That’s been interesting.

“It’s cool to know that he and my uncle really do know so much about football. I knew that before. But you really get to see it when they’re coaching you.”

* * * *

MIAC Scandal —

There was an investigation into the academic records of members of the University of St. Thomas football team. The Director of Athletics responded by suspending any player who wasn’t maintaining a passing average.

Furious, Coach Caruso came storming into the AD’s office, followed by one of his star players. The coach roared, “You can’t keep him from playing! We won’t win this weekend without him!”

“I don’t care. Things have gotten out of hand at this university.”

“What do you mean, out of hand?”

“I’ll show you what I mean.” The Athletic Director turned to the Tommie and said, “Tell me, how much is six times seven?”

The player thought for several seconds. Then he said, “Thirty one?”

The AD said to the coach, “I rest my case.”

“Oh, come on now,” Coach Caruso retorted. “He only missed it by one!”

* * * *

NCAA Div. III Top 25 Teams

Mount Union
UW-Whitewater
Mary Hardin-Baylor
Wheaton (Ill.)
Wesley
St. John’s
UW-Stevens Point
St. Thomas
UW-LaCrosse

The Top Six remained steady from the previous week. Others receiving votes are Concordia, Bethel, St. Norbert, Wartburg and UW-Eau Claire. UST climbed one place with their win over St. Olaf, as did UW-Stevens Point from their win, and UW-LaCrosse jumped five spots without even playing! Go figure. I might be alone here, but I believe that Bethel is under-rated based on the fact that they nearly upset #4 Wheaton and clobbered the heck out of Carletonlast week. I guess we really won’t see how good they are until they face St. John’s at our Homecoming, but this week they play Concordia — let’s see how they do with them. Bethel (10/3) and the Tommie game (10/17) are the two biggies remaining for us, I think at this moment anyway.

See the Top 25 for yourself: http://www.d3football.com/top25/2009/week-3

* * * *

SJU football: Johnnies recover, 31-19

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

MOORHEAD — Meet Kyle Schroeder — professional hope-dasher.

The St. John’s senior defensive tackle recovered a pair of fumbles in the first half of the Johnnies’ 31-19 victory over Concordia Saturday afternoon, each after the Cobbers had moved inside the Johnnies’ 10-yard line and looked poised to take the lead.

Instead, Schroeder’s recoveries ended those threats and set the stage for St. John’s to pull away in the third quarter for an MIAC win before a crowd of 6,052 at a sunny and warm Jake Christiansen Stadium.

“I guess I just got lucky,” said Schroeder, who also had the fumble recovery that sealed a 12-9 win at St. Thomas last season when the Tommies had the ball at the St. John’s 1 in the final minute. (Read more)

* * * *

SJU notebook: Boyle has offense humming

by Frank Rajkowski, St. Cloud Times

MOORHEAD — Joe Boyle may have described it best when he compared the St. John’s offense with Concordia’s in Saturday afternoon’s 31-19 win over the Cobbers.

When the Johnnies had their opportunities, they took advantage, scoring four touchdowns, including two on drives of at least 80 yards.

Concordia fumbled twice inside the St. John’s 10-yard line in the first half, short-circuiting chances to take the lead each time.

That seemed awfully familiar to Boyle and his teammates, who averaged just 19.8 points per game a year ago. They are averaging 31.3 in the first three games this season.

“We’re showing great improvement from last season,” said Boyle, a junior in his second season as a starter. “Last year, it probably would have been us fumbling the ball away twice inside the 10 and not scoring touchdowns. But today, we got the job done.” (Read more)

* * * *

St. John’s 31, Concordia 19

Scoring & Stats
[The St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

MIAC Football Week One: Off and Running

by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, College Sporting News ‘Mapping the MIAC’ Columnist

The Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference kicked off its 88th season Saturday with a quartet of exciting games. Defending champ Saint John’s, ranked sixth in the nation, combined stout defense in the red zone with a balanced offense to down No. 23 Concordia 31-19 in SJU coach John Gagliardi’s 600th game as a college head coach. Bethel scored early and often en route to a 42-7 win over Carleton. No. 18 St. Thomas, behind 176 yards from Ben Wartman, turned in a strong fourth quarter to defeat St Olaf 27-16. Gustavus nipped Hamline 30-24 in two overtimes. (Read more)

* * * *

DeLand column: SJU’s Boyle painting a brighter picture

By Dave DeLand, St. Cloud Times Sports Editor

COLLEGEVILLE — It came as a painful shock to most St. John’s football fans last year when they were subjected to a full season of an offense that was about as exciting as watching paint dry.

It wasn’t even very colorful paint. Certainly not Johnnie red: Definitely not the type of air-it-out, light-it-up, short-out-the-scoreboard offense that people came to expect from St. John’s over the previous two freewheeling decades.

“We struggled mightily (in 2008) to finish drives,” said quarterback Joe Boyle, who started six games as a sophomore for a team that averaged 19.8 points per game — about half the Johnnies’ standard production, and their lowest scoring average in a quarter-century.

In some ways, the inexperienced Boyle was part of the Johnnies’ offensive problem last year.

This year, he is most definitely a big part of the solution. (Read more)

* * * *

Pre-Law Majors’ Department —

From the Underground’s Resident Humorologist, C.J. Ross, San Diego, CA —

The Minneapolis United Way realized that it had never received a donation from one of the city’s most successful lawyers, an esteemed graduate of the University of St. Thomas and the Harvard School of Law. So a United Way volunteer exec paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish downtown office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, “Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don’t give a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?”

The Tommie lawyer thinks for a minute and says, “First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, “Uh . . . no, I didn’t know that.”

“Secondly,” says the Tommie, “did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?”

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

“Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister’s husband died in dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

And our Tommie says, “So…if I didn’t give any money to them, what makes you think I’d give you any!?!”

* * * *

From Mike Scherer ‘68, Wayzata, MN —

Bob, Not only are you GREAT writer and story teller but now I have witnessed undisputable truth of your fishing prowess. — Mike

(Editor’s Blushing Response: Aw, shucks, thanks…but I owe it all to Perry Good.)

* * * *

From John Chromy ‘64, Washington, D.C. —

Wicks, Again–thanks for the unoffical update and all the news. You are superb in this your second career.

I regret I will not be able to join you all from the class of ‘64 for the Reunion and Homecoming. My work schedule just won’t allow it—I was in Minnesota in August for a week visiting family and grandchildren in New Prague and Winona.

I note with huge sadness that one of the “great lusts” of damn near every guy in the ‘64 class, Mary Travis of Peter, Paul & Mary, died of Leukemia last week. A tall, leggy, sensuous blond who could sing up a storm !!!

I know many in the class of ‘64 have done great and exciting things, some of which they are proud. My one claim to semi-greatness is that I am probably the only member of that class that can say he actually hugged and kissed Mary, ofPeter, Paul & Mary—it is true. Of course I won’t mention that it was five years ago and she was 67 years old and weighed about 220 pounds—but hey, I got a hug and a kiss from Mary Travis. I shall take that memory to my grave!!! Cheers, John

P.S. Peter, Paul and Mary performed at a Gala Festival my NGO organized in 2002- that is how I met Mary Travis, Paul Stookey and Peter Yarrow.

* * * *

From Chris Gillespie, St. Paul , regarding the class paper the frosh named “Dave” wrote after being inspired by C.J. Lyngen’s ‘92 “fire up” welcome at the Freshman Banquet —

This young man has no idea just yet how strong that Johnnie bond will become. Hopefully he is an individual who will witness many Johnnie alums in various situations, such as sporting and cultural events, and realize what he has to look forward to as part of the great Johnnie connection.

* * * *

From Emile Nakhleh ‘63, Albuquerque, NM —

Hi Bob,

My email address actually is abucr@msn.com (without Emile Nakhleh_ in front!). Cheers, Emile

* * * *

From John Uldrich ‘60, Minneapolis —

Roberto: I’m assuming you live here in the TC area – if so – can you share an address – I can see to it that brats are in your hands shortly for your event (in the event I’m out of the area in early November). Advise. — J.

(Editor’s Explanation: John is the creative force behind those delicious Johnnie Brats, now sold at the St. Joe Meat Market; he also challenged St. Ben’s to develop Bennie Brats, also sold at the meat market. He is speaking about offering some samples for the Johnnie/Bennie reception after the “Red Mass” held at St. Cecilia’s Parish in St. Paul following the SJU-Augsburg football game on November 7 at the Metrodome. Our presider/host is Fr. Mike Byron ‘81 who plans to do a reprise of his famous interpretation of Fr. Don Talafous, OSB’s ‘48 oft repeated admonition to SJU students about the downside of “Hometown Honeys,” those high school romances that can limit college growth and opportunity. Fr. Mike first performed this act about 25 years ago at a school talent show; he hopes Fr. Don will be in attendance for the sequel. All reading this are invited to the second annual St. C’s Red Mass and celebration, featuring Olde Johnnie Ale too.)

* * * *

From Leo Varley, ‘79, Anoka, MN —

Hi Bob, Do you think you could add me onto your email Johnnie trap line? I would love to be one of the chosen ones! Harry [Awe] is looking good, isn’t he? I am going up to the Bethel game. My 30 year reunion from SJU. I didn’t think I was that old?!! Thanks, Leo

(Editor’s Comment: Leo is a fellow parishioner of St. Cecilia’s Parish. And he definitely is that old. Leo is married to Molly McGlynn Varley ‘78.)

* * * *

From Wayne Belisle ‘62, St. Paul —

Hi Bob, good to have your energy again. Any chance John’s talk to the AFCA is available on tape or writing? I remember how great and humorous his talk was in 1963 when John and the Prairie View A&M coach were guests at celebration dinner in Mpls. THANKS.

(Editor’s Note: I replied to Wayne that I don’t know but I forwarded his request to Tom Stock, AD, to forwarded to a staffer for possible action.)

* * * *

Overheard at Homecoming —

A Johnnie and Bennie alum were talking at last Homecoming. Over a beverage in the Tundra beer tent the Johnnie was heard to say, “No woman can keep a secret.”

The Bennie replied to her old Johnnie classmate, “I don’t know about that. I’ve kept my age a secret since I was 21.”

“You’ll let it out some day,” the Johnnie replied.

“I hardly think so,” said the Bennie. “When a woman has kept a secret for 27 years, she can keep it forever.”

* * * *

From Bryan Bohlman ‘01, St. Paul —

Hey Bob, I hope all is well. I haven’t been able to make it to a game yet this year, but I should be able to make it to homecoming. Things with me could not be a whole lot better. Work continues to go well. I have a great girlfriend whom I have been dating for 11 months now. And we just got back from a week and a half in Vienna and Munich, including being in the Hoffbrauhaus tent for the opening of the keg!

If I make it to the game, it would be great to see you and the rest of the guys. Is the postgame routine still the La? Talk to you soon, Bryan

(Editor’s Reply: Thanks for the note, Bryan. I look forward to seeing you again as well, but Homecoming probably isn’t the right day for me — it’s my 45th Reunion and I’ll be happily involved in chatting with my classmates before, during and after the game. As far as the La Playette goes, most of the post-Homecoming game action for everyone will be on the Tundra, where there’ll be a beer tent that will approximate the size of the one you visted in München.)

* * * *

And speaking of beer…

A welcome heads-up from Bill Carney ‘66, Ft. Lauderdale, FL —

GUINNESS® 250 ANNIVERSARY STOUT
This is the year to celebrate! That’s why Guinness’ Master Brewer has created the limited edition Guinness®250 Anniversary Stout. They used a proprietary brewhouse process that combines the use of stout and ale malt for a distinctive carbonated stout with a clean, smooth finish. This is the first new Guinness® stout they’ve introduced to the US since they first started importing Guinness® Draught in 1967. But it’s only available for a limited time. So get out with some friends and try a pint of their brand new brew!

(Editor’s Comment: I’m a big fan of Guinness, which I snootily proclaim not to taste as good anywhere as it does within ten miles of its Dublin brewery, even while I drink it everywhere. I have to add that the above description — a distinctive carbonated stout with a clean, smooth finish — reminds me of how I describe Olde Johnnie Ale to people, only it’s not a stout but a dark ale. Fortunately you can still get it on tap at Brother Willie’s Pub on campus…at least I think you can.)

* * * *

And speaking of Brother Willie…

I sadly announce his passing last April at the age of 93. Br. William Jerome Borgerding, OSB SJP ‘35 grew up on his family farm in nearby Freeport, MN, and entered the Abbey after his graduation from Prep School. After years of successful dairy farming both at St. John’s and at St. Mary’s mission parish at Red Lake, MN, Br. Willie returned to the Abbey in 1966 and became night watchman. He became a well-known and beloved figure to generations of students from patrolling the University grounds in his bib overalls, flannel shirt and ball cap for 34 years. The pub in Sexton Commons was named in his honor.

Also passing via an aneurism this past summer — prematurely since he was only eight years older than me — was Fr. Jim Tingerthal, OSB SJP ‘52/SJU ‘54. A Rice Street kid from St. Bernard’s Parish on the north end of St. Paul, Fr. Jim was the grand nephew of colorful Abbot Alcuin Deutsch and nephew of beloved English professor and über monk, Fr. Alfred Deutsch. He taught math at the Prep School, directed its Study Abroad Program in Melk, Austria, and served as Headmaster for two years. Fr. Jim then became sort of a “go-to” guy as director of corporate enterprises and then director of events and conferences, coordinating summer programs for an estimated 10,000 guests to St. John’s over many years. In his working retirement, Fr. Jim enjoyed his time on the staff of the Abbey’s Woodworking Shop and especially pruning dead branches from pine trees in the Abbey forest. I last visited with Fr. Jim a few weeks before he died at Jerry Streeter’s SJP ‘52 Edina home along with their Prep classmates Norb Berg SJP ‘49 and Joe Spano SJP ‘52. We gathered there for lunch to view a couple of foreign TV documentaries that discussed forgotten Viet Nam War prisoners, particularly Capt. David Hrdlicka ‘SJP ‘50. Incidentally, I found the above bio info on Willie and Jim in the Abbey Banner, the very nice Abbey quarterly magazine (well, three times actually) edited by Fr. Daniel Durken, OSB SJP ‘47/SJU ‘. It’s free, but we have the opportunity to help offset publishing/mailing costs with a contribution. Email Fr. Daniel at ddurken@csbsju.edu if you’ld like to get on the list.

* * * *

More ‘Little Johnny’ —

Mother to Little Johnny: “What do you want for your birthday?”

“I’d like a little brother.”

“Oh my, that’s such a big wish. Why do you want a little brother?”

“There’s only so much I can blame on the dog.”

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

By Lindsay (Novak) Good ‘06, RD, LD

Beans, Beans, the Magical…

Beans are nutritional powerhouses rich in antioxidants and many nutrients such as iron, magnesium and potassium. Beans are also a good source of protein which makes them a great substitution for meat. Preparing a meatless recipe once or twice a week will help reduce the amount of saturated fat and cholesterol of the meal as well as reduce your grocery bill. A typical 1/2 cup serving provides about 7 grams of protein and up to 7 grams of fiber. The fiber found in beans is mostly soluble fiber which is linked with lowering cholesterol. Specifically, eating at least 10 grams of souble fiber a day can reduce your cholesterol by as much as 5 percent (approximately 12-15 mg/dL).

How do I use beans?
Canned beans are very quick and convenient; just make sure to drain and rinse them to remove excess sodium. Here are some common types of beans and uses:

Black beans: soups/stews, Mexican dishes or mix with rice for a complete protein

Chick peas or Garbanzo beans: hummus, casseroles, minestrone soup

Kidney beans: stews, bean salad, chili

Edamame or Soybeans: snacks, salads, pasta dishes

Eat Better America® Recipe:
Chick Pea and Tomato Curry
6 servings

•   1 tablespoon olive oil
•   1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup)
•   3 cloves garlic, finely chopped
•   1 tablespoon finely chopped gingerroot
•   1 tablespoon curry powder
•   2 cans (15 oz each) chick peas or garbanzo beans, drained, rinsed
•   2 cans (15 oz each) organic fire roasted diced tomatoes, undrained
•   1/2 cup finedly chopped fresh cilantro
•   1 tablespoon fresh lemon jice
•   1/2 teaspoon coarse sea salt
•   Hot cooked rice, if desired
•   Plain yogurt, if desired

1.  In 3-quart saucepan, heat oil over medium heat. Add onion, garlic,
     gingerroot and curry powder; cook about 2 minutes, stirring frequently,
     until onions are tender.
2.  Stir in chick peas and tomatoes. Heat to boiling. Reduce heat; simmer
     uncovered 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Stir in cilantro, lemon juice
     and salt.
3.  Serve over rice; top each serving with yogurt.

1 Serving:
Calories 270 (Calories from Fat 50)
Total Fat 6g (Saturated Fat 1/2g, Trans Fat 0g)
Cholesterol 0mg
Sodium 380mg
Total Carbohydrate 42g (Dietary Fiber 10g, Sugars 5g)
Protein 12g

% Daily Value:
Vitamin A 6%
Vitamin C 15%
Calcium 10%
Iron 30%

* * * *

The “Why We’ll Never Win” Department (a continuing series) —

An updated oldie from Thom Woodward ‘70 in honor of his friend John (Chet) O’Brien —

Chris’s Side of the Story:
Chet was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a bar for a drink. I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn’t say anything much about it.

The conversation was very slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn’t really sure.

So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me. I didn’t know what the hell that meant because you know he didn’t say it back or anything. We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love.

But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to confront him but instead I just cried myself to sleep. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I mean, I really think he’s seeing someone else.

——————————————–

Chet’s Side of the Story:
Notre Dame lost. Got laid though.

* * * *

From Kathy Awe, mother of soph Harry, and friend from St. Cecilia’s in St. Paul —

First of all, don’t you dare take me off the [Underground] list. I love getting your emails.

And yes, you’ve pretty much met all of my side of the family. Look forward to start meeting Tom’s family starting with Patty (Tom’s sister) and Neal Welch who are flying in for the game on 10/24 from Houston!

You didn’t give bad directions [to the La], we ended showing my Mom his room and attending a sophomore parent potluck at one of the dorms and then we needed to get back because the girls had things going on back in St Paul.

Go Johnnies up in Moorhead. Kathy

* * * *

Religious Life Quickies (a continuing series) —

An oldie but goodie from Marge Virnig, Friend from St. Cecilia’s in St. Paul —

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The priest said, “Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so.”

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for five years before the priest said to her, “Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for five years. You may speak two words.”

Sister Mary Katherine said, “Hard bed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the priest said, “We will get you a better bed.”

After another five years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the priest. “You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.”

“Cold food,” said Sister Mary Katherine, and the priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office. “You may say two words today…”

“I quit,” said Sister Mary Katherine.

“It’s probably best,” said the priest. “You’ve done nothing but bitch since you got here!”

* * * *

From Harry Burns SJP ‘74/SJU ‘78 , St. Cloud —

Hey Sid! You’re starting to sound like a beer snob. Guys your age ought to be careful about the use of the word “dinosaur.” (What did they look like?)

(Editor’s Admonition: Remember to respect your elders…eh, sonny? Harry told me last home game that he thought I was the Sid Hartman of St. John’s. I said “Thanks” and he quickly added “That’s not a compliment.”)

* * * *

From Bill Draves ‘64, Gila Pecker, AZ —

Wick, Great newsletter! Keep them coming! All Year! And I am so glad to see you are expanding into cyber space! And the spacing is so perfect making everything so much easier to read!

By the way I live in Goodyear, AZ (unless I move back to the East Valley) but that is another story and for another time. P.S. Is that enough “filler” for you? — Bill

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

In the process of deciding where to stay when he returned to Saint John’s for Homecoming, a Johnnie called the St. Cloud Holiday Inn. He asked the young woman who answered, “Do you have a gym?”

The hotel operator’s sigh had a tinge of exasperation in it. “We have over 300 guests at at this facility. Does this ‘Jim’ have a last name?”

* * * *

From Jim Platten SJP ‘70/SJU ‘74, St. Paul —

Bob – as always, your newsletter is amazing! Thank you for all the work — cutting and pasting, etc.

Should be a great game this Saturday! Take Care and see you in St. Peter as it sounds like you are fishing! Enjoy the attached! — Jim

(Editor’s Comment: Jim attached a list of 15 quotes related to athletes and sports figures. I’ve picked a few favorites to share.)

WHY ATHLETES CAN’T HAVE REGULAR JOBS…

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
“He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings..”

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
“I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’”

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D:
“Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:
“Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye.”

* * * *

From Tom Freeman ‘08, lead person for the Hockey Alumni Affinity Group

Fellow Alumni – I am emailing you to inform you about an upcoming event related to the creation of the St. John’s Hockey Alumni Chapter. We created this group for one reason, to help other Johnnie Hockey players. Our mission is to generate support for the Saint John’s University Hockey program by developing the connection between fellow hockey alumni as well as with the current student athletes, both personally and professionally.

The Chapter will provide you all with news and upcoming events. One of the first events this fall will be held in St. Cloud. It is that time of year again, time to get the rust of your skates and join us for the Saint John’s Alumni Hockey Event. The Annual Alumni Game will be on Saturday, October 24th at 1:00PM, followed by burgers, brats, and beers at Coach Doug Schueller’s house. Please RSVP either by emailing Tom Freeman atthomasc.freeman@gmail.com directly or going to our new Alumni Chapter’s Facebook page listed below and RSVP to the event.
[Facebook]

Please become a fan of the SJU Hockey Alumni Chapter on Facebook so we can continue to update you on our events, activities, and how the current Johnnie players are doing throughout the year!

Lastly, we also have a website through St. John’s that has all the information about how to get involved and help your fellow Johnnie Hockey players, past and present.
[sjualum.com]

Thanks and hope you join us in this great initiative. See you on the 24th or in the near future! Best, Tom Freeman 08′ — 651.338.7771

* * * *

More Scenes From Stearns County —

Old Father Omer Underdorff announced from the pulpit over at St. Rosa, “Now, before we pass da collection plate, I would like ta request dat da person who stole da chickens from Roman Obermiller’s hen house please refrain from givin’ any money to da Lord. Da Lord don’t want money from a teef.”

That week for the first time in months, everyone gave.

* * * *

The “Why We’ll Never Win” Department (a continuing series) —

Two of my favorite golf jokes, from Joe Deitch, Naval Academy ‘65 and would-be Johnnie, Plymouth, MN —

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!

“Help me dear,” she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.

“I’m dying here and you’re putting?”

“Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.”

“Well, how long will it take for him to get here?” she asks feebly.

“No time at all,” says her husband. “Everybody’s letting him play through.”

(The Wife’s Revenge)

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, “Ma’am, is that your husband?”

“Yes ” says the woman.

“Did you hit him with that golf club?”

“Yes, yes, I did.” The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her, hands on her face.

“How many times did you hit him?” said the cop.

“I don’t know” sobbed the woman “five, six, maybe seven times…..just put me down for a five.”

* * * *

Theology Majors’ Department —

A pedestrian is hit by a bus on a busy street. The man gasps, “Somebody get me a priest!!”

Out of the crowd steps an elderly man. “I’m not a priest, I’m not even a Catholic. But for 50 years I’ve lived behind St. Agnes Church, and every night I’ve overheard their services. Maybe I can be of some comfort.”

The victim nods his assent.

The man kneels down next to him and says in a solemn voice, “B-14…G-54…I-19…G-50…N-38…O-72.”

* * * *

Gleaned from part of his bulletin column, by Fr. Joe Gillespie, OP ‘64, St. Albert the Great parish, Minneapolis —

“If this is how you treat your friends no wonder you have so few.” — St. Teresa of Avila

…To labor under the illusion that friends of Jesus will be preserved from temptation and harm is like assuming that when it rains it will only rain on the unjust. Obviously, St. Teresa had to endure ferocious moments of self-doubt and countless litanies of trials and tribulations before recognizing the intimacy of God’s friendship within the inscrutable paradoxes of Jesus’ teachings. Defusing our own egotistical need to be number one and being content to be a “suffering servant” will offer assurances of finding a place in the Kingdom of God. Being a friend of Jesus will put us on a collision course with a secular world where power, greed and ingratitude signal success. Entering into intimacy and friendship with Jesus will involve a taste of being a “suffering servant” for the Kingdom.

In an unusual restaurant named Hell’s Kitchen, I noticed a tote bag hanging near my chair. I jotted down the inscription printed on the bag: “Christ has no body on earth but ours, no hand but ours, no feet but ours. Our are the eyes through which the compassion of Christ looks out upon the world, ours are the feet with which Christ goes about doing good, ours are the hands with which Christ blesses the people.” When the young woman who owned the bag got up to leave, I asked about the quote. She squinted at the bag and then said, “I think it is from St. Teresa of Avila.” I later verified it was a quote from Teresa of Avila. The saying helped me to understand what a true friend of Jesus might end up doing in this life. As St. Teresa discovered, the invitation to friendship with Jesus might be tough and friends might be few and far between, but what a relief, as the old gospel hymn states, that “What a friend we have in Jesus.”

* * * *

From Ginny Ford, wife of John Ford SJP ‘63/SJU ‘67, Phoenix, forwarded by Mike Scherer —

Love Story for Golfers

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.”

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons’?”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry, “and you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”

* * * *

Finally! That’s it…until next week, be good little Johnnies and Bennies.

SJU’s Unofficial Underground sees a Cobbery weekend ahead — #3

Theo Wick — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 18:06:40 +0000

Dear Collegeville Campers —

It was a lovely Saturday up there next to the Lake Wobegon Trail overlooking the beautiful Sagatagan. First, the weatherman surprised everyone by giving us both a cloudless and warm day after predicting a cool, rainy one; and second, our Jays beat a solid, talented UW-Eau Claire team 35-27 for our second straight victory over a WIAC team. This before a crowd of over 8,000 most very pleased souls.

Of course, we gave up too many points. But we put up a bunch too. And our ground game was awesome (pun intended…you’ll see in a moment); we haven’t rushed for so many yards since we pounded Northwestern (MN) about five years ago…and they were a patsy team, nothing like a very good UWEC. The exciting part about it is that we used seven running backs to do it — ahhh, it’s so good to have depth there. I am particularly excited for and proud of my young friend from St. Cecilia’s Parish, Harry Awe, a sophomore playing as a frosh because of injuries last season. He came in after another frosh phenom, Steve Johnson, left the game in the first half with a sore foot. It seemed every time Harry touched the ball he gained 5 or 6 yards, including one for his first Johnnie TD. (Read Frank Rajkowski’s game stories down farther to see what a wonderful day all our backs had.) I also was very impressed with junior QB Joe Boyle. Compared to last year, when he was one of three auditioning for the top spot, Joe has shown leadership, poise and — most of all — competence back there.

The defense, however, is another tale. They’ve played good enough to win, but we’re all shaking our heads. Preseason they were picked to be one of the premier defenses in all of Division III, but these first two games sure don’t show that. The line isn’t yet able to rush the QBs like Johnnie defenses traditionally do and our secondary seems downright porous. There have been injuries back there and a bevy of new, untried, unseasoned kids being forced to pony up. Let’s hope the defensive braintrust of Jerry Haugen and Gary Fasching can come up with some new wrinkles before this Saturday’s very important MIAC start at Moorhead against Concordia. We in the stands wonder if an occasional blitz might not shake up the opposing quarterbacks, but we’ve been told that that’s not part of the overall SJU defensive scheme for a number of valid reasons.

This weekend we face a Cobbers team that is noted for running the ball on its opposition. Ramming it down their throats is more like it! If they don’t suddenly develop a potent passing attack, I still think our D-line and linebackers, with effort, can contain them. Otherwise it’s going to be a real test. How we do there will, at least in my mind, suggest what kind of a year we will have. You see, Concordia has jumped into the D3 Top 25 teams at #23 on the strength of their first two impressive wins, one over previously 8th-ranked Willamette (OR). The Cobbers knocked them plum out of the Top 25…man, those coaches and SIDs doing the ranking are tough! At the same time SJU jumped again in the Top 25, from #11 to #6. And St. Thomas — God bless their black little hearts — also crept up two spots to #18. So, for the first time I can recall, the MIAC has as many teams in the Top 25 as the WIAC:Whitewater #2; Stevens Point #17; and La Crosse #24. Had Bethel been able to knock off #4 Wheaton (and they almost did, dammit…they lost in the last second 29-26) we certainly would have had four in the Top 25. I tell ya…it’s going to be a circus in the MIAC this year, and we haven’t even figured in St. Olaf and Carleton yet, but they are also in this race. No wonder John’s getting gray, at least compared to Joe Paterno. (See: http://www.d3football.com/top25/2009/week-2)

I apologize for having to end things in this section so abruptly. I have to get out of town to visit with Mike Scherer‘68, Joe Mucha ‘66, Mike Zauhar, Sr. ‘73 and Perry Good (progenitor of Jason ‘06) over a discussion of whether it’s gonna be minnows or leeches or both. It’s a long story, which I hope to share with you next issue, but let’s just say that my whining for two years about this fishing trip apparently worked. I also just heard from Jeff Norman ‘78 who said he’s going to be in the area with Tony Biebel ‘71…maybe our baits will get tangled together somehow.

So, I’m not going up to Moorhead, but rather will listen intently to the Johnnie Radio Network. And next week let’s hope that I can more fully report on all the folks I ran into at the Eau Claire game, particularly my new BFFs, Ryan Heining ‘91 and C.J. Lyngen ‘92, who gifted me a bee-yoo-ti-ful new Johnnie Rat T-shirt, which I’ll wear poudly on Gull Lake tomorrow.

Respectfully, albeit hurriedly, submitted,

Bob Wicker SJP ‘60/SJU ‘64, St. Paul
theowick@aol.com; 6510699-4697

* * * *

Week One in the MIAC —

Bethel @ Carleton — (Interesting game; toss up actually, but I’m hoping for a Carleton win)
Gustavus @ Hamline — (Both teams are improved, but I think the Gusties have more horsepower)
Saint John’s @ Concordia — (Always a tough game for SJU, especially up there in Spudville)
St. Olaf @ St. Thomas — (Two teams bending the recruiting rules…This could be UST’s year)

* * * *

From Mark Selner SJP ‘68/UST ‘72, Shoreview — he’s the godfather of Olde Johnnie Ale —

Bob-there has been a packaging delay-this really upsets me!! And the Olde Johnnie 12pk bottles will not be available until after October 1st. We are going to do something with the beer the weekend of October 9th & 10th. MORE details to follow. — Mark

(Editor’s Comment: He’s upset!?! You should have heard me when I found that OJA is no longer on tap at the La Playette. Maybe when the bottles come out they’ll carry it again. The bartenders and waitresses say that it’s only us old farts (not their language, it’s mine) that order it, and then only during football season. At least the La still carries that dinosaur of a brand, Hamm’s, for Harry Burns ‘74/’78.)

* * * *

HEY! Classes of ‘04, ‘99, ‘94, ‘89, ‘84, ‘79, ‘74, ‘69, ‘64 and ‘59…

You’ve got a 5-year reunion THIS Homecoming, October 2-4. If you haven’t registered yet, go to http://www.sjualum.com/events/Pages/Homecoming.aspx. Also, if you can’t make it, don’t forget to make a contribution ASAP so it is counted toward your class’ 5-Year Gift total. Part of being a Johnnie is being grateful, practicing stewardship. If you thought going to St. John’s was expensive when you were there, “Baby, look at it now…” So call a friend or two and tell ‘em you’ll meet them there.)

* * * *

From Jim Seckinger ‘64, bowing out from our 45th reunion —

Bob, Had made plans to make the reunion. Then rec’d an assignment to be faculty for an Int’l Arbitration Advocacy Program in London, England for a major int’l law firm on oct 1-3, which is using my program design and materials. Sorry to miss seeing everyone.

I’m still full time faculty for Univ. of Notre Dame Law School. My area is litigation specializing in questioning techniques and other advocacy skills in the US, Canada, South America, Europe and Asia. I served as Director of the National Institute for Trial Advocacy NITA from 1979-1994 and faculty from 1973 to present. See FIAA for my recent focus.

Also designed and taught in first program for prosecutors war crimes tribunal for Rwanda in 1996 and the first program for prosecutors of special court for Sierra Leone in 2004.

You all have a good time at the reunion. I’ll catch up with folks next year. — Jim

(Editor’s Note: Our Class of 1964 has purported it self very well since graduation and, from Jim’s quick heads-up on his career, he is another for whom our class can be justifiably proud. It’s too bad he won’t be there to see Bob Spinner receive the Walter Reger Award for his outstanding contributions to SJU and his carrying of Johnnie values to the greater community. And Ken Roering who will receive our class’ Alumni Achievement Award for his notable contributions to education and business, not to mention SJU. Both of those guys, plus Fred Senn and Bill Kling currently are or have been on the Board of Regents.)

* * * *

Gagliardi too busy to live in the past

by Dave DeLand, St. Cloud Times Sports Editor

COLLEGEVILLE — The white-haired octogenarian in the St. John’s polo shirt directed his football team from the newly revamped Clemens Stadium press box on Saturday, which was something of a concession to convenience and comfort, functionality and self-preservation.

But even though John Gagliardi was conspicuously absent from the sideline, it didn’t take a lot of imagination to look out onto the same field and see him standing there.

Only this coach was a dark-haired 26-year-old in a suit and tie, directing a different game in a different era.

“If somebody had asked me back then if I could believe I’d still be doing this … ” Gagliardi said, his voice trailing off. (Read more)

* * * *

Deflect? Perfect for SJU

by Frank Rajkowski, St Cloud Times

Five hundred and ninety-nine games into his collegiate coaching career and John Gagliardi still seems to have a knack for getting the right players on the field at the right time.

It was just this past Monday when the St. John’s head coach called on little-used 6-foot-7 sophomore defensive lineman Jack Daggett at the team’s weekly film session and added him to the Johnnies’ defensive unit on extra points.

It proved a shrewd move as Daggett blocked a kick by Wisconsin-Eau Claire’s Spencer Jacobson to prevent the Blugolds from tying the score with 2:01 remaining and St. John’s held on for a 35-27 victory Saturday afternoon at a hot and humid Clemens Stadium. (Read more)

* * * *

SJU running game comes up big in win

by Frank Rajkowski, St Cloud Times

One of the top priorities around the football coaching office at St. John’s this past offseason was to increase the Johnnies’ depth at running back.

If Saturday afternoon’s 35-27 victory over Wisconsin-Eau Claire before a crowd of 8,679 at Clemens Stadium was any indication, that mission has been accomplished successfully.

Seven players carried the ball in all for St. John’s, which finished with 296 yards rushing — the highest total the Johnnies have recorded on the ground in a game since 2004.

“I think the coaches have gotten a lot more used to the amount of backs we have now and they’re trying to find a way to use all of us,” said freshman Harry Awe, who missed all of what would have been his first college season last year due to injury. “Last year, they didn’t worry a whole lot about rotating the running backs. This year, we have a lot more guys who can carry the ball.” (Read more)

* * * *

St. John’s football injury report

by Frank Rajkowski, St Cloud Times

[St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

Scoring and Stats: St. John’s 35, UW-Eau Claire 27

[St. Cloud Times]

* * * *

MIAC Football: Final Tune-Ups for Conference Play

by Rich Mies SJP ‘76/UST ‘80, College Sporting News ‘Mapping the MIAC’ Columnist

The Minnesota Intercollegiate Athletic Conference concluded its final week of non-conference games and posted a 5-3 record. Concordia, Saint John’s and St. Olaf improved to 2-0 on the year. The Cobbers routed Valley City State 43-28, the Johnnies held off UW-Eau Clare 35-27 and the Oles hammered Pacific Lutheran 46-7. Hamline kicked off 2009 with a 34-0 win over Martin Luther and Carleton opened its season with a 27-21 win over Cornell. Bethel lost to fifth ranked Wheaton on a touchdown as time expired, 29-26. Gustavus’ rally fell short as they were intercepted in the end zone with 0:09 to play and fell to Coe 27-24. Augsburg dropped a 34-21 decision at Wartburg. (Read more)

* * * *

Nutrition Bites

Lindsay (Novak) Good ‘06, RD, LD

The Secret to Eating More for Less: Food density

Did you know?
The portion (or amount) of food people eat daily tends to be more consistent than the total calories they eat. Therefore, if you are able to eat the same portion of food, but with fewer calories, you will lose weight and be satisfied at the same time! The secret to feeling satisfied on fewer calories lies in food density.

Low-energy-dense foods
These foods provide a larger portion with fewer calories because they are “water-rich” and “fiber-rich”. Low-energy-dense foods include fruits, vegetables, cooked whole grains, and broth-based soups. The water content of food has the biggest impact on energy density because it can help to fill you up, but has no calories.

High-energy-dense foods
These foods provide smaller portions with more calories and are typically high-fat and/or high-sugar foods such as fast food, processed snack foods, and desserts in general. Also, foods that are dry, such as dried fruit, tend to be high-energy-dense foods because they have very little water content. For example, 1/2 cup of raisins has 220 calories, while 1/2 cup of grapes has 55 calories.

We expect that higher fat, higher sugar foods to be more filling, however, foods like cookies, cake, doughnuts and candy are actually among the least filling foods. You will be most satisfied from a meal or snack if you choose foods with more fiber and fluid, combined with a healthy balance of protein to help create a feeling of fullness.

Try this low-energy-dense dish:
EatingWell Taco Salad

Ingredients:
•   1/2 cup prepared salsa
•   1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream
•   1 teaspoon canola oil
•   1 medium onion, chopped
•   3 cloves garlic, minced
•   1 pound 93% lean ground beef or turkey
•   2 large plum tomatoes, diced
•   1 14-ounce can kidney beans, rinsed
•   2 teaspoons ground cumin
•   2 teaspoons chili powder
•   1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
•   8 cups shredded romaine lettuce
•   1/2 cup shredded sharp Cheddar cheese

Preparation:
1.  Combine salsa and sour cream in a large bowl.
2.  Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat.
     Add onion and garlic and cook, stirring often, until softened, about
     2 minutes. Add turkey and cook, stirring often and crumbling with
     a wooden spoon, until cooked through, about 5 minutes. Add
     tomatoes, beans, cumin and chili powder; cook, stirring, until the
     tomatoes begin to break down, 2 to 3 minutes. Remove from the
     heat, stir in cilantro and 1/4 cup of the salsa mixture.
3.  Add lettuce to the remaining salsa mixture in the bowl; toss to
     coat. To serve, divide the lettuce among 4 plates, top with the turkey
     mixture and sprinkle with cheese.

Nutrition per serving (1 cup filling, 2 cups lettuce each):
361 Calories
16 g Fat
6 g Sat
1 g Mono
86 mg Cholesterol
25 g Carbohydrates
33 g Protein
10 g Fiber
583 mg Sodium
718 mg Potassium

(Editor’s Comment: Lindsay’s husband of this past summer, Jason Good ‘06, is one lucky fella to be getting to eat all this delicious, yet healthy food.)

* * * *

Reader Responses to Issue #2 —

From Karin Wendt, wife of Dave ‘63, Edina, MN —

Bob, Fabulous! We’ll be up for Homecoming. — Karin

(and then Karin sent this:)

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”

The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple blocks and turn to your right.”

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”

The little boy replied with a chuckle. “Awww, who are you kiddin’?…You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”

* * * *

From Sister Lois Wedl OSB, St Benedict’s Monastery —

Thanks, dear Bob! I loved the part about your message going out to all the world…and the responses from the Gagliardi folks! I can see your face being purple. Take care. Hope the Johnnies get it all together so this season will be a fun one. — Lois

(Editor’s Reply: Sister Lois, my face was “Johnnie red”, not “Tommy purple.”)

* * * *

From Fred Cremer ‘67, Waynesville, North Carolina —

Bob, Mike Scherer sent me your address and said I could get on your mailing list if I contacted you. I would love to read your newsletter regularly. Thanks. Fred

(Editor’s Sudden Thought: I wonder if Mr. Scherer remembered to tell him how much the subscription is? Fred, by the way, is a retired English teacher and coach; he was an All-American OT in 1965 & 66.)

* * * *

Elementary Education Majors’ Department —

The teacher who caught the second grader said, “You shouldn’t use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?”

“My Daddy said it.”

“Well, that doesn’t matter. I don’t want to hear that language in here again.”

After a moment, she whispered aloud, “At least he doesn’t know what it means.”

The kid exclaimed, “I do too! It means the car won’t start.”

* * * *

From Pete Amann ‘90, Inver Grove Heights, MN —

Confirmation on the Mankato Area alumni event on the 24th: It will be held at RICHARD’S RESTAURANT & PUB, but yes, there is also a Patrick’s located a few blocks away. Thanks!

(Editor’s Affirmation: Gotcha, Pete. Everyone go to Richard’s, not Patrick’s, for the Mankato Area Alum kick-off event in St. Peter on Thursday, 9/24.)

* * * *

From Tom SJP ’66/SJU ’70, and Mary Weiss CSB ‘70, River Falls, WI —

Bob, An update on our son Tom ‘94. His injuries continue to heal, his spirits seem good, and has another surgery scheduled for 9/25 to fix the MCL and PCL in his right knee. As far as I know, that should be the end of surgeries?? We did get some kind of bad news last Friday, the 11th. One of the Hearing specialists does not think he will get back any hearing in his left ear so that may not be good news [for US Army career future]. I plan to go back to Fort Sam Houston on the 24th to be around for his surgery.

If anyone wants to send a card to him, his address is
Fisher House
Major Thomas Weiss, Room 402
3623 George C. Beach Road
Fort Sam Houston TX 78234-5000

There is a place near the Fisher House that has provided the most incredible support for all soldiers and families. It was built and supplied totally by donations from supporters. Once this is all over, we plan to make a donation. It is called the Warrior Family Support Center and their address for donations is:
Returning Heroes Home
P.O. Box 202194
Dallas, TX. 75320-2194
Web: http://returningheroeshome.org/project/donate

* * * *

From Dick Jessen SJP ‘59/SJU ‘63, Foley, MN —

Hi, Bob. Recently I found my “long lost classmate,” Dr. Emile Nakhleh, Ph.D., ’63. He has retired as a 26-year prof at Mount St. Mary’s University in Maryland, and several years with the CIA, first as a Scholar-in-Residence and then as a full-time staffer where he directed the Political Islam Strategic Analysis Program at CIA. Recently he wrote a book titledA Necessary Engagement: Reinventing America’s Relations with the Muslim World (Princeton University Press, 2009). He retired to Albuquerque, New Mexico about three years ago. Now he’s traveling around the country speaking about his book. He’s planning on attending our 50th class reunion in 2013.

Emile was born and raised in Nazareth. At St John’s we used to tease him about being a Catholic Arab from Israel. These days that could probably start a war. He said his brother, Khalil, who taught at St. John’s for awhile, is back in the West Bank working on Palestinian human rights. I just bought Emile’s book and I’m hoping to find some answers in it. With his background, he should have some good ideas. I think it would be great if St. John’s invited him back to speak about his book and his ideas. — Dick

(Editor’s Note: Dick Jessen is an 8-year Johnnie and now a semi-retired district court judge. If anyone from SJU/CSB reads this and agrees that his classmate Emile Nakhleh would be a timely and important resource for our two schools, please contact Dick at jdgmental@cloudnet.com for more information on Emile. I wonder if Emile’s book is available at the SJU Bookstore?)

* * * *

Theology Majors’ Department (Part 1) —

Submitted by Mike Carr ‘77, Sartell, MN. Mike and son Charlie ‘03 are field announcers for the SJU football radio broadcasts —

Greetings for another season of Johnnie football. Here is one for the Underground if you wish. Hope to see you at Gustavus on Saturday (9/26). — Mike

* * * *

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic man chirps, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well?”

She replies, “I have a daughter. She is slim, tall and 38D-24-36. When she walks into a room, people say, ‘Oh, My God’.”

* * * *

From Bill Draves ‘64, Hot Place, AZ —

Bob, Great newsletter! Keep them coming … throughout the year! — AZ Billy D

(Editor’s Comment: Easy for him to say.)

* * * *

From Jeff Norman ‘78, New Brighton, MN —

Hi Bob, See you tomorrow at the [Eau Claire] game. I’m trying to get up in time for some tailgate fun. But I’ll be slowed down by four 9th graders. I’m bringing up Casey and 3 of his buddy’s. All 9th Graders — two good football players and two basketball players. Two of them have never been to SJU. One bought an SJU hat last year and is dying for an autograph from “Mr. Gagliardi” so I’ll see what I can do. (This should be a great recruiting trip for them). — Regards, Jeff

(Editor’s Comment: Congrats to Jeff for his patience, loyalty and far-sightedness. Hauling up younger kids to Collegeville puts SJU and our unique atmosphere and spirit in their minds for the long term…it’s an easier sell when the guys begin sorting out where they might like to go to school. Jeff’s son Casey has been coming up since he was very small; in fact, I’ve known him for five or six years now. He’s a great kid and would be a credit to St. John’s if he follows Jeff and his mother, Denise Wyttenbach ‘76, to St. John’s/St. Ben’s. Jeff, by the way, was an All-American quarterback for SJU in 1977, and All-Conference in 1976 and 1977. He is self-employed as a broker of retail/commerical display materials and furnishings in case anyone needs some help in that area. Contact jeffn@comcast.net)

* * * *

From Chris Kennedy, Chicago, an Honorary Johnnie via Marquette —

Another great edition! In the “Animal” video there appears to be two male students dressed up as females — a big blonde is very prominent. Their mothers should be proud too! I hope the Animal somehow gets to see that video — although mildly embarrassing. Imagine the memories it would bring back. A moment unknowingly captured on film then unearthed and seen over 30 years later– that would be totally wild! Sounds like I gotta get me some Rush River Beer! — Chris

(Editor’s Comment: Geez…what if really they were just large Bennies? Chris, you could get me in trouble. We’ll have to ask Todd Mueller to check this out.)

* * * *

The “Why We’ll Never Win” Department (Part 1) —

A man was sitting on the couch watching TV when he heard his wife’s voice from the kitchen: “What would you like for dinner, Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?”

He said, “Thank you, Honey. I’d like the chicken,” to which she replied, “Shut up…I was talking to the cat. You’re having soup.”

* * * *

From Jim Smith, SJU Basketball Coach —

Thanks for putting me on your email list [a couple of years ago]. You are unbelievable. You have gathered a wealth of information and it is fun to read and to also enjoy the jokes. Thanks a lot and keep it coming. — Jim

(Editor’s Note: Somewhere, waaay back in my email files, is a very nice note Jim sent earlier about SJU basketball. When I find it I’ll be sure to include it in an upcoming Underground. In the meantime, Jim, if you need any help from ‘coaches in the stands,’ be sure to call…as you saw in the last issue, I’m pretty good at it.)

* * * *

From Jim Conn ‘64, Alexandria, MN —

Hey Bob – Glad to see you back on the UUN circuit. I especially liked the one about you getting a personal remonstration from the Legend himself – it means that the influence and authority of your writings is being taken very seriously in high places. Just fortunate that you were named Johnnie of the Year a few years back – not certain of your chances if that selection were to be held today.

We’re planning for the Grand Opening, ribbon cutting and open house of the new VA CBOC (Community Based Outpatient Clinic) in Alexandria to be held at 9AM on Monday, October 5. As a vet myself and part owner of the clinic (we lease it to the VA), I’d like to extend a welcome to all of the Johnny vets in the area. It’s going to be a pretty big deal for Alexandria and will serve all of the vets in this area who currently drive to Fargo or St. Cloud for health care. Regards, Jim, 320.834.3040

* * * *

From Harry Burns SJP ‘74/SJU ‘78, St. Cloud —

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It’s opened by a little ten-year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.

The salesman asks, “Hello son. Is your mom or dad home?”

The little boy answers, “What the hell do you think?”

* * * *

From Joel Schou (as in Skow) ‘03, webmaster of JohnnieFootball.com —

Thanks, Theo. Have you see the UUN on JF.com yet? Have I been doing an OK job of translating to the web-based format? — joel.

(Editor’s Reply: Yes, Laddie…you’re doing a helluva job. Check it out at www.JohnnieFootball.com)

* * * *
Gleaned From Fr. Don’s September e-letter —

Some information (edited) on enrollment:
“CSB and SJU together enrolled 3,935 students, which marked the 4th straight year total combined undergraduate enrollment has exceeded 3,900 students. CSB’s enrollment is 2,058, its second-highest enrollment; SJU has an enrollment of 1,877. New student enrollment totaled 551 at CSB and 461 at SJU. It is the fourth time in five years that first-year enrollment has surpassed 1,000 students. The academic profile (GPA, ACT score and class standing) of the new class is nearly identical to last year and is more racially and ethnically diverse. American students of color made up 6.7 % of the overall student population and 9.9 %of the new entering class; both are high water marks for the schools. International students made up 6.2 % of the overall student population and 7.2 percent of the new entering class; both marks are the highest in school history. Retention of students from the 1st year to the 2nd year totaled 89 %, a rate that continues to rank among the highest in the country.”

* *

Vande Hei Becomes Astronaut Candidate

NASA Has Selected Mark Vande Hei ‘89 for the 2009 Astronaut Candidate Class. Mark was one of nine selected from over 3,500 applicants. He will begin training in Aug. at NASA’s Johnson Space Center in Houston. According to NASA, the new astronaut candidates likely will train only to fly aboard the space station, Russian Soyuz vehicles, and NASA’s shuttle replacement, the Orion Crew Exploration Vehicle. That will include flights designed to carry people to orbit and back to the moon by 2020.

* *

I lunched with John Gagliardi one day and he mentioned that a reporter recently had asked him what he thought about some commercial football player getting 12 million a year. John’s response was something to the effect that for 12 million a year he would even coach St. Thomas football!

(Editor’s Note: Want Fr. Don’s letter? Contact dtalafous@csbsju.edu. It’s FREE!)

* * * *

From Chris Gillespie, St. Paul, mother of Janel Scholl Lewandowski ‘97 —

The wayward Catholic guy goes into the confessional box after years away from the Church. There’s a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. “Father, forgive me, for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”

The priest replies “Get out! You’re on my side.”

* * * *

From Jim Herickhoff ‘64, Fort Collins, CO —

Bob: Thanks once again for your work with the UUN. I noted the goof-up re: the Legend and it brought to mind something an old coach told me in the Fall of 1965, when I had my first coaching position. Some of this sounds like Yogi Berra, but it wasn’t him. While this may not be exactly 100% what he said, it’s real close.

“Coaching is just like teaching – but it’s a helluva lot different. In coaching you have your performance review in front of thousands of fans every week; in the classroom, you probably never get one. Everybody in the stands is an expert because they once played the sport — maybe in elementary or junior high — but they sure as hell know the game. Who the hell comes to see an algebra or english exam — nobody will pay a cent for that. Besides, who’s an expert in those anyway. The coaches, if they are worth a damn, should have every player playing as well “as I played when I was playing”, and “why don’t the coaches run the play that always worked when I was in high school?” No parent or fan brags about how he aced the differential equations exam, even though these equations haven’t changed in 500 years. Variation in quality of players, injuries, competition all doesn’t matter. To 95% of the fans, if you win, it was a great game regardless of how the team played. If you lose by one point, nothing was done right and you’re a coaching bum. So, you prepare like hell, give it all you got, and hope it doesn’t rain.”

End of Coaching Philosophy 101! — Jim

* * * *

A specially-edited bonus joke from Harry Burns —

A man lay on his deathbed, and gestured his wife to come over to him. “I want you to do something for me,” he said.

“Of course,” she replied.

“Six months after I die, I want you to marry Bob.”

“But I thought you hated Bob.”

“I do.”

(Editor’s Comment: I’m not sure I like the way Harry edited this one.)

* * * *

The “Why We’ll Never Win” Department (Part 2) —

A man is a person who, if a woman says, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” lets her.

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her, gets mad.

A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her and she get mad, says, “Now what are you mad about?”

A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, “Now what are you mad about?” says, “If you don’t know I’m not going to tell you.”

* * * *

From Dan McDermott ‘84, Plymouth, MN —

Bob – found this note I sent you back in January and thought you might be able to use it as “filler” for your early-season editions! — Dan

(Editor’s Note: Thanks, Dan, for your persistence, follow-up and good e-filing. Dan forwarded St. Cloud Times’ Sport Editor Dave DeLand’s column on John Gagliardi.)

Gagliardi’s one-liner makes an S.I. splash

Flipped open the new Sports Illustrated the other day, and I’ll be damned if the guy pictured in the right column on Page 16 doesn’t look a lot like John Gagliardi.

That’s because it is. The venerable St. John’s football coach — resplendent in his blazing red SJU cap and jacket — is the star of the Jan. 26 issue’s “They Said It” feature, which highlights the week’s most amusing quote from the world of sports. The full text:

John Gagliardi, St. John’s football coach, 82, on his job security after 56 years at the Division III Benedictine school: “The monks give me a lifetime contract. But if we start losing games, they can give me the last sacraments and declare me dead.”

It’s a good line. Folks who attend the Johnnies’ annual kickoff luncheon or catch one of Gagliardi’s talks might have heard a variation of this a time or two. Or 10.

But at the American Football Coaches Association awards banquet Jan. 13 at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville, Tenn., it was brand-new material.

“Boy, I had a good audience down there at the coaches convention,” said Gagliardi, who was the keynote speaker after receiving the Amos Alonzo Stagg Award for lifetime achievement.

“The big-name coaches in the AFCA go to their coaches convention,” said St. John’s athletic director Tom Stock, who was part of the crowd. “There’s 5,500 people there. Then to see John up there getting their top honor … it was something.”

As far as Gagliardi was concerned, it was something all right — something of a storytelling opportunity.

“I had a great chance to have a new audience and throw out the same old lines,” he said. “I didn’t use them all, but I got a lot of them in there.”

But the best thing about all of this really isn’t the “They Said It” line itself. Rather, it’s the Gagliardi phenomenon: Something that’s different and refreshing and totally unique in college football — and it’s ours, right here in Minnesota.

It illustrates that this, like the other truly special things in our lives, is something we shouldn’t take for granted, something we should savor, something we should appreciate every step of the way. This will not happen again — anywhere.

“He is such an icon, and I know Central Minnesota is proud of him. But among his peers, he’s bigger than life,” Stock said. “He’s like a lightning rod. It really told me how great he is within his profession.

“We’re not going to replace John Gagliardi. When he says he has another 10 or 20 years of coaching in him … we hope he has another 10 or 20 years of coaching in him.”

Even at age 82 (you can do the math on that “another 10 or 20 years of coaching” thing), Gagliardi seems more than happy to continue with his lifelong avocation.

“What he has found, is coaching football and mentoring young men is where his real passion is,” Stock said. “I think he’d rather spend his time doing that than anything else.”

And, if along the way it gives Gagliardi a platform, a podium, an opportunity to tell some stories and make some friends, then all the better.

The highlight of the AFCA convention for Gagliardi was his first chance to talk with Penn State’s Joe Paterno, who is probably the only head coach in college football older than Gagliardi (by exactly 50 days).

“All I could think of is, ‘That damn Joe Paterno’s got a great head of hair’,” Gagliardi said. “In our little chit-chat, we found out our parents are from the same county (Calabria) in southern Italy. Heck, we might be related.”

Like Paterno, Gagliardi has no plans to quit coaching — or talking.

“I was amazed. I hated to stop,” he said of the reception to his AFCA speech. “These guys were rolling in the aisles. It’s amazing: Some of the old stories I was telling, they must not have ever heard.

“The Lord’s gotta inspire me. If you keep giving me the same audience, I can’t get by with it. But they keep moving it around.”

“He’s an aberration,” Stock said. “There’ll never be another. I just feel fortunate every day that I can witness this guy, and hopefully a little rubs off on the department.”

Obviously, a little rubbed off in Nashville.

* * * *

Theology Majors’ Department (Part 2) —

A tribe of cannibals captured a priest who had been sent to them as a missionary and ate him. He was very tender and quite tasty, yet they were all violently ill afterwards.

The moral of this story: “You can’t keep a good man down.”

* * * *

From the Underground’s Roving Correspondent Al Eisele ‘58, Falls Church, VA —

Hi! I thought you might like to check out this site:
[MinnPost.com]

Great job on the newsletter. You’re a hell of a reporter to get all those names right. Thought you’d like to see the genesis of the Strib profile of Denis McDonough [‘92]; the reporter called me for his number after I wrote this in the MinnPost in March, and a longer interview with him in the winter issue of the St. John’s magazine. Keep up the good work. — Al

* * * *

Religious Life Quickies (a continuing series) —

Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.

Quickly, she wrote, “Don’t despair. Sister Barbara,” on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man’s attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.

The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at the convent door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“That’s the $8,000 you have coming Sister,” he replied. “Don’t Despair paid
80-to-1.”

* * * *

On Making A Johnnie Difference

(Subtitled “The Birth of a JOHNNIE!“) —

(Editor’s Preface: Our friend C.J. Lyngen ‘92 passed on the following to me yesterday. His email included three parts — his explanatory note; an email to him from our new prez, Fr. Bob Koopmann OSB; and a class paper written by a new freshman.

Bob, Great seeing you last week at the game and at all the hoopla that surrounds it; each game is more fun for me – connecting with new Johnnies of all eras all day long.

This past August I had the opportunity to address the incoming Freshman Class at the SJU President’s Dinner. Below is a nice note from Fr. Bob, but more importantly a VERY impressive response from a freshman from my 2 minute speech. It is hard to send on a note about yourself out to folks, but that train left the station this morning around 7 a.m. courtesy of the Institutional Advancement office, which is great. The story below is how all of us can impact all Johnnies everywhere, not just at a formal gathering with the institution but at any SJU function. Thanks for all you do for St. John’s, Bob. Attached is a copy of my short talk. — C.J.

* *

From: Koopmann, Robert [RKoopmann@csbsju.edu]

Dear C.J.-
Your brief talk to the freshmen at the president’s banquet made a deep impression on at least one of the students. His instructor sent me his paper. You should know that your enthusiasm and love of SJU made a big difference in David’s life!

It was good to see you at the game on Saturday. Thanks for your dedication to SJU. You ARE making a big difference! — Fr. Bob

* *

(Name withheld), First Year Seminar, Professor —, Autobiography

President’s Dinner

On the night of August 25th, 2009 I was scurrying around my recent home, which is of course Tommy 3, asking all my new neighbors who had an extra set of what I like to call “fancy clothes.” For people who don’t know what I am referencing to when I say the word fancy clothes, I am referring to nice black pin striped dress slacks, an elegant neutral red or blue collared shirt with a unique and stylish tie. While I was panicking of what I was going to where to this very critical dinner, I thought to myself why do I even have to go to this stupid dinner? I’d rather being doing something else; even reading a book, which is saying a lot for me. But as I was walking down the hall asking my new brothers for some fancy clothes, I saw everyone getting all dressed up and I could smell the different colognes from each room in the hall and as I was witnessing this I was bombarded with some many different people offering me their extra clothes it was mind-boggling. So as I was getting dressed for the big night my whole outlook on the upcoming night changed and it hit me as to what I was getting myself into. As I was thinking about it, I was kind of nervous but excited at the same time for what was going to happen that night.

So as all of us freshman guys waited in a massive line baking in the sun, walking into the Guild [Hall] together as one big brotherhood I got such a bizarre but cool feeling in my stomach, one that I have never had before ever in my entire life. Then it happened; I walked into a dinner that was going to change my life, views, and ideas.

Just for a brief background, when I was getting ready to go to college I kind of didn’t want to leave my home, friends and the place where I called home my whole life, Maple Grove. My whole life was there and all my amazing memories that I had created throughout my childhood into adulthood, so imagine me walking into this huge arena filled with energetic and lively people telling me I made a choice that will affect my whole life, exactly I didn’t really like the whole idea. But as I was entering the Guild I started to ease into the whole situation and started to open my mind to what I was going to hear.

So let’s get to the good stuff. After going through the whole entering stage we all got to feast on some good grub, which was by the way my favorite dinner choice, Chicken Kiev. The aroma from the food was unbelievable it was like I was in a five-star restaurant. But as dinner was ending and the small talk between us guys quieted down, it was so quiet you could hear a pin hit the floor, so we prepared ourselves for an important lecture. A very confident and strong looking man wearing a red vest took the podium. As he stood in front of all of us young freshman the first thing he said to all of us was ‘Congratulations, boys.’ Which was shocking to me and the majority of us sitting in the gymnasium, because we didn’t even know what we had done to deserve a congratulations from a man of that stature this soon into college. As he preached to us, the point that he made that stayed with me and made me change the way I view myself, and changed my idea and thoughts of the whole college thing, was what he called being a “Johnnie” and a thing called the “Johnnie Way.”

The way he spoke about what and who a Johnnie is hit me so hard, it made me realize I was not the average college student. I was a Johnnie! As he spoke about what a Johnnie is, he spoke with so much compassion, authority, confidence and assertiveness it was shocking to me. It made me become conscious of how a Johnnie was to act and that the old high school Dave was out the window and the new Dave was here, and now proud to be a Johnnie. It made me change the old view of myself as a person, individual, and member of society to be a person of importance and reason.

The second thing that stuck with me was the statement he made about the Johnnie Way. It involved holding the door for others, doing things out of kindness, thinking of others before yourself, and overall being a sociable gentleman. It made me understand that not only was I going to get an amazing education but also I would learn how to be a man who can go far in the real world by the learning the little but big things from being a Johnnie. While I was thinking about this whole Johnnie way as he was speaking about it, it made me realize that I made the right choice of coming to St. John’s. Being a Johnnie gives me a sense of belonging to an amazing community full of fellow Johnnies, a sensation that I never felt I had when I was in high school. I know that every fellow Johnnie brother that is on my floor will always be there me no matter what the situation involves. It was comforting to know that I was now in such a strong, great morally based community.

After the speech as we left the Guild from the president’s dinner I began to notice how a Johnnie acted and witnessing firsthand the Johnnie Way from my fellow Johnnies. And as I went home that night I went to bed thinking about what being a Johnnie means to me personally. As I was pondering about it, I realized how that one encounter with that speaker changed my entire view on myself and how I was part of a spectacular community of people, and lastly allowed me to consider somebody else’s point of view rather than always going off of my own point of view. I can truly call myself a Johnnie and be proud of it because as I see in so many other Johnnies they are proud of who they are and who they have become from attending St. John’s and I know to can say and feel the same way as them.

So as I look back on the night till this day even though its only been about two weeks I see it as a big milestone in my life and I am proud of myself for attending the dinner and going into with an open mind for what I was going to hear. And after attending the dinner I can’t wait to see how the next four years of my experience at college and my life pan out and if I stay with the Johnnie Way and be able to call myself a true Johnnie after I graduate. Another exiting point about this whole experience is how I will be able to tell my future co-workers how being a Johnnie and being involved with the Johnnie community has made me who I am today and why it gave me the attitude and view I have of myself.

So thank you St. John’s for all the memories I have thus far and the ones still to come!

* * * *

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who the hell was that?”

“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress…”

“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough. I want a divorce!”

“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. “Who’s that woman with Sam?” asks the wife.

“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

“Ours is prettier,” she replies.

* * * *

The “Why We’ll Never Win” Department (Part 3) —

From Al Richie SJP ‘60/UST ‘64, Wayzata, MN —

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, I bet you couldn’t tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She replied. “You have the biggest penis of all your friends.”

* * * *

That’s all, folks. Ciao for now, Amigos. Cheer hard for our boys…this is a big ‘un. GO JOHNNIES!

JohnnieFootball » Theo Wick

SJU’s Unofficial Underground hits new low for length: read it anyway — #12

Friday

Saturday

College football: Johnnies to host Coe on Saturday

Rajkowski column: Facts to go on Coe

DeLand column: Boyle, Johnnies looking ahead

Johnnies go 10-0 and are ready for more

Gunderson playing through injury

Boyle back running the offense for Johnnies

For Those Interested in Carleton Victory Details —

SJU football: Freshman runs wild

St. John’s 41, Carleton 14

MIAC Football Week Nine: Johnnies Take Title Outright and Unblemished

2009 MIAC Final Standings

Notably Quick Responses to the Last UUN —

SJU Basketball —

St. John’s Smith still 1 shy of 700

Blazer Basketball —

College roundup: New-look Blazers open with victory

CSB basketball: Blazers are ready to run

More Scenes From Stearns County —

Stearns County Quickie #1 —

Stearns County Quickie #2 —

Stearns County Quickie #3 —

Nutrition Bites

Turkey Time

A New Way to Use Thanksgiving Leftovers

A Thanksgiving Accident —

How Pumpkin Pies Are Made —

More Reader Back-Talk —

Easiest way you folks will ever help anybody —

More Scenes From Stearns County —

Pre-Med Students’ Quickie #1 —

Pre-Med Students’ Quickie #2 —

Pre-Med Students’ Quickie #3 —

Two Blazer Volleyballers Honored —

School of Theology Corner —

The Last Word —

The Underground News urges attendance to tomorrow’s game — #11

2009 MIAC Standings —

UPCOMING GAMES

More Scenes From Stearns County —

Behind the numbers: St. John’s/Augsburg

38:51

4

2

College football: Ries steps up, delivers the win for the Johnnies

College football: Wenner sparks SJU

St. John’s 28, Augsburg 7

MIAC Football Week Eight: SJU Clinches Title, UST in NCAA Playoff Hunt

Unofficial Underground Flu (H1N1 or Otherwise) Information Center —

Flu Square Dance

Anti-Flu Info

Bill Moldaschel Groaner —

Okay…Is It a Cold or the Flu? —

More Scenes From Stearns County —

Pre-Med Students’ Corner —

“Failing with Style”

Handbags

Elementary and Secondary Education Majors’ Corner —

Quote of the Week —

SOT, Jewish Studies Department —

THE LAST WORD —

SJU Unofficial Underground News calls for a big turnout at the Dome — #10

Re the Johnnies’ Dome Game —

After The Game —

To Succeed in the Future, Think Like a Child, Now!

WEST REGION

College football: Johnnies’ O-line has hit ground running

Nutrition Bites

Caffeine Confusion

Irreverent Quickie #1 —

Irreverent Quickie #2 —

Ta Da Boom #1 —

Ta Da Boom #2 —

Ta Da Boom #3 —

Uh-Oh…Trouble in Paradise? (Part 3) —

MIAC Profiles of Excellence:

Nick Gunderson, Saint John’s University

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s Kellen Blaser ripping the hearts out of the Tommie Faithful!

And how sweet it is…!